Why this Pro-Lifer Votes 'Pro-Choice' (for now)

I hope you don't mind if I share a thought on an issue (which is a realization that led me to shift my political stances significantly a few years ago).

I am heartily pro-life. In the past I had sometimes let that issue be the single issue that determined who I voted for. After all, killing babies is evil, so anyone who doesn't fight abortion must also be evil. But in light of the facts I've changed my mind.

I appreciate that there are a GREAT many arguments about when a baby becomes a baby...certainly in the first few hours or days after the sperm meets the egg it doesn't seem like much of a baby. A significant number of these joinings don't manage to implant in the uterus and are miscarried...sometimes this is the result of a birth control pill or an IUD or something like a morning-after-pill, and probably just as often it just happens naturally. I, personally, do not consider this to be an abortion. I think that morning after pills should be readily available to victims of rape and incest, and you know what, frankly, probably to anyone who wants them. A morning after pill taken the day after sex works the same way as a birth control pill taken the day before.
Once we get past implantation though, things change. Human babies have a heartbeat by about 5 weeks gestation (this is 1 week after mom has missed her period, or within a few days of when she gets a positive pregnancy test). I know plenty of people who will argue about whether the spirit/soul of the child is in there yet at this stage--the baby certainly doesn't look very human yet. [see image]
But a heartbeat seems to me to be a fair designation of "life." In other words, I think a baby is a baby by the time that mommy knows it is there.

Without equivocation, I affirm that I want to protect the lives of babies before they are born. I also state, equally vehemently, that I want to protect the lives of people of all ages after they are born. I think that someone who values life needs to value comprehensive healthcare and welfare programs for the impoverished, because every year far more people die preventable deaths outside of wombs than in them.

I really hate abortion, personally. I cannot imagine a circumstance where I would ever have one, nor would I ever advise a friend to do so.  BUT, currently our society has SO LITTLE support for poor parents, single parents, working mothers, etc that I have sympathy for why some women feel that they simply cannot have a(nother) baby. They can't afford the child, the diapers, the food, the clothes, the childcare, etc etc. Giving up babies to adoption is stigmatized, keeping a baby and raising it alone is stigmatized... it's a lose-lose-lose situation. Some of these women are married and simply feel they cannot afford another baby, or are afraid to bring a child into an abusive situation. I know we sensationalize stories about abortions for gender-selection and things like that, but those are such a small minority. The one person I have personally known who got an abortion did so because she had been drinking and using drugs at the time she conceived and she feared that her actions would harm the child for a lifetime. She considered abortion the humane choice. Whether anyone else agrees with her is not the point. The point is that she took the matter seriously, and was trying to make a moral choice from her perspective.

If we make abortion illegal, then women are still going to do it, but instead of going to doctors in clean offices they will be doing it with coat hangers in basements...that's what they were doing before 1972 and I have no hesitation in thinking they will do it again. Women used to die from those abortions. Yes, babies are dying now, but the death toll was twice as high when both baby and mother died. Making something illegal doesn't make it stop. Consider marijuana! Or the speakeasies during prohibition!

I would love to see the abortion rates go down in this country, but I don't think that overturning Roe vs Wade is the solution. In order to reduce the abortion rate, the first step is to reduce those unwanted pregnancies. This requires easy and affordable access to contraceptives for any woman who wants them. It requires reducing the cultural stigma that surrounds rape, so that women who are raped will not be afraid to go to the hospital (and get the morning after pill). It should include reducing rape--a good first step there would be to prosecute and punish more than 3 of every 100 rapists, or to even report more than the half that get reported currently. It also requires more comprehensive sex education for every young person in the country. I love the idea of having parents do this teaching, but since most of them don't, then it should be available in schools. (Abstinence is a great part of sex ed, but should never be the only thing taught, because there will always be kids who simply are not going to do it.)
Once we've reduced the number of unplanned pregnancies, there remains the question of how to address the ones that do happen. Here again, society needs to step up. These women and girls need to be supported. They need to know that if they have this baby, they will be able to afford those diapers and clothes, that food, that childcare. They need people around them who will help them through the pregnancy, birth, and parenting processes. If they choose to give the child up for adoption, they need to have the option of choosing the adoptive parents, having an open or closed adoption, or whatever else feels most comfortable to them. AND they need to be supported before, during, and after the adoptive process (I hear that giving up a child for adoption can feel very much like losing a child, and that intense grieving is normal, even for a mother who felt sure in her choice. If she felt pressured into it at all, I'm sure it is much worse.)

I am pro-life, but I believe that abortion needs to remain legal in this country, at least for now. I certainly support there being some limitations and restrictions, but until the social structure and support is in place for these women and girls, I find it counter-productive to try to make abortion entirely illegal. There is a letter here which provides an excellent example of someone who is trying to work on that social support (I know it's long, but it is really really good). It is one tiny step and we have so much further to go, but it is heading in the right direction. My hope (and my vote) go toward supporting the social policies that will reduce the unplanned pregnancies, and support those who have them: it is the most pro-life option I can think of.

Paper plate eyeball experiment

This semester we are studying the human body. I remembered doing this experiment as a kid, and my kids (kindergarten and 7th grade) both enjoyed it.
This is something that is easy to do, you probably have all the materials on hand already.  It's a really good visual aid for how our eyes work. I had seen diagrams of this in books, but it never made as much sense as when we did this experiment.

(My apologies that the photos aren't great, the angles and lighting were not conducive to good photography, as that was somewhat of an afterthought to this project!)

Materials:
a large eye lens (made with a paper plate or cardstock)
several yards of string or yarn
tape
a piece of butcher paper
2 or more volunteers

1. First, make an eyeball. Color the iris if you like. Cut out the middle.
2. Secure the eyeball about 2 1/2-3 ft from the floor (depending on the height of your volunteers). You can tape it to the top of a yardstick and have someone hold it, or tape it to a chair. The important thing is just that it stays still.
3. Have someone pose in an interesting way (something non-symmetrical) a few feet on one side of the eyeball. You may want to have them on a chair, because they will need to remain in the pose for several minutes without moving.
4. Hang the butcher paper on the wall on the opposite side of the eyeball from the poser, at approximately the same distance from the eyeball.
5. Tape one end of a piece of string to the posing volunteer, pass it through the center of the eye, and tape it to the butcher paper (wherever it ends up after being put through the CENTER of the eye). 
6. Repeat step 5 with 2 or more other locations on the body. (I recommend head for one, and then try elbows, knees, shoulders, or other joints).
7. Using the strings as guides, sketch a rough outline of the person on the butcher paper. As you do this, you will notice that the person is upside down on the drawing. This is because our eyes take things in upside down, and it is then our brain that flips them back up.

our model

the eye (and strings)

the 'back of the eyeball' upside down picture

Thanksgiving week 2, "Committed" and "The Vow"

I don't know if this will continue for all the weeks of thanksgiving this year, but this week as I think over my list of things I'm grateful for, I again find myself pondering over things I have read and seen in recent days.

This week I began reading "Committed: A Love Story" by Elizabeth Gilbert. It was recommended by a friend, and I didn't realize when I got it that it was a memoir (I thought it was more of a marriage advice book). Ms Gilbert had been through a really rough divorce, and swore she would never marry again...but then her boyfriend got deported and they realized that the only way they could be together was to get married... and so she spent a year researching marriage (via both reading and doing interviews around the world), to try to warm up to the idea. In the book she contemplates the religious and social functions of marriage, the purpose of it, and the implications. In many ways she gained a more mature view of marriage, and learned a great deal about what makes marriages work (or not), and how to have a healthier marriage for herself on her second time around. One of the major things she discussed was being responsible for her own happiness, rather than expecting marriage to automatically make her life into a "happily ever after," and she went on at some length about accepting each other as whole people, with our grubby parts as well as our shiny ones.

Last night I watched the movie "The Vow" which is based on a Nicholas Sparks book. In the story, a young married couple got in a car accident and she suffered a serious head injury. After she woke up, she had no memory of her husband or their courtship. She had previously cut off contact with her parents, but after the accident she had no memory of that either, and they were only too happy to have her back--and to cut him out. The husband patiently works to court her and try to get her to fall in love with him all over again. What I loved most about the story was not the (perhaps inevitable) happy Nicholas Sparks ending, but that the whole thing is based (I don't know how loosely) on a true story, and that the real couple is currently married with two kids, even though she never did regain her memory.

So, with those things on my mind, here are the things I am grateful for this week:

1. My husband
2. That my spouse knows my faults not only likes me anyway, but also helps make up the slack with his own strengths. (We both tend to take up the slack for the other.)
3. My egalitarian marriage.
4. The opportunity to be (and support from my spouse in being) a stay at home parent
5. The opportunity to birth and raise children
6. My children themselves, both for the fulfillment they bring me, and for the lessons they teach me.
7. The repeated validation that the most important and worthwhile thing I can be doing with my time and energies right now is to be present with my children, and teach them to love.

Why is it all in October?

Today is a microcosm of something I have felt about October in general.

Today is the first ever International Day of the Girl, but it's also National Coming Out Day. With respect for the validity of recognizing both issues, what am I supposed to put on my blog or my facebook page anyway?
(I might abstain, except I actually care about this stuff, about the courage of the people involved, so I want to participate...)

October is breast cancer awareness month. I have family members and friends who have fought breast cancer. October is pregnancy loss and infant loss awareness month; oh boy do I have feelings about that. October is also SIDS awareness month, autism awareness month, domestic violence awareness month, bullying prevention awareness month, fair trade month, German-American heritage month, national popcorn month and national pizza  month. (really!) And those are just the ones I care about.
In addition, there are weeks or days in October designated for focusing on children's books, non-violence, teachers, Leif Erikson, appreciating children, appreciating dead ancestors and friends, the purchase of Alaska by the United States from Russia, and crunchy leaves. (OK, I made up the last one, but it should be real!)

Admittedly, there are awareness months and days all year long. Probably every month is full of something. But October has a disproportionate number of things that I care about. In addition, there is an intense cultural focus on one of those things: Breast cancer. (I'm going to go ahead and guess that this is because our hyper sexualized culture likes any excuse to fixate on breasts, because in spite of the uber-pinkness of a decade of Octobers, we still are not any closer to decent treatments--let alone cures or prevention--of breast cancer.) More women miscarry than get breast cancer, and that's a fact. But breasts are cool and dead babies make people uncomfortable. And battered wives, teenage girls getting shot by the taliban, nine year old brides, slave labor and gay people make people really uncomfortable. So we'll stick with breasts. And maybe the occasional feel-good story about a girl (right here in Kotzebue) who started a movement to stop wearing makeup on mondays.

So let me see, what shall I do this month to try to be more balanced?
I'll read books to my kids.
I'll join the wave of light next monday and light a candle from 7-8 to remember my angel babies (maybe I'll light 4).
I'll hug somebody who is out of the closet.
I'll read and share stories about brave women and girls all over the world who are fighting injustice, speaking up against violence, and holding up half the sky.
I will donate to causes that are helping to educate and uplift those girls and women.
I will snuggle my kids.
I will make pizza and popcorn (and pie, for good measure).
We'll talk about our ancestors and tell stories from their lives.
And if we had any crunchy leaves here, I would stomp on them. But we don't. Before the end of the month though, I'm pretty sure I will have a chance to stomp on crunchy snow, so maybe it's ok.

Thanksgiving week 1, and Half the Sky

This weekend was Canadian Thanksgiving.
The US celebrates Thanksgiving in about 6 weeks.
Since I began homeschooling, I spend far less time blogging, which I think is good, but I'm going to shoot for weekly posts during this time (because daily ones are laughably unrealistic!) Every week, I plan to post at least 7 things I am grateful for.

 This week's list is much inspired by the PBS Special Half the Sky (which is available to stream for two more days, and then will be available for purchase via pbs--maybe you can talk your local library into getting it. It was fantastic).

The title "Half the Sky" comes from the thought that half the sky is held up by women. The documentary (which is 4 hours long) is based on a book of the same title, written by a pair of journalists who were writing on economic and political issues in southeast asia, and realized that issue after issue related to women.
I recently heard the statistic that women do 40% of the world's work, but control 1% of the world's money. Throughout the world (especially in third world countries and impoverished regions, but truly everywhere) females are regarded as inferior. Sometimes they are even seen as completely expendable. Everything from gender-based abortions or infanticides to rape, forced prostitution, female genital mutilation, and keeping girls out of school to run the house (so that both parents can work)...the lists are long and painful. In watching the documentary, I was struck by two things: 1--how blessed I am to live where and when I do, and 2--how unconscionably selfish it would be if I did not share of my abundance.

And so, without further ado, this week's list of thanksgiving:

1. I am grateful to live in a land of plenty, where even though I may get bored with what is available for dinner, I never have to go without dinner.
2. I am grateful to live in a land where education is readily available to every child, regardless of race, sex, or income, where my parents never had to literally skip meals in order to pay for me to be literate, and where I do not have starve myself to educate my own children.
3. I am grateful for the education that I have.
4. I am grateful to live in a family with people with whom I can feel safe, without fear of being abused, abducted, sold, belittled, or held back from my potential.
5. I am grateful that right now kiva.org is hosting a sponsorship program, so that every new person who signs up (you can do it via me at this link) can send $25 of microloan to someone (of their choice) at no cost to themselves. If you feel able to do so (and truly, we all should) you can add some of your own money as well. If you do, then when it is repaid to you (often within a few months), you can turn around and re-loan that money to someone else. Kiva is a wonderful and reputable organization.
6. I am grateful for the way that modern technology makes it so easy to share of our abundance with those who are in need. (Today, via kiva, I helped a woman in Peru buy a cow, a woman in Tajikistan buy a sewing machine, a woman in Albania send her daughter to school, and a woman in Ukraine buy goods for her store...all without having to leave my chair.)
7. I am grateful for the ability of one person to be a force for good in the world. May I ever be so. May we all be so.

Brief Political Musings

I have not written much here about my political thoughts this year. I have brought them up a lot on facebook, but all my blogging has backed off as I focus on homeschooling.
I do want to say a couple of things though.

Firstly, as I have said before, I am an idealist. I am frustrated by the two-party system in the US, as are many people. I have a few thoughts about what would be better (abolishing parties altogether for example, so that candidates would have to make their own statements of belief, rather than just toeing the party platform line), however I continue to believe there is one thing we can all do that (IF many of us will do it) may begin to be a voice for change. That is to vote third party. We have seen small ripples begin in the houses of congress, where "Tea Party" candidates have won elections and begun to push views that are beyond the limited (and remarkably similar) stances of the two biggest parties. Whether you like the Tea Party or not, it must be admitted that this is a voice being heard, and all because people refused to accept "the lesser of two evils" but demanded their right to vote their true conscience.
So I heartily support voting for who you believe in most, regardless of affiliation or statistical likelihood of winning. I realize that our electoral college system will stand in the way of this having much effect on presidential elections (yet), but remember how I'm an idealist? I look forward with hope to a time when that system will be adjusted or abolished. And in the meantime, voting third party CAN make real changes in all the other races.

Secondly, I very strongly urge everyone to consider two things about the issues. Firstly, obviously, the positions taken by the candidates; but even more importantly, which issues are current, pressing, and likely to come up in the next 4 years. For example, regardless of your stance on abortion, our supreme court is so evenly split that I don't see Roe vs Wade getting overturned in the near future. So how much does that stance matter right now? On the other hand, we are currently involved in multiple overseas conflicts, and know that Iran is very close to having nuclear weapons, therefore foreign policy positions and plans seem extremely important at this time.
I have reached the conclusion that, while I side with different candidates on different issues, that I should give more weight to the issues that are likely to be "on the docket" in the coming few years. So, personally, I am most concerned about foreign policy, unemployment, national debt, gay marriage, the environment, and healthcare. (I still care a great deal about abortion, education, etc etc, I just don't see them as likely to get much attention in the near future, due to the long list of more-pressing issues).

So, since it is deeply unlikely that there is a candidate (for any race) who perfectly represents your ideals, I suggest the pragmatic approach of considering what issues are likely to be the center of focus in the next few years, and focus on those in choosing your vote. When I was 18, my first vote was based almost entirely on the one issue I understood (abortion), and I think it grossly limited me. Politics, economics, and social structure are complicated and multi-faceted things, and the responsible voter should consider as broad a slice of the issues as they are able. It is unconscionable, in my opinion, to focus on one or even two issues at the expense of all the others.

A minister in Texas has issued a request for 40 days of fasting, prayer, and action (from now until election day). Regardless of the issues or candidates you favor, I urge you to take this time to consider these things seriously and carefully and not make snap decisions on anything. If you are so inclined, pray for the candidates, pray over the issues, pray for the voters, and for the leaders who are not up for election but who will remain in office over the coming years. Voting is a responsibility which should not be approached casually or haphazardly. We are blessed to live in a place where we have a right to contribute our voice to the political direction of our nation; let us live up to that responsibility.

Uno Math

Today we played a math game with Uno cards. I like Uno cards because the numbers are big and easy to see (unlike face cards), and it is just single digit numbers 0-9 (unlike Rook which goes to 14).

We were practicing numbers, so first we sorted number cards from not-number cards (sorting skills are on the list for kindergarten). We set the non-numbers (the skips, draws and wilds) aside, and played with just number cards.

I dealt out about 5 cards per person (we play open face usually because it's hard for the little guys to hold many cards in their hand), and set out a draw pile (face down) and a play pile (face up).

This game I named "Up or Down or Stay the Same."
To play, look at the card on top of the play pile. Each player may place a card that is up (one bigger), down (one smaller) or stays the same as the visible card. (Kindergarteners are supposed to practice counting both forward and backward from 10). We used the 0 card to be both 0 and 10, so the number sequence was cyclical and there were always 3 potential cards that could be played. 
We started off taking turns but soon turned to everyone just playing a card when they could. Everyone drew one more card if nobody was able to play. With a little help my not-quite 3-year-old got in on the fun too and enjoyed putting down cards.

For younger kids, you can play simply matching games, or counting only up, or play it by color rather than by numbers. An Uno deck has nearly limitless options!

Just another homeschooling day

Selected quotes from the last 30 minutes:

Me: Just a second Eagle, I will color your ears as soon as I am done cutting out Bear's brain.

Wolf: owww! you cut my fingers off! owwwwww!!!...hey look, I can grab the doorknob now.

Bear: Why is my face all bendy?

Me: Whoops buddy, your brain is sticking out of your head

What,  your house doesn't sound like this? Oh, maybe it's because you weren't making body posters and pasting up faces (and brains) because you've just started studying anatomy.

the three posters are on the door/wall/door at the end of our hall.
I couldn't get them all in one shot because it was too dark
(and too wide a frame) but you get the idea.

see the brain behind the face?

Eagle poses with his body poster. He colored that face himself.

now you get Wolf's fingers/doorknob comment, right? ☺

Turtleneck Appreciation Week

A little story

Once upon a time, there was a lovely thing called the turtleneck sweater. It was soft and stretchy, and kept people's necks warm when the weather got cool. It could roll down to cover just part of the neck in the warmer cool weather, and it could unroll for the really cold times. Everyone appreciated turtlenecks,  everyone had them, and everyone was happy.

One day, a Designer got it into his head that turtlenecks looked funny. He cut the turtlenecks off all the sweaters he could find, leaving wide collars and open necks. At first people didn't like it; their necks got cold, they had to use scarves and other extra things to stay warm enough. Where once just the simple turtleneck had been enough, now they needed accessories.

Of course this was good business for the Designers, and so one after another jumped on board with the new look. Low-cut necks! Scarves! Necklaces! What's not to love! Over time, people became so accustomed to the low-cut look that it became considered 'normal.' The rare person who did wear a turtleneck was considered old-fashioned or backward.

But some people remembered what turtlenecks were like. They remembered how soft and comfortable and warm and simple and practical they were. They went on wearing them, and tried to help others realize that the Designers were following whim and income, rather than practicality or common sense. Some people believed them, and even though the vast majority of the population had given up turtlenecks for over a century, slowly they started trying them again. Once someone tried turtlenecks, they almost always became an advocate for them, and so slowly the turtleneck-wearing population increased to nearly half.

The Designers were distraught. How could they make money on accessories if everyone went back to turtlenecks? So they devised a plan. Soon, the prestigious American Academy of Apparel authoritatively declared that turtlenecks were a relic of the past, and that all educated, forward-thinking people should avoid them at all costs.

This is why this week, turtleneck-lovers are uniting to call the American Academy of Apparel on their greedy and unethical behavior.  

Today, the American Academy of Pediatrics released a statement supporting the routine circumcision of infant males. This flies in the face of ALL competent medical research in the area. No other medical organization in any country recommends routine circumcision. The AAP is motivated by their pocketbooks, not their ethics. (Frankly, the fact that they would make such a statement leaves me with the conclusion that I dare not trust their advice in any area.)

Dr. Bob Block, the current president of the AAP, proudly proclaims “AAP ROCKS” on his open hands in his profile picture on Twitter. In response,  human rights advocates everywhere are protesting him and the AAP by writing our thoughts on our hands and sharing them across the internet (as well writing numerous letters and emails of course). We are "washing our hands of the AAP," and showing the world exactly what we think of the American Academy of Pediatrics and their infant circumcision policy.

Finding the Way

We are visiting family in another state right now. Thanks to several weeks away from home at this point, my kids' routines (especially their sleep patterns) are all out of whack. This afternoon we went to church with my sister in law and her family, but Bear (5) and Eagle (2) were really tired, and since mormon church lasts 3 hours, I decided to bring them home in the middle, so that they could get naps.
My sister in law offered to drive us home (we had all come in one car), but it is only a few blocks, so I said no, we would walk home.
On the way  home, Bear got several yards ahead of me (I was walking with Eagle at a slower pace). It's a residential area, with very little traffic, and I wasn't worried about him being quite a ways ahead of me, however he glanced back and saw how far apart we were and came running back.
"I was scared" he said. Scared of being too far ahead of me. Scared of going the wrong direction, because he didn't know how to find his aunt's house.

"It's ok," I assured him, "if you start to go the wrong way I will call out to you to come back to the right way."
"But mom, what if I get too far away and I can't hear or see you?"
"Then I will come looking for you until I find you."
"But mom, what if I am so far away that you can't find me!?"

I thought of the broader life implications as I answered that one. Beyond the few blocks walk back to his aunt's house, I know there will be times in his life (as there all in all our lives) when he feels lost, when he wants or needs direction from someone else. I hope that I can be someone he trusts for that direction, but I also know that there will be times when I cannot be the one he turns to.
So what did I tell him?
I told him that most of the people he will meet in the world are good people. I told him that if he can't find me, and doesn't know what to do, that he can ask someone else and they will help him.
And I believe that that applies more broadly than just our walk home too. There are so many sources of direction (good direction) and help. Sometimes it may be a parent or teacher or neighbor, but sometimes it might also come from a stranger. I have been inspired and directed by things I've read that were written by people I certainly don't know personally, and yet they have affected my life in significant ways. Obviously, we can also find direction and inspiration directly from Deity.
It's nice to have someone to hold hands with. On the other hand, even when there is nobody close enough to hold hands, there is still always someone (or Someone) who can help you find the way.