Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The Wiggly Truth

I'm in a low with body image issues right now.
There, I said it.
In my pre-teens I hated my flat chest.
In my early teens I hated my hair (and the fact that curl + humidity = frizz).
In my later teens (having gained both a chest and some defrizzer and also a slender waist and really hot legs due to some pretty intense ballroom dancing) I finally was happy with my appearance. I stayed pretty happy into my mid 20s. I struggled with other things (like zero dating life and later on multiple miscarriages) but my body looked good even if it didn't seem to be working right. After Bear was born I had a few months of adjusting to my striped and ripply tummy, but I could still squeeze it into the same jeans as before the pregnancy, so I just kept it covered up and went on being happy. But for some reason this time is different.
Maybe it's that it's still less than 3 months since Eagle's birth. Maybe it's that I still have 5 extra lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight (they came off faster last time). Maybe it's that I have more stripes, or more jiggles in my middle than last time. Maybe it's that those breasts I once prayed for are really big and very droopy. Maybe it's that my face is starting to get lines. Maybe it's that I spend all my time being a mommy (changing diapers and doing laundry) and not so much time being a woman (going out with my Hubby or doing much of anything for me).
No, I'm not depressed like I was a year ago, truly I'm not. I'm just struggling with looking in the mirror right now... and because I'm not finding myself attractive, it's hard to believe that anyone else could find me attractive, and of course that opens up a whole other can of worms. But that's not what this post is about. The reason I'm writing this post is just to say yes, even the most confident and happy of women go through periods like this. I love being a mother, truly I do. I have no regrets over choosing motherhood, in spite of the things it does to my body, and I would (and probably will) do it again without hesitation. I know that this season of my life is one for giving--my youth was for me and my old age will be for me again, but right now is my time to create and give. It's just that on some days it's hard. And that's ok.

8 comments:

BonnieKaye said...

I love your honesty. I'm sure someone reading his post will find strength knowing they're not alone.

Carrie said...

Yeah, I hear you. Thanks for sharing this.

Mallory said...

Oh, how I understand this post!!! It can be very hard to remember and accept where I am at sometimes!

Becky said...

I love the honesty in this post. I mean, you're always honest, but this is a subject that resonates with me (and probably a lot of women). It is hard some days. Worth it, but hard.

Becky said...

Oh, I read those posts you recommended yesterday and laughed. A lot. Thanks!

Benson & Sarah Garner said...

I think every woman can understand this!!

Katrina said...

Amen!

nicole said...

Yep. Wow, this definitely resonates with mothers. And I like what you wrote about how this stage of life is for giving and creating. Thanks for the reminder. I'm feeling it now after giving birth 3 months ago, and not losing the baby weight the way I used to! And you're right... it's ok!

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