Friday, July 30, 2010

Whisper Words of Wisdom

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Today I felt the strong inclination to write about a substantial change that is taking place in my life right now. There are several reasons behind it, but none of them matter so much as the result of putting it into action. What is this change? It is simple.

I am Letting Go.

I have spoken before of being "Type A" and a "control freak" with a side dish of "OCD" or "red" personality. I am responsible. I like to organize, I like to lead, I like to run things. I am good at those things. But I also have a hard time delegating, and I tend to think and worry about things--even things I can't do anything about.
I learned this lesson the first time during one of my miscarriages. It carried me through that event as well as two more pregnancies: Be Still, and Let Go and Let God. I learned to do it for pregnancy--to trust Him and not rely on myself--but I had not applied it to the rest of my life very well.
This summer we have faced unemployment, school worries, financial difficulties, and familial stresses. Most of them I cannot change, but I have lost sleep and brain cells and possibly years off my life anyway. But I was recently advised by my doctor that my sympathetic nervous system (the "fight or flight" part of me) was overactive because I seem to have it constantly engaged. The body can only do so much at once, so my sympathetic dominance has led to a host of other problems because my parasympathetic nervous system is not able to fully function (so my circulation, digestion, libido, and sleep patterns have all been affected to various degrees). Now my worrying & controlling personality is affecting my health, so I have actual doctor's orders to calm down.

And when the broken-hearted people
Living in the world agree,
There will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be.

I have been working on being still and letting go. It's remarkable how freeing it is. It's not that I've stopped being responsible, but I'm learning to be more serene. As St Francis said, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Yesterday I spent some time reading through the blog of a friend of mine who seems to be on a parallel path in her life right now. The specifics are different of course, but she has written some very thought-provoking things about giving up need, and learning to surrender and trust. She even came up with a mantra that makes "TRUST" into a powerful acronym. Thank you Marci for taking the time to write all that out; I needed and appreciated it.

Totally Relying Upon Spiritual Timing

There are some things in life we can choose, but when it comes down to it, there are a lot of other people out there choosing things, and a lot of unchosen things that simply happen...and none of it is under our control. Nor should it be. As Gandalf said, those things are "not for us to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." [link]

And when the night is cloudy,
There is still a light that shines on me,

Shine on until tomorrow, let it be.

Let it be, let it be.
There will be an answer, let it be.


Anna said...

Congratulations for arriving Jenni. You are much younger than I was when I FINALLY got it! Take time to 'Be Still'. You health depends on it, and your family depends on you, so it is not a luxery, it is a necessity. <3 U!

Marci said...

Thank you so much, there is nothing more flattering than having my blog linked by someone else. I am glad that you liked the post on surrender, being in the middle of surrendering has been a real roller coaster ride! The ups are amazing the downs are debilitating, and in the middle of all of that I am finding myself. There is no where else I would rather be. May your journey of surrender be a blessed one.

Laura said...

This is something I need to learn myself. My main issue is not letting what other people think and say bother me so much. Thank you for this. Do you mind if I link to you from my own blog?

Mommy Bee said...

Laura, feel free to link anything you like. :) I appreciate when people give me credit for if they quote, but otherwise link away. :)

Katrina said...

That's powerful. Thank you for sharing.

Mallory said...

I need to learn this!

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