When do you tell people? You know what I mean—you get the pregnancy test: you know, your spouse knows, your chosen baby-catcher knows (or will soon)...but do you wait to tell your family? Mom, dad, siblings? What about your older kids (the soon-to-be-big-brothers and sisters)? Friends? Neighbors? Do you bring it up? Do you mention it if the topic comes up? Do you wait for them to notice the belly (or the morning sickness) and ask? Do you tell everyone right away? Or are you one of those women who even waits a while to tell the new daddy? (Once I waited a whole day to tell Hubby--I will definitely not do that again!)
With my first pregnancy we told our immediate family within a few days of when we found out, but we held off on telling anyone else. We figured that the smart thing was to wait until the end of the first trimester—after all, that’s when the danger of miscarriage is past, right? So at 13 weeks gestation I finally, gleefully, sent an email off to the extended family and friends, telling them our happy news…and less than a week later I had to send them another email telling them that I had miscarried. Few of them had time to share our joy, and some congratulations even arrived after they were obsolete. Since almost no one had known about the baby, almost no one was there to grieve with us.
With my second pregnancy I had a different perspective. After all, it’s not as though there are degrees of pregnancy—either you are pregnant or you are not—and if you are, then it should not matter whether you are 3 weeks or 13 weeks or 30 weeks along when you tell people. It should be whenever you want it to be—because when you make the announcement has no bearing on whether you are going to miscarry! (This seems so obvious in theory, but when you’re in the situation somehow it’s a lot fuzzier.) Anyway, with my second pregnancy I started telling everyone right away. At 13 weeks along I miscarried, but this time I was not alone.
Based on those two experiences, I have concluded that I am definitely in the “tell everybody early” camp. I may not tell everyone the day I get the test, but they’ll hear about it within a few weeks. There are those who will argue that telling the world sooner will make the pregnancy seem longer. Um, a pregnancy is going to be the same length whether people know about it or not. I also think that the family and neighbors are going to feel like those weeks go by a lot faster than mom is, and mom already knows!