Concerning Miscarriages & Angel Children

There is no shame in having miscarried,
only in refusing to acknowledge how it changes us.

~~Jenni Brighton, 10-15-07

I have miscarried at least four times, perhaps as many as seven. The first three certain ones were in the 11-15 week range, which is on the late side for miscarriages. The others were very early. Early miscarriages are often hard to identify because they get mistaken for a regular period that is just a few days late. I practice fertility awareness however, so I am more in tune with whether being “three days late” was because of a late ovulation or if it was an early miscarriage, even if I never had a pregnancy test.
If you have never been through a miscarriage, then you cannot really understand what it’s like. If you have never lost a child, you cannot understand what it is like to lose one. The only people who can really understand us are those who have been where we are, and we will never find each other if we all remain silent. Death and loss are taboo in our culture, but they should not be so. They are a natural part of the cycle of life, if a difficult one, but they will not be accepted or acceptable until we make them so.
When I began miscarrying in 2004, I only knew one person who had miscarried, and that was my mother. After I miscarried, and started talking about it, I found that women all around me had miscarried too, but just never talked about it. The truth is that 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage, so roughly 1 in 4 childbearing women has had one. That is a lot of women. As one of them, I have felt called to share my stories, to reach out to other women and let them know that they are not alone, and that they do not need to keep silent.
I have written a number of posts on these issues, and there are enough of them now that I felt it warranted an index of sorts…so here it is.

General Information
My Stories
  • Thomas—miscarried 4/04 at 15 weeks
  • Kjersti—miscarried 2/05 at 12 weeks
  • my third miscarriage--8/05 at 11ish weeks
  • #4 (what it feels like in the moment, without the damper of time)--2/09 at 5 weeks
  • Amethyst—my little sister who died of SIDS (I was 8)
  • Hymns that have helped me

The Amethyst Network
a nonprofit organization that I help found for miscarriage support and advocacy, especially in the form of networking doulas to attend miscarrying women


william2233 said...

I know what it's like wife had 5 miscarriages and one crib death Adam 7and a half weeks old.
I now have a boy 19 and daughter 17-spoiled for reason.
from a children author of Concord, Ca.

team JOB said...

I'm interested in learning about herbs that can help with a miscarriage. I'm pregnant, but the baby has I'm in the waiting period. Thanks for your information and sharing



Jenni said...

Jenn, I have been meaning to study up on herbs for a couple of years, because I know a little but do not feel qualified to really give advice on them...
I will begin by saying that I never ended up using herbs myself. I STRONGLY urge you to refer to a midwife or herbalist before taking anything, to have help in determining what to take and how much to take...
With that said, I have heard from several sources that lobelia and false unicorn are both "smart" miscarriage herbs, which will help either maintain a healthy/threatened pregnancy, or help things clear out. The other typical advice is that things that induce labor (such as cohosh) can also induce miscarriage.
That is really all I know at this point. I hope it is helpful, but again, please refer to someone who has some experience with herbs before dosing yourself on anything! Herbs may be more natural than something methergine, but they can still be extremely potent and you need to be careful of dosage!!

pioneercynthia said...

When you say that, potentially, 1 in 4 pregnancies end in a miscarriage, I agree. But when you say that means 1 in 4 women have probably had a miscarriage, I think you're underestimating. Wouldn't that be true if every woman only had one pregnancy? Given that most women have more than one pregnancy, wouldn't it be more common, like 1 in 3?

I tend to think miscarriage is, just from the experiences of my friends and me, much more common, and that almost every woman has had a miscarriage. Most probably don't know it. Like you, I'm more familiar with my body, and am regularly appalled at how many women keep no records and often seem surprised about the "arrival" of their period, among other things.

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