Ain't Nobody Perfect

Recently a friend of mine watched my kids (all three of them) for a few hours while my husband and I were dealing with moving-related stuff. When we got back, she pulled me aside and apologized. She said she felt like she hadn’t been a great parent to them all (my kids and hers), as she had gotten frustrated and yelled at them a couple of times. She clarified that she had yelled at everybody, not picking on anyone in particular, but she still felt badly about it. I should back up and mention that we had been staying with them for several days, and all the kids had gotten each other riled up multiple times and everybody was getting on everybody elses nerves to some degree I think. In any case, I told her that I was on my last nerves too and that I certainly didn’t think any less of her as a person or as a parent for yelling at kids sometimes. She said that she has this perception of me as “an enigma of good parenting” and she was sure she wasn’t measuring up to how I would have handled things if I had been there.

If her concern had not been so serious, I might have laughed. Me? An enigma of good parenting? Oh boy.
So I’m here today to set the record straight.

I have a lot of ideas and beliefs about parenting, many of which I share here on my blog. These are things I genuinely believe in and genuinely try to do.

These are also things I fail at regularly.

I take the time to think about things, and try to come up with what I feel is the best way to raise and guide my children. But habits and frustrations and mental blanks at stressful moments all leave me doing things which are very much not within the realm of my ideals.

In other words, I yell at my kids plenty. Theoretically I speak with them calmly afterward, apologizing for yelling and trying to help them appreciate my frustration and work on a solution in a more peaceable manner… but honestly there are some times when I do that and other times when I feel entirely justified in yelling at a kid who knows better but is doing ______ for the umpteenth time anyway. I’m just human, just like we all are. Some things I’m good at, others I’m working on. But I’m not perfect at anything.

I told my friend I did not think less of her as a person or as a parent for having yelled at the kids. Based on what I’ve seen of her parenting, if she yelled at my kids then they probably earned it. And when we got home I took all the kids for a couple of hours and she got to go have some quiet time to herself browsing the bookstore for a while.
We all try. We all have epic fails at least part of the time. The point is not whether we fail, but whether we get up and try again.

Thoughts on Modesty

I wonder how quickly our children could point out examples of immodesty *outside* of dress. I wonder how many of us wear very conservative clothes to church, but go home to our immodest homes. Or how many of us wear modest clothing to the grocery store, but then go and have very immodest conversations with our friends.

I think to define modesty strictly by how much skin we're showing or where our hemline is to really really miss an opportunity to assess where we are spiritually and what kind of humility we're expressing and make some changes.

~Chelsea Fife (Mormon Matters podcast on "modesty")

9-11 ~ Ten Years

The reason I don't worry about society is, nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands. Hundreds of people ran into those buildings to save them. I'll take those odds every ***** day.

                           -Jon Stewart

May we all be among the hundreds who run in to save.

Our House in Kotzebue

Part 1

(we have rearranged the living room a little since then, as you could see in my last post)

Part 2

Let it Snow!

1 small box of packing peanuts

+

2 little boys who asked

+

1 mommy who said yes

=

Snowstorm in the living room on labor day weekend

They thoroughly enjoyed themselves. So what if it filled up most of a vacuum bag. Vacuum bags are pretty cheap, and you're only a kid once.

Link Roundup

Alaska:
Orange Goo at Alaskan Village found to be Fungal Spore, Not Eggs at NPR (news story about a town not far from here...it's in our same school district).

Attachment Parenting:
Babywearing Through the Ages at 9 Davids (lots of fun babywearing pictures from all over the world and all over the timeline)

Believing "children are resiliant" may be a fantasy at Psychology Today (discussing resilience or 'surviving' as opposed to thriving, and some educated guesses as to why kids today are not doing very well...science vindicates attachment parenting yet again).

Funny:
How Harry Potter Should Have Ended (youtube video, thoroughly amusing, although only if you're familiar with the stories and movies)

Intactivism:
Intact or Circumcised: A Significant Difference in the Adult Penis by DrMomma (this post has some graphic photos, but they are very educational as well).

"If we surgically amputate the eyelids or fingernails, we will face the repercussions of making an organ that was designed to be internal, external. In order to survive this damage, the organ must adapt...it is the same with the glans of the penis..."

Kids do the Darndest Things:
Kids do the Darndest Things (I've been adding new stories to the blog...if you haven't been there in a while, go visit! also, there's a new URL)

Makin' Stuff:
5 ingredient (vanilla) ice cream recipe from allrecipes.com (and I can verify the validity of the freezing method--which does not require an ice cream maker--although I recommend stirring every 20-30 min after that first hour).

My Faith:
Hi, I'm Jenni. I'm an intellectual, granola mom, and miscarriage activist living on the Last Frontier. I'm a Mormon. (My new "I'm a Mormon" profile, which I actually submitted last spring but they take a while to get them actually up).

Fasting For the Goddess at Daughters of Mormonism (a podcast interview with a dear friend of mine, who has proposed that if we want to know more about Mother in Heaven, we should pray for answers--and she offers up the third sunday of each month as a time to join together in doing so)
 
Saying Goodbye to my LDS Home at Project Conversion (if you haven't seen this blog, it's very cool. A guy giving 12 religions a legitimate try for a month each...July was mormon month, and this is his final post with some of his conclusions about the faith)  
And I will end with a quote from this last link:

This reaction, of thanking me for just listening, is a common theme I find with all the faiths. People don’t want to argue or convince me that every other faith is wrong, they just want people to give them a chance–to listen instead of criticize or judge. It surprises me every time it happens.
Are we that bad at listening? Why are we so quick to condemn those who think differently than we do?
You know, I used to think that I was doing something unique with Project Conversion, that I might start some theological revolution, but the more I do this the more I realize that all I’m doing is listening. When my kids were babies, they cried to communicate. I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be for an infant trying to communicate and no one listens or understands. Is that what religious strife is, everyone fighting, pitching a fit because we stopped listening to one another?

“Well, I don’t understand those people. They do things differently so how can I listen or even want to?”

Here’s a suggestion: Take a year of your life and devote it to living among, listening to, and devoting yourself to those outside your current orbit of understanding. That’s right. That means turning off the talking heads on that right-wing, left-wing or no wing cable channel and learn something for yourself. Want to know what a Hindu really thinks? Ask a Hindu and then ask about ten more because they each have different ideas. Did you know it’s the same way with other faiths?

Grad School

I was thinking about a masters degree in 8 1/2 years ago when I was student teaching.Then I got engaged and married and mothering a little boy took precedent over grad school. I didn't know if it was postponed or cancelled. I always figured I'd eventually take classes of some sort, simply because I love to learn new things, but I didn't know whether I would pursue a degree or not. However, Hubby and I began discussing the idea a few weeks ago (partly because he is taking some classes of his own, and there are some financial benefits to both being in school for a while), and I confess I jumped at it. I think it took me about 39 seconds to make up my mind that if I could find a good online program, I would go back to school.

8 years ago when I was looking at grad school, I wanted to study psychology. I had been interested in it ever since Psych 101 when I was 16. I think people and their minds are fascinating. Perception and culture and belief and the power of the mind over the body... 8 years ago, the masters programs I looked at would not accept me unless I had my undergraduate degree in Psychology (which I don't), so this summer I began looking at programs to get a BS in psychology. Online! That was the catch, of course, was that I needed to be able to do it online!! And then I found a MS program, which was online, which I could do regardless of what my undergraduate degree was in. And so I applied.

Here is an excerpt from my application essay:

I am currently in the process of becoming a doula and childbirth/fertility educator. Following my own experiences with infertility, pregnancy, miscarriage, birth, and breastfeeding, I knew that my teaching abilities could be well applied within these areas of women’s health. I have been doing this informally for some time, but am preparing to begin teaching formal classes as well. I feel that a degree in psychology will support me in these endeavors because these experiences are as mental as they are physical. I particularly hope to work with women who are experiencing crisis pregnancies, or have survived infant loss, sexual abuse, or other traumas, and I know that the mental facet of those situations will affect the physical experience of each woman I serve.

So, as of this week, I am officially a grad school student (I start classes the first week of September).
Plus all the regular fun of mommyhood and wifehood, holding down the fort, babysitting a second 2-year-old 45hrs/wk. Plus keeping up with The Amethyst Network, and actively working on pulling together my childbirth ed class curriculum, and doing my reading for my doula training...

And you expect me to still write blog posts? Oh yeah, this is me. Of course I'll still write blog posts. ☺ I just don't know how frequent they will be. Once or twice a week may be the norm. With that said, I also have been thinking I'd like to do the weekend Linky Roundups like I used to do. I share a lot of links on facebook, but I have been thinking that maybe on the weekend I should post the list of them here too. There are some great articles out there and it seems like there's not much point in my writing about things that someone else already wrote, right?!

Earthquake!

So there was an earthquake on the east coast of the USA yesterday. My sister lives in Virginia and said it was pretty scary for her and her little ones--things fell off shelves and they had just all gathered under the dining room table when the shaking stopped. Friends of mine in Pennsylvania and New Hampshire said they felt it too. A 5.9 is a pretty good size. I remember an earthquake in Seattle 9 or 10 years ago that was about that size, and I felt it where I was in college in Ellensburg  (110 miles away). It made the lights swing and they closed several buildings on campus for several hours while they inspected them for structural damage. I remember that being unnerving.
Prior to that I remember one other earthquake. I was 13 or 14 and I was babysitting and the whole house started swaying. It scared me for a minute until I realized that it was just an earthquake... I don't remember how big it was, but there was no damage. I called my dad and he made the excellent point that aftershocks tend to be smaller than the initial quake, and I calmed down and was ok.

When we moved to Homer two years ago I learned what it means to be totally unphased by earthquakes. We had been there just a few weeks when one afternoon things started to shake. At first I thought it was our dryer, because it could get a pretty good vibration going on through the house...but the dryer wasn't running. By the time I realized it was an earthquake it was over. I hurried to the other room where my then 2-years-old Bear was playing serenely. I asked if he was ok. He said yes. I asked if he felt the shaking. He looked at me like I was asking about quantum physics. Alrighty then!
Over the next few months I learned that we would get earthquakes several times a week--sometimes several times a day--and that every 6-8 weeks one would be a 3 or 4 or 5 and I would feel it. I learned how to guess at how big they were (and I got fairly good too--I'd put my guess on my facebook, and then ten minutes later go look it up, and I was usually within 0.2 or so!) I also learned that familiarity breeds contempt, or, at least, apathy, because not one of my kids has ever seemed the least bit phased by all these earthquakes. And, I confess, at this point, neither am I. If nothing even falls off a shelf, well, I just hop on facebook and make my prediction...
Of course, here in Kotzebue we are off the ring of fire (for the first time in my life I live in a non-earthquake zone!), so perhaps I'll re-sensitize to them. Who knows. Here I think we are probably more likely to see a polar bear in downtown than to feel an earthquake. (I'll be sure to let you know if that happens.)

But back to the Virginia quake, KSL News (in Utah) made sure to let us all know that four spires broke off the top of the Mormon temple.
AND, in case you haven't heard yet, there are some conflicting opinions about the causes of the shaking...

It has been determined that the epicenter of the Va earthquake was in a graveyard just outside of DC. The cause appears to be all of our Founding Fathers rolling over in their graves.


The President has just confirmed that the DC earthquake yesterday occurred on a rare and obscure fault-line, apparently known as "Bush's Fault."

Michelle Bachmann has promised to keep future quakes at 2.9.

The president wanted it to be a 3.6, but the Republicans said it needed to be a 6.0, so they compromised.

It wasn't an earthquake. It was a 14.6 Trillion dollar check bouncing.

...got any more for me?

I believe it

‎"To believe in something, 

and not live it, 

is dishonest." 

~ Gandhi

Moving: 2011 Edition

Remember this post?

Well, this summer's move went like this:


Week 1

pulled over for a pit stop next to Kluane Lake in Yukon.
Words cannot really do justice to the vastness that is this country.

1 green mini van
2 parents
3 kids
(1 doggie left with friends)
2 countries
5 states/provinces (Alaska, Yukon, British Columbia, Alberta, Washington)
2600 miles of driving (that translates to about 56 hours)
6 times of Eagle throwing up (poor kiddo gets carsick...)
1 time of sneaking dramamine into Eagle with a skittle.
5 times of having to get dramamine into Eagle other ways, because now he won't touch a skittle for the world
3 nights of driving all night, and Bear finally asking "mom, can we please sleep in a bed on this night?"
3 rockstar energy drinks (YUCK!!! but they worked)
2 portable DVD players (praise the Lord for this invention!)
1 bath in a cold Canadian Lake
1 Midnight Sun

I gave him a pillow, really I did, it's there on the left! But yes, he is asleep

We made a rule that whenever we pulled over, we always parked the van facing the direction we needed to keep going, so that we never got turned-around, even if the other driver was still sleeping...this was after nearly going the wrong direction at 4 in the morning...

wildflowers by the roadside...

Boya Lake, northern British Columbia

Canadian rockies (in BC's Glacier National Park, not to be confused with the one in Montana!)

We left Anchorage on Sunday, and had anticipated arriving at my parents' house on Friday, probably in the evening. But for assorted reasons (including bad weather) we opted to drive straight through three nights and camp for one, rather than driving for one and camping the rest...so we actually arrived on Thursday morning.

Week 2
9 days with my family, including 2 grandparents, 2 aunts, 2 uncles, 1 great-grandma
1 big trampoline
6 chickens, 3 turtles, 2 guinea pigs, 1 dog (theirs, not ours), and 2 smelly mice.
1 trip to the Pacific Science Center
2 days with dear friends
2 henna-fests
1 time singing in church

And then it was time to come north again...

Week 3

2 airplanes

4 airports (Seattle, Anchorage, Nome, Kotzebue)

5 days with friends in Anchorage (thank you!!) in a house with 10 people and 7 dogs!
*&^@* hours at the stupid storage unit, getting stuff sorted and re-packed into boxes of the right weight
8 carry-on bags (plus 2 carseats)
12 stowed bags and boxes (there is a 50lb/bag limit, and I'll have you know that as they put the first one on the scale it was 49.8 lbs! And all but one of the others came in between 46-49 lbs. One was 51 lbs but they let it go because this is Alaska and people are nice and my others were underweight so it was close enough).
648 lbs of food freighted up at 61cents/lb
1 fridge, 4 mattresses, 1 vacuum cleaner, and a dozen or so assorted other of boxes freighted at non-food rate of 77cents/lb
2 nights sleeping on couches/recliners because our mattresses had not arrived (we got in on Saturday, they arrived on monday)
2 nights of sleeping on our mattresses on the floor at the neighbor's place (which shares a mudroom with ours so it's not too inconvenient) because our carpets were still wet.


1 family safely in our new home.

Yeah, they always look this cute