30 Days--Day 13

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.
 
This is remarkably hard, because I don't have just one favorite. However, I have almost never had a 'miss' on a song from Michael W Smith. I really like so much of his music (particularly the things he's been writing since the mid 90s).

Here are a couple of my most favorite of his songs:
Breathe


 Live the Life
I also really like Move in Me but I can't find a video of it. However the lyrics are here.

My runners up:
Stephen Curtis Chapman
John Denver
Neil Diamond
Indigo Girls

My Treasure Map

For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Matthew 6:21

This year I decided to join in with the April New Moon Tradition of Treasure Mapping. The idea is to make a visual representation of my hopes, dreams, goals and aspirations for the coming year. It seems to me that making a visible reminder of where I want my heart to be is a good and productive thing.


For a description of how treasure mapping is typically done, see here

To start off with, the page is divided into 9 sections like this
123
456
789
1-abundance/wealth (things I want)
2-fame/reputation (how others see me)
3-relationship (marriage)
4-family (roots)
5-health and self (how I see me)
6-creativity and creation (including the people I've made--my kids)
7-self knowledge (and travel)
8-work and service
9-helpful people and angels (spirituality)

First I did a rough draft (on actual paper), dividing the page into the 9 sections, and then writing words into each area of what I wanted to put there. Some of my words were "glow" "wisdom" "stories" "clarity" "peace" "bless" "sisterhood" and so on.

Once I got on the computer, I chose to paint each section a separate color before I began putting on the images. Then I put on images that expressed the words I had chosen for each area. Some images are solidly within their category, some crossover between categories. That is intentional.☺

(you can double click on it to see it bigger)

Musings on the Threefold Goddess

The Goddess--an archetype for all women--is typically presented as threefold, Maiden-Mother-Wisewoman. (Due to the negative connotations many of us have with the word "Crone," I prefer the term "Wisewoman.")

Each aspect represents a stage of life, but also certain traits of womanhood. For example, the maiden represents purity and potential; the Mother personifies sexuality, fertility, and creation; the Wisewoman is a teacher and healer or midwife.

Sometimes there are light and dark aspects of each stage as well (making a sort of sixfold goddess). The dark side of the Maiden is the warrior/huntress, such as the valkyries. The dark side of the Wisewoman is the Death Crone. I'm not actually sure what the dark side of the Mother is.

Various goddesses from classic mythologies fit into different aspects of the threefold goddess, for example Sophia is a wisewoman, whereas Artemis is a maiden.

I have been thinking about these ideas a lot lately as I contemplate leaving the having-babies stage of my life. We are very accustomed to aligning these three phases of womanhood with fertility--virgin, mother, and menopausal woman. For many of us (due in part, I'm sure, to the ageism that is rampant in our culture), the Wisewoman is seen as less-than the others. As all these ideas were swirling through my head I thought "I am not ready to step on from the Mother stage, I'm not old enough to be a Wisewoman! I'm not old and crusty! I'm not all washed up yet!"
And then I had an epiphany.
We spend way too much time fixated on the fertility perspective. The threefold woman is much broader than fertility. There is one primary trait of each age.
The maiden is LEARNING
The mother is BEING or DOING
The wisewoman is TEACHING
I've always been caught up in the fertility side of the aspects, and so I was troubled by moving into the last phase because I felt too young for it. Now I recognize that it's not about age or lack of vitality, it's about having learned and done enough to have something to share and teach. I think that with each stage we still maintain the traits of the prior stages--a mother is still learning (she just knows enough to be able to do as well), and a wisewoman can still learn and do, but she knows enough to begin to teach other women.

I may be finishing with having babies, with nurturing them from my body via pregnancy and breastfeeding. But that is not the end of fullness or beauty or powerful womanhood! Now I am preparing to move into being a Wisewoman: one who teaches and shares, one who nourishes minds as well as bodies. I now realize that I have been looking forward to this for a long time actually--concrete plans are developing for the things I want to put out into the world. But I will write of those later, because I have one other thought to share about the three faces of womanhood:

• A daughter influences just herself as she learns and develops her own identity and personality.
• A mother influences a small circle of others (her own children)
• A grandmother influences a larger circle (other people's children--be they her grandchildren or others)

Of course I will continue to influence, teach, and raise my children. However, they are passing out of the stage where they draw from my body, and so I now have more resources which I am able to direct outward into the world, to be a force for good. To be the change I want to see in the world. It's thrilling.

I can't just turn off my brain...

(As a note, there is a bunch of LDS content in this one which may or may not all make sense for those who are not members of the church...so feel free to skim or skip if it's losing you.)

The Ostara Supermoon ~ taken from my porch

In the last couple of years--particularly in the last few months, several of my friends have left the LDS church. They have all left for different reasons, and in different directions, but so many are going that it's beginning to feel like an exodus.  I got to know these people through the common ground of the church, but came to love them through our other common ground, and so I still am friends with them. I find myself reeling a bit to see intelligent, thoughtful people walking away from the church, and I am left with what feels like a very important question: why?

And so I have talked with my friends about their reasons and their choices. Like I said, these are intelligent people whom I respect, and when they explain their choices then I start to think. I start to ask questions too.
It's not that I'm asking questions with a malicious intent, nor that I'm looking for flaws with the church or excuses to leave it. I have no desire to leave the church--I never have--but some things are coming up that I am struggling to reconcile, because they're in my head now. Some of them are pretty big questions, and I can't just turn off my brain.

And so I think.

I realize that this really got going last summer, and that I was somewhat depressed at the time. I know that depression (for me) brings with it a real lack of feeling. As in, I just don't care much about much of anything. The combination of lack of feeling with the raising of questions about my church was unquestionably a troublesome duo. I really struggled for a month or so, until in August we went in for our temple recommend interviews. I'd felt a little awkward about going in actually, because I wasn't feeling sure about some things. We only have the interviews every other year, so I didn't remember exactly what was in the questions. I'm the sort of person who is honest to a fault, and if I'm really troubled about something I'm not going to say that everything is ok, so there was even that nagging part of me that wondered if I had any business seeking a (re)new(ed) recommend in the first place... However, when it came down to it, as I went through and answered each question with my Bishop, and then a few minutes later went through them all again with the Stake Presidency counselor, I felt with absolute certainty that this church is exactly where I need to be. In spite of my concerns about certain issues, my basic testimony seems to be intact, and was bolstered by the reminders in the interview.


I am not asking for things to change, but I am trying to understand why some things are the way they are. For example, I know people who are agitating for women to have the priesthood. I don't feel a need to do that--I never have--I'm ok with how things are; but these agitators do raise some logical questions, and so I would really like some nice logical answers for why women don't have the priesthood, you know?

So I still think about things, like I said, I can't just turn off my brain. So I wonder why the church is legally a corporation rather than incorporated as a church (which is what most religious organizations do). If our righteousness and salvation are between us and God, then why is there so much official checking-up on each other, from taking attendance in sunday school to holding interviews every year to officially state whether you've paid a 'full' tithe? Why do there seem to be conflicts between scriptural teachings and certain practices of mainstream LDS culture? (eg: "love one another" verses anti-socialism, or the political actions against homosexuals*) Why are there double standards about things? (eg: piercings or tattoos = evil and disrespectful of our bodies; but botox, boob jobs, and circumcision = totally acceptable?) My dad and my husband have both had church leaders give them grief for wearing beards. How is that anybody elses business anyway?!

I have shared this questioning of mine with a few friends. Some of them are asking some of these questions themselves, but others have warned me that this kind of thinking and asking is dangerous and will probably lead to apostasy. Pardon?! Talking about things or asking questions doesn't make me an apostate. As a matter of fact, I think questions are a healthy part of discipleship: Joseph Smith's asking of questions was precisely what instigated the organization of the church in the first place, and we've been told over and over by leadership to seek personal confirmation about everything.

Several people approached me after my post about delving into paganism, warning me that it was a path into darkness. I appreciate the concern with which the warnings were given, and what I trust was concern on the part of the person who reported me to the Bishop (who then called me in to ask some very awkward questions to 'check' and 'make sure' that I was not 'going off the deep end'). At the end of the day though, my spiritual path is mine, not anyone elses. I prayerfully and thoughtfully seek direction for myself and my family. I instigate and participate in conversations (even debates) about some of these awkward topics in order to try to make sense of things that trouble or confuse me. I am hoping for some answers at General Conference, but ultimately the responsibility for my testimony is only mine.

I think that any group of people will have a certain amount of human error inherent in the system; even church organizations. I do believe solidly in the gospel of Christ however, and I know without question that personal revelation can be relied upon to guide us in all things. So I'll keep relying on those things, and I'll keep ignoring the naysayers all around me.

at the beach, taking in the mountains, waves, and wind

*For anybody who is wondering, yes, I do think that homosexual behavior is deviant, and not acceptable in God's eyes. However, in light of solid scientific evidence (from multiple sources) that same sex attraction is inborn (rather than being a choice), I am troubled by how to reconcile the whole thing. The behavior may be a choice, but if the attraction is not, then isn't it asking a lot to ask someone to act against their nature? It seems something akin to saying that shortness/blondness/autism is a sin...and really, that's just messed up. I do not have any answers on this one. It is one of the things that troubles me.

30 Days--Day 12

Day 12 - A picture of something you love.

People getting out of themselves and doing what they can to be forces for good in the world.  

photo from here

As Sisters in Zion

My LDS readers will be familiar with this hymn, because it's the official hymn of the Relief Society. Last March I wrote several posts about the RS because March is the RS birthday, this year I am touching on the topic again, hopefully several times, but at least today. 

This is the original version of the song, from 1874. In our current hymnbook, it has been shortened to just have verses 1, 8, and 9. They are excellent verses, to be sure, but I find the full lyrics very inspiring. I'm glad I stumbled across them recently. ☺


1. As sisters in Zion, we'll all pull together,
The blessings of God on our labors we'll seek:
We'll build up His kingdom with earnest endeavor;
We'll comfort the weary, and strengthen the weak.


2. We'll turn from our follies, our pride and our weakness,
The vain, foolish fashions of Babel despise;
We'll seek for the garments of truth and of meekness,
And learn to be useful and happy and wise.


3. We'll wear what is sensible, neat and becoming
The daughters of Zion—the angels of light;
We'll work with a will, while the angels are scanning
Our aims and our actions from morning till night.


4. We'll bring up our children to be self-sustaining;
To love and to do what is noble and right;
When we rest from our labors, these dear ones remaining,
Will bear off the kingdom and "fight the good fight."


5. Nor shall our attention be wholly restricted
To training our children or shaping our dress;
The aged, the feeble, the poor and afflicted,
Our labors shall comfort, our efforts shall bless.


6. "The Lord hath established the cities of Zion,
The poor of His people are trusting in Him,"
He makes us a source for His poor to rely on;
Oh! shall we not brighten the eyes that are dim.


7. Oh! shall we not hasten to soothe the condition
Of the humble, the needy, the honest and pure?
Oh! let us remember, whate'er our ambition—
'Tis our duty, our mission, to comfort the poor.


8. 'Tis the office of angels, conferred upon woman;
And this is a right that, as women, we claim;
To do whatsoever is gentle and human;
To cheer and to bless in humanity's name.


9. How vast are our labors; how broad is our mission,
If we only fulfill it in spirit and deed;
Oh! naught but the Spirit's divinest tuition—
Can give us the wisdom to truly succeed.


10. Then, as sisters in Zion, we'll all pull together;
The blessing of God on our labors we'll seek;
We'll build up the kingdom with earnest endeavor;
We'll comfort the weary and strenghten the weak.

30 Days--Day 11

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.

Well, this is a difficult thing to find/make a photo of...but I really really really hate hypocrisy.

I also really hate hypocrisy's little sister, lack-of-follow-through.

Separating Ostara and Easter

Most kids I know think of Easter as a day of chocolate bunnies and boiled eggs. Many of them get dragged along to church, and a number of them even know the story of Jesus being resurrected. But when push comes to shove, I'm pretty sure that if you ask a kid about Easter, they're gonna go back to eggs and bunnies.

My parents wanted to separate Jesus from the candy, so on Easter Sunday we went to church, told the resurrection story, and had no candy whatsoever. The next day, we would hunt for eggs and baskets for our Family Night. I remember at one point when I was 10 or 11 I complained that all our friends got candy a whole day before we did. My mother calmly pointed out that if she waited and bought the candy on monday, it was all half price, and she would be able to get us twice as much. I was sold! I actually went on to tell friends about it for several years--how no, we hadn't gotten our baskets that morning before church, we would have to wait for Monday, but it was ok because we would get extra candy that way. Clearly I thought along the same lines as most other kids in terms of where my focus was.

So I was already accustomed to separating celebrations of the Resurrection from celebrations of springtime, but it still felt a little sloppy... By which I mean that doing it on two adjacent days still felt like it was all one holiday, whereas I wanted a more defined separation.
And then I learned about Ostara.
Most of the things we think of as Easter symbols (eggs, flowers, bunnies, chicks) are actually from Ostara (even the name was snagged from "Oestre" which was a germanic goddess of springtime). Ostara is a celebration of rebirth and new life, so it does fit in spendedly with the themes of Resurrection, but they are not the same thing. One celebrates seasons and cycles, the other celebrates Christ's sacrifice for the eternal salvation of humankind. I don't want to mix them up.

So we separate the two separately.

On Ostara, we celebrate springtime and new life. We dye eggs, make egg/bird/bunny shaped sugar cookies, do spring cleaning, and have a big dinner with spring greens, eggs, poultry, or lamb. We may also get some seasonal candies to share with the family, but we don't have baskets or sneaky bunnies or any of that.



Then, on Easter, we celebrate Christ and the resurrection. No eggs or bunnies. We make a dinner of fish and honey because that's what Christ ate with the apostles, We also make resurrection rolls which are a family favorite.

A note about Ostara and Easter.  Easter's date is actually based on Ostara, because Easter (which is dated off Passover), always falls on the first Sunday after the first full moon after Equinox. This year, the full moon fell one day before Equinox, so the two holidays ended up being a full month apart. Last year they were only a day apart.

Happy Ostara

Background: As Spring reaches its midpoint, night and day stand in perfect balance, with light on the increase. The young Sun God now celebrates a hierogamy (sacred marriage) with the young Maiden Goddess, who conceives. In nine months, she will again become the Great Mother. It is a time of great fertility, new growth, and newborn animals.
The next full moon (a time of increased births) is called the Ostara and is sacred to Eostre the Saxon Lunar Goddess of fertility (from whence we get the word estrogen, whose two symbols were the egg and the rabbit.
The Christian religion adopted these emblems for Easter which is celebrated on the first Sunday after the first full moon following the vernal equinox. The theme of the conception of the Goddess was adapted as the Feast of the Annunciation, occurring on the alternative fixed calendar date of March 25 Old Lady Day, the earlier date of the equinox. Lady Day may also refer to other goddesses (such as Venus and Aphrodite), many of whom have festivals celebrated at this time (link).

There are deities from many cultures associated with celebrations at this time of year (you can read more about them here and here), but what they all have in common are the themes of fertility, rebirth, growth, love, and balance. Matronalia (a celebration of women and mothers) was celebrated at this time, and appears in our modern holidays as Mother's Day.

"Ostara" by Helena Nelson-Reed

Sumbolism: fertility, rebirth, balance (the balance of light and dark on equinox)

Symbols: eggs, flowers and plants, strawberries, lambs, honey, circles, triangles and tripods, birds, and fish (see here for more details).
Here is a fun little story about the origins of the egg-bringing bunny:
The modern belief that eggs are delivered by a rabbit, comes from the legend of the Goddess Eostre. Eostre was walking one fine Spring day and came upon a beautiful little bird. The poor bird's wing was badly injured and Eostre, feeling great compassion for the little creature, wanted to heal it. But the little bird' wing was so badly damaged that Eostre knew it would never be able to fly again even after She healed it. So, Eostre decided to help the bird by healing it in a way that would give it mobility and a little something more… She turned it into a rabbit!
During the transformation, the rabbit retained the ability to lay eggs. The rabbit was so grateful to Eostre for saving its life that it laid a sacred egg in Her honor, joyously decorated it and then humbly presented it to the Goddess. She was so pleased and so touched by the rabbit's thoughtful gift that She wished all humankind to share in her joy. In honoring her wishes, the rabbit went all over the world distributing these beautifully decorated little gifts of life and continues to do so even today.

Foods:

• Egg drop bread
• Eggnog
• Eggs (such as deviled eggs)
• Honey
• Spring greens (perhaps with honey-mustard dressing!)
• Sprouts
• Poultry
• Rabbit
• Lamb
• Mint (mint jelly is popular with lamb)

Activities:

• Plant seeds and/or work in the garden
• Take a long walk in nature to observe the growing things and the magic all around
• Bring flowers into the house
• Make potpourri
• Dye eggs
• Play egg games (egg rolls, egg hunts, etc)
• Make cookies in the shapes of eggs, bunnies, lambs, birds, etc
• Create with herbs (make foods or medicines)
• For the married, have a fertility celebration ☺
• Spring cleaning (open up windows and air out the house, beat rugs, wash bedding, do deep cleaning, etc)
• Repair or get rid of broken items. Make fresh starts in your home.
• Make a growth or rebirth charm out of a hard boiled egg (decorate it with symbols or words representing the desired growth or change, then eat it)

Resources:

• http://wicca.com/celtic/akasha/ostara.htm
• http://paganwiccan.about.com/od/ostarathespringequinox/a/AllAboutOstara.htm 
• http://www.elfpack.com/_Ostara%20Symbols
• http://www.circlesanctuary.org/pholidays/springequinox.htm 
• http://paganwiccan.about.com/od/ostarathespringequinox/p/SpringEqWorld.htm (about springtime celebrations from many cultures)
• http://paganwiccan.about.com/od/ostarathespringequinox/a/OstaraDeities.htm (about the various deities)

30 Days--Day 10

Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.
I spent a lot of time trying to think of 'messed up things' I have done. (Never mind that proper grammar would be "a picture of the person with whom I have done the most messed up things...)
I honestly am struggling to think of qualifying things.
SO, instead I opted to go with "A picture of the person/people with whom I let loose and get the craziest"
And, for that question, there is really REALLY no contest:

My siblings

(this is from my brother's wedding last winter that I didn't make it to...but everybody else was there!)