stuff lately (with an update)

One of my friends recently posted that she's been having issues with comments not getting through, and that she resolved it by switching the format of her comment form...I have noticed the same lack of comments too (I participated in two blog carnivals this week and didn't get a single comment on them...) so I made the switch too and it seems to help! So sorry if you've tried to comment lately and it hasn't gone through, but we should be good now!!

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On a personal note, I've been having a rough time lately. I've had problems with varying degrees of seasonal depression for as long as I can remember, and then when I started having miscarriages the grief brought on long-term (non-seasonal) depression. Each new pregnancy brought me out of it, each miscarriage dropped me back in, and each dip seemed deeper than the last. In the first trimester of my pregnancy with Bear, (which was even in summer) I was suffering from some of the deepest depression of my life. Hubby and I would sit down each night and he literally had to help me think of one thing from the day to be happy about--I had the whole world to be happy about and I couldn't find any of it.
Thankfully, in the latter part of my pregnancy things turned up. In spite of a January delivery date, I had neither seasonal nor post-partum depression. Last year when we moved to Alaska (with the long dark nights in winter) I was worried about SAD, but again, I had no problems at all. I thought that perhaps that period of my life was over and that I was finally free of depression... but alas, that is not the case. In the last month or so I have been sinking again. (The timing of it--coinciding with my recently returned fertility--makes me wonder if it's hormonally linked.) I feel down in spite of all my efforts to keep busy, be productive, and do things I enjoy. No amount of successes seems to make up for the days I neglect to make a decent dinner or the nights my son gets mad at me. I am insanely jealous of my friends and family who are pregnant. I am lonely. I go to my weekly knitting circle, sew things for my etsy shops, knit, and chat online with my friends...they all seem to help in the moment, but nothing lasts. At the end of the day I again am having to sit down with my husband and have him help me think of something to be glad about. I wanted to spend the month of November sharing lists of things I'm thankful for, but the truth is that I have been having a hard time finding anything to be happy about. I know there are things, and when someone points them out to me I do recognize them...but I struggle a great deal to think of them on my own.
In short, I am depressed right now. I cling to your comments more than you know--it's a much-needed reminder that someone out there cares. If I seem a little obsessive--posting daily (or more), checking my email 4 times a day, and crying on days when I didn't have lunch ready on time for my family...well, please just realize that this is me not coping very well. I know all the stuff I am supposed to do; it's just really hard to care enough about anything to do it.


I guess I go into all this for the same reason that I talk about my miscarriages: just to say hey, there are a lot of people out there dealing with this. It may not show on the outside--it may not even show to those who are right around us--but that doesn't make it any less real, or any less important.

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11:22pm
So I come out and tell everybody how I'm depressed, and within hours I have 10 comments. Maybe I should be depressed more often!!
Thank you all so much. I realized today, after writing about how much I crave comments and feedback, that you probably could already tell that about me...after all, the title I put on my followers is "people who love me" and I changed my comment form to "__ people love me enough to comment." It all makes me sound a bit needy, doesn't it?! But you have lifted my spirits (for now at least), and I thank you.
I ended up having quite a nice night at knitting circle tonight (I got to the armpits of my sweater, so now it is starting to look like a sweater instead of just a tube!!), and I had a remarkably good hair day in spite of neglecting to braid it last night, and I made yogurt tonight which always makes me happy...and tomorrow is Pie Night (if you don't know what that is, well, you'll hear about it this weekend, I promise!) Things are feeling much more up at the moment. That may or may not mean anything for tomorrow, but hey, I'll take all the good moments I can get. ☺
To those of you who responded to my comment about hormones...the more I think about it, the more I realize that I think my depression is related directly to my menstrual cycles. I have had my hormone levels tested before (when I was going through the recurrent miscarriage testing), and from out here I don't have a way to have them re-tested...however I'm going to read up on some things and may look into supplementing. I think it's very likely that my depression set in at menarche, was gone during the amenorrhea of breastfeeding, and now has returned with my fertility...

WFMW--Boynton Books

This week is a special themed Works For Me Wednesday at Rocks in my Dryer, focused on toys worth buying...


One of my favorite children's authors of all time is Sandra Boynton. She is a master of writing books that little ones love and adults can enjoy even on the 427th reading. Her inventive stories, clever wording, fun rhythm and cute pictures make these books ones that we won't tire of.

Here are some of our favorites


Barnyard Dance If you hadn't heard of this book, well, what rock were you living under?! Seriously, this book is such a classic! It's written in a rhythm that makes you want to get up and dance with all the crazy little animals... (She recently finished Barnyard Bath, I so need to get that one now!)








This was one of my favorites when I read it to my little siblings, so I bought it for Wolf, and now it is Bear's favorite. Blue Hat Green Hat is the first book that he's obviously loved, and he loves to read it back to me as well "boo ha, gee ha, OOOP!"






We recently discovered Snuggle Puppy at our local library. It's another darling book, with a mommy doggie singing to her little snuggle puppy "ooo snuggle puppy of mine, everything about you is especially fine...Fuzzy little snuggle puppy I love you *kiss*" How could we not enjoy a book that has kissing your kiddo written right into it?!






If you'd like something for a slightly older audience (this one is not a board book) I have to recommend Consider Love. I got this for Hubby on valentines day one year, and we all enjoy reading it still. (If you go to the amazon page I linked you should be able to see some of the pages.)




Next on my list to buy:

Talking Bear

So, you know how kids say words in the cutest ways? I decided to document some this week...

moo-nee = smoothie (one of his favorite things! I make them like this)
Nurn, na-nu, or wan-too = nursing
shooshoo = shoes and socks
duck = stuck (or come help me!)
bankee = blanket/blankee (he loves to snuggle with the bankee and the nanu at bedtime or naptime...lately he insists that he needs all three of his bankees.)
omo = remote control (he knows he's not supposed to play with them, so if we have them out for use, he usually brings them to us with a concerned "omo! omo!" His favorite place to put them is on dad's shoulders...dad did that once to keep the remotes out of the way because Bear was on his lap...and now Bear has concluded that that is the only correct place for them.)
bum-bum = diaper
piss-EEN = this is his word for his little boy part...yes we told him the correct word...no we don't know how he ended up with this
coo-mee = excuse me (he says this when he wants to get past someone, or when anyone in the room burps or *foofs)
dop-it = stop it
wet-go = let go (he says this at night when I'm trying to get him to stay in bed and he wants to go play)

and a few things he pronounces impeccably, even if his meaning is unusual...

iss hot = it's hot (this is his only word for temperature...he says it about everything from shower water to cold wind.)
HAT! = I am putting on my hat because I want to go outside!!
go!-go!-go!-go!-go! = let's go run back and forth down the hall or go outside or something
bunny - 'skin the bunny' (we say this to him when we're taking off his shirt--he already knew to hold his arms up for this, but now he will come to me, plucking at his shirt, and asking "bunny?")
boat
bird (also duck, although he doesn't know which birds are ducks unless i tell him_
no
yes (although he rarely says it--usually he just repeats the word of what he wants if he wants it, or says no if he doesn't)


To see more cute stuff that kids say, check out Tiny Talk Tuesday, celebrating our kids, the things they say, and their view of the world.

*foof is the family word for flatulance

Ralph Nader: A Reasonable Choice

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man. ~~George Bernard Shaw "Man and Superman" 1903

Maybe you've heard of it (and maybe you haven't) but there's a movie called "Ralph Nader: An Unreasonable Man" which is, oddly enough, about Ralph Nader. If you have Netflix, it's available to watch instantly. I strongly recommend it.
Now go ahead and make fun of him for just a second for being named Ralph...now remind yourself that it's not his fault. Besides which, it's not any worse than being named George, and that's served a bunch of presidents just fine.
Are you done giggling now?
Now?
OK. Good.

Here are some facts about a candidate that I finally feel comfortable standing behind:
(this is mostly quoted and/or paraphrased from his biographical information on his own site)
♦He was named by Time Magazine as one of the 100 Most Influential Americans in the twentieth century.
♦He graduated from Princeton magna cum laude. He has studied Chinese and Russian, and received his LLB 'with distinction' from Harvard Law (in other words, he's smart).
♦After serving with the army, he traveled through Latin America, Africa, and Europe. He has interviewed world leaders as a freelance journalist, and seen firsthand the world and the great social struggles within it.

♦Nader is authentic and frank (Find the episode of SNL he appeared on--he's a terrible actor). In spite of efforts to find them, no one has ever been able to find a scandal around him.

♦Nader has been an advocate for the consumer since the age of 31 when he wrote an article "The Safe Car You Can't Buy," which pointed out safety defects in US cars and criticized the auto industry for them. (Incidentally, the auto industry went to great lengths to try to quiet or discredit him, but they were unable to find any blots on his character.) His research and subsequent lobbying helped push congress to pass the 1966 National Traffic and Motor Vehicle Safety Act (which included things like requiring seatbelts in all vehicles). In the process, he also won a settlement ($425,000 for invasion of his privacy as they tried to bring him down), and so he found himself financially set for life...but did he retire? No! Instead he has put that money toward making this country a better and safer place for consumers. He feels it is an ethical imperative to take on these issues, and that the federal government is now one of them. "Our 'democracy' is a fraud--it's consumer fraud" ~Pat Buchanan

Here are some more things Nader has lobbied for, created, or otherwise helped establish:

• Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA)
• Environmental Protection Agency (EPA)
• Clean Air Act
• Consumer Product Safety Commission
• Safe Drinking Water Act
• Freedom of Information Act
• Center for Science in the Public Interest
• Wholesome Meat Act (requiring inspections at slaughterhouses and packing plants)
• Foundation for Taxpayers and Consumer Rights
• warning labels on medications
• and literally dozens more...

He believes that corporations have too much power in and over the government, and strives to make our government 'by the people, for the people, and of the people.' He believes in using the legal system to right injustices, and to strengthen democracy. Even if you have no desire to vote for him, you should understand that his efforts have a daily effect on you. If you ever wear a seatbelt, breathe clean air, eat safe food, get a refund when you're bumped from a flight, or a dozen other things...Nader was behind it.

A few words from Ralph:

"If you get things out in the open, you'll get some action."

"The democrats and republicans are essentially one corporate entity with two heads."

And since I always say it should be about issues, not just the character and accomplishments of the candidate, here are his positions:

• Shift power back to the people and away from the corporate monopolies in radio, television, telephone, gas, and electric, and utility companies.
• Improve workers rights, including a living wage ($10/hr), the right to unionize, and seating judges who will side with wronged employees over corporations. (Down with Walmart!)
• Stop the bailout, and instead focus on jailing the crooked people involved.
  
• His energy policy includes tax incentives for those who comply as well as tax penalties for those who do not. Some points are: more efficient factories, promote renewable energy development, improve transportation options, and preserve regulatory protections. (He favors solar power first as it is safer the nuclear.)
• In education, he favors cutting out high-stakes testing and increasing funding. He is pro-vouchers.
  
• Nader favors a "National Initiative" which would move us more toward a true democracy--where petitions could be turned into national ballot measures, and the people could vote for what they want, instead of standing by while congress sits in the laps of corporations and ignores the people.
• Single Payer Healthcare (my Hubby wrote about this recently too if you didn't go read it yet).
• In the middle east: pull out of Iraq quickly, and work with existing peaceful groups to stabilize the area.
• Be hard on corporate crime.
• Civil liberties, including pulling back on the Patriot Act and racial profiling, equal pay for women, gay-rights, racial-equality, rights and support for those with disabilities, and legalizing medical marijuana (it's safer than a lot of the stuff the FDA has approved) and industrial hemp.
• In agriculture, increase food safety, promote and protect the small farms, organic foods, and sustainable practices. He supports genetically modified foods.

Yes, I disagree with him on some things...I oppose same-sex marriage (although I favor equal rights--just not special rights). I oppose genetically modified foods (although I at least trust Nader to put safety ahead of profit, which is my main objection to GM foods). Ralph Nader is not perfect, BUT I find him unerringly honest, and while I disagree with him on some specifics, I do trust that he will always be genuine and do what he feels is right, even if it's unpopular. Furthermore, I heartily believe in voting third party in the interest of breaking up the duopoly which currently exists in US politics.

Again and again, Ralph Nader is an advocate for the little guy, and seeks to make the bigwigs be accountable. Honestly, it reminds me of the continental congress the summer that they sent George III the Declaration of Independence, and so I leave you with a quote from that same...
"Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security."

With the lesser of two evils, you still end up with evil.

Vote for someone you actually like.

If you don't vote your conscience now, when will you start?

Our Halloween

So today we all dressed up... (if you missed our costumes last year, go take a look, they were cool!)
First Bear and I made monster cookies to take to the party at the school.

Bear was a wizard, although it took a while to convince him to take off his hat, and longer to convince him to let go of the sippy cup...

Wolf was a ninja

Hubby was Wolverine!
(you can see the resemblance, right? We put elmers glue in his hair, and it was quite the ordeal trying to get it to stay up...)

isn't he hot?!

(and by the way the hair didn't stay up well at all, so he switched midday and went with something else...)

By the way, if you like trick-or-treating, Pelican is the place to live. This was Bear's first year going up to any doors, and I only took him to 6 (yes SIX) houses, and here is his haul: (yes, that is a homemade caramel apple!)
Wolf got so much that he filled up his bag AND Hubby's backpack!

WIPs

Works In Progress
~or~
stuff I do when I'm not blogging...
and yeah, there's been a lot of it lately!

A sweater I'm knitting for Bear
(top down--how exciting! also my first project that's actually bigger than a hat...)

A felted hat for me--made from lots of scraps of other things.


washable (cotton) tampons! They roll up for use, but unroll so they get really clean in the wash. This photo doesn't show it very well, but there are some short rows on the end so that it 'caps' the roll, making it easy to use. They are SO soft, and of course eco-friendly and all that jazz. ☺ I'm so excited about these--I tried the prototype a couple of weeks ago and am now sending a few to some friends who have volunteered to be additional test subjects...if they like them as much as I do then I'll be offering them in my shop in the very near future...

You can also find me on ravelry...I don't get over there a ton, but I do check in from time to time and put in photos of what I'm making!! (and hey, if you're there too, be my ravelry friend, ok?!)

By the way, I still prefer to purl (all these projects are being done inside out ☺), but I did finally learn to knit straight...I dunno what I was doing (I always twisted my knit stitches for some reason) but I finally knit 'normally' now. And Wolf wanted to learn how to knit, so I've been teaching him. He's pretty good!

Wan Too Ree

The little Bear is nearly 2 (just 3 more months!). I don't have a hard and fast weaning schedule by any means--I'm certainly willing to nurse for naps and bedtime for a while longer--but I want him to pretty much let go of random daytime nursings before his birthday. He doesn't spend a lot of time on them, doesn't need them for nutrition, and does them out of habit as much as anything. I'm hoping to get pregnant soon and SUPER tender breasts is one of my earliest and strongest symptoms of pregnancy, so I'd like to minimize pain and trauma for everyone involved here by getting him to ease off now while we have the time to do it gently. (I'm also trying to get him to let go of the mid-night nursings, and developing a habit of short nursing times rather than long ones will help with that I think...they'll just shorten up until they go away!)
Anyway, I decided to do counting with him. So when he comes up to me during the day and wants to nurse, I latch him on and then count to 10, then say "all done!" and we're done. The first time he gave me a funny look but accepted it. The second time he gave me a dirty look and promptly asked for the other breast (which I gave him--also for 10--and then he was satisfied). But since then he's gotten into the rhythm of it and it's going well. We count, he smiles, and readily lets go on his own when we get to 'all done'. He's even stopped asking for 'nurn' or 'nanu' much of the time--instead he comes over and pulls at my shirt and says 'wan, too?" (1, 2?)
He also wanders around the house saying things like "wan, too, ree(3), foe(4), sen(7), eight, nine, ten, AWW DONE!!" It is so stinkin cute!

Wanna read other cute stuff that kids say? Check out Tiny Talk Tuesday, celebrating our kids, the things they say, and their view of the world.

Fun Times on the Phone

At one point my dad left a message like this on our machine:
"Hello, if it's Sunday, we're at church. If it's Monday, we're having family night. If it's Tuesday or Thursday we have soccer. Wednesday is scouts. Friday is date night--you wouldn't possibly call then would you? Saturday we work in the yard. So that's why we didn't answer the phone, and why we may not be able to find time to call you back...but if you want to leave a message then go ahead and we'll probably listen to it."

Here was my favorite one he ever did (on our machine, if someone pressed a button it would just skip the rest of the outgoing message and go straight to the beep):
"If you'd like to leave a message for [dad], press one.
If you'd like to leave a message for [mom], press two.
If you'd like to leave a message for the kids, press three.
If you have a dog, press four.
If you have a rotary phone, press five.
If you'd like to press six, press seven.
Thank you."

So, how about you? What are some of the funnier messages you've heard? (or, alternatively, some really amusing phone conversations you've had?) Or even if you just really hate the phone. whatever, I just need some good laughs this week. ☺

Thoughts about Toys

“Children should be surrounded by a few multi-purpose, open-ended items that encourage imaginative play, social interaction, and healthy bodily movement.”
~~Waldorf theory (Rudolph Steiner)

We have to plan ahead for Christmas here, because there are no stores here in town so we have to order everything in, and in the wintertime the seaplane often gets grounded for a week or more at a stretch (sometimes three weeks) so mail gets backed up and things take a while to get here. So in other words, if we want it here in time to put it under the tree, we had better order it in October.
This isn't a huge deal for me because I was raised to think ahead about these things, but it does mean that lately Hubby and I have been talking about Christmas and what to get for the boys, and I thought this would be a great time to share my philosophy on toys.

I'm a proponent of fair trade over free trade, avoiding sweat-shop products and lead-based paint, and sure, boycotting stuff made in China. But those are not my main guiding points when choosing toys for our household--the toys I choose usually do fall within those parameters, but they are secondary.

I look for toys that are:
open-ended (meaning that they can be used in more than one way) building toys such as legos, tinker toys, erector sets, blocks, and lincoln logs are a classic example of open-ended toys. Wolf has used his lincoln logs to be airplanes, catapults, and alphabets (as well as the more traditional use of building buildings with them!). Playsilks are another popular open-ended toy.
encourage imagination and creativity
not plastic (wood, fabric, metal, etc is better...Legos are one of the few exceptions to the plastic rule) Natural materials will last longer, are kinder to the Earth, and are safer for kids. They are also usually pretty washable, which is a definite bonus in my book!
non-electronic (no lights or noises to make me crazy, no batteries to wear out) Stuff like the little police car with real sirens, or the magic want that makes twinkly noises...and yes, this includes video and computer games...yes we do have some of those, but they're on time-limits and are only allowed after reading. ☺
educational (meaning that they allow the child to learn, not necessarily that they are from the school supplies aisle. This would be things like books, musical instruments, or toys that imitate adult life, such as tools, kitchenware, toy foods, or 'babies')
will last through many years and many children here's the frugal part. What is the point of spending 88cents on a toy that will break the second time it's used? Isn't it a better use of your money to spend $12 on a toy that will last for years, through multiple children? I guarantee you'll get a better value than 88cents per use!

We have some great little crochet fruits and veggies, a cloth doll/wood ring teething toy, wooden stacking rings, homemade beanbags, dress-up clothing, art supplies, puppets, books, and lots and lots of legos. Sure, we have some cheapo toys that have been given to us, or that we ourselves purchased in a less-idealistic time... but slowly and surely we are getting rid of the poor toys (which don't get as much playtime anyway) and we're aquiring good toys. It makes me happy to see the beautiful, fun, and high-quality toys starting to take over the shelves.
I'll be making some additional posts about specific toys/shops that I love

For additional information on Waldorf's philosophy of toys, including an excellent list of recommended toys for various ages, visit here (it's a document that you'll have to upload, you can't just view it on a webpage).

In which I am a Wuss

I am scared of oncoming traffic. I didn't realize this until I spent 10 months away from it...and then this summer on our road trip I was reminded of how much I dislike oncoming traffic. I'm afraid that the other driver will swerve at the last moment and hit me head-on; or at least that he'll mis-judge his lane position and swipe off my mirror or something. Seriously, as I drive along some nearly-deserted road in northern Canada, each and every vehicle I approach makes my heart pound just a little...

I'm also scared that when I open the oven to get out something, the oven door will flip up and burn my arm. I think I may have known someone who had this happen to them, but I confess I'm not sure. I just know that I always make sure to set the door all the way down before I start reaching in (I never reach in with it open halfway).

Of course I have real, deep, valid sorts of fears too...but they are not so quirky.
(For more 'quirky thursday' entries, in which I confess my weirdness to all of you, click here)

C'mon now, it's your turn. What silly things are you scared of?