Scandinavia.
It's like Alaska, only with more culture. Plus my ancestors. And vikings. Mustn't forget the vikings!
(I know, I have a really hard time doing just one picture, don't I. Oh well!)
Monday, May 9, 2011
30 Days-Day 20
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.
Scandinavia.
It's like Alaska, only with more culture. Plus my ancestors. And vikings. Mustn't forget the vikings!
(I know, I have a really hard time doing just one picture, don't I. Oh well!)
Scandinavia.
It's like Alaska, only with more culture. Plus my ancestors. And vikings. Mustn't forget the vikings!
(I know, I have a really hard time doing just one picture, don't I. Oh well!)
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mother's Day
“Motherhood becomes a holy calling, a sacred dedication for carrying out the Lord’s plans, a consecration of devotion to the uprearing and fostering, the nurturing in body, mind, and spirit... Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels.”
Year after year, on the second Sunday of May, we are inundated with these quotes, poems, and stories of motherhood. Of the perfect mothers with magazine page living rooms, gourmet meals, perfect children, and nary a hair out of place.
Year after year, I have watched real mothers listen to those stories and think "well I'm a pathetic failure then. My kids pick their noses, my hair is frizzy, I hate being pregnant, I can't make a chocolate torte, and Mt Laundry is in direct competition with Everest for tallest mountain on earth."
I have also watched women with infertility who listen to those stories and bawl for the rest of the day because they have neither perfect children nor imperfect ones.
On my first Mother's Day as a married woman, I was still recovering from a difficult late-term miscarriage, and I was definitely not uplifted, comforted, or encouraged by anything I heard about mothers that year.
So here's to all the mothers who aren't June Cleaver.
To all the women who would like to be mothers but don't or can't have children.
To all the women (whether they have kids or not) who reach out into their communities and mother those around them, by being Big Sisters, doulas, midwives, teachers, coaches, mentors, and friends.
The poem says that "the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world," but here is to all the women who have never (and possibly will never) rock a cradle, but who are ruling the world all the same, by getting out and doing good in the world.
Motherhood is broader than biology.
May we never forget it.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Our Beltane Festivities
Our Feast
 |
 |
| The Feast Table |
Bear wound ribbons around our candle wreath, and we got some potted flowers but had to take them off the table for dinner because there wasn't room.
 |
| The Blutkake "bluht-ka-ka" (Norwegian for "moist cake") |
 |
| It is a dense cake, sliced into at least three layers with sweetened whipped cream and fruit between each one. The bottom layer also has fruit syrup poured in it to make it extra moist. |
 |
| I had a ribbon wreath in my hair all day, and also I wore green with a floral skirt |
The Battle between Winter and Summer
 |
| The "Winter" team, with snowflakes taped to them |
 |
| The "Summer" team, with flowers taped to them |
 | ||
| A moment from the battle... (we make swords with foam swim noodles, they're great for having all out battles without hurting anyone!) |
Friday, May 6, 2011
30 Days--Day 15
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.
This will take a series of pictures:
I want to take wool "from sheep to sweater," participating in (if not wholly doing) the shearing, cleaning, carding, dying, spinning, and knitting of the sweater. It doesn't actually have to be a sweater, but sweaters are practical. And also, "from sheep to hat" doesn't have the same ring.
I have already learned many of these skills separately, but I very much want to do them all in sequence with the same wool, and literally 'make it from scratch' myself. ☺ You have no idea how giddy the whole idea makes me. (The only thing I can think of that would top it would be if the sheep in question were born on my own farm and raised under my oversight prior to the shearing!)
This will take a series of pictures:
I want to take wool "from sheep to sweater," participating in (if not wholly doing) the shearing, cleaning, carding, dying, spinning, and knitting of the sweater. It doesn't actually have to be a sweater, but sweaters are practical. And also, "from sheep to hat" doesn't have the same ring.
I have already learned many of these skills separately, but I very much want to do them all in sequence with the same wool, and literally 'make it from scratch' myself. ☺ You have no idea how giddy the whole idea makes me. (The only thing I can think of that would top it would be if the sheep in question were born on my own farm and raised under my oversight prior to the shearing!)
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Stand By Your Man
I am writing today to my women readers. I believe I have two or three male readers, and you can feel free to read along too of course, but this isn't really directed to you.☺
In recent years my family has faced unemployment three times. In 2007 my husband was laid off and was not able to find a new teaching job until the last week of July (a mere two weeks for us to tie up everything and move from Utah to Alaska). In 2009 we left Pelican, but he did not get a job offer until the first week of July (better than before, but still several months of stress and uncertainty). Last year he was again laid off, and even though we had a good Plan B (of going to school), he has still been unemployed for this last year, and that takes its toll. Now we are actively job hunting again, and the ups and downs of it are really hard. I have watched the way these events have affected my husband each time, and I have seen and heard similar things from my friends about their own situations with unemployment or job hunting. In all cases, our men have struggled in a way that goes beyond just finances.
When a man has a family, and has taken on the responsibility of being the financial provider for that family (whether in part or in full), then if he is unable to provide for them it is a major blow to his ego. (I'm sure there are occasional exceptions to this, but based on what I have seen they are a minority.) It has been my observation that when a man is not able to provide, it hits him deeply. He may feel less of a man. He may feel that he's a failure (first at providing, then at anything/everything else). He may feel worthless. He may become withdrawn or stand-offish. His libido may suffer. He may get short-tempered. He will very likely face some degree of discouragement or depression.
Now let me interrupt myself for a moment by pointing out that I know that there are people out there who believe that gender roles are are taught, and who would fault me for being so male-centric in this post. I know that a lot of aspects of gender identity are taught, but I do believe that some things are definitely inborn. I have offered my sons a wide variety of playthings, but do they play with the play food or the baby dolls? Nope. Not for more than a couple of minutes. Then they go back to building rockets and swords and catapults and guns. Even when I didn't allow any toy weapons in the house, they would use their legos and lincoln logs and tinker toys to make weapons. They are sweet and affectionate boys, but they are very much 'male' regardless of my efforts to not push roles on them one way or the other. For that among other reasons, I feel unequivocally that there is an inherent difference between boys and girls. I believe that the role of providing is something that is hardwired into the average man as part of his protective nature. It is then no wonder that an inability to provide would leave him feeling like less of a man. Obviously if a woman is the primary provider for her family she would likely feel the same kinds of things as a man would, but culturally there is a precedent and also usually an expectation of a man to be a provider, so I write here primarily of men.
Speaking from my own experiences (both with my own depression and with seeing it in my spouse), when you are the one who is depressed, it is really hard to self-diagnose. All the feelings of inferiority seem justified. All the malaise seems normal. Even milder manifestations of discouragement can still affect spouse and family.
What he needs the most in this situation is to have his wife's unfailing support. The specifics will look different from one couple to the next, but the basic principle is the same. He needs to know that he is still man enough for her. I know that sounds a little cheesy, but if it is his manhood that is threatened, then it is his manhood that needs to be supported. You may find that it helps you with your own frustrations or disappointments as well. Even when your man is happily employed and everything is hunky-dory, little reminders of your love and support will not go amiss. So here are a few ideas of ways to support your man:
In recent years my family has faced unemployment three times. In 2007 my husband was laid off and was not able to find a new teaching job until the last week of July (a mere two weeks for us to tie up everything and move from Utah to Alaska). In 2009 we left Pelican, but he did not get a job offer until the first week of July (better than before, but still several months of stress and uncertainty). Last year he was again laid off, and even though we had a good Plan B (of going to school), he has still been unemployed for this last year, and that takes its toll. Now we are actively job hunting again, and the ups and downs of it are really hard. I have watched the way these events have affected my husband each time, and I have seen and heard similar things from my friends about their own situations with unemployment or job hunting. In all cases, our men have struggled in a way that goes beyond just finances.
When a man has a family, and has taken on the responsibility of being the financial provider for that family (whether in part or in full), then if he is unable to provide for them it is a major blow to his ego. (I'm sure there are occasional exceptions to this, but based on what I have seen they are a minority.) It has been my observation that when a man is not able to provide, it hits him deeply. He may feel less of a man. He may feel that he's a failure (first at providing, then at anything/everything else). He may feel worthless. He may become withdrawn or stand-offish. His libido may suffer. He may get short-tempered. He will very likely face some degree of discouragement or depression.
Now let me interrupt myself for a moment by pointing out that I know that there are people out there who believe that gender roles are are taught, and who would fault me for being so male-centric in this post. I know that a lot of aspects of gender identity are taught, but I do believe that some things are definitely inborn. I have offered my sons a wide variety of playthings, but do they play with the play food or the baby dolls? Nope. Not for more than a couple of minutes. Then they go back to building rockets and swords and catapults and guns. Even when I didn't allow any toy weapons in the house, they would use their legos and lincoln logs and tinker toys to make weapons. They are sweet and affectionate boys, but they are very much 'male' regardless of my efforts to not push roles on them one way or the other. For that among other reasons, I feel unequivocally that there is an inherent difference between boys and girls. I believe that the role of providing is something that is hardwired into the average man as part of his protective nature. It is then no wonder that an inability to provide would leave him feeling like less of a man. Obviously if a woman is the primary provider for her family she would likely feel the same kinds of things as a man would, but culturally there is a precedent and also usually an expectation of a man to be a provider, so I write here primarily of men.
Speaking from my own experiences (both with my own depression and with seeing it in my spouse), when you are the one who is depressed, it is really hard to self-diagnose. All the feelings of inferiority seem justified. All the malaise seems normal. Even milder manifestations of discouragement can still affect spouse and family.
What he needs the most in this situation is to have his wife's unfailing support. The specifics will look different from one couple to the next, but the basic principle is the same. He needs to know that he is still man enough for her. I know that sounds a little cheesy, but if it is his manhood that is threatened, then it is his manhood that needs to be supported. You may find that it helps you with your own frustrations or disappointments as well. Even when your man is happily employed and everything is hunky-dory, little reminders of your love and support will not go amiss. So here are a few ideas of ways to support your man:
- Tell him that you love him.
- Tell him why you love him.
- Tell him--and show him--that you find him romantically and sexually appealing (support an aspect of his manhood that is not out of work!)
- Compliment him, especially about things that demonstrate his manliness (his strength, his skills, his physique, his intellect, his ability as a lover, etc)
- If he is applying for lots of jobs, help with whatever you can, whether that is proofreading his resume, helping collect applications, or finding new ways to cut the budget.
- Bring up concerns if you need to, but try really hard to avoid complaining (about finances particularly).
- If you are eligible, get some help, whether it's from family or church or government. For example, if you're able to get food aid, then you'll be able to continue to eat well in spite of your financial pinch, and a good meal can help things feel normal even when they aren't.
- If you can help bring in money, go for it. If you are both on board with the idea, seek employment to help the family through. If he does not want you to get an outside job though, I think it's also important to respect that. If he is unable to provide, and then you do so, that could make the situation that much harder for him.
- When he's gone all day applying or interviewing, try to have a meal ready for him when he gets home--just as you would have when he came home from working all day.
- If he is at home a lot, ask him to help with things, help him stay occupied and productive. A Honey-Do list is one option. You might also ask or encourage him to take on a large project, such as putting in a garden or refinishing some furniture. Especially try to find 'manly' things to ask him to do. For example, the average guy will probably feel more excited about washing the car, moving heavy items, reaching things from high shelves, or changing the oil than he would about scrubbing the bathroom or cooking dinner. Not that he shouldn't help with those latter things too, but try to find a balance.
- Spend time together doing fun things. Picnics, frisbee, hikes, parks, playing board games, stargazing, trips to the beach, etc. If you have kids, be sure to include them in many of these, but be sure to do some things with just the two of you as well. It doesn't have to cost money to bring happiness and make great memories.
- Encourage him to do things that he enjoys with other adults, for example going to play ball with his friends, or game nights or movie nights with the guys. There are a lot of socializing and entertainment options that are inexpensive or free. Get a little inventive.
- Just as you give him nights out, keep some balance, and take your own nights out too. It gives him a chance to have daddy nights with the kids (if you have them), or to have a quiet night at home alone.
- If nothing else is helping, seriously consider seeking therapy or medical help. Depression can be a very dangerous thing in its more severe manifestations. It's probable that he won't feel that help is necessary, but if you feel it is, then it probably is.
- And no matter what, you vowed to do it when you married him, so stand by your man. ☺
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
30 Days-Day 19
Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.
How little? Is two weeks ok?
Too little?
Alright then, this is one of my favorite pictures of me. (oooo, cringe, don't look at the pants!!)
How little? Is two weeks ok?
Too little?
Alright then, this is one of my favorite pictures of me. (oooo, cringe, don't look at the pants!!)
Friday, April 29, 2011
Celebrating Beltane/Mayday
Beltane is traditionally celebrated on April 30 or May 1 (or most traditionally, overnight from April 30-May 1). Some of us may be familiar with pop culture representations of Beltane, which focus on the celebration of the union between the Great Mother and her young Horned God. Their coupling brings fresh new life on Earth. Some form of this Great Rite is enacted on this sabbat in nearly every modern pagan circle. The Great Rite symbolizes the sacred marriage, or sexual union, of the the Lord and Lady [you can read what I wrote about the Great Rite here at MotherWheel]. Often the rite is performed symbolically by a male and female who place a knife (a phallic symbol) into a chalice (a female or yonic symbol). In Old Europe, whole villages would celebrate May Day by slipping away into the woods for indiscriminate sexual encounters. [source]. But Beltane is about more than sex.
Background
Beltane is the last of the three spring fertility festivals, the others being Imbolc and Ostara. It traditionally marked the arrival of summer in ancient times. Beltane, and its counterpart Samhain, divide the year into its two primary seasons, winter (Dark Part) and summer (Light Part). As Samhain is about honoring Death, Beltane, its counter part, is about honoring Life. It is the time when the sun is fully released from his bondage of winter and able to rule over summer and life once again.
Beltane, like Samhain, is a time of "no time" when the veils between the two worlds are at their thinnest. No time is when the two worlds intermingle and unite and the magic abounds! It is the time when the Faeries return from their winter respite, carefree and full of faery mischief and faery delight...When the veils are so thin it is an extremely magical time, it is said that the Queen of the Faeries rides out on her white horse. Roving about on Beltane eve She will try to entice people away to the Faeryland.
Beltane translated means "fire of Bel" or "bright fire" - the "bale-fire". Bel is the known as the bright and shinning one, a Celtic Sun God. Beli is the father, protector, and the husband of the Mother Goddess.
Beltane is the time of the yearly battle between the Welsh God of death and the hero Gwythur for the hand of Creudylad [the beautiful maiden]. A myth of the battle of winter and summer for the magnificent blossoming earth.
The Bel fire is a sacred fire with healing and purifying powers. The fires further celebrate the return of life, fruitfulness to the earth and the burning away of winter. The ashes of the Beltane fires were smudged on faces and scattered in the fields.
Celebration includes frolicking throughout the countryside, maypole dancing, leaping over fires to ensure fertility, circling the fire three times (sun-wise) for good luck in the coming year, athletic tournaments feasting, music, drinking, children collecting the May: gathering flowers. children gathering flowers, hobby horses, May birching and folks go a maying". Flowers, flower wreaths and garlands are typical decorations for this holiday, as well as ribbons and streamers.
[source]
Symbols
Food
Activities
Resources
Background
Beltane is the last of the three spring fertility festivals, the others being Imbolc and Ostara. It traditionally marked the arrival of summer in ancient times. Beltane, and its counterpart Samhain, divide the year into its two primary seasons, winter (Dark Part) and summer (Light Part). As Samhain is about honoring Death, Beltane, its counter part, is about honoring Life. It is the time when the sun is fully released from his bondage of winter and able to rule over summer and life once again.
Beltane, like Samhain, is a time of "no time" when the veils between the two worlds are at their thinnest. No time is when the two worlds intermingle and unite and the magic abounds! It is the time when the Faeries return from their winter respite, carefree and full of faery mischief and faery delight...When the veils are so thin it is an extremely magical time, it is said that the Queen of the Faeries rides out on her white horse. Roving about on Beltane eve She will try to entice people away to the Faeryland.
Beltane translated means "fire of Bel" or "bright fire" - the "bale-fire". Bel is the known as the bright and shinning one, a Celtic Sun God. Beli is the father, protector, and the husband of the Mother Goddess.
Beltane is the time of the yearly battle between the Welsh God of death and the hero Gwythur for the hand of Creudylad [the beautiful maiden]. A myth of the battle of winter and summer for the magnificent blossoming earth.
The Bel fire is a sacred fire with healing and purifying powers. The fires further celebrate the return of life, fruitfulness to the earth and the burning away of winter. The ashes of the Beltane fires were smudged on faces and scattered in the fields.
Celebration includes frolicking throughout the countryside, maypole dancing, leaping over fires to ensure fertility, circling the fire three times (sun-wise) for good luck in the coming year, athletic tournaments feasting, music, drinking, children collecting the May: gathering flowers. children gathering flowers, hobby horses, May birching and folks go a maying". Flowers, flower wreaths and garlands are typical decorations for this holiday, as well as ribbons and streamers.
[source]
Symbols- Sexual symbols, such as the maypole, or the dagger and chalice.
- The color green
- "Flowers are a crucial symbol of Beltane, they signal the victory of Summer over Winter and the blossoming of sensuality in all of nature and the bounty it will bring"[source].
- "Water is another important association of Beltane, water is refreshing and rejuvenating, it is also imperative to life. It is said that if you bathe in the dew gathered before dawn on Beltane morn, your beauty will flourish throughout the year. Those who are sprinkled with May dew are insured of health and happiness. There are other folk customs such as drinking from the well before sunrise on Beltane Morn to insure good health and fortune" [source].
 |
| a Green Man cake |
- Bannock, or oat scones (this isn't a traditional Beltane recipe, but it's one we like. Here is a more traditional recipe)
- Make a Green Man cake (a cake decorated to look like the Green Man)
- Serve punch or water with ice cubes that have flowers frozen into them
- Spring salad
- Sweet breads, usually with sweetmeat or spices in the center
- Colorful fruit
- Dairy foods
- Honey
Activities
 |
| leaping the bonfire (source link) |
- Wear bright colors
- Wear flowers in your hair
- Have a bonfire! If you're daring, make it a low narrow one (or not!), and jump over it
- Raise a May Pole, and dance the ribbons around it (here are directions, you can use a branch or a tetherball or volleyball post for your pole)
winding the ribbons around the may pole - Gather flowers, and decorate the house with them
- Take flowers to your friends and neighbors
- Gather the first herbs of the season
- Go on a picnic
- Wash your face in the dew at sunrise on Mayday (or in the evening dew on Beltane evening)
- If it rains, go out and get your face and hair wet in it, feeling the blessing of the life-giving water
- Hold a mock battle between Winter and Summer (they did this in ancient Scandinavia)
- Make love with your spouse outdoors (in the woods, or in the privacy of your own backyard) (If you didn't follow the link before, check out my post about the Great Rite)
- Go on a walk in nature.
- Look for fairies!
- Read fairy stories
- Decorate your yard with ribbons, flowers and shiny things to attract fairies
- Build little fairy homes in your yard with rocks, leaves, sticks, ribbons, buttons, etc
- Say a blessing over your garden (the space or the new starts growing)
- Read in the scriptures about when God put plants on the Earth
It is the child's unrestrained expression of bliss and delight that is what Beltane is all about. It is the sheer joy of running through fields, picking flowers, rapturing in the sunlight, delighting in the fragrance of spring, dancing in the fresh dew covered grass. Our children guide us through the natural abandonment of our adult sensibilities and show us how to take grand pleasure, warmth and bliss from the gift of Beltane.
[source]
Resources
Our Family Goals
I wrote this during the first year of our marriage, and posted it on our wall. I don't actually have a copy on the wall at the moment, but I do go back and look at this periodically, and I continue to feel precisely the same as I did then about what is valuable in family life. So I thought I would share with you.
What are your family's priorities?
OUR FAMILY STRIVES TO HAVE
Excellence
Academic or vocational achievement in their field of choice
Wisdom
The ability to judge well, and make educated decisions
Testimony
A love for God and an eternal perspective on life
Knowledge
Of who you are and why you are here
Strength
To stand up for who you are and what you know
Virtues
Honesty, charity, respect, patience, gentleness, morality, humility, service
Independence
Having all the skills necessary to maintain a house, home, and family
Balance
To be well-rounded, with an understanding of many things, without obsession of any
What are your family's priorities?
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Going to the Temple
As I shared recently, I've been thinking a lot about some churchy things lately. This month we had a trip up to Anchorage for a weekend, and since we were staying with friends I was able to arrange for my friend to watch the kids so that I could go to the temple.
I tried to go with an open mind, asking beforehand that I would find some clarity or answers on some of the things that have been on my mind. I do feel that I found some of that, and some of it is things I won't share it here. But there were several "aha" moments which I feel are entirely appropriate to share, because they don't divulge anything of the ceremonies.
Before I even entered the front doors, I noticed the windows above the door. There is etching in the glass of a circle within a square. That's a fairly common decorative motif (and appears in windows in several parts of this temple as well as carved in the stone), but that particular symbol struck me that day. It reminded me of the saying about being a "square peg in a round hole" (even though in this case the circle was inside the square hole). It felt like a little reminder from God that it's ok to be different from other people around me (in or out of the church). So long as I am honest with myself, and honest with my God, and doing my best, I don't have to be the same--or even try to be the same--as anyone else. I can be different. I can be peculiar.
As soon as I stepped inside the front door, I saw a coatroom. There was a little sign that indicated that everyone should leave their coats and shoes in that front room. I have been to several other temples and none of them had such a room. Every Alaskan I know has a shoes-off policy though, it's just common sense in a place with snow half the year (and sand on the snow), and with mud during the other half! So it didn't surprise me that a building with white carpet would have a place near the door for leaving boots. Since the dressing room lockers are usually small, it's also nor surprise that they would offer a place for hanging bulky coats. However, I was not thinking about those things when I saw the sign. What came immediately to my mind was the verse from Exodus 3, where Moses sees the Lord in the burning bush, and as he begins to approach the Lord says "put off thy shoes from off thy feet, for the place whereon thou standest is holy ground." I was struck by the appropriateness of removing our shoes at the door, of the symbolism of it, and I had a wistful moment of wishing that all temples had such coatrooms.
After I had gone inside, I asked directions to the women's dressing room. I had never been to the Anchorage temple before, and even though it is small, I figured I'd prefer to go directly in the correct direction! Someone pointed me down the hallway. I went down, and saw a door with a sign that indicated it was a dressing room. I reached for the handle, which was a lever style like the one in this picture. It wouldn't move. I tried it a couple of times and still it would not budge. I wondered if perhaps this was a special dressing room (a handicapped-accessible one perhaps) and it was occupied and thus locked. So I went on down the hall to find the main dressing room. I saw three more doors before the hallway ended, but all were labeled, and none were dressing rooms. So I went back, but was still unable to open the door. So I went back out to the front, and found a temple worker, and told her that I thought the dressing room was locked. She smiled and said "no it's not" and led me back to it. She pushed on the door and it opened. The handle did not--could not--turn. The door did not latch, the handle was decorative more than functional (in that it was unnecessary). I felt foolish, but the temple worker assured me that newcomers made that same mistake regularly.
And the lesson I took away from that? There are often unlocked doors right in front of us. They will open with the gentlest nudge. However if we don't know the right way to open them, we will remain stuck outside. We may not even be able to tell that they are open, we may be convinced that they are locked to us. But they are not. Truth is there. Healing is there. Forgiveness is there. Peace is there. We can have these things if we will ask the right questions of the right people, and learn how to open the doors.
I tried to go with an open mind, asking beforehand that I would find some clarity or answers on some of the things that have been on my mind. I do feel that I found some of that, and some of it is things I won't share it here. But there were several "aha" moments which I feel are entirely appropriate to share, because they don't divulge anything of the ceremonies.
Before I even entered the front doors, I noticed the windows above the door. There is etching in the glass of a circle within a square. That's a fairly common decorative motif (and appears in windows in several parts of this temple as well as carved in the stone), but that particular symbol struck me that day. It reminded me of the saying about being a "square peg in a round hole" (even though in this case the circle was inside the square hole). It felt like a little reminder from God that it's ok to be different from other people around me (in or out of the church). So long as I am honest with myself, and honest with my God, and doing my best, I don't have to be the same--or even try to be the same--as anyone else. I can be different. I can be peculiar.
As soon as I stepped inside the front door, I saw a coatroom. There was a little sign that indicated that everyone should leave their coats and shoes in that front room. I have been to several other temples and none of them had such a room. Every Alaskan I know has a shoes-off policy though, it's just common sense in a place with snow half the year (and sand on the snow), and with mud during the other half! So it didn't surprise me that a building with white carpet would have a place near the door for leaving boots. Since the dressing room lockers are usually small, it's also nor surprise that they would offer a place for hanging bulky coats. However, I was not thinking about those things when I saw the sign. What came immediately to my mind was the verse from Exodus 3, where Moses sees the Lord in the burning bush, and as he begins to approach the Lord says "put off thy shoes from off thy feet, for the place whereon thou standest is holy ground." I was struck by the appropriateness of removing our shoes at the door, of the symbolism of it, and I had a wistful moment of wishing that all temples had such coatrooms.
And the lesson I took away from that? There are often unlocked doors right in front of us. They will open with the gentlest nudge. However if we don't know the right way to open them, we will remain stuck outside. We may not even be able to tell that they are open, we may be convinced that they are locked to us. But they are not. Truth is there. Healing is there. Forgiveness is there. Peace is there. We can have these things if we will ask the right questions of the right people, and learn how to open the doors.
Ask
And ye shall receive
Seek
And ye shall find
Knock
And it shall be opened unto you
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Spilled oil, er, milk
Recently, several of my friends shared the same link on facebook. This is common, because a lot of us have mutual friends and mutual interests, and so a link to an article about breastfeeding or nutrition or even just a funny comic will get shared and re-shared. In this case though, friend after friend was posting the link with comments such as "wow, I needed to read this today" and "what an important reminder." It was a link to a blog post someone had written, so I mosied on over and read it.
Why I don't cry (or yell) over spilled milk
(it's a pretty short post, feel free to run over and read it if you like, or here is the readers digest version: 3 year old threw her brother's shoes in the lake. Mom didn't flip out or yell at anybody. She also did not flip out when a little one pulled her expensive camera off the counter and broke it. Because people matter more than things.)
As I read, I thought, what is so groundbreaking about this? Why are so many people re-posting it? (apparently she's had over 4,000 hits on that blog post in the last week) And then it hit me, oh yeah, it's because, like her, I am in that minority. That minority that looks at stuff as just stuff. I'm trying not to feel (or appear) stuck-up over this, because I have plenty of flaws of my own. But on this one, I think I get it.
I didn't always get it. Even 5 years ago I didn't get it very well. I believed it in theory but it was hard in practice. But then an idea got planted in my head that it was healthy to always "attribute to [a person] the best motives that are consistent with the facts" and I started practicing that. Plus we moved to Alaska and got rid of a lot of stuff, which helped me learn to be less attached to specific things.
It's just a matter of practice. I'm not a better person, or a smarter person, or a more perfect mother (oh trust me I'm SO not!), but I decided to make this a priority, so I practice it. So I'm getting good at it.
Things can be fixed or replaced (or lived without)
People, not so much.
And I would so much rather raise healthy kids (who will then be equipped to raise their own healthy kids) than make some quip about "I can offer to pay for their therapy."
I admit to a loud, frustrated "aaaaaarrrgh!" when my 16mo unscrewed the lid of a 5gal jug of oil and tipped it over, pouring a gallon plus of oil across my kitchen floor. It took several days (and a lot of Dawn dish soap) to get all the oil off the floor and out of the cleaning rags. My in-front-of-the-sink rug is still not quite the same, and probably never will be. It also meant dinner got delayed that night because I was mopping up oil. Did Eagle intentionally unscrew the lid and push over the jug? Definitely. Did he know what he was doing--what the consequences would be? Well, he does love opening lids, but I'm pretty sure the actual spill wasn't anticipated. Was he trying to be naughty, or ruin my evening? No! He was exploring. Hey, look, there's a jug. I wonder what's in it. Oooo, look, I can get the lid off, aren't I smart? Ooo, look, there's something in there, I wonder what it is...
It's normal for kids to be curious. And unless physical/mental/spiritual danger is imminent, I typically let them go ahead and explore. They are kids!!!
Which isn't to say I don't teach them, or that I don't have any expectations of them. If a preschooler explores the idea of helping himself to some candy in the store, I help him go put it back and explain that we can't take things we don't pay for. If a 9 year old did it (which he didn't, but just as an example), I would express my extreme disappointment in his choice, and review commandment #8 thou shalt not steal, and then help or direct him in making it right.
I try to avoid most of the issues by babyproofing the house, or keeping certain items hidden or stored out of reach. But when my 4 year old intentionally leaves his brand new (one day old) boots at the park, and I don't realize it until three days later (because he's always barefoot anyway), I do feel frustrated. He loved the boots for the first 20 hours, but then apparently he hated them. $18 seems a little steep for only a day of wear... but it is what it is. The boots are gone. There is nothing to be gained by yelling at him. I did tell him I was sad, and that if he didn't want them he should have given them to me to save for his little brother. (They were dinosaur boots!) But even here, was Bear trying to be naughty? No. He had tired of the boots. In his mind, leaving them at the park was a perfectly logical way to no longer have them.
There is nothing to be gained by yelling.
There is also nothing to be gained by feeling mad.
Learn the lesson (if there is one), and then move on.
And keep the oil on a higher shelf. ☺
Why I don't cry (or yell) over spilled milk
(it's a pretty short post, feel free to run over and read it if you like, or here is the readers digest version: 3 year old threw her brother's shoes in the lake. Mom didn't flip out or yell at anybody. She also did not flip out when a little one pulled her expensive camera off the counter and broke it. Because people matter more than things.)
As I read, I thought, what is so groundbreaking about this? Why are so many people re-posting it? (apparently she's had over 4,000 hits on that blog post in the last week) And then it hit me, oh yeah, it's because, like her, I am in that minority. That minority that looks at stuff as just stuff. I'm trying not to feel (or appear) stuck-up over this, because I have plenty of flaws of my own. But on this one, I think I get it.
I didn't always get it. Even 5 years ago I didn't get it very well. I believed it in theory but it was hard in practice. But then an idea got planted in my head that it was healthy to always "attribute to [a person] the best motives that are consistent with the facts" and I started practicing that. Plus we moved to Alaska and got rid of a lot of stuff, which helped me learn to be less attached to specific things.
It's just a matter of practice. I'm not a better person, or a smarter person, or a more perfect mother (oh trust me I'm SO not!), but I decided to make this a priority, so I practice it. So I'm getting good at it.
Things can be fixed or replaced (or lived without)
People, not so much.
And I would so much rather raise healthy kids (who will then be equipped to raise their own healthy kids) than make some quip about "I can offer to pay for their therapy."
I admit to a loud, frustrated "aaaaaarrrgh!" when my 16mo unscrewed the lid of a 5gal jug of oil and tipped it over, pouring a gallon plus of oil across my kitchen floor. It took several days (and a lot of Dawn dish soap) to get all the oil off the floor and out of the cleaning rags. My in-front-of-the-sink rug is still not quite the same, and probably never will be. It also meant dinner got delayed that night because I was mopping up oil. Did Eagle intentionally unscrew the lid and push over the jug? Definitely. Did he know what he was doing--what the consequences would be? Well, he does love opening lids, but I'm pretty sure the actual spill wasn't anticipated. Was he trying to be naughty, or ruin my evening? No! He was exploring. Hey, look, there's a jug. I wonder what's in it. Oooo, look, I can get the lid off, aren't I smart? Ooo, look, there's something in there, I wonder what it is...
It's normal for kids to be curious. And unless physical/mental/spiritual danger is imminent, I typically let them go ahead and explore. They are kids!!!
Which isn't to say I don't teach them, or that I don't have any expectations of them. If a preschooler explores the idea of helping himself to some candy in the store, I help him go put it back and explain that we can't take things we don't pay for. If a 9 year old did it (which he didn't, but just as an example), I would express my extreme disappointment in his choice, and review commandment #8 thou shalt not steal, and then help or direct him in making it right.
I try to avoid most of the issues by babyproofing the house, or keeping certain items hidden or stored out of reach. But when my 4 year old intentionally leaves his brand new (one day old) boots at the park, and I don't realize it until three days later (because he's always barefoot anyway), I do feel frustrated. He loved the boots for the first 20 hours, but then apparently he hated them. $18 seems a little steep for only a day of wear... but it is what it is. The boots are gone. There is nothing to be gained by yelling at him. I did tell him I was sad, and that if he didn't want them he should have given them to me to save for his little brother. (They were dinosaur boots!) But even here, was Bear trying to be naughty? No. He had tired of the boots. In his mind, leaving them at the park was a perfectly logical way to no longer have them.
There is nothing to be gained by yelling.
There is also nothing to be gained by feeling mad.
Learn the lesson (if there is one), and then move on.
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