The Proper Fit

(Public Service Warning--for my two male readers, go ahead and invite your wives to read this post, but it probably won't hold much interest for you... I certainly don't mind if you read it, but it's one of those extra-girly sorts of posts, so proceed at your own risk. ☺ )


Over Christmas break I had a professional bra fitting.

Can I just say wow, and I wish I'd done it years ago?!



For the last *ahem* years I've always carefully followed the measuring directions, and for all these years I've been getting bras that more or less fit...some more, some less... Two bras of the same size would fit differently, and I had a hard time judging how well a particular style might fit until I actually tried it on. The problem is that I wore a size that is not carried on most store racks--I have a small band but a large cup and it's difficult to find a bra in my size, let alone enough options to be able to choose the one that fits the best. For most of my life I have bought bras via catalogs because that was the only place I could find my size, and as I said, some fit, but some did not. The problem with catalog ordering of course is that if you decide to send back the bra, then you have to wait weeks to get a new one, not to mention that the new one may or may not fit any better...

Four years ago I went to Victoria's Secret and had a bra fitting there, and they told me that I had been wearing the correct size all along (but gave me some help with finding styles/fabric types that would be better for my particular breast shape). I was so proud of myself, look, I've been wearing the right size all along... They say that 80% of women wear the wrong bra size, but look at me, I wasn't one of them!

Except that I was.

I was resigned to the idea that no busty lady bra fits the way that the smaller size bras fit on the models in the pictures. I was resigned to the idea that bras simply aren't comfortable if you're busty. I accepted that busty ladies just can't get anything that really supports or really stops the bounce...

I was wrong.

In the last few months I've been introduced to a few things by a few friends. They pointed me to places like this (photos) and this (photos) and this (good explanations but no photos) which illustrate what a bad fitting bra looks like...and I realized that I had multiple symptoms of bad-fitting-bra syndrome.
Then they sent me here, and said to try fitting method 2. You see, the method that many of us have been using for measuring was developed in a time when bras were made of stiff fabrics (rather than the stretchy ones we have now). The method simply isn't accurate anymore. The correct method is to measure your ribcage under your bust, and then use that number (add 1 if it's odd), but do not add 4-5 inches! Then lean over so that your torso is parallel to the floor, and measure around your unrestrained breasts and see how far they hang. Then take the difference between those two measurements. When I re-measured with this new method, "my size" went down two band sizes and up five (five!) cup sizes.Yes, I had a small band and large cup to begin with: now that status was exponentially increased.
At this site you begin by entering the current bra size you wear, and then answer some questions about fit (where the underwire lies, how far the band pulls out, etc), and it will tell you what your correct size should be. The answer it gave me was the same as the measuring method on that last site.

Fantasie bra "jana" goes up to K cups

So then I found a boutique that actually carried my size. (It's hard to find places that carry J cups, but they do exist. Larger than G is pretty much only made in Europe so you'll have to find a place that imports. Use the methods above to get a good estimate of your size and then find a boutique that says they have that size...don't risk doing a fitting at a place that doesn't carry your size!!!)
These import stores will be expensive. There's no way around that. I tried on six different bras in my size (yes, those two sites above had given me the correct size). I also tried on a few that were one band size or cup size over, just to make sure. Of the six, only one really fit well. Even among bras from the same company, different styles fit differently. I confess this made me a little nervous about ordering additional bras online... and it's definitely a reason to get a proper in-person fitting.

I paid $68 for that bra that fit. (Yes this means I'm still wearing some that don't fit right because buying new bras is going to take a little time to afford...). $60-70+ is a pretty common price for these imported bras, however if you're a really busty person you're going to run into that same price range in most places online as well (and there will be shipping to boot). So you might as well go to a brick and mortar store where you can try things on.

Places that are good for fittings: Nordstroms, Dillards, and import boutiques.
Places that are not good for fittings: anyplace with a limited size range in stock (including Victoria Secret). Basically if they don't carry bands from 28-48, and cups from A-J (or at least A-G if you're not so busty), then don't waste your time there.

Always remember:
If anything gapes, or pokes, or bulges, then it's not a good bra for you. Period. Try a different one. Bra shopping may not seem like fun, but having the right bra can make you so much more comfortable that it's worth it to get a good one.

Finally, because I know not everyone is willing to pay those prices, and I know that not everyone HAS to pay those prices because not everyone has the sizing issues that I do, I will mention some places I like to actually buy bras. It's true, they are online/catalog sources, so yes, there is that risk of ordering a bra that doesn't fit well and needing to exchange it. However, at least for me, having a professional in-person fitting has taught me what features and fabrics to look for, as well as obviously what my correct size is. So I hope in the future I will have a lot more 'hits' and a lot fewer 'misses' even with catalog ordering. Because it's awfully hard to find my size on the rack, and when I do there aren't many choices and/or they're really expensive.

• HerRoom has an excellent style guide section where you can enter information about your breast shape and size (there are drawings, not photos to refer to) and it will give you recommendations about what styles will suit you. They also have a full range of sizes, including those good import brands. Fantasie is the brand of the bra that I liked best at the boutique. (This blog post also has some guides of what styles suit what shapes, including photos comparing.)
• Marks and Spencer is a UK store (as opposed to a US Store with european brands). You will pay a bit in shipping, however the bra prices are significantly lower than most of the import places I've seen ($30-40 rather than $60+). So in the long run I think the prices are better. They make their own products, rather than carrying other brands, however their quality is highly recommended and I plan to try them out. If you buy internationally, be sure to check the size correlations, because US sizing and UK or French sizing are all different! More info on that here.
• OneHanesPlace is an outlet catalog--wide selection of name brand regular bras, very good prices, up to DD and some F
• Lane Bryant's Cacique line of bras have some nice larger cups (although they don't go into bands smaller than 36). In bands over 40 they go up to J, though the smaller band sizes stop at G. They also routinely run "buy 2 get 2 free" sales, bringing the average price per bra down to $20 or so (if you buy 4). They carry a really wide variety of colors and styles though, which can be nice for someone wanting to stay away from the 'granny bra' look.
• Birth&Baby nursing bras (I posted about them here). Also, this site has some additional info on getting a proper size nursing bra (and has some brand recommendations).

There are several more sites out there that carry the size range imports, such as Fig Leaves or Bravissimo, however I have not checked them out yet.

My dishes

I mentioned in my microwave post last week about our corelle dishes. Today I thought I'd take a few minutes to tell about why we chose corelle, and what pattern we settled on.

We have kids, so we needed something sturdy and long-lasting. Corelle is tough enough that after twoish decades my grandma finally gave her corelle dishes to my mom because she (grandma) was tired of the pattern and wanted something new!
We like to have big fancy meals for holidays, and entertain, so we wanted something attractive.
We needed something affordable, so that we could have enough to feed lots of family/friends without resorting to paper, blech!
We wanted something dishwasher-safe and ideally oven-safe as well.
We are fairly minimalist, and wanted something versatile so that we did not need to have multiple sets of dishes (the "Christmas China" verses the "daily use dishes" and so on).

We opted for a simple, classic, white pattern, which will coordinate with any season or table decor, and does away with the need for any other sets of dishes. It's called "Enhancements." Simple, but not boring. Elegant, but not expensive.
The only downside to Corelle dishes is that they are mostly sold in place-setting sets (as shown above). If your family is like mine, you use a lot more bowls and plates than you do cups and saucers, so this seemed a bit wasteful. However this last year we discovered that we could buy individual pieces at Fred Meyer. So we bought two of the box sets (4 place settings each) and then a few spare dinner plates and bowls. As our family grows we will probably buy another box set, because they are more economical than pieces a la carte, but it's nice to know that we can also get individual plates or bowls as needed.

Notes on Waterbirth

Waterbirths are touted as gentler than 'land births' because the baby emerges from a warm liquid to a warm liquid (rather than cold air). Water is also called 'the natural epidural' because it is so effective at relaxing and comforting the laboring woman. I have come to believe that the lubricative properties of the water help mother to stretch rather than tear, adding yet another aspect of gentleness.

"Waterbirth" by Cary York

Waterbirths have been practiced for years by tribes who routinely birthed in streams or lakes or even the ocean, however much of the western world has been scared to try them, fearing that the baby might drown, or, more especially, that it would be very inconvenient for the provider to try to assist a woman in a tub.
Let me begin by clearing up the 'drowning' myth. The baby has spent 9 months completely surrounded by fluid. He gets all his oxygen through the umbilical cord. So long as that cord is intact, he has no need to breathe air or use his lungs. Most midwives do bring the baby right to the surface of the water, but unless the cord has broken (which is rare), they don't really need to. Eagle's head emerged (underwater), and it was at least a full minute before the rest of him came out. During that time his head remained under water but he was fine because his cord did not break until the last moment, and the midwife brought him promptly to the surface and put him in my arms. He did not cough or sputter or anything. He just took a breath of air and stuck out his tongue at me. ☺
I very much hope to have all future babies in water as well. It was that awesome.

So, with that introduction, I thought I would share a few tips about waterbirthing.

THE POOL
First of all, you'll need a pool. Some women birth in their bathtub--this is ok, but tubs are narrow, and all the tub-birthing moms I've talked to have said that it was not very comfortable because it was just too crowded. Some women have a large jetted tub, or a hot tub to birth in. This works well, although the temperature of the hot tub should be lowered to something close to body temperature. It should be comfortably warm, but not hot. (Think about the temperature you use for a baby's bath, and go with that). The third--and most common--option is to rent or buy a birth pool. Some midwives bring the pool with them (and use disposable liners for each woman), some midwives require the mother to purchase her own pool. In my case, I needed to buy a pool.
There are a number of online stores that cater to waterbirth, and sell pools and accessories. There are several companies that manufacture pools specifically designed for birthing--they are large and have high sides. Some even have handles for the mother to hold on to, or a raised seat at one end (see below left). These official birth pools cost anywhere from $125-$450. Alternately, many mothers buy "fishy pools" which are regular inflatable wading pools that are relatively deep (though not quite as deep as the birth pools). The waterbirth stores carry these as well, and they usually cost $25-40. One downside is that pools are heavy, so in my case I picked out a $30 pool but then found that shipping was going to be another $25! A lot of people buy fishy pools from a local store, but that option was not available to me (especially in November!). I mentioned the dilemma to Hubby and he suggested I try amazon and their free shipping. Sure enough, I found the pool on the right for $38 and free shipping (photo is linked to the listing). I actually really liked the star shape, as it provided both flat spaces and 'corners' that I could lean into. It also has a padded floor, which most of the fishy pools do not. I highly recommend it as a birth pool!

One thing to keep in mind--many women want a larger pool so that daddy can get in the pool too, however if you get a pool that holds more than about 100 gallons, you may run out your hot water heater while filling it. So plan ahead and order something that will work with your space, your budget, and your water heater! (My pool held about 90 gallons and fit us both just fine, though it would have been nice to have about 4 more inches of water, Hubby used a pan to pour water over my back during contractions and it was fine.)


ACCESSORIES

• You will need a hose for filling your pool, and an adapter for attaching the hose to your sink faucet or shower head. The adapters cost just a few dollars, but the hose will be a little more. Some women are comfortable using a regular garden hose, but many prefer to buy a medical-grade (lead-free) hose from one of the waterbirth sites.
• It's worth investing in a good size pump for inflating the pool--a manual one is fine (if it's big) or an electric one might be nice if you have an especially big pool. You do not want to try to fill it by mouth!
• I strongly recommend a debris net. It is very common for things besides the baby to be pushed out during birth *ahem* and having a little net to clear them away is very nice. The net only costs a couple of dollars, so if you don't use it it wasn't a huge investment...but if you do need it you'll be glad you had it!
• A draining pump can be attached to the hose to siphon all the water back out of the pool (and down your tub or toilet) after the birth. I did not buy one of these because it was $50 and I had been told that it was easy to set up a manual siphon either into the tub or out the window...however we tried both those things and neither one worked so Hubby ended up having to empty the pool bucket-by-bucket, and got a very sore back in the process. He said next time we need to spring for the pump.

Some sites that offer waterbirthing supplies:
http://waterbirthsolutions.com
http://inhishands.com
http://www.yourwaterbirth.com


TIPS

• Lay a tarp or a plastic shower curtain on the floor under the pool (unless you have it in your kitchen or something). Make sure the plastic extends at least a foot beyond the pool on every side--I left about 6inches and we ended up with damp carpet in several places.
• Do a test run with your pool before your due date. Find out how long it takes to inflate the pool and make sure the space you have planned is large enough.
• After the test run, if you have the space to do so, leave the pool 80% inflated. Then when you are in labor it will be much faster to get it fully inflated and then filled.
• Usually very warm water feels best to the mother, but then there is potential for her to overheat. I did not encounter this myself, but my sister said she really recommends having an electric fan in the room in case mom is getting too hot, so that she doesn't have to get out of the water.
• If mom does get out of the water for a while, lay another shower curtain or tarp over the top of the pool. That will contain the steam so that the water will stay warm. If she is out for a while, the water may cool down and then she won't want to get back in, which more or less defeats the purpose of having the pool in the first place.
• Have a bunch of towels--ideally old ones that you don't mind leaving on the floor or getting dirty. Anytime mom (or anyone else) is in or out of the pool, water will get spread around...it's nice for mom to have a little path of towels to take to the toilet or the bed.
  

WFMW--Boynton Books

This week is a special themed Works For Me Wednesday at Rocks in my Dryer, focused on toys worth buying...


One of my favorite children's authors of all time is Sandra Boynton. She is a master of writing books that little ones love and adults can enjoy even on the 427th reading. Her inventive stories, clever wording, fun rhythm and cute pictures make these books ones that we won't tire of.

Here are some of our favorites


Barnyard Dance If you hadn't heard of this book, well, what rock were you living under?! Seriously, this book is such a classic! It's written in a rhythm that makes you want to get up and dance with all the crazy little animals... (She recently finished Barnyard Bath, I so need to get that one now!)








This was one of my favorites when I read it to my little siblings, so I bought it for Wolf, and now it is Bear's favorite. Blue Hat Green Hat is the first book that he's obviously loved, and he loves to read it back to me as well "boo ha, gee ha, OOOP!"






We recently discovered Snuggle Puppy at our local library. It's another darling book, with a mommy doggie singing to her little snuggle puppy "ooo snuggle puppy of mine, everything about you is especially fine...Fuzzy little snuggle puppy I love you *kiss*" How could we not enjoy a book that has kissing your kiddo written right into it?!






If you'd like something for a slightly older audience (this one is not a board book) I have to recommend Consider Love. I got this for Hubby on valentines day one year, and we all enjoy reading it still. (If you go to the amazon page I linked you should be able to see some of the pages.)




Next on my list to buy:

For the Love of a Cup

No, don't you dare laugh at the title of this post. I really do love my diva cup. It has changed the way I feel about menstruation. At one point, far too long ago, I promised to tell you about menstrual cups. Well, recent events have reminded me about that, so here we go. (yes, you interpreted that correctly, I finally have good ol' AF back!)

Answers to the Frequently Asked Questions:

• Yes, I know it looks like a funnel. I promise, it's not a funnel--there's no hole in the bottom. That 'stem' is a handle that facilitates getting it back out...
• Yes, it looks pretty wide, but yes, it will fit in you, even if you're a tiny little thing. I promise. Just think about what else can fit in there...this is not any bigger. I promise.
• No, it's not hard. Geesh, do you think I'm a masochist?! It's soft and bendy...like surgical tubing or, um, I dunno. Something soft.
• No, it won't give you a massive hickey when you pull it out. Just give it a little squeeze on the bottom and it breaks the seal and slips out quite easily.
• No, it doesn't invite infection--you wash it off in warm water between uses, and many women boil it for a few minutes after each period.
  

And, in case you ever tried "Instead" no, it's not like those. Those never worked for me. this works like a charm.

So here are some real reasons to make the switch:

• Most women experience shorter periods (mine went from 8 days to 3-4).
• It's eco-friendly
• It's economical ($30 will last you 10 years)
• It requires less attention than disposable options (it only needs to be changed once every 12 or so hours)
• I can't feel it--I could always feel tampons
• It will never slide down when full...it might leak after 14 hours on the heavy day of your period because you totally forgot it was in there because you couldn't feel it (not that I would know of course), but it will not slip down and become painful.
  

I have only one caveat about menstrual cups: if you are uncomfortable with sticking your fingers in yourself, well, this is probably not a good choice for you.

The official menstrual cup reviews page includs reviews of, and links to the diva cup, keeper, moon cup, luna cup, lunette, femmecup, and lady cup. They are all very similar, with the diva, moon cup, and keeper being the most common. (The former two are made with medical grade silicone, and the last of laytex rubber.)

Here is another useful review of the diva cup. (The author is highly amusing, she just favors the use of certain euphemisms for her girly regions, that I, um, don't...)

If you've got questions, post to the comments...you know I have no shame and I'll answer them all!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Answers!
Q~Why the shorter periods?
I don't know of any hard science on this, but I suspect two things: one, the cup collects, rather than absorbing. A tampon can absorb only so much, and then it becomes a dam, holding back any additional flow. The cup allows everything to come down as fast as it wants to (the first day especially). I don't know that the total volume of blood is any different, but it seems to be released more efficiently.
The second thing is that I have heard the hypothesis that disposable menstrual products actually contain chemicals that increase bleeding. Whether this is intentional (to increase sales of the products) or unintentional (because the manufacturing process simply creates a toxic product to begin with) I don't know. I have not been able to find evidence to back this up, but I have heard it repeatedly, and everyone I know who has switched to a cup or to cloth pads has reported a shorter period afterward.
Q~Does it really last 10 years? The site says to replace it yearly.
Well, I've had mine for about 3 years...of course, I only used it for about 6 months before getting pregnant. I had heard 10 years from several sources...I've never heard 1. I suspect there is some potential for the cup to wear or crack or something, so they recommend replacing annually as a preventative measure...but I sincerely doubt that it's really necessary to replace that often. For myself at least, I fully expect mine to last 10 years or more...but that's partly because I won't be using it every month during that time due to babies. :)
Q~ What do you think of the diva wash they offer on the site?
I don't know, I've never tried it. I am pretty happy with warm water and a little mild soap + boiling it occasionally...
Q~what if you have a IUD to prevent pregnancy. Do these interfere with those at all (as in knocking them out of place)?
I'm not 100% certain where the IUD sits...but I believe the IUD is "intra-uterine" right? So no, it would not be a problem. The cup sits below the cervix, in the vagina--not up in the cervix and certainly not in the uterus. ☺

You Use Cloth for WHAT?!

This was my initial reaction when I heard of cloth menstrual pads. I mean, blood, on fabric, on purpose? Ewww, right?
Then I started thinking.

1. I'm ok with cloth diapers, and poop is grosser than blood.
2. If I get some blood (menstrual or otherwise) on my clothing, I wash them...no big deal. It comes out pretty easily in fact.
   
3. Disposable pads chafe (this is painfully evident when you have to use them postpartum for several consecutive weeks).

So I finally took the plunge and tried out cloth pads.
Oh wow!
Yes, they are a little bulkier than the disposables you are probably used to. They are also much softer and easier to get used to (wouldn't you prefer something a bit bulky that just feels like regular soft underwear over something thin that feels like plastic?). I have applied cloth diaper technology to my pads and they are very absorbent, extremely soft, leak-proof, and even wick moisture inside so that I'm not left feeling wet.
There are other advantages too. Cloth is eco-friendly of course, but if that were the only reason I would not have bothered with the switch. Besides the actual feel of the materials, the chemicals in disposable pads cause irritation for many girls/women. Most women report having shorter periods when using cloth pads. Many women say they have fewer or milder cramps (or none at all) when they use cloth. Cloth is respectful of yourself and your menstrual flow (menstrual blood is not a dirty thing that must be thrown away, it's just a part of yourself and who you are as a woman!).

If you've ever thought about trying cloth pads, I heartily recommend this site for all kinds of information about different styles, brands, and options. Personally, after looking through dozens of types of pads, I couldn't find anything I loved, so I made my own, which of course I now sell at LilBees. I have never found a style I like quite as well, but of course not everyone likes the same thing, so like I said, it's worth a visit to the Cloth Pad Reviews forum. (Yup, I just linked the same thing twice. It's worth a visit!)

If you have questions about the care/washing of cloth pads, let me know in the comments and I will post about that soon.

By the way, I know a few of my dear readers use my pattern (or my pads!) If you do so, would you be willing to leave feedback on it here. There are a lot of sellers listed there, and while I've had good feedback on etsy, I haven't gotten any feedback on this Cloth Pad Reviews forum and I'm feeling a little sad about it. You do have to register an account to post there, but it's free and it's not like you have to visit regularly...and I would sure appreciate having a little recognition there if you like my things!

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep
NILMDTS is an organization of volunteer photographers who offer their services for families whose infants die before, at, or near birth. Their goal is to help preserve what precious moments these families have with their little ones. (here is their photo gallery)

Following one of my posts about miscarriage, someone left me this link. I looked at the site but didn't have time to really look through it. Recently I was reminded of it, and now want to share it here.

From their website:

This is the place where the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Foundation gently provides a helping hand and a healing heart. For families overcome by grief and pain, the idea of photographing their baby may not immediately occur to them. Offering gentle and beautiful photography services in a compassionate and sensitive manner is the heart of this organization. The soft, gentle heirloom photographs of these beautiful babies are an important part of the healing process. They allow families to honor and cherish their babies, and share the spirits of their lives.

I think this is just such a heartwarming program. They accept donations of course (doesn't everybody?!) But more than that, I just want to get their message out--to let people know that they exist. We took a couple of photos of our precious little Thomas and I treasure them. I am sure every mother of an angel feels the same way.
(I've said it before, but I have so many more readers now that I'll say it again: if you wanted to see Thomas' photos, just leave me a note and I will email them to you.)

Wee Ones stitch markers

Wee Ones offers unique and adorable stitch markers. Being handmade, each one is slightly unique, and the creator takes custom orders! After looking through her selection of cute little doggies and wildlife, my husband decided to order a custom set for me. (The dog looks just like our pet dog, and the others are because Dragon, Wolf, and Bear are nicknames for family members). The pictures don't do justice to how small and intricate these are--each one can sit easily on a dime--probably two could sit on a dime together. They are tiny! Truly WEE ones!

The Very Best Nursing Bras

At least, this is my favorite place to get nursing bras.
For starters, they are the only place I have been able to find nursing bras in my size! Yeah, I'm one of those classic hard-to-fit ladies...and I have a hard time finding bras in my size in the first place, let alone a variety of them, let alone pretty ones!
But Birth And Baby has it all! One item was not in stock (they had to special order it and it took about 3 weeks), but they at least offered it, and nobody else did!
So here's the short version of why I like them, and heartily recommend them to everyone!

• Excellent measuring instructions, to help you get the right fit. I had measured myself for bras before, but never had instructions this thorough, and never gotten this size before either...and what do you know, these new bras (in the new size) fit better than any others I've ever had!
• Over 75 styles of bra from 25 companies, with sizes from 28A--48L/M! plus each bra listing includes a notation of which breast shapes it is best suited to!
• The lady who answers the phones is very helpful, and really knows her products. She helped me through the measuring process, and was able to recommend a bra that I have LOVED even more than the ones I chose for myself!
• They have their bra pages sorted by size range (so you don't start coveting a bra only to learn it doesn't come in your size), by type (underwire, seamless, sleep, color, etc), or by the company that makes them.
• They will accept a return/exchange after you have tried on the bra for 5-10 min, so long as you didn't leak milk on it!
• $1 shipping; so it's affordable to make returns/exchanges if you need to.
• They can special order pretty much any size, and are happy to do so. And they'll take returns/exchanges on those special orders too.
• They have other stuff besides nursing bras...I have no idea what the other stuff is like, but I sure love their nursing bras!!!

ETA
I recently learned an additional fact about them! The lady who owns it is LDS and a LaLecheLeague leader, so I kinda like supporting her in the first place. Secondly, if you sign up your local LLL chapter with B&B, then mention them when you make your order, a portion of your purchase price will be donated back to your local chapter of LLL. How cool is that?!