My 24

After my most recent update post, I got a comment that sounded like many I have gotten before. "You do so much, I don't know how you do it," or "You have kids! How do you find the time to do all this stuff?"
I think this is a very interesting question, and I'll try to answer it.

There are 24 hours in a day. No matter who you are, no matter where you live, we all have the same amount of day at our discretion.

Personally, I am often thinking that I don't do nearly as much as I could. I spend too much time on the computer and I can dink around as well as anyone I know. On the days when I really put my mind to productivity I can do twice as much as on an average day. It is also only fair to inform you that, along with my Productive Days, I also have Lazy Days, wherein my accomplishments for the day are usually limited to making dinner, maybe a load of laundry, reading most of a book, and/or writing three blog posts.

I do NOT "multi-task." For one thing, there is no such thing--it's simply a matter of rapidly going from one task to another and then back again. The human mind CANNOT do multiple things at once [link] [link][link](see, science agrees with me). No, I do not do multiple things at once. I don't really "switchtask" either (going back and forth between two or three things--read the first link). But I do change activities throughout the day. I sort the laundry then put in a load to wash. Then I mix up the bread and set it to rise. Then I change a diaper. Then I move the laundry into the dryer and put in another load. Then I dink around on the computer for a while or read my book. Then I punch down the bread for another rising, and switch out the laundry again. Another diaper, put baby down for a nap, play with my toddler, do a little knitting... Really, there is nothing extraordinary about my days.

Mama always told us that "a change is as good as a rest" and I have certainly always found that to be true in my life. I don't need to take a break from getting things done, I just need to change activities regularly. Having small children facilitates this beautifully, as I am constantly being interrupted to feed someone or wash a bottom or attend to the latest little heartbreak or outbreak of contention.

We all have the same number of hours in a day, and we can only do one thing at a time. As Gandalf said, how much time we have "is not for us to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." [link] So how do I "do so much?" I simply try not to spend too many of those hours in waste. It is that simple.

• I do best when I sleep around 8-9 hours a night, and I usually get at least 8. I got by just fine on 7 hours when I was in college, but I don't anymore. I consider getting enough sleep to be a very worthwhile use of my time.
• I don't spent much time preening myself--a quick shower is about it (my morning 'put-myself-together' routine takes about 5 minutes if I don't shower, and 10-15 min if I do, and consists of putting on clothes and combing my hair, no makeup, no fancy stuff). For the sake of the math let's add in bathroom trips and so on, and call it about a half hour a day spent on personal hygiene time.
  
• I spend a couple of hours a day online--I admit it's often more. I justify it as my "mental health/adult interaction" time, but I could cut it down and still be fine in those regards. I try to have a screen-free day every week or so.
  
• I do not work outside the home, I suppose that allows me to do more within my home. But I do work from home sometimes (and besides, the people who have asked me how I "do so much" are often also stay-at-home moms).
• I usually put a couple of hours a day into preparing meals. Sometimes more, but usually not less. Good food matters, not just for physical health, but the time and effort and slowness of home cooking is healthy on emotional and intellectual levels as well. It requires a level of consciousness about living which I feel is very important.
• Another hour or so goes into chores--laundry, cleaning rooms, doing dishes, vacuuming, etc etc. Once a week or so I do some deeper cleaning and spend a couple of hours. About once a week I take a couple of hours to go grocery shopping.
  
• I spend a couple of hours--even three--doing stuff specifically for my kids. Changing diapers, nursing, settling disputes, shuttling them around, helping with homework, or just playing with them... With a newborn of course it's more, but with a nurse-every-hour newborn I do a lot of nursing at the computer, or with a book in my hand; and often one of the kids helps me with cooking or cleaning, or I guide homework while making dinner, so things overlap. I think 3 hours is a fair estimate.
  

So of 24 hours in a day
8--sleep
.5--personal care
2--computer
2--food
1--chores
3--miscellaneous kid stuff
16.5 hours of the day consumed by my normal routine. That leaves me over 7 hours for doing all kinds of other things. Some days that gets sucked up by park trips or grocery shopping. Other days it gets sucked up by the computer. Some days it gets sucked into big projects (such as spring cleaning, or winterizing the house, or a sewing project, or a culinary endeavor, or building a website, or canning...), and other days I spend my time with a good book, or long shower, or with friends.

But we all have the same 24 hours in a day. I don't think my productivity is anything remarkable. And now I'm really curious--if you don't have the time to "do so much," then what are you doing with your 24? (If you blog about this, leave me your link please! I really do want to know!)

The Gluten Experiment: Part 3

Part 1--going gluten free
Part 2--eating 'normally' after the GF test

Part 3--low (glutenous) carb with a whole grain focus
So far so good. I made a batch of homemade rolls (one of my favorite things) and snacked on them quite a bit one day, and found that I felt quite unfilled and also had that lethergy and malaise, and that was what made me realize that a problem with candida (yeast/sugar) may be a more likely culprit for me than a problem with gluten.
As I work on cutting back it gets easier. The first couple of days that I avoided white flour I was craving sugar like crazy--we didn't have any cookies or anything in the house, but I realized after the fact that I went through most of a jug of fruit juice in one day. Whoops!! As I stick to it though, I am finding that I don't crave those white breads/rolls as much as I used to. I make whole wheat bread and I seem to do fine with a little of that. I didn't notice any ill effects after having a meal with pasta in it. But I'm trying to take it very easy on white/processed flours.

There is one last step, which I am slowly starting into, and that involves soaking my grains and/or taking digestive enzymes. Soaking flours helps the grain begin to break down, so that it's easier for the belly to deal with. Digestive enzymes do the same thing only on the inside rather than the outside!

The Gluten Experiment: Part 2

So, part 1 was going gluten-free. I basically hated that. I will readily admit that it would take a LOT of awfulness in a non-GF life to get me to stick to being GF.

Part 2 was to return to normal eating.
That's actually not quite accurate, because I returned to genuinely normal eating for about a week, but then spent 10 days traveling, and that included some fast food and lots of meals prepared by other people so not only was it not GF, it wasn't even really 'normal' for me. But I digress. Lots of people told me that they didn't notice much when they went off gluten, but they did notice negative changes when they went back on it. Thus part 2.

On my first day eating gluten again I noticed mostly just excitement and not having to stop and read every label (or look it up on www.zeer.com). I'm not sure that I ate terribly 'normally' that day because I was just sortof excited about eating whatever struck my fancy. I didn't notice anything in particular physically.
On the second day I had a handful of pretzels and noticed afterward that I felt bloated. I tried to pretend that I didn't.
On the fifth day we made BLTs (which I love) with store-bought bread (which I don't love, but we had a loaf in the house because Hubby had gotten it for making french toast and we were trying to finish things off before leaving on our trip). Again I got the bloaty feeling afterward, and I had only eaten the one sandwich.
I did not notice bloating at any other times. I didn't notice any real changes to my intestinal regularity (except that the backed-upedness lasted a few more days...but it had started during part 1, so I didn't think that counted as a 'new symptom).

Within a week of eating whatever I wanted, I did notice that if I had a carb-heavy meal (especially one that was white-flour centric), I felt somewhat lethargic and unwell. Not sick really, just sub-par. So I didn't even give it a full two weeks of eating whatever I wanted. I launched straight into part 3, which was to not sweat it about which carbs I had per se, but to aim for fewer rather than more of them (and to try to stick to whole grains--that was hard until I got home but is fairly easy now).

(stay tuned, part 3 is coming tomorrow!)

Update, update!

I've been pouring a lot of my time these last two weeks into getting The Amethyst Network's website up and going (and all the behind-the-scenes stuff). So I have not blogged much, but I wanted to do one of those newsy update posts.

Halloween is a comin, and I am sewing costumes. Last year (at 37 weeks pregnant) I didn't do much. Wolf went as Hubby. As in, he dressed up in his church clothes and tie, I stippled a little beard on his chin, and he wore daddy's work ID badge. It was terribly cute (Hubby says that this year maybe he'll go as Wolf!) However, this year mommy is back in gear and ready to sew! Bear has opted to wear a costume out of the box, but I'm sewing for Wolf and Eagle...and if I get all my chores done I may even get to make a pretty gown for myself. (I did buy the pattern and fabric--thank you sales and coupons!--now it's just a matter of whether I have the time to make it.)

I'm reading "The Mists of Avalon" and it is very cool. Also a bit of a heavy book to hold one-handed while nursing a baby. I begin to see the appeal in Hubby's desire for a kindle. 8.5 oz has a certain appeal after this book which I'm sure weighs several pounds!

Wolf struggled a lot with the first few weeks of french horn. It seems that the elementary band teacher does a lot of talking but not much showing, and at a month in he only knew how to play one note (because the kid one chair over showed it to him). Thankfully we have a delightful friend who happens to be a music teacher at the high school, and she came over and gave him a little lesson so now he can play four notes. She says she is willing to continue teaching these little lessons, especially if we pay her in food (we have her over for dinner around once a week, as she is a single lady and I like feeding people). It was so nice to see the one-day turnaround from "Can I quit band? I hate it" to "Music is my favorite, can I go practice again?"

Hubby makes a positively sinful smoked salmon dip. With salmon he caught and smoked himself. I never liked smoked salmon, but I do like this dip. Mmmmm.

Eagle is 11 months old. He walks and runs as though he thinks he's big, and he says three words. One is "dada" and the other two are not. If I figure out what the other two are, I will try to remember to let you know. ☺

I canned apple pie filling and applesauce and chicken broth this week (yay for bringing home my steam canner and pressure canner from Utah with us!!)

I continue to seek personal calmness though letting go of things, releasing judgment, and generally not allowing myself to get uptight or worry over things. I'm spending more time touching the earth (the actual dirt), and sitting in the sunshine. I'm spending more time with books and less with screens. I'm cooking and knitting and generally enjoying the present.

We are making plans for Samhain and the other holidays of the darker half of the year. I find I am always ready for the new seasons as they come, even here where the cold and dark ones are very cold and dark. Fall is in the air (it's below freezing every morning when we get up) and I can't smell the snow yet but I know it is close.

The Amethyst Network

It is official, the website is up and running.
And I am tired, but very very pleased.
Please, take a look! (click the image)


THANK YOU!
♥ to my fellow founders Kimberlee, Molly, Jena, and Michelle. I could not have done this alone.
♥ to the several etsians who have agreed to donate portions of their sales to TAN.
♥ to my awesome brother for designing this logo.
♥ to anyone who has 'liked' us on facebook or followed us on twitter.
♥ to each of the doulas and mothers (aka peer doulas) who has signed up to join the network.

Being Aware; It's Not All Pink

I was a guest author over at LDS WAVE today.

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. This is a fact widely acknowledged in the media and everybody seems to get on board with everything from all-night cancer walks to facebook status games. My grandmother is one of those “1 in 8 women” who has been diagnosed with breast cancer, as are dear family friends, and I have joined those all-night walks and regularly remind my blog-readers to do their self breast exams.

However, October after October, I notice that the flood of awareness is decidedly (and almost exclusively) pink. It seems that we either overlook or are unaware of the many other “Awareness Months” going on in October.

Yes, 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. However 1 in 4 women will experience a miscarriage or infant loss, and 1 in 3 will be a victim of domestic violence...

click here to read the rest

NOT just "like a heavy period"

I have heard lots of people say that "a miscarriage is basically just like a heavy period."

That is simply not true. Don't say it. Don't think it. Don't be fooled by it.

A miscarriage that occurs in the first few weeks of pregnancy may have the physical characteristics of a menstrual period: several days of cramping and bleeding. It might even seem like a 'normal' period to some women. A woman who didn't know that she was pregnant might even mistake a miscarriage for a period. All the same, if the woman knew she was pregnant, then even these early and physically easy miscarriages may carry an emotional toll that a regular menstrual period does not.
Some mothers really do have a miscarriage that is just like a period. For whatever reason, they do not grieve, or do not grieve very much. If you are one of those mothers you should not feel guilty about it, nor feel that your miscarriage was any less than someone elses. However this experience seems to happen in the minority of cases.
I miscarried this baby at 5 weeks gestation, and physically the process was like a textbook menstrual period. It was not the same as my normal periods which was one of the reasons I knew it was a miscarriage, but to another woman it could have been completely normal. However, if you read what I wrote at the time, it is obvious that my emotional state was not "just like a period" at all. I was grieving.

Somewhere between 6-10 weeks another change occurs. It varies from woman to woman and even from pregnancy to pregnancy, but somewhere in there the baby gets large enough that the physical process of miscarriage stops being like a period, and starts being more like labor. The uterus must contract and the cervix must open in order to expel the baby and placenta and other "products of conception."
When I experienced my first miscarriage I was 14 1/2 weeks along. I labored on and off for almost a full day, but had no idea what was going on. I thought I had intestinal gas, but hindsight tells me that it was actually labor contractions. I knew that a full-term stillborn baby would require labor and delivery, but I had never guessed that a baby only 4 inches long might also require labor.
It is my understanding (and my experience) that the labor of miscarriage is often shorter than a full-term labor would be, because a smaller baby can be delivered with less cervical dilation and pushing. Some women feel that it is something like the "first half" of labor. Others feel that it is very comparable to laboring with a full-term child.

This is one of those big unspoken secrets: many miscarriages are not like a heavy period, they are the labor and birthing of a baby.

"The Soul of Sex" by Thomas Moore

"The Soul of Sex: culturing life as an act of love"
by Thomas Moore was such an interesting book, and with such an interesting thesis. I stumbled across it at the library and read the inside flap and had to bring it home.

Here is an excerpt from the flap:

In our age of science and psychology it's tempting to think of human sexuality in terms of biology and interpersonal relationships. But this new book...regards sex as an experience of the soul and emphasizes the themes of fantasy, desire, meaning, and morality. In [this book] Moore turns especially to religion, mythology, literature, rites, stories, and visual imagery [like classic art] that see sex in some of the most profound mysteries of life. He finds spirituality inherent in sex and at the same time explores the many ways in which spiritual values can sometimes wound our sexuality. He recommends chastity and celibacy for everyone--as aspects of sexuality and not only as literal lifestyles--and presents them as a means of developing a sensuous spirituality.
The Soul of Sex also establishes the principle that one can't have a fully satisfying sex life in a world that is asexual and antierotic. Thomas Moore recommends many ways in which society could tone down its moralism and create a public life that is erotic, one that affirms desire and pleasure. He sees widespread attention to sex in the media as a symptom of our failure to find a positive place for sex in the culture, and he spells out an Epicurean way of life in which the simple, deep pleasures of good food, friends, family, home, and intimacy with nature provide and appropriate erotic base for a fulfilling sex life.

The author is conservative catholic and was even a monk for a while. It's been interesting for me to read about sexuality from a distinctly moral perspective (although he does make the specification that 'moral' is not the same as 'moralistic'...in other words, having morals isn't the same as being all hoity-toity about stuff). So much of what is out there now is from a more 'natural man' point of view, and this is definitely not. He is very pro-marriage and pro-fidelity, and also pro-spirituality. As he says "If there is any substance in the common sentiment that sex is sacred, it would seem appropriate to explore that sacredness in religious terms."
This book also isn't erotica, or a 'how to' in any sense. Like I said, it's philosophy.
He talks a lot about archtypes--Aphrodite of course, but also Artemis (the virgin), Eros, and even Christ. I certainly never thought I'd read something about Jesus as sexual (he doesn't say sexually active, merely pro-sexuality), but it's entirely respectful and the author makes some very thought provoking points.
He talks about sexual symbols such as the phallus (which is more than just a penis, it's a symbol of honor, power, vitality, humor, playfulness, etc) and also the vagina (which he suggests is a symbolic harbor, a source of stability, calmness, and safety).
It's really fascinating to look at sex and sexuality from a more encompassing perspective--as symbols of larger (sacred) things. Or as a rite that reminds us of the sacred.

The book is full of highly quotable things, so rather than try to talk about the book any more I will just let it speak for itself...

In modern life sex is one of the few numinous areas we have left, numinosity being the aura of awe and mystery usually associated with religious feeling. We have destroyed the mystery of the planets and stars with our telescopes and roving machines. We have diminished the numinosity of nature through our countless studies and exploitation. But fortunately we have not yet reduced the power of sex to stir deep desire and to compel contemplation.

If we understand marriage only as a literal living arrangement, then it entails a literal giving up of the solitary life. But as an initiation of the soul, marriage takes us deeper into ourselves... We can imagine marriage as something we do for ourselves. Marriage is not a surrender to another person but to another condition of life, one that can be deeply rewarding. (208)

In our symptoms lie the seeds of our revitalization. If we want to know how to gain new life and fresh sensibility, all we have to do is look closely and appreciatively at our problems. We have to be careful not to leap into compensation--championing the opposite of what our symptoms embody. Rampant pornography, for instance, suggests that we might consider the value of sexual imagery. Rampant divorce suggests that our idea of marriage might need some space. Rape suggests that we have not yet learned to use the power of love. Excessive sex in the media suggestions that we have not built an erotically rich society. (235)
Modern society's combined moralism against and obsession with sex indicates that we have not yet discovered the deeper meaning of sexuality. We think of it in purely personal terms, in contrast with many cultures that treat sex as a sacred cosmic force. We try to keep sex hidden, apparently thinking that what we cant' see won't hurt us. But like all powerful elements in the soul, sex needs to be manifested. Otherwise we suffer not only from the sudden return of the repressed--sex breaking through our repression in negative and uncontrollable ways--but also from a diminishment of life and vitality. Sex gives life color and vivacity. When we hide it out of fear, our personal lives and our social lie become flat. (276-7)

And finally, an idea that was on my mind a great deal this last week as I drove up and down the billboard-lined, 8 (soon to be 12)-lane scar of pavement that is I-15 in Utah (and thought about the pretty little tree-lined, winding, 2-lane road that I live off of here in Alaska)

It seems clear to me that the plague of sexual images that fill the internet and line our city streets, and the so-called gratuitous sex that spices most grown-up movies are exaggerated, autonomous, and noisome because we don't understand the importance of a sexy road or an appealing building or a sensuous workplace. The principle at play is simple: whatever we don't have the imagination to weave into our human lives beautifully and intimately will haunt us in the form of autonomous temptation and shadow values. There seems to be no middle ground. Either we build a beautiful road or the ugly version will soon begin to destroy the culture we are striving so hard to make. As always, our choices are basic: either Eros or Thanatos, sex or death. (248)

If we'll loosen up and let a little more 'sexy' into our world, and embrace the sexuality within us as the holy and powerful thing that it is, then we won't have so much negative sexuality bursting through the seams of repression. And we'll all be happier besides.

To Eat or To Sleep? That is a hard question...

I got this little video a couple of weeks ago...Eagle loves his food, but he loves his sleep too... (Daddy was listening to NPR in the background, that's the loud voices)

Releasing Judgment--part 3

The final aspect of releasing judgment has to do with not judging ourselves.

As I said before, I'm not suggesting that we can ignore moral judgments, just the rest of them.
This is also not permission to be lazy or stop trying your best or seeking personal improvements.
What it IS is permission to release self-judgments about your appearance, your family, your likes and dislikes, your talents, your hobbies, your abilities, or what you 'should' be or do.

Don't feel guilty for telling someone that you're not available for a favor when your family needs you.
Don't feel obligated to like the same movies, books, foods, or activities as someone else, or to enjoy a particular thing just because it's 'normal' or 'everyone does.' Do be comfortable with who you are and what you like.

And DO be open to new experiences--do not judge something until you truly know what it is.
My kids know they are not allowed to have an opinion about a food until they have tried it. I hold myself to the same policy.
There are things that scare me--such as heights--but I try to release that fear--that judgment--so that I can still experience things such as standing on the top deck of the Eiffel Tower at sunset.

And you know what is remarkable about releasing judgment? About learning to experience the world neutrally? It's not just the broadening of personal experience, it's the broadening of personal enjoyment.