Pokes

I have always taken my kids for just one shot at a time. I feel that their bodies can better cope with the toxins that come along with a vaccination, and goodness knows it makes sense to me to only fight one disease at a time! (I realize that some vaccines are already combinations, and yes I do get those as they are...but I'm not going to get my kid shot up with a diptheria-tetanus-pertussis, a measles-mumps-rubella, AND a polio all on the same day!) I have had medical providers who were supportive of my choice, and providers who were not so much... But I smile and stand my ground and do it my way anyway. One per visit, no exceptions. I don't get any shots before 6 months old, and I get them when I get them--no fretting over following anyone elses schedule or being done by a certain age.

It has been my experience that with a toddler, they don't know what is coming. It hurts for a moment, they are upset and begin to cry, and by then it is over and so they recover and calm down again almost immediately.
 As they get to be 3 or 4 though, it gets harder.

I don't feel that it's honest to trick my kids (and can you think of an appropriate way to convince your child to drop his pants without telling him why?!) I avoid telling him until the last moment (because the anticipation is usually worse than the actual shot), but I do tell him. I explain that there will be a poke, it will be fast, then it will be over. I tell them why we do it--that the shot gives us a tiny bit of sickness, but that it's small enough that our body can fight it and make soldier cells to protect us from that sickness so that if it comes big we will be able to kill it (yes, I have boys, this is how we explain everything around here!).

Usually we go do something special afterward--an extra long day at the park, getting ice cream, etc. I tell him that it's ok to cry if he needs to (once Bear told me he didn't deserve ice cream because he had cried so he wasn't brave, so I made sure to nip that in the bud the next time). Often I take two or three kids together, and everybody gets a poke. In that case, I talk to the one who gets the most distressed (currently it's Bear), and I let him make some choices, such as whether he will be first or last, which arm, etc. It gives him control over something in a situation where he hasn't been given a choice, and I think that's important.

I have always taken them for just one shot per visit, but recently I had begun to wonder if the emotional distress of having so many separate visits might be harder on the kiddo than getting two shots at once. Bear gets really worked up, and will bawl for an hour (as I remember doing myself).
This last month, the whole family went in together. Hepatitis A is of concern out here in the bush, and so Hubby and I opted to get that along with the kids. Several of us also needed to get a tuberculosis screening, which is not a vaccination, but does involve a(nother) poke. When we walked into the room there was a tray with 8 needles on it, and Bear was very distressed, even after I explained that we were all getting shots and that they were not all for him.
Afterward, Bear told me that he didn't like getting pokes here, that it was better where we used to live. I thought he was going to say something about how he would only get pokes if we went back to the old place (which we both know isn't possible), but instead he just said "I liked it better there because we only got one poke instead of two." So it seems that--even for someone who gets really upset at each episode of poking--it's still better to do them one at a time, even if it means more total visits.

So we'll stick with the plan. One shot in a visit. No exceptions. The public health nurse can roll her eyes all she wants.

Discipleship

This is the talk I gave in church today.

I’ve been asked to speak about discipleship.

As I pondered over what discipleship is, the story of Jesus and the rich young man kept coming back to me. He asked Jesus “Good Master, what good thing shall I do, that I may have eternal life?”
Jesus replied, “If thou wilt enter into life, keep the commandments. …
“All these things have I kept from my youth up” (Matt. 19:16–17, 20). See, he was already being righteous.
And then came Jesus’ response: “One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, … and come, … and follow me” (Mark 10:21).

So often we get caught up in the to do lists, the “righteousness checklists,” and we forget that true discipleship is NOT actually about whether you got 100% home or visiting teaching, or how many times you went to the temple last year, or even whether you went at all; but it IS about whether you “are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death.” (Mosiah 18) In short, discipleship is about following Christ’s example of loving one another.

How do we learn how to follow Christ?

Teachers know that the one of the most effective ways to teach something is not to tell the students about it, but to model it—that is, to do the thing that they want to students to do. Jesus, the Master Teacher, did the same. He taught us what we should do by showing us how we should be. And what did Jesus do? He mourned with those that mourned, comforted those that stood in need of comfort, and in all times and in all things and in all places He stood for Love—because, as John tells us, God is Love (1 John 4:8).

The scriptures tell us not only what Christ did, but also what He said. Nephi said that “the words of Christ will tell you all things which ye should do.” (2Nephi 32:3) A primary song explains “If I had been a little child when Jesus lived on earth, I would have liked to walk with Him and listen to His words. But as I search the scriptures I can hear his words of peace, and if I listen with my heart I hear the Savior’s voice.” (If I Listen With My Heart) The Savior’s words are in the scriptures, and we can find them not only in the new testament, but also by looking for messages that are repeated by multiple prophets across the ages.

Another way to learn to follow Christ is through personal revelation. This is the way that I think is the most important, although it is not always the easiest to access, which is why we have the scriptures to fall back on. Church leaders and teachers, both ancient and modern, are good people trying to teach us good things, but ultimately they cannot know the ins and outs of our individual situations, so the best they can ever do is provide guidelines. When it comes down to specifics of exactly what to do and exactly how to live, we have to make those choices ourselves.

Elder Ronald E Poelman of the 70 spoke about this in his conference talk The Church and the Gospel (from which I now quote extensively):

The gospel of Jesus Christ is a divine and perfect plan. It is composed of eternal, unchanging principles and laws which are universally applicable to every individual regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The principles of the gospel never change.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is a divine institution administered by the priesthood of God. The Church has authority to teach correctly the principles and doctrines of the gospel and to administer its essential ordinances.
The gospel is the substance of the divine plan for personal, individual salvation and exaltation. The Church is the delivery system that provides the means and resources to implement this plan in each individual's life.
Procedures, programs and policies are developed within the Church to help us realize gospel blessings according to our individual capacity and circumstances. Under divine direction, these policies, programs, and procedures do change from time to time as necessary to fulfill gospel purposes. Underlying every aspect of Church administration and activity are the revealed eternal principles [of the gospel] as contained in the scriptures.
As individually and collectively we increase our knowledge, acceptance, and application of gospel principles, we become less dependent on Church programs [to tell us what to do]. Our lives become gospel centered.
Sometimes traditions, customs, social practices and personal preferences of individual Church members may, through repeated or common usage be misconstrued as Church procedures or policies. Occasionally, such traditions, customs and practices may even be regarded by some as eternal gospel principles. Under such circumstances those who do not conform to these cultural standards may mistakenly be regarded as unorthodox or even unworthy. In fact, the eternal principles of the gospel and the divinely inspired Church do accommodate a broad spectrum of individual uniqueness and cultural diversity.
It is important therefore to know the difference between eternal gospel principles which are unchanging [and] universally applicable, and cultural norms which may vary with time and circumstance.
The source of this perspective is found in the scriptures…[as the gospel] is taught by various messengers at different times and places. In the scriptures we discover that varying institutional forms, procedures, regulations and ceremonies are utilized, all divinely designed to implement eternal principles. The practices and procedures change; the principles do not.
Through scripture study we may learn eternal principles and how to distinguish them from and relate them to institutional resources. As we liken the scriptures unto ourselves we can better utilize the institutional resources of the modern restored Church to learn, live and share the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Elder Poelman goes on to talk about Leviticus, which teaches such principles as revelation and caring for the poor, but also lays out policies such as that an employer must pay each of his workers at the end of every day (which obviously is something that has changed with time). Then he continues:

Every church member has not only the opportunity, right, and privilege to receive a personal witness regarding gospel principles and Church practices, but has the need and obligation to obtain such assurance by exercising his free agency, thereby fulfilling one purpose of his mortal probation.

It all comes back to personal revelation. We need personal revelation to assist us in separating gospel from tradition, and in receiving individualized direction for our lives. Doctrine & Covenants 58:27 repeats Elder Poelman’s conclusion, saying that “men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness.” The church is here to administer the gospel on the earth, but the core of the gospel—true discipleship—is something that must be found, understood, and lived individually; not by being caught up in checklists, but by seeking understanding and truth, heeding the spirit, and showing love.

Finally, when we know what we should be doing, we have to do it! In his talk The Pathway of Discipleship Neal A Maxwell said “The divine attributes of love, mercy, patience, meekness, purity, and others are attributes we have been directed to develop in each of us—and they cannot be developed in the abstract. These require the clinical experiences.” We cannot develop them unless we practice them. In another talk on discipleship, Neal A Maxwell also said that “the more we become like Jesus, the more we come to know Him." (Becoming a Disciple) And so it is cyclical: as we follow Jesus, we come to know Him, and as we come to know Him, we are better able to follow Him.

Celebrating Autumnal Equinox

Background:
Mabon is the second of the three harvest festivals. Lammas celebrates grains, berries, and other early foods. Samhain celebrates the meat harvest of hunting and slaughter time.

Mabon was not an authentic ancient festival either in name or date. The autumn equinox was not celebrated in Celtic countries, while all that is known about Anglo-Saxon customs of that time was that September was known as haleg-monath or 'holy month'. The name Mabon has only been applied to the neopagan festival of the autumn equinox very recently; the term was invented by Aidan Kelly in the 1970s as part of a religious studies project. Previously the festival was simply known as the 'Autumnal Equinox', and many neopagans still refer to it as such.

The name Mabon was chosen to impart a more authentic-sounding "Celtic" feel to the event, since all the other festivals either had names deriving from genuine tradition, or had had names grafted on to them. The use of the name Mabon is much more prevalent in America than Britain, where many neopagans are scornfully dismissive of it as a blatantly inauthentic practice. The Druids call this celebration, Mea'n Fo'mhair, and honor the The Green Man, the God of the Forest, by offering libations to trees. Offerings of ciders, wines, herbs and fertilizer are appropriate at this time. Wiccans celebrate the aging Goddess as she passes from Mother to Crone, and her consort the God as he prepares for death and re-birth.
Various other names for this Lesser Wiccan Sabbat are The Second Harvest Festival, Wine Harvest, Feast of Avalon, Equinozio di Autunno (Strega), Alben Elfed (Caledonii), or Cornucopia. The Teutonic name, Winter Finding, spans a period of time from the Sabbat to Oct. 15th, Winter's Night, which is the Norse New Year. [source link]

Also called Harvest Home, this holiday is a ritual of thanksgiving for the fruits of the Earth and a recognition of the need to share them to secure the blessings of the Goddess and God during the winter months.

This time of year also coincides with Michaelmas (Sep 29), which celebrates the Archangel Michael's victory over the Dragon (the devil). For more on that, visit Ayla's neat posts from last year: part one, part two, and the dragon hunt!


Symbols:

• red, orange, rust, brown, maroon
• apples, nuts, squash, gourds, pomegranates
• pinecones
• vines (grapes, ivy, etc)
• corn stalks

Symbolism:

• Gratitude for the harvest
• Gratitude for everything else
• Balance (the balance between light and dark, also between life and death as plants are giving fruit at the same time they are dying. It is appropriate to recognize all forms of balance at this time.)
• Harmony
• Self-reliance 
• Wisdom 
• Old age (including the transition from "mother" to "crone/wisewoman," or from midlife into old age)(here is a great site about the crone archetype)

Activities:

• Sing songs of thanksgiving and harvest home (see below)
• Pick apples
• Dry apples to make little wrinkly 'faces' and then add corn husk bodies to make little harvest people
• Write down things you are thankful for on little pieces of paper. Read each one aloud, and put it into the fire to let the smoke carry your gratitude heavenward.
• Make cider, juice, or wine
• Make applesauce
• Gather seeds from dying plants to use for next year 
• Gather nuts
• Gather herbs and dry them
• Make grapevine wreaths (or buy grapevine wreaths and decorate them)

Come, ye thankful people, come, raise the song of harvest home;
All is safely gathered in, ere the winter storms begin.
God our Maker doth provide for our wants to be supplied;
Come to God’s own temple, come, raise the song of harvest home.
 

All the world is God’s own field, fruit unto His praise to yield;
Wheat and tares together sown unto joy or sorrow grown.
First the blade and then the ear, then the full corn shall appear;
Lord of harvest, grant that we wholesome grain and pure may be.

(You can hear the hymn here.)

Food:

• Have a lavish feast!
• Apples
• Apple cider (there is a recipe to make your own here)
• Apple pie
• Squash
• Beans 
• All vegetables that are in season, including root vegetables like potatoes, carrots, and onions
• Grapes & wine
• Nuts and nut breads

Resources:

• http://www.crystalinks.com/autumn.html 
• http://www.earthwitchery.com/mabon.html 
• http://whisperingworlds.com/wiccan/mabon.php 
• http://www.joellessacredgrove.com/Holidays/mabon.html

Ain't Nobody Perfect

Recently a friend of mine watched my kids (all three of them) for a few hours while my husband and I were dealing with moving-related stuff. When we got back, she pulled me aside and apologized. She said she felt like she hadn’t been a great parent to them all (my kids and hers), as she had gotten frustrated and yelled at them a couple of times. She clarified that she had yelled at everybody, not picking on anyone in particular, but she still felt badly about it. I should back up and mention that we had been staying with them for several days, and all the kids had gotten each other riled up multiple times and everybody was getting on everybody elses nerves to some degree I think. In any case, I told her that I was on my last nerves too and that I certainly didn’t think any less of her as a person or as a parent for yelling at kids sometimes. She said that she has this perception of me as “an enigma of good parenting” and she was sure she wasn’t measuring up to how I would have handled things if I had been there.

If her concern had not been so serious, I might have laughed. Me? An enigma of good parenting? Oh boy.
So I’m here today to set the record straight.

I have a lot of ideas and beliefs about parenting, many of which I share here on my blog. These are things I genuinely believe in and genuinely try to do.

These are also things I fail at regularly.

I take the time to think about things, and try to come up with what I feel is the best way to raise and guide my children. But habits and frustrations and mental blanks at stressful moments all leave me doing things which are very much not within the realm of my ideals.

In other words, I yell at my kids plenty. Theoretically I speak with them calmly afterward, apologizing for yelling and trying to help them appreciate my frustration and work on a solution in a more peaceable manner… but honestly there are some times when I do that and other times when I feel entirely justified in yelling at a kid who knows better but is doing ______ for the umpteenth time anyway. I’m just human, just like we all are. Some things I’m good at, others I’m working on. But I’m not perfect at anything.

I told my friend I did not think less of her as a person or as a parent for having yelled at the kids. Based on what I’ve seen of her parenting, if she yelled at my kids then they probably earned it. And when we got home I took all the kids for a couple of hours and she got to go have some quiet time to herself browsing the bookstore for a while.
We all try. We all have epic fails at least part of the time. The point is not whether we fail, but whether we get up and try again.

Thoughts on Modesty

I wonder how quickly our children could point out examples of immodesty *outside* of dress. I wonder how many of us wear very conservative clothes to church, but go home to our immodest homes. Or how many of us wear modest clothing to the grocery store, but then go and have very immodest conversations with our friends.

I think to define modesty strictly by how much skin we're showing or where our hemline is to really really miss an opportunity to assess where we are spiritually and what kind of humility we're expressing and make some changes.

~Chelsea Fife (Mormon Matters podcast on "modesty")

9-11 ~ Ten Years

The reason I don't worry about society is, nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands. Hundreds of people ran into those buildings to save them. I'll take those odds every ***** day.

                           -Jon Stewart

May we all be among the hundreds who run in to save.

Our House in Kotzebue

Part 1

(we have rearranged the living room a little since then, as you could see in my last post)

Part 2

Let it Snow!

1 small box of packing peanuts

+

2 little boys who asked

+

1 mommy who said yes

=

Snowstorm in the living room on labor day weekend

They thoroughly enjoyed themselves. So what if it filled up most of a vacuum bag. Vacuum bags are pretty cheap, and you're only a kid once.

Link Roundup

Alaska:
Orange Goo at Alaskan Village found to be Fungal Spore, Not Eggs at NPR (news story about a town not far from here...it's in our same school district).

Attachment Parenting:
Babywearing Through the Ages at 9 Davids (lots of fun babywearing pictures from all over the world and all over the timeline)

Believing "children are resiliant" may be a fantasy at Psychology Today (discussing resilience or 'surviving' as opposed to thriving, and some educated guesses as to why kids today are not doing very well...science vindicates attachment parenting yet again).

Funny:
How Harry Potter Should Have Ended (youtube video, thoroughly amusing, although only if you're familiar with the stories and movies)

Intactivism:
Intact or Circumcised: A Significant Difference in the Adult Penis by DrMomma (this post has some graphic photos, but they are very educational as well).

"If we surgically amputate the eyelids or fingernails, we will face the repercussions of making an organ that was designed to be internal, external. In order to survive this damage, the organ must adapt...it is the same with the glans of the penis..."

Kids do the Darndest Things:
Kids do the Darndest Things (I've been adding new stories to the blog...if you haven't been there in a while, go visit! also, there's a new URL)

Makin' Stuff:
5 ingredient (vanilla) ice cream recipe from allrecipes.com (and I can verify the validity of the freezing method--which does not require an ice cream maker--although I recommend stirring every 20-30 min after that first hour).

My Faith:
Hi, I'm Jenni. I'm an intellectual, granola mom, and miscarriage activist living on the Last Frontier. I'm a Mormon. (My new "I'm a Mormon" profile, which I actually submitted last spring but they take a while to get them actually up).

Fasting For the Goddess at Daughters of Mormonism (a podcast interview with a dear friend of mine, who has proposed that if we want to know more about Mother in Heaven, we should pray for answers--and she offers up the third sunday of each month as a time to join together in doing so)
 
Saying Goodbye to my LDS Home at Project Conversion (if you haven't seen this blog, it's very cool. A guy giving 12 religions a legitimate try for a month each...July was mormon month, and this is his final post with some of his conclusions about the faith)  
And I will end with a quote from this last link:

This reaction, of thanking me for just listening, is a common theme I find with all the faiths. People don’t want to argue or convince me that every other faith is wrong, they just want people to give them a chance–to listen instead of criticize or judge. It surprises me every time it happens.
Are we that bad at listening? Why are we so quick to condemn those who think differently than we do?
You know, I used to think that I was doing something unique with Project Conversion, that I might start some theological revolution, but the more I do this the more I realize that all I’m doing is listening. When my kids were babies, they cried to communicate. I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be for an infant trying to communicate and no one listens or understands. Is that what religious strife is, everyone fighting, pitching a fit because we stopped listening to one another?

“Well, I don’t understand those people. They do things differently so how can I listen or even want to?”

Here’s a suggestion: Take a year of your life and devote it to living among, listening to, and devoting yourself to those outside your current orbit of understanding. That’s right. That means turning off the talking heads on that right-wing, left-wing or no wing cable channel and learn something for yourself. Want to know what a Hindu really thinks? Ask a Hindu and then ask about ten more because they each have different ideas. Did you know it’s the same way with other faiths?

Grad School

I was thinking about a masters degree in 8 1/2 years ago when I was student teaching.Then I got engaged and married and mothering a little boy took precedent over grad school. I didn't know if it was postponed or cancelled. I always figured I'd eventually take classes of some sort, simply because I love to learn new things, but I didn't know whether I would pursue a degree or not. However, Hubby and I began discussing the idea a few weeks ago (partly because he is taking some classes of his own, and there are some financial benefits to both being in school for a while), and I confess I jumped at it. I think it took me about 39 seconds to make up my mind that if I could find a good online program, I would go back to school.

8 years ago when I was looking at grad school, I wanted to study psychology. I had been interested in it ever since Psych 101 when I was 16. I think people and their minds are fascinating. Perception and culture and belief and the power of the mind over the body... 8 years ago, the masters programs I looked at would not accept me unless I had my undergraduate degree in Psychology (which I don't), so this summer I began looking at programs to get a BS in psychology. Online! That was the catch, of course, was that I needed to be able to do it online!! And then I found a MS program, which was online, which I could do regardless of what my undergraduate degree was in. And so I applied.

Here is an excerpt from my application essay:

I am currently in the process of becoming a doula and childbirth/fertility educator. Following my own experiences with infertility, pregnancy, miscarriage, birth, and breastfeeding, I knew that my teaching abilities could be well applied within these areas of women’s health. I have been doing this informally for some time, but am preparing to begin teaching formal classes as well. I feel that a degree in psychology will support me in these endeavors because these experiences are as mental as they are physical. I particularly hope to work with women who are experiencing crisis pregnancies, or have survived infant loss, sexual abuse, or other traumas, and I know that the mental facet of those situations will affect the physical experience of each woman I serve.

So, as of this week, I am officially a grad school student (I start classes the first week of September).
Plus all the regular fun of mommyhood and wifehood, holding down the fort, babysitting a second 2-year-old 45hrs/wk. Plus keeping up with The Amethyst Network, and actively working on pulling together my childbirth ed class curriculum, and doing my reading for my doula training...

And you expect me to still write blog posts? Oh yeah, this is me. Of course I'll still write blog posts. ☺ I just don't know how frequent they will be. Once or twice a week may be the norm. With that said, I also have been thinking I'd like to do the weekend Linky Roundups like I used to do. I share a lot of links on facebook, but I have been thinking that maybe on the weekend I should post the list of them here too. There are some great articles out there and it seems like there's not much point in my writing about things that someone else already wrote, right?!