Saturday, July 18, 2009

On Winning Battles

Parents often find themselves engaged in power struggles with their children. Child wants A, parent insists on B, they argue about it...inevitably there is disobedience, punishment, resentment, or all of the above.

Here is some food for thought:
If you are having a battle with your child, and someone 'wins' then doesn't that mean that someone also 'loses'?
AND, if you as the parent are making sure to win (ie, making your kid be good/do right), then doesn't that mean that your kid is losing?
Are you ok with teaching your child to be a loser all the time?

Just one more reason why I believe in seeking cooperation instead of compliance, in working with my kids rather than pushing them around, and why I try really really hard to teach with gentleness, adaptability, and respect: because no kid should feel like a loser--especially not at home.

2 comments:

Jess said...

This was such a good thought to chew on!!!

I have a book I read when I first had my son....Love and Logic... and it totally addresses this issue.... instead of there being a winner and a loser... its more about offering multiple choices you as the parent can deal with... so that no matter what the kids pick... its one of the choices you provided... AND the consequences are natural law...

What I really enjoyed about this way of thinking when doing discipline... was how they learn what naturally will be the consequence... now... when the lessons are small vs later in life when it could mean jail time.. =)

Hope you have a great weekend!

nicole said...

What a great little post! So true. Thanks for the reminder.

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