Thursday, November 18, 2010

My Family or My Family?

My brother is getting married a few days before Christmas, and I won't be there.

I don't blame him for the timing. He is in school and is coordinating people from multiple states and the holiday break is simply the best time to hold the festivities. Christmas is a fine time to get married.  My own wedding was December 20th!

I live 2500 miles away from where the wedding will be, and flying at Christmastime is expensive and harried, but I considered it anyway. My dad had some airmiles saved up that we thought I might be able to use for a cheaper ticket, and I spent some time looking at the logistics of trying to make the trip.
I saw my brother (and met his fiancee) a few weeks ago, but I was especially excited at the prospect of seeing my east-coast-dwelling sister, because I've seen the rest of my family twice in the last year, but haven't seen her in over three years. I also would have gotten to see my grandparents, whom I have not seen in over two years.
However, due to the expense of the plane tickets, (and our unemployed/broke status), if I went down to the wedding I would be going with just my baby (in my lap), and my other children would have to stay behind with Hubby. It's not that I'd be worried about them (although of course I'd miss them), and at another time of year I might have decided to go ahead and make the trip... but December 19-23 are as much a part of Christmas as December 25th is, and I don't want to spend them away from my children.

But it's my brother's wedding! He's only going to do this once, I want to be there! Christmas comes every year, doesn't it? But my kids will only be 1 and 3 and 10 once, and I want to be here too.
As I thought over these things, a verse came to mind:

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife. (Genesis 2:24 )
My brother, my sister, my family of origin are important to me. I love them, I enjoy seeing them, I am grateful for modern technologies like email and long-distance telephone and skype that allow me to keep in touch with them. However, I have another family now, the family I have made with my husband, and if it has to come down to choosing between them, the choice is obvious for me. My kids will always come before my siblings, just as my spouse will always come before my parents.
And I think that's the way it's supposed to be.


Open and Shut Case said...

sounds like a good call to me. everyone has to make a decision for themselves and i think (especially) after he has kids he will totally understand.

Mommy Bee said...

I talked with him about it. He understands now too. Most of the guilt/struggle over the decision was internal, he didn't pressure me one way or the other at all. :)

Janeen said...

Couldn't someone set up Skype on a laptop and let you watch the wedding that way? I mean, if you can get married on the internet, why not do this? Last year, a friend of my husband's son got married and we got to see the wedding even though we were in South Korea at the time. The wedding was done online! The minister who did the wedding was not in the same state as the people who got married, it was all done online. I thought that was pretty neat! Obviously, you would have to set it up so that no one could hear you in case the kids get excited but otherwise, shouldn't be too hard to set up.

Think if it this way though, you don't fly, you don't have to worry about being molested by TSA workers and having your baby molested by them too. I do not intend to fly again until they change some of their pat down policies. Bleh.

Mommy Bee said...

That's a very interesting idea Janeen. It would not work in this case, because he's getting married in the temple, and computers/cameras wouldn't be allowed in there.
Theoretically we might set up something during the reception, but what fun is dancing and cake if you can only see it, right? :)

I'm actually not that worried about the TSA, but that's a whole other thing.

Katrina said...

Agreed. You got to do what you got to do.

Brandi M said...

It's a tough decision that only you and your spouse and kids can make together. Sometimes it's so hard living far away from everyone.

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