Monday, July 9, 2007

A Horrible Mother

Sometimes I am a horrible mother.
I have all these ideals about how I want to raise my children, but sometimes I don't do them very well.
*I believe in wearing my baby, keeping him close to my body where he feels secure and comfortable...but several times I've carried him into the store in the 'baby bucket' carrier carseat.
*I believe in feeding my family wholesome, natural foods...but right now there are (homemade) peanut butter cups in my fridge, and ice cream in my freezer. And I've eaten from both in the last 24 hours.
*I believe in gentle discipline, with no yelling or spanking or illogical consequences/punishments and no 'because I said so' reasoning...but I've done all of the above at various points.
*I believe in buying locally and supporting small business...but sometimes I go to Target, or even [gasp] to Walmart.
*I believe babies should be 100% breastfed until at least age 6mo...but at 5.5mo when S was begging, I let him start tasting my food. I believe that no baby needs juice, even 100% juice (even watered down), and that if you're going to give it to them you should wait until they are around a year...but today when S was inconsolable, and started reaching for my cup of juice, I put a half oz of juice (and 2 oz of water) in a bottle and let him have it. He ADORED it, and stopped screaming long enough for me to eat some dinner.
Sometimes I feel like such a hypocrite. I believe in these things. I tell the world loud and clear what I think about how we all should be...and then I'm not much of an example of it, am I? I want to be the perfect mother, but sometimes I am just clinging to survival...

S spit up most of the juice afterwards, by the way, but at least he's finally happy.


Jessica said...

lol! This is why I love you! You are not afraid to share your views/opinions, but you are also real and willing to be a little flexible. I'm sure everyone has felt like this at some point and be assured, you are a great mother.

lolly said...

Oh boy Jenni! You and every other mother in the world! Don't get down on yourself--as you have seen on my blog, I feel like a miserable failure every day! But it's really unproductive to feel this way.

We have high ideals--probably much higher, and thus, more difficult to attain, than most "mainstream" mothers, AND in many ways, we are struggling against some of the ways we were raised, which is a SERIOUS uphill battle.

Your kids are going to benefit immensely just because you read and study, pray and ponder, and basically make their well-being your number one priority. Even if you don't always manage to do everything you hope to do.

It's all a process, we'll get better with time and practice. We can't very well hope to reach perfection without challenging ourselves.

You're a wonderful mother.

brightonwoman said...

I called my mom after writing this, and apparently that day she had her basement flood, and was ripping up carpet... gee, I guess my dad was easy in comparison.

jbie said...

oh i loved reading this! cos i am exactly the same way.

attachment parenting can sometimes seems more "costly" than mainstream parenting, in terms of requiring more effort or inconvenience.

so sometimes you just need to prioritize and let things slide when they're not essential (mine is the occasional stroller, spoon-feeding instead of BLW, not doing EC); sometimes doing absolutely everything by the AP/NP "book" seems too hard, so i'll save my energy for co-sleeping, extended BF, cue feeding, non CC, almost constant carrying/babywearing, cloth nappying....

but we know well that it's so worth it, for a balanced secure happy child, and for us a full measure of having "enjoyed" our children.

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