Authenticity

I believe in living authentically.
I believe in being honest with the world about who I am and what I believe.
Over time, some of my beliefs or feelings about various things have shifted, and I have always tried to be honest about those changes. Nearly a year ago I "came out of the broom closet" with my intention to integrate aspects of paganism into my spiritual path. I have continued on that path. I celebrate the sabbats and actively participate on the MotherWheel blog, I shared my story on a Daughters of Mormonism podcast, I have connected with the Feminine Divine in a lifechanging way. I have associated with friends who have inspired me in my authenticity with posts such as this and this and this (and I am proud to acknowledge that I am one of the 'coven' mentioned in the first post, and I am the friend 'Buzzy' mentioned in the last).

Today I would like to share something else that is a deeply-felt part of who I am. I suspect that some of my readers will be uncomfortable about it. It may "shatter the safe sweet way you live" because it certainly goes against some familiar habits, but that does not make it any less valid or important. I hope that you will read on with thoughtfulness.
 

Most people know that I am Mormon. What a lot of people (including some Mormons) don't know is that there are many kinds of Mormon. I fit with some, not so much with others. Some accept all the kinds, some not so much. But we are all Mormons, and as a "Big Tent Mormon" I accept them all as my Brothers and Sisters. ♥

The Open Stories Foundation (the npo which funds Mormon Stories and Mormon Matters podcasts, as well as helping arrange assorted "Open Mormon" or "Big Tent Mormon" conferences around the country) produced this Shared Values Statement this last summer, which they shared at the SLC conference. I strongly recommend listening to Carol Lynn Pearson's excellent speech "No more US verses THEM" which was delivered at the same time.
This is the Shared Values Statement:

1. We claim the right to self-identify as Mormons if we so choose. We may claim this identity based on our genealogies, upbringings, beliefs, relationships, and other life experiences.
2. We believe that one can be Mormon or claim a Mormon identity without necessarily adhering to the teachings or doctrines of any religious organization.
3. We acknowledge the richness of Mormon heritage, teachings, and community in all of its diversity.
4. We seek spaces where we as Mormons can live lives of intellectual and spiritual integrity, individual conscience, and personal dignity.
5. We acknowledge and honor different spiritual paths and modes of religious or non-religious truth-seeking.  We respect the convictions of those who subscribe to ideas and beliefs that differ from our own.
6. We recognize the confusion, distress, emotional trauma, and social ostracism that people on faith journeys often experience.  We seek constructive ways of helping and supporting people, regardless of their ultimate decisions regarding church affiliation or activity.
7. We affirm the inherent and equal worth of all human beings.  We seek spaces where Mormons (and all people) can interact as equals regardless of race, gender, or sexual orientation.  In this spirit of egalitarianism, we prefer non-authoritarian and non-hierarchical means of organization and affiliation.

I am here to say that, as a self-identified Big Tent Mormon, I agree with these statements. I believe that God loves everybody, and actually I'm no longer convinced of the idea that there is only "one right way" to find or worship God; it seems logical to me that a loving Parent would accept his children via whatever route they come.

I believe that it's time for us all to accept the term "mormon" in a broader way. As columnist Joanna Brooks so brilliantly explained:

What do you call a Catholic who grew up going to CCD but now attends mass only on Christmas, Ash Wednesday, and Easter, and supports gay rights? Catholic.

What do you call a Jew who loves bacon, doesn't believe in God, and attends shul only on High Holy Days? Jewish.

And so with Mormons. Some people are active, orthodox members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, others are orthodox Fundamentalist Mormons, or there are those who are mormon by culture or heritage, whether or not they are literal believers in the doctrine. There are Reform Mormons and New Order Mormons and the Community of Christ (formerly RLDS), and I'm not saying that they should all be considered LDS--they should not because they are other sects. But they should all be considered Mormons.

Just because the CoJCoLDS is the biggest sect doesn't give them/us any right to say that the others who are different have no right to the name "Mormon." If we have a right to do that, then the Catholics have a right to say that nobody else is Christian--they were here first and they're the biggest!

It's just a matter of logic I think.

Over the last year or so I have come to know a variety of people who are not orthodoxic/orthopraxic LDS, and yet still identify as Mormon by culture or heritage or belief, they just don't fit the current LDS mold. One couple I know is fundamentalist (not in a compound someplace, but a very normal couple who believes that the modern leadership has gotten lost and that it's better to stick with the early leaders). They identify as mormon. If I believe that Joseph and Brigham were prophets then I should accept them as fellow mormons, don't you think? Because they are. And so are the feminist mormons, the gay mormons, the social mormons, the cafeteria mormons, the tattooed and pierced mormons, the non-literal believing mormons, the inactive mormons, the former mormons, the polygamous mormons, the buddhist mormons, the pagan mormons...and of course the literal-believing/orthodox mormons.


Elder Ballard's talk at this last LDS general conference led me to feel the need to speak about this. Of course the LDS church has every right to determine who is or isn't a member of their records, and to be possessive of their (copyrighted) full official name. I'm not arguing that for a second. But the larger term "mormon" isn't copywrited; it was a nickname in the first place, given by others, and which (intended or not) has come to mean a much broader group. So yes, I am saying that I disagree with Elder Ballard on this particular point.

As per the Church's style guide, "The official name of the Church is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This full name was given by revelation from God to Joseph Smith in 1838.
While the term "Mormon Church" has long been publicly applied to the Church as a nickname, it is not an authorized title, and the Church discourages its use." Find and good. I am on board.
However, in that same guide, they go on to say that "The term "Mormonism" is acceptable in describing the combination of doctrine, culture and lifestyle unique to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The term Mormon is not properly applied to the other ... churches that resulted from the split after [Joseph] Smith's death." THAT is where I heartily disagree.
It is hypocrisy to say "please call us christian" on the one side and on the other side to say "you can only be called mormon if we say so."
We ARE christian. And we--the much broader-than-just-LDS-members group--ARE mormon.

I'm sure there are those who will consider me fringy or even apostate for thinking these things, but the more I study Christ the more I believe that we should look at the world through love colored glasses, and invite people into the tent rather than shutting people out.

Juliet said "what's in a name" and I admit it seems kinda paranoid that an organization as big and strong as the church would get uptight over a little thing like a nickname... I appreciate the desire to be called by one's proper name (trust me I do, I've been mis-called my entire life!). But when it comes to nicknames, or looser cultural designations, such as the term "mormon," I think that self-classification matters a whole lot more than what somebody else says. If testimony is individual and personal, should not classification be equally personal?!

So I choose to welcome all sorts of mormons into my big tent, realizing that we are different in many ways, but that that thing we have in common, that "mormon" thing, is glue enough to make us family. Even if some of the second cousins seem kinda weird. ;)

Five Kids Under 5

I have a child who is not quite 5 and a child who is not quite 2.
In addition, since coming to Kotzebue I have begun babysitting full time for some other kids...
Here is roughly what my normal weekday looks like:

8am
Babysittee 1 *"Pink" arrives (girl, age 2 1/2)
*Lest anyone think the color assignments are sexist, I actually just let each kid pick their favorite color from the options available.

9am
Babysittee 2 "Orange" arrives (girl, age 2 1/2)
*To further validate the fact that they picked their colors, I would have given her green, but she picked orange, so that's how it goes.

10ish
story time. I may not do a ton of formal organized playtime, but I try to make sure to read a few stories to the crowd every day.

10:30 or so
snacktime all around

12:15 or so
Babysittee 3 "Blue" arrives (boy, 4 1/2--sibling of Orange). His mom brings him from morning preschool, and also takes Bear back to afternoon preschool. Before Orange and Blue started coming, I used to pack up Bear, Eagle, and Pink onto a 4-wheeler to take Bear to class. It's much easier now with the carpool, although I now have so many little ones in the house that it's nigh on impossible to pack everyone safely onto the 4-wheeler if I did need to go somewhere. (This got tested last week when there was a last minute fallthrough from my after-school carpool, and I had to pile everyone on in a hurry to go get Bear after school. However Wolf was home in time to come along and help hold everybody on. In case you lost count, the 4-wheeler was laden thusly: me, Eagle strapped on my back, Orange sitting in front of me on the seat, Wolf in the back center with Bear on one side and Blue on the other, and Pink on his lap... yes indeed, that was 7 people on one 4wheeler, and most of them under age 5. Welcome to the Alaskan bush!!)

1pm ish
everybody finishes lunch. Theoretically all the 2year olds take naps. Some days this goes better than others. Bear is off at preschool, and Blue usually watches a movie or plays lego video games. Assuming everybody naps, I get in a couple of hours of school work. Depending how well they are getting along in the morning, I sometimes can work then too; but much of it falls to evenings. Hubby gets two evenings a week to work on his classes, and I get two.

3:30 or 4pm
Bear and Wolf get home from school, the littles have mostly wakened up (or I wake them at this point).
Snacks for everybody usually again
Work on making dinner

5pm
All the babysittees go home.
Feed my family dinner
Enjoy the fact that I do bedtime with only my own kids instead of all the extras. ☺


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am making $400/wk with these kiddos, which allows me to have a date with my spouse EVERY weekend. This is priceless, as we have not had regular dates in five years. It also allows us to save up a bit, with the intent to be able to have a big long fun road trip/vacation next summer without going into any debt. We have bills enough to pay off right now, and the idea of being able to get ahead rather than just making ends meet is very exciting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Of course, then there are the actual logistics of having five kids under 5 in the house for 40+ hours a week. Sometimes it feels overwhelming--they can move fast and if they split up they can sure make a lot of mess in a very little time. Pink seems to be fond of books but not careful with them, so I have to keep an eye on her lest she rip them (she's damaged a couple). Eagle enjoys recruiting people to help him pull things off shelves. Pink and Eagle (and sometimes Bear) like to take off clothing... I can deal with this so long as they leave the unders/diapers on, but Pink went through a bad spell a couple of weeks ago... yeah, right now I'm pushing a strong must-wear-clothing policy. It IS below freezing outside folks. But we got some new stories and a little indoor trampoline that's good for everybody's wiggles, and I'm thinking of ordering one of those little fabric fabric tent&tunnel toys (I figured the babysitting income included some budget for broadening the toy selection here!)

I have learned some things by having this many little ones.
Firstly, if I had twins or triplets, I would change some of my parenting techniques. I would push for more of a schedule for my littles, rather than following theirs so much. I like the flexibility and non-stressed nature of just going with the flow, but with a stack of kids I kinda need them to nap around the same time or else they'll wake each other up!
~
Secondly, diaper changes. I line the three diapered ones up, and change them one after the other. The cost of electricity here is so expensive (50cents/kwh, which is quadruple what we paid before), so I switched Eagle to disposables. I feel guilty almost every time I change him that I didn't stick it out with cloth, but ultimately the cost of just drying the diapers would have cost more than disposables, and he's near potty learning anyway. So I line up the kiddos and change one after the other. They each have different brands of diapers and wipes, and that has been quite educational. I can share a couple of tips:

• Only huggies brand wipes are worth anything (the others it takes twice as many wipes to do the job, so they don't end up being cheaper, and they are not as soft). 
• And when it comes to diaper brands...Frankly, I can hardly tell a difference between the expensive huggies, the cheap luvs, and the super-expensive 7th generation organics. They all seem to do the job equally well, and they all seem equally soft (as paper diapers go at least). So there you have the extent of my feelings on disposable diapers (and seriously, if you can line dry, or your electricity is normally cheap, I still recommend cloth!) 

~
And finally, this is the brilliant bit of organization that makes mealtimes and snacktimes more or less sane. I cannot take any credit for this, it was my mother's idea when she had 4 kids under 5 (although she wasn't babysitting any of them!):

Cup colors! We had the tupperware tumblers, and each of us had an assigned color (I was red, for the record). I've done the same thing here only taken it a step further: dish colors!
<------I got this set of little plastic ikea dishes/utensils from ebid, and everybody picked a color, and now I always know what belongs to whom. I can rinse things off but usually only need to really wash them once a day--even though we have multiple meals, because I can always tell whose is whose. The bowls are about custard cup size, so it's good for little ones. The plates are salad/dessert plate size. The cups I actually don't use so much, because the little ones have sippy cups... but the forks and spoons are great.

Yep, I'm pretty universalist. 'Love one another' meant everybody, not just the people who look/think/believe like you do.

Infant Case Study

This is the first of several excerpts from my grad school papers that I will share here on my blog. We were asked to read a short case study about a two week old infant, Sam, and then discuss factors that may be affecting his development (both explicitly mentioned in the case study or which we can logically infer). I'm not sure if it's kosher to re-print the actual assignment, so I'll give a short version here:

Sam was born six weeks early via cesarean section. He received oxygen support at birth (though not since), and spent three days in the hospital. His parents, Jane and Roberto, are first time parents. They live in a rural area and do not have many friends or neighbors. Jane drank periodically throughout the pregnancy, but increased toward the end when Roberto lost his job. She has requested 12 weeks off work following the birth, but is considering returning to work sooner. Sam wakes to eat every two hours, but never eats very much and does not sleep through the night. Jane's mother has offered to come live with them for a while to help out.

I felt that we would be expected to write about FASD, but in spite of the obvious potential for it I thought it was unlikely. So I took a chance on a different tack.
The professor said "Excellent. You brought in a lot of relevant information from expert sources and included several things I did not know." And then he selected it as one of the model papers to share with the class this week.
Without further ado:

Given the premise that Jane was consuming alcohol during her pregnancy with Sam, it is easy to jump to the conclusion that he has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Disorder (FASD). While that is a possibility that should not be overlooked (and it would be wise for both Sam’s parents and his medical providers to watch for symptoms over the coming months or years), the case study does not provide sufficient data to point to FASD as a likely diagnosis. However there are things which the case study does point to.

Sam was born six weeks prematurely, so his difficulty breathing in his first minutes of life can easily be attributed to having underdeveloped lungs. His respiratory struggles could also be attributed to his cesarean birth. The pressure of the process of vaginal delivery stimulates the infant’s circulation and respiratory systems (Berk 2010), and babies born via cesarean are as much as twice as likely to need oxygen support as are infants born vaginally (Kamath et al, 2009 and Yakov et al, 2006). The case study also does not indicate why Sam was born via cesarean section; it is possible that he was already under distress prior to delivery, and that could also account for his need for oxygen support immediately after birth. Particularly since he has not needed respiratory support since that time, it is not likely that he has any long term breathing issues.

Sam’s cesarean birth may be important in another factor, which is how Jane has attached to him. Hillan noted that women who deliver via cesarean often have a harder time connecting with and attaching to their babies, perhaps due to the separation they experience during the hospital stay (1992), the interruption of the natural hormonal cycles experienced during vaginal delivery, or to the stress or pain of the experience of major abdominal surgery. Berk also notes that “the appearance and behavior of preterm babies can lead parents to be less sensitive in caring for them” (2010). These difficulties, combined with Sam’s fussiness and her own postpartum hormonal changes, are probably exacerbating an already overwhelming time for Jane in particular.

It is normal for a child of Sam’s age to need to eat every two hours. Because his diet is wholly liquid (whether breastmilk or formula) it is easily digested. Easy digestion is important for a newborn digestive system, but it does mean that digestion is also rapid, and that Sam will be hungry again soon (Pantley, 2002). There is nothing abnormal about his wanting to eat this often, but if Jane and Roberto are not aware of the normalcy of this behavior in their child, it may be stressful or worrisome to them.

It is also normal for an infant two weeks old to wake up frequently in the night. At this age, it would be unhealthy for him to sleep more than four or five hours at a stretch, and that is significantly less than “all night” in the eyes of most adults. In fact, it commonly is “a full year or even two until [a] baby will settle into an all-night, every night sleep pattern” (Pantley, 2002). This frequent night waking, though normal and appropriate for Sam, can put extra strain on Jane, especially when she returns to work. Therefore it would be wise for them to consider ways to help Jane get more rest. One alternative might be to breastfeed and bedshare, which would allow Jane to sleep while Sam eats. Another alternative would be to have Roberto (or Jane’s mother) take care of giving Sam bottles when he wakes at night, so that Jane can sleep.

Jane and Roberto are clearly under a lot of stress. Not only was Roberto recently laid off, but Jane, like most other mothers in the United States, is probably unpaid during her maternity leave (Geissler, 2005). The sleep-deprivation of having a newborn, along with the probability of difficulty connecting to her fussy baby, all combined with the financial stress of their situation has probably left her feeling obligated to return to work before the twelve weeks are over.

The stress of Roberto’s lost job during the pregnancy led Jane to drinking, but it also would have elevated her cortisol levels. Elevated cortisol during pregnancy can lead to premature birth (Field & Diego, 2008). Sam’s precipitous arrival was probably a cause of stress in its own right, as they were probably not prepared for him to come a month and a half before his due date. Field & Diego also explained that “analysis on the mothers’ prenatal cortisol and the newborns’ cortisol levels suggested that the mothers’ prenatal cortisol was a significant predictor of the newborns’ cortisol levels,” and further noted that “infants of high prenatal cortisol mothers have shown temperamental difficulties such as crying and fussing” (2008). This fussy behavior was particularly noted during the first few weeks of life (Field & Diego, 2008). It is probable that Sam’s fussiness is due to high cortisol levels, a residual effect of Jane’s having had elevated prenatal cortisol levels.

Finally, Jane and Roberto desperately need some support in their new role as parents. Berk quotes findings stating that “babies who are both preterm and economically disadvantaged require intensive intervention,” and that the effective interventions include “parent training sessions” along with “medical follow-up” (2010) The case study made no mention of Jane and Roberto having taken any childbirth classes, and it is probable that, in their socio-economic situation, they have not taken any parenting classes or read parenting books. Not only do they need the moral support of friends and family, but they also need the mentoring of professionals or more experienced parents. If Jane’s mother can come stay with them, it would probably be very helpful for everyone for her to do so

It sounds as though Sam got off to a somewhat rough start in life (with his premature arrival, cesarean delivery, and need of breathing assistance). It also seems that Jane and Roberto, as first time parents with little or no experience or education about babies, are feeling overwhelmed with all the changes in their family. However, Sam seems to be healthy and normal now. The family and Sam’s pediatrician should watch him to see if any symptoms of FASD develop, since it is known that Jane was drinking, but he does not show any signs of it at the present. It would be good for Jane’s mother to come provide help and support for Jane and Roberto for a few weeks or months as they adjust to this new life, and ideally they should seek other friends in their area, perhaps other young parents, who can be part of a new network for them. If Sam does end up showing symptoms of FASD, then it will be particularly important for Jane and Roberto to have a network of support as they undertake raising a disabled child.


Resources

Berk, L. E. (2010). Development through the lifespan (5th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.
Field, T., & Diego, M. (2008). Cortisol: The culprit prenatal stress variable. International Journal of Neuroscience, 118(8), 1181¬–1205.
Geissler, J. (2005, July 26). U.S. stands apart from other nations on maternity leave. USA Today. Retrieved from http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2005-07-26-maternity-leave_x.htm
Hillan, E. M. (1992), Maternal–infant attachment following caesarean delivery. Journal of Clinical Nursing, 1: 33–37. doi: 10.1111/j.1365-2702.1992.tb00053.x
Mayo clinic (2011). Fetal alcohol syndrome: Symptoms. Retrieved from
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/fetal-alcohol-syndrome/DS00184/DSECTION=symptoms
Kamath, B. D., Todd, J. K., Glazner, J. E., Lezotte, D., & Lynch, A. M. (2009). Neonatal outcomes after elective cesarean delivery. Obstetrics & Gynecology, 113(6), 1231-1238. doi: 10.1097/AOG.0b013e3181a66d57
Pantley, E., (2002). “Newborn babies and sleep.” The no-cry sleep solution: Gentle ways to help your baby sleep through the night. New York: McGraw-Hill.
Yakov, R., Yee, W., Yue Chen, S., & Singhal, N. (2006). Oxygen saturation trends immediately after birth. The Journal of Pediatrics, 148(5), 590-594.

Read to your Kids

Reason #339 that you should read to your kids every day?

In the middle of the night, when Eagle woke up and was sad because I would not nurse him (we're nightweaning), he went and brought me a book (and then another and another).
And I "read" them to him in the dark, from memory, because I knew the books without having to turn on a light.
And the boy was happy (even though he couldn't see the pictures any more than I could see the words) simply because mommy was reading to him.
And he went to sleep.

Last Night

Thank you my little one.

I know you did not want to be awake any more than I did last night, but I also know that the time has come for you to nightwean and learn to sleep through the night, and so I was holding and rocking you as you cried, rather than just nursing you back to sleep.

And because we were awake, and because we were in the living room (due to your crying, and my desire to let everyone else sleep), I saw light outside in the sky.

And because I saw light, and because I knew what it was, I put on our coats and hats and bundled you inside my coat and took you outside.

And we walked over by the water, where we could feel the wind and smell the saltwater and hear the rolling surf and be out of the yellow glow of the streetlights.

And we looked up, in the glorious darkness of this week's new moon, and we watched the greens edged with purples of the northern lights as they danced in the sky.

photo from here, no I didn't take it, but it was taken here in Kotzebue and it is what they looked like last night

As I walked home, I fell to wondering:
If the Sun shows us Father God and the Moon shows us Mother Goddess, what is the Aurora? Is it the Spirit? Everywhere and moving and bright to see if only we can free ourselves of the little earthbound lights all about us.

Live Deep

I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, 

I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, 

To put to rout all that was not life 

and not when I had come to die 

Discover that I had not lived.

~Henry David Thoreau

I will not die an unlived life. 

I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. 

I choose to inhabit my days, 

to allow my living to open me, 

to make me less afraid, more accessible, 

to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. 

I choose to risk my significance; 

to live so that which came to me as seed goes forth as blossom 

and that which came to me as blossom, goes on as fruit.

~ Dawna Markova

The first quote I learned from Dead Poet's Society when I was a teenager. In college I cross-stitched it with a pretty border and hung it on my wall.
The second quote I just found this week.

This is my mindfulness.

This is my serenity.

To live deep, and not in fear.

To love freely.

To take what comes, and make it better.

To be a force for good.

To be the change I want to see in the world.

To go

To do

To be

Mindful

and

Serene

Hello World

My posting here has slowed down. As I mentioned I am in grad school, but there is more to it than that.

Firstly, my classes, being web-based, do not have meeting times. This means that it is all reading and writing. My lifespan development class, for example, gives me 60-150 pages per week to read (and about 6 to write). Sometimes I think it would be easier to sit in a few hours of lectures, but honestly I am fascinated by this stuff and really enjoying what I am learning, time-consuming as it is.

Secondly, I care about how I do in the classes. I could slide through with minimums I suppose, but not only do I want to learn the material (that's the point after all!) but I have always had a good GPA and I'd like to continue to do good work. Having spent time as a teacher, I think it's a bit insulting to the teacher turn in poor work--especially if the teacher is any good. Thus it is that I am spending the time to try to do good work for these classes. The more critical of my teachers has given me extra credit twice in the last two weeks, along with this comment "You did an excellent job with this very challenging assignment. You infused information from psychological sources effectively and displayed a lot of high-level thinking." So I am feeling pretty good about that. (But since I'm writing for him, I'm not writing for you...unless you'd like to see what I've been writing?! I did a piece on the strengths and weaknesses of attachment theory last week.)

Finally, have I mentioned the babysitting? Naw, I didn't think so. This is my sixth week of babysitting a 2yr old (in addition to my own 4yo and nearly 2yo) 8-5 Mon-Fri. This is my second week of babysitting an additional 2yo and 4yo 9-5 Mon-Fri. Yes, that makes a total of two 4 year olds and three 2 year olds, full time. Plus, you know, all the standard mom stuff like making dinner and vacuuming and doing laundry and keeping the wood stove going and (occasionally) cleaning the toilet. (But not very often, because I truly hate cleaning toilets. You have no idea!)
I need to invest in a big box of crayons.
And in the meantime, I would love for you to leave grown up sorts of comments here for me. Because I spend much of the day talking to 2 year olds. ☺

Pokes

I have always taken my kids for just one shot at a time. I feel that their bodies can better cope with the toxins that come along with a vaccination, and goodness knows it makes sense to me to only fight one disease at a time! (I realize that some vaccines are already combinations, and yes I do get those as they are...but I'm not going to get my kid shot up with a diptheria-tetanus-pertussis, a measles-mumps-rubella, AND a polio all on the same day!) I have had medical providers who were supportive of my choice, and providers who were not so much... But I smile and stand my ground and do it my way anyway. One per visit, no exceptions. I don't get any shots before 6 months old, and I get them when I get them--no fretting over following anyone elses schedule or being done by a certain age.

It has been my experience that with a toddler, they don't know what is coming. It hurts for a moment, they are upset and begin to cry, and by then it is over and so they recover and calm down again almost immediately.
 As they get to be 3 or 4 though, it gets harder.

I don't feel that it's honest to trick my kids (and can you think of an appropriate way to convince your child to drop his pants without telling him why?!) I avoid telling him until the last moment (because the anticipation is usually worse than the actual shot), but I do tell him. I explain that there will be a poke, it will be fast, then it will be over. I tell them why we do it--that the shot gives us a tiny bit of sickness, but that it's small enough that our body can fight it and make soldier cells to protect us from that sickness so that if it comes big we will be able to kill it (yes, I have boys, this is how we explain everything around here!).

Usually we go do something special afterward--an extra long day at the park, getting ice cream, etc. I tell him that it's ok to cry if he needs to (once Bear told me he didn't deserve ice cream because he had cried so he wasn't brave, so I made sure to nip that in the bud the next time). Often I take two or three kids together, and everybody gets a poke. In that case, I talk to the one who gets the most distressed (currently it's Bear), and I let him make some choices, such as whether he will be first or last, which arm, etc. It gives him control over something in a situation where he hasn't been given a choice, and I think that's important.

I have always taken them for just one shot per visit, but recently I had begun to wonder if the emotional distress of having so many separate visits might be harder on the kiddo than getting two shots at once. Bear gets really worked up, and will bawl for an hour (as I remember doing myself).
This last month, the whole family went in together. Hepatitis A is of concern out here in the bush, and so Hubby and I opted to get that along with the kids. Several of us also needed to get a tuberculosis screening, which is not a vaccination, but does involve a(nother) poke. When we walked into the room there was a tray with 8 needles on it, and Bear was very distressed, even after I explained that we were all getting shots and that they were not all for him.
Afterward, Bear told me that he didn't like getting pokes here, that it was better where we used to live. I thought he was going to say something about how he would only get pokes if we went back to the old place (which we both know isn't possible), but instead he just said "I liked it better there because we only got one poke instead of two." So it seems that--even for someone who gets really upset at each episode of poking--it's still better to do them one at a time, even if it means more total visits.

So we'll stick with the plan. One shot in a visit. No exceptions. The public health nurse can roll her eyes all she wants.

Discipleship

This is the talk I gave in church today.

I’ve been asked to speak about discipleship.

As I pondered over what discipleship is, the story of Jesus and the rich young man kept coming back to me. He asked Jesus “Good Master, what good thing shall I do, that I may have eternal life?”
Jesus replied, “If thou wilt enter into life, keep the commandments. …
“All these things have I kept from my youth up” (Matt. 19:16–17, 20). See, he was already being righteous.
And then came Jesus’ response: “One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, … and come, … and follow me” (Mark 10:21).

So often we get caught up in the to do lists, the “righteousness checklists,” and we forget that true discipleship is NOT actually about whether you got 100% home or visiting teaching, or how many times you went to the temple last year, or even whether you went at all; but it IS about whether you “are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death.” (Mosiah 18) In short, discipleship is about following Christ’s example of loving one another.

How do we learn how to follow Christ?

Teachers know that the one of the most effective ways to teach something is not to tell the students about it, but to model it—that is, to do the thing that they want to students to do. Jesus, the Master Teacher, did the same. He taught us what we should do by showing us how we should be. And what did Jesus do? He mourned with those that mourned, comforted those that stood in need of comfort, and in all times and in all things and in all places He stood for Love—because, as John tells us, God is Love (1 John 4:8).

The scriptures tell us not only what Christ did, but also what He said. Nephi said that “the words of Christ will tell you all things which ye should do.” (2Nephi 32:3) A primary song explains “If I had been a little child when Jesus lived on earth, I would have liked to walk with Him and listen to His words. But as I search the scriptures I can hear his words of peace, and if I listen with my heart I hear the Savior’s voice.” (If I Listen With My Heart) The Savior’s words are in the scriptures, and we can find them not only in the new testament, but also by looking for messages that are repeated by multiple prophets across the ages.

Another way to learn to follow Christ is through personal revelation. This is the way that I think is the most important, although it is not always the easiest to access, which is why we have the scriptures to fall back on. Church leaders and teachers, both ancient and modern, are good people trying to teach us good things, but ultimately they cannot know the ins and outs of our individual situations, so the best they can ever do is provide guidelines. When it comes down to specifics of exactly what to do and exactly how to live, we have to make those choices ourselves.

Elder Ronald E Poelman of the 70 spoke about this in his conference talk The Church and the Gospel (from which I now quote extensively):

The gospel of Jesus Christ is a divine and perfect plan. It is composed of eternal, unchanging principles and laws which are universally applicable to every individual regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The principles of the gospel never change.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is a divine institution administered by the priesthood of God. The Church has authority to teach correctly the principles and doctrines of the gospel and to administer its essential ordinances.
The gospel is the substance of the divine plan for personal, individual salvation and exaltation. The Church is the delivery system that provides the means and resources to implement this plan in each individual's life.
Procedures, programs and policies are developed within the Church to help us realize gospel blessings according to our individual capacity and circumstances. Under divine direction, these policies, programs, and procedures do change from time to time as necessary to fulfill gospel purposes. Underlying every aspect of Church administration and activity are the revealed eternal principles [of the gospel] as contained in the scriptures.
As individually and collectively we increase our knowledge, acceptance, and application of gospel principles, we become less dependent on Church programs [to tell us what to do]. Our lives become gospel centered.
Sometimes traditions, customs, social practices and personal preferences of individual Church members may, through repeated or common usage be misconstrued as Church procedures or policies. Occasionally, such traditions, customs and practices may even be regarded by some as eternal gospel principles. Under such circumstances those who do not conform to these cultural standards may mistakenly be regarded as unorthodox or even unworthy. In fact, the eternal principles of the gospel and the divinely inspired Church do accommodate a broad spectrum of individual uniqueness and cultural diversity.
It is important therefore to know the difference between eternal gospel principles which are unchanging [and] universally applicable, and cultural norms which may vary with time and circumstance.
The source of this perspective is found in the scriptures…[as the gospel] is taught by various messengers at different times and places. In the scriptures we discover that varying institutional forms, procedures, regulations and ceremonies are utilized, all divinely designed to implement eternal principles. The practices and procedures change; the principles do not.
Through scripture study we may learn eternal principles and how to distinguish them from and relate them to institutional resources. As we liken the scriptures unto ourselves we can better utilize the institutional resources of the modern restored Church to learn, live and share the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Elder Poelman goes on to talk about Leviticus, which teaches such principles as revelation and caring for the poor, but also lays out policies such as that an employer must pay each of his workers at the end of every day (which obviously is something that has changed with time). Then he continues:

Every church member has not only the opportunity, right, and privilege to receive a personal witness regarding gospel principles and Church practices, but has the need and obligation to obtain such assurance by exercising his free agency, thereby fulfilling one purpose of his mortal probation.

It all comes back to personal revelation. We need personal revelation to assist us in separating gospel from tradition, and in receiving individualized direction for our lives. Doctrine & Covenants 58:27 repeats Elder Poelman’s conclusion, saying that “men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness.” The church is here to administer the gospel on the earth, but the core of the gospel—true discipleship—is something that must be found, understood, and lived individually; not by being caught up in checklists, but by seeking understanding and truth, heeding the spirit, and showing love.

Finally, when we know what we should be doing, we have to do it! In his talk The Pathway of Discipleship Neal A Maxwell said “The divine attributes of love, mercy, patience, meekness, purity, and others are attributes we have been directed to develop in each of us—and they cannot be developed in the abstract. These require the clinical experiences.” We cannot develop them unless we practice them. In another talk on discipleship, Neal A Maxwell also said that “the more we become like Jesus, the more we come to know Him." (Becoming a Disciple) And so it is cyclical: as we follow Jesus, we come to know Him, and as we come to know Him, we are better able to follow Him.