Things I've Learned from My Husband

After mentioning both my mother and father, I thought I'd dedicate a post to the other person who has been most influential to me: my husband (he gets today because it's the 7th anniversary of the day he proposed)


Take your turn to listen. Nobody likes being interrupted (and if you interrupt, they won't really listen to you anyway, plus they'll think you're rude).

Take a compliment. If you can't say "thanks" then be quiet, but don't say "oh no really..."

Accept gifts.

Accept service.

Be spontaneous sometimes, or, at the very least, be ok with not planning every second of the entire vacation.

Don't feel guilty about doing things for yourself sometimes.

Lived-in skin and post-baby bodies are beautiful.

There is no such thing as a 'wasted vote' so long as you voted for who/what you really believed in.

The "two party system" will never be broken (and therefore not much will happen) unless we start voting for third parties. Parties have exactly as much power as we give to them.

Dream big. There's no point in dreaming if you're going to limit yourself to 'realistic' things.
Reality is only limited by how little you are willing to dream; if you dream about it long enough and want it badly enough, you will find a way to make it happen.

Good Things to Come

What it's like to live in Alaska--part 1

Recently I got an email from one of my blog readers here (that's always so flattering!), asking me what it's like to live in Alaska. Her husband is considering a job here and she was trying to get a good idea of what they'd be getting into. Several readers have said that they like my Alaskana posts, and would love to read more, but I admit that I'm frequently at a loss for what else to write on the topic...however this question got me thinking, so I thought I would share here some of what I wrote back to her. ☺
I must preface this with the statement that I have never lived in one of the 'big' cities. Pelican had about 100 people in the summertime...half that in the winter. On top of being tiny, it was a bush town in that it was cut off from everything...no grocery store, no roads, ferry only once a month, seaplanes most days but only if the weather permitted... Now we live in what I consider to be a pretty perfect home, with a thriving population of about 5,000, and the nearest larger town being 90 miles away (it is a metropolis of about 30,000 people). So when I speak about what Alaska is like, I'm telling what it's like in the middle-sized places, or the little places, not in the Anchorage area. Anchorage is more like a suburb of Seattle they say. I wouldn't know. I haven't lived there; and since I love it here, I don't really plan to move.


My husband says I should tell you that living in Alaska is terrible, so that you won't come, because we like having a low population and don't need any more people. ☺
He also said "we live much closer to the wilderness, because it's everywhere, and it's such a young state [50yrs this year] that it maintains a frontiersy feel, but still has the modern amenities. It has a mild climate and is one of the most beautiful places on earth. I always wanted to live where everyone else went on vacation, and now I do." ☺

I will start off by saying that I think people either love or hate Alaska, and I think they usually know within a couple of weeks. That was my experience in any case, and my husband's, and many other people I know. I've heard so many stories of someone who decided to drive the Al-Can highway for a bit of an adventure...and when they got up here to Alaska they decided they didn't ever want to leave. I think that some people are Alaskans, regardless of where they were born, and when we get here we just feel it to our core that this is home. ☺ The people who don't like it tend to leave pretty fast. I would strongly advise visiting if you think you possibly can. I think you can get the feel from a visit of whether you would love it or hate it.

There are several parts of Alaska, and it can be vastly different depending which part you live in. Remember that this state is the size of about 5 other states!
I can't speak for the Aleutians really, nor the Fairbanks/Arctic region (although it does get extremely cold there, people have to plug their cars in to keep them warm enough to be able to start them for example...everyone in Fairbanks has a little plug hanging out their front grill). But I can speak for where I have lived.
The Southeast (Juneau, Sitka, Pelican, Ketchikan, etc) is a temperate rainforest. It rains 300" a year, Pelican usually got around 20 ft of snow (though not all at once of course). The temperatures are moderate, usually between 20-40 in winter and 50-70 in summer. It still rains in the summer though. When you've got 300 inches to get out every 365 days, you can't take too many days off.
South Central AK (Anchorage+ the Kenai Peninsula) is probably the nicest part of the state. It's not nearly as cold as the more northern parts, and not nearly as wet as the rainforest in southeast. Anchorage of course has the heaviest population density in the state, and the Kenai region is where Alaskans go on vacation.
Most people are concerned about the weather, especially the winter. Well, here in south-central we got perhaps 6ish feet of snow here last winter (spread across the months of course). We had a lot of temperatures in the 20s and 30s, during the day, and it would get colder at night of course, but not below 0 really. Honestly winter here wasn't much colder than what I remember from living in Utah. I always wore a coat and gloves when going out to the car, and usually a hat if I was going to be out for more than a minute. Winter is probably 5-6 months long, but my experience has always been that the people here are very open and hospitable, and especially in winter (because so many people have seasonal/summer work) they tend to do a lot of social things.
Spring in Alaska is extraordinary--it may take its time getting here, but when it does it is so beautiful. I grew up in western Washington so I've seen pretty wild places, but Alaska really beats all. There is SO much wild space still, and there are literally fields of wild flowers by the side of the highway within minutes of downtown anywhere.
Summer is spring x10. Summertime in Alaska is a well-kept secret I think. If more people knew, more people would come. I can take 5 months of winter to get those 2 months of summer.
It is cooler here, certainly. Average summer weather is 60-75 or so...85 is swealteringly hot. :) We tend to love it--it's one reason we live here.

Anchorage is the 'big city' and it's still only about 200k people if I recall correctly. Alaskans think it's huge but anybody from 'down south' (the lower 48) thinks Anchorage is pretty small. There is a sense of proportion here that is unlike anywhere I have ever been. The people things--the houses and cities--tend to be small. But the wild things--the mountains, animals, rivers, ocean, and sky--they are enormous. We live in a 1300 square ft apartment which admittedly can feel crowded, if only because it lacks storage space...and yet we see mountains and old growth forest from our front window and routinely see moose of over 1000lbs in our backyard. In Alaska, man is the newcomer, the visitor; the one who looks out of place.

There is a sort of "come as you are" attitude here in Alaska. Most folks aren't uptight about whether your lawn is mowed or your hair is highlighted or styled just so, and nobody really gives a second glance if you show up to church in your jeans (not that we do, but people who are traveling through sometimes do). People tend to be friendly and helpful--at least that has been my experience in the smaller towns. I don't find it quite so much in the big city... Anchorage is kindof it's own place in the middle of the state, and most any Alaskan will tell you that it's different. In the city it's a lot like living anywhere else in the country except you're farther north (and close to good hunting and fishing). The rest of the state is not like Anchorage. We're "the last frontier" and proud of it.


I have a part 2 written as well, and will post it in a few days, but if there are any things you're specifically curious about, please ask! I could ramble on about what foods grow wild here, or what I have found the easiest or hardest to adjust to, or what are my most and least favorite things here...tell me what you want to know!

On Presence and Remembering

Today's post is not for those with a weak constitution. Consider yourself warned.

The other day I was in a waiting room and picked up a magazine. I flipped through it as I waited for my appointment, and happened to read this article. It made me feel a bit sick to my stomach, and has been on my mind ever since, and I knew I needed to write something about this. The article is about children left in hot cars who die because they overheat. It's horrific just to think about poor infants and toddlers strapped into carseats, hardly able to move let alone escape, and trapped alone as they are baked to death. In looking for a link to the original article, I found Fatal Distraction in the Washington Post. It is a much longer article than the other, and even more likely to make you feel sick (it has multiple stories, and excerpts from medical examiners about what exactly happens to the children). With that said, it's still probably worth reading.
As this page shows, in some cases (18%) the adult intentionally left the child, probably for a brief errand, but cars can get very hot very fast (20 degrees in 10 minutes). In about 30% of cases the child was playing in an unattended vehicle. In over 50% of cases however, it was a matter of the caregiver forgetting that the child was in the car at all, and leaving them for hours. (Sick as it is, Alaska actually has a law allowing people to bring minor children into bars, because too many children had been left in vehicles and frozen to death while the parent went in for a drink...) The vast majority of children who died were two or younger--so most of them were strapped into rear-facing carseats where the driver could not see them from the front seat. As laws have increased vehicle safety on one front, they are increasing danger on another, and we as parents must be vigilant.
We all want to think that we are the parents who would never forget that our kid was in the car, but in fact over the last decade an average of 37 children have died this way each year in the USA, and their parents are not neglectful, merely forgetful. The same way one might forget to pick up milk on the way home, or forget to recharge the cell phone, so one can forget that a child is in the car...at least, that is what the articles say. Our brains are not as fancy as we think, and forgetting is forgetting.


As the content of the article swirled around and around in my head, something leaped out at me. We all think this will never happen to us...but I think that for some of us it really never would. At the very least, the chances are very very much reduced. Why do I think I can say that of myself? Simple: I'm not in the habit of being anywhere without my kids.
Most of the parents who left their child in the car had forgotten to drop off the child at daycare or a babysitter--the child had fallen asleep or something like that, and the parent simply went to work as usual and didn't realize the mistake until hours later. They were not accustomed to having their child as a constant part of their daily routine, so the absence of the child was not noticed.
For me, the default is to have my kids with me. Even when I do leave them with a sitter I find that my mind is often on my children rather than on where I am or what I'm doing. Am I obsessive? Perhaps, but more than that, I am living in the present. My children will only be young for a short time, and so for this time, I am with them--really with them--because I will have plenty of life without them, so I don't want to lose these precious years. Does it get tiring? Oh sure, some days bedtime just can't come fast enough...but while the days may be long, the years are short, and I'm just not willing to leave my children regularly while I go do...what?
I'm not trying to sound holier-than-they, but this topic has definitely led me to think that this is yet another good reason for mothers to be home with their children. I'm sure it's possible for a stay-at-home-parent to forget a child in the car...possible...but of the dozen stories told in the articles, every single one involved a working parent getting distracted by the routine or business of the day, and forgetting that the child was in the car. Every.Single.One. If your child is not part of your normal routine, then you probably won't notice if he's missing.
It's food for thought anyway.

In the meantime, the articles had several good suggestions for protecting your children against your own mental lapses:

• Put the younger (or quieter) child on the passenger's side (not right behind the driver) so that the driver will be more likely to see the child in the rearview mirror.
• Always put your purse or diaper bag in the back, next to the carseat, so that you have to go back there to get it when you arrive at your destination. (I do this, though I never thought of it as protective of my child, I will certainly continue to do it)
  
• Consider keeping a teddy bear or other toy in the carseat--when you put the child in, move the toy to the front seat (where you can see it).
• Never assume that someone else has gotten the baby--check for yourself that the carseat is empty.
• Always check the carseat when you get out of the car, even if you *know* there's nobody in it. Just make a habit to always check anyway.
  

Exactly

Somehow I had never heard this before, but it was a good thing for me to hear right now:

I am exactly where I need to be
I need to be exactly where I am
I am a blessing manifest
and I can undress the moment
Naked time unwinds beneath my mind
and from within I find the kind of beauty
only I can find

I am exactly where I need to be
I need to be exactly where I am
I am surrendering so willingly
To be the perfect me inside this now
and truly how else could it be
Destiny she blesses me
Destiny she blesses me [and you, and you]

When I try to fight or run
I only end up back at square one
When I think I know what's best for me
Jesus takes me back
to exactly where I need to be

I am exactly where I need to be
I need to be exactly where I am
I am divinely timed and shining brightly
Yes I believe that there’s a purpose just for me
Yes I believe that we are light
and we shine infinitely

I am exactly where I need to be
I need to be exactly where I am
I am not aimlessly existing see
I am in perfect harmony with universal energy
and I am truly free when I accept my own divinity
...
and when I am alone and full of fear
I just remember the rising sun always appears
Everyday miracles, miracles that I see
Well they take me back
They take me back
They take me back
To exactly where I need to be



you can also see it in a live concert version here

10 10s in 2010...update #2

July 5 update
(since a number of items appear more than once, I am putting notations by the first occurrence, then making the font on subsequent ones smaller)

1--Keeping My Home

1. Create (and then stick to) a housekeeping system I have pretty much created one...now working on the sticking to it part...I'm still pretty haphazard here. :(
   
2. Try out at least one new recipe each month Jan-Troy's Chicken and Speedy Burritos Feb--Spider Spaghetti, Mar--Lebanese spinach puffs and cheeseburger buns, April--black bean/rice veggie burgers and pound cake and trifle, May--spinach stuffed pork loin, June--tarragon cream halibut and gluten-free experimenting...
   
3. Serve balanced meals (with a protein, a vegetable, and a starch/carb) at least most nights usually so far so good
4. Grind my own wheat flour going great...until I got diagnosed with gluten intolerance...still deciding how to work out all this part of our lives.
   
5. Make bread all year 9 months down and going strong
   
6. Build up my food storage--at least 3m worth of all non-perishable items
7. Learn about gardening in Alaska--what foods grow well, when/how to plant and harvest, etc so far so good
8. Have a garden we opted against doing an in-ground garden since we may be moving...so we have a bunch of stuff in containers in the kitchen.
9. Can/freeze produce in season I helped clean/fillet/freeze a bunch of salmon last week...more to come I'm sure, and then on to fruits and veggies. We just got a new freezer though (very crowded kitchen between the garden and the freezer now!) so we have room for the fish, moose, and whatever else I get put together.
   
10. Participate in the butchering and/or preservation of a moose that Hubby shoots (that's one of his goals for the year!

2--Read Books (ideally including the following specific titles)(* means I've started it, date indicates when finished)

1. 4/10 To Kill A Mockingbird--dang, how had I never read this before? It was excellent! So much better than most other 'coming of age' stories I've read.
   
2. A Christmas Carol
3. something by a local author
4. a biography or memoir
5. *Going Rogue by Sarah Palin (mostly for cultural literacy)
6. Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel (Time top 10)
7. Logicomix by Apostolos Doxiadis et al (about Bertrand Russell) (Time top 10)
8. Beauty by Robin McKinley Couldn't find it at the library here, so may need something else
   
9. Changing My Mind by Zadie Smith (Time top 10)
10. 1/10 Icy Sparks--story of a young girl in Appalacia and her life with undiagnosed Tourette's. Unfortunately the way it was written was just really depressing, so even though the idea of the story appealed, I don't recommend the book.
11. (alternate) Fablehaven
12. 6/10 The Audacity of Hope by Barak Obama (alternate) This book was so sooo good. Regardless of our agreement/disagreement on any given political platform, this book demonstrates that our president is intelligent, thoughtful, logical, and ethical--he tries really hard to be true to what he perceives and believes, and I have to respect that.
    

3--Improve Financial Stability

1. Pay off (at least) one account DONE!! Feb 12--tax return + online payment = bye-bye visa!!
2. Keep current with tithing (unfortunately some months this has been hard for us, and then catching up on our tight budget is even harder) just have to keep it up...
3. Live within our means, always considering wants vs needs, and making the modest choice even with the latter. so far so good on the being modest part, although it's hard to "live within our means" when our means have turned into nothing...still not sure what will happen for us employment-wise this fall. Still praying.
4. Use coupons and shop sales at the grocery store I've been good about sales, not so much with coupons
   
5. Use our tax returns and PFD's wisely (for food storage/debt, not playing!) so far so good
6. Build up our food storage slowly but surely
   
7. Build up my year's supply (the non food stuff, like toilet paper and toothpaste and laundry soap) to 3-6 months worth
8. Do not buy any new diaper/etc fabric so far so good
9. Sew items to sell using the fabric I have so far so good
10. Actively market my etsy shops It has slowed down a lot the last two months with our traveling, but I'm getting it up and going again.
    

4--Be More Present with my Family

1. Read more books to my kids
   
2. Acquire a couple of new children's books in order to do #1 without losing my mind ☺ Two at Bear's birthday
3. Cuddle my kids every day
4. Include the kids in the housekeeping schedule (give them assignments)
5. Stay OFF the internet one day a week (generally Tuesdays) so far so good, mostly...
   
6. Be a good example for the kids by limiting my screen time on other days
   
7. Say "just a minute" less often workin on it...doing ok...
   
8. Play with my kids, not just work near them so far so good
9. Have a monthly 'date' with each family member totally epically failing on doing formal stuff at this point...focusing on spending one-on-one time at home though...
   
10. Go to bed at the same time as my Hubby (so we can have pillow talk and cuddle time) so far so good

5--Create

1. Create (sew or knit) at least 6 things per month, for my family or my shop so far so good... I really like doing the "finished objects" post each month to help me see what I've done. Jan FOs, Feb FOs, Mar FOs, Apr FOs, May FOs, Jun FOs,
   
2. Introduce a new product (or two or three) in my shop(s) this year. Four so far.
3. Allow myself the thought-outlet of blogging frequently ☺
4. Finish Wolf's sweater I'm on the second sleeve...still...
5. Knit something for myself (I have no idea what yet)
6. Use up existing stash rather than buying new materials
7. Try out at least one new recipe each month
8. Learn how to make shampoo/conditioner I just found a recipe that I'm anxious to try out
9. Make handmade gifts for my family/friends (not necessarily to the exclusion of purchased items) Hubby and I are contemplating making a wholly handmade Christmas (within our family) this year. I would love to do that!
10. Help my children make things

6--Focus Inward

1. Be more active (I'd like to go walking, though in winter in Alaska with two little ones and no where to walk indoors this is a challenge...) I'm a bit hit and miss, but I am getting out often even if not always walking per se...
   
2. Work on my poor ignored abdominals...crunches or pilates or something I've been totally slacking off on this ☺
   
3. Get outside more often so far so good
4. Read more fiction (see list above!)
5. Read my scriptures We're doing better with the family reading, but this probably has to count as a strike cuz I'm not doing well on my own
   
6. Pray more (an ongoing challenge for me unfortunately) so far so good
7. Get the local breastfeeding support group on it's feet. It's been very hit-and-miss...three of our six meetings have been just me, and the others have been just me and a friend or two (all of us established breastfeeders)...all efforts at bringing in other people have fallen flat. So I decided that six months was a fair try and I have let it go. I'm not sure whether I'm sad or relieved.
   
8. Sing more so far so good ☺
9. Take time to be still and quiet I'm doing much better with this
10. Check in on these goals at least quarterly to monitor my progress I'm batting 1000 on this one ☺

7--Focus Outward

1. Do my visiting teaching every month so far [mostly] so good (we've always tried, but a couple of sisters have been very hard to connect with)
   
2. Become a Big Sister with Big Brothers/Big Sisters...it's something I've wanted to do for a long time. or not
   
3. Build up the local breastfeeding support group.
4. Fulfill my church calling (I am the coordinator over the Relief Society meetings formerly referred to as "Home, Family, and Personal Enrichment meetings") so far so good
   
5. "Pay It Forward" whenever I can (in whatever ways I can) I gave away one of my slings to someone who needed one. I helped a new mom with breastfeeding. I loaned a wrap to another new mom and taught her how to use it.
   
6. Look specifically for opportunities to PIF/send out good karma yes
   
7. Shop locally or handmade whenever possible.
8. Feed the local missionaries each month We did at the beginning of the year, then missed a couple of months for assorted reasons, but plan to start up again.
   
9. Teach a friend how to do something new Not sure what this will be...I guess I've taught some people about henna...and another person has asked about cloth diapers...
   
10. Teach my kids how to do new things some days better than others...

8--Learn

1. Read a parenting book Punished by Rewards by Alfie Kohn (review coming sometime...)
   
2. Read a marriage/relationship book
3. Read a political book The Audacity of Hope by Barak Obama
   
4. Read a nutrition or health book
5. Read a biography or teachings of a latter day prophet or apostle
6. Read my scriptures
7. Learn new knitting techniques Jan--increases, Feb--seaming (shoulders, sides, and setting in sleeves), Jun--picking up stitches
   
8. Learn how to make shampoo and/or conditioner
9. Try out at least one new recipe each month
10. Seek to find/recognize the sacred in all aspects of life, and the connections between truths ("spiritual" and otherwise) this has been just awesome

9--Blog

1. Write a series of posts about The Family proclamation
2. Finish the final post in my "motherhood" series done ☺
3. Finish the birth-related posts that are sitting in my drafts folder done ☺
4. Research and write more posts on specific vaccinations
5. Write reviews of the books I have read but haven't written about yet: Hold On To Your Kids, The Omnivore's Dilemma, Raising Your Spirited Child
6. Write reviews of books I read this year slow but steady, right?
7. Post more regularly on my cooking blog so far so good...and yummy...
   
8. Post more regularly on my family scrapbook blog (it's private, for keeping extended family updated mostly) so far so good
9. Fill in gaps by posting older stuff on the family scrapbook blog too so far so good
10. Leave comments on my friends' blogs ☺
11. BONUS write a series on the Relief Society proclamation
    

10--Celebrate

1. Celebrate the earth cycle holidays (equinoxes, solstices). so far so good
2. Finally start our long-planned family tradition of having an authentic medieval meal (ie, big meat, candlelight, no utensils) once a year. It was pretty cool
3. Establish a new family tradition for Jesus' Birthday This was also pretty cool
4. Have a family pizza night at least twice a month frequently, and invite someone to join us. We are going at monthly-ish, which is fine. It's fun, but it is a lot of work.
   
5. Have a family or couples game night at least once a month strike--STILL haven't been doing this at all.
   
6. Go to playgroup and mom's support (breastfeeding) group and RS meetings and thus rejuvenate myself often mom's nights are good too
   
7. Visit some major sites of my own state this was quite an adventure, to say the least...
   
8. Play music in the home/car, and sing more so far so good
9. Get outside often and breathe deeply this has been good
10. Do my best to live deeply and suck the marrow out of life this has been very good
11. BONUS start a new family tradition of celebrating the countries of our ancestors by having a meal of authentic foods on that country's national holiday (some I've hit and some I've missed...and I'm just being ok with that at this point)
12. I know I posted somewhere my plan to make cakes for each family member's birthday, but can't find it on this list... I have done it for Hubby & Bear, now Wolf...hmm, am I supposed to make one for me or not?
    

June's FOs

For Self/Family
1 vacation shirt for Hubby
1 fitted diaper
2 pocket diapers
1 crib caddy

(side note, should I market and sell these? What would you pay for one? It's been nice as the kiddo gets bigger to have a place for a binkie, burp rag, etc right there where I can always find them...)

For Others/Sale
2 diapers (trade)
1 diaper cover (trade)
and because small, simple knitting projects are good for road trips, 1 ruffly-bum wool soaker for a friend (after 3 boys, she just had her first girl!)(and I love this pattern, I mean really ♥ it, I'm definitely making it again)

Why I'm NOT a "Big Sister"

I am a big sister of course, given that I have 8 younger siblings...
I am a "big sister" in that I have a personality that leads me to reach out to friends and neighbors and women/girls around me and talk with them and teach them things...
But when I finally began to follow through on my desire to be a Big Sister with the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program, I concluded that this is not the time of my life to do that.
The BBBS coordinator was really excited about me when I applied and even more when she interviewed me. However one of the rules of the program is that the Big spends time alone with the Little--no other kiddos, and that they need to meet in a neutral place (not in either home) for the first six months. I get why they have those rules, but I'm not willing to sacrifice my mothering of my children in order to help another child. I WANT to help other children, but not at the expense of my own. There will always be other children who need Big Sisters (sad though that is), and so for now I am focusing on my kids--only my kids--and someday when my kids are grown up and secure and solid on their own, I will have the time and focus to divert to other kids. But now is not that time.

Food Hypocrisy

[warning, this post is mostly a rant...]

I know a lot of people who follow a particular diet, whether it's eating vegetarian, vegan, raw, organic, local, or dairy/nut/gluten/wheat-free.
I will state off the top that I do see allergies as somewhat of an exception--nobody asks to have a food allergy, and as I'm muddling into the middle of it myself I certainly feel the pain of thinking "but if I can't have ___, then what CAN I have?!" and it is overwhelming. However, this post is more about people who are choosing a particular dietary style based on morals or ideals, not on allergies.

My husband (before he was my husband obviously) took a girl out to dinner once. She told him that she was vegetarian, and he said ok, well, where would you like to go? He proposed an Indian restaurant, or a Thai restaurant, knowing that both of those places would have some great vegetarian dishes. She declined. He thought perhaps that was a little to exotic for her so asked about Chinese, but she said no. Where did she want to go? A soup and salad place...and once there, her dinner consisted of iceburg lettuce with a couple of carrots and tomatoes. She said that's what she usually ate.
I will bet you anything that her vegetarianism was short-lived, because you cannot survive on iceburg lettuce, and this girl wasn't willing to branch out and explore what vegetarianism had to offer.
In the grocery stores in November I always see something frightening: tofurky. Really? Turkey flavored tofu? Does anyone else think that sounds just gross? If you want to eat turkey, then do so. If you want to be vegetarian, then make a Thanksgiving meal centered on baked potatoes, or an amazing 'stuffing' casserole, or something like that.
If you like hamburgers, then eat them. If you are concerned about the treatment of the animals, then try eating local, grass-fed beef, or humanely-shot wild moose or elk burger. If you are morally opposed to meat, then feel free to grill up a portabella mushroom cap, or make rice & bean patties (which are good, but nothing like meat). But the 'veggie burgers' that are supposed to taste and feel like meat? Oh give me a break! They are full of fillers for one thing--they may be vegetarian, but I don't for a second believe that they are healthy...and if you're just eating substitute meats, then how committed are you to a meatless life? In my humble opinion, eating meat substitutes is still supporting a culture of meat-eating, even if you're not consuming it yourself, and if you don't believe in that...

The second part of my rant is this: if you DO eat meat, then you should be willing to participate in the whole process. I remember a college roommate who wouldn't touch raw chicken--it was too slimy and gross she said. But she liked to eat chicken. After the second time that she refused to help with that part of the meal preparation I told her that she had better give up chicken or else come help, because she was being a hypocrite and I wasn't going to enable her. (Yeah, I'm blunt like that ☺) From then on she helped...squeamishly, sure, but she helped.
Last weekend my husband went fishing and brought home a bunch of wild silver salmon. Salmon isn't my favorite fish, but they are plentiful here and very healthy, and you can't beat the price (or the feeling of fulfillment of literally providing food for your family with your bare hands). So he brought home fish...which then needed to be gutted and filleted. Do I enjoy gutting fish? Oh my no. But if I am going to eat the fish then I'd better be willing to start with an actual flopping fish, bash it's head myself, and so on. Yes, I have to touch it. Yes, I am taking a life. But I eat meat--that inherently means something died for me. So I participate in the whole process, doing my best to waste nothing (the heads and bones and other parts we don't eat get tossed back into the sea, where they will be put to good use).

The honest truth is that I don't really care what diet you have concluded is best for you and your family--be it vegetarian, vegan, raw, traditional foodism, or whatever else. I think that different families in different places have different needs. BUT, whatever it is that you decide you believe in, do it all the way, ok? Don't cheat on yourself. You're better than that. ☺

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One of my food idols blogs here, and she not only has lots of appetizing photos and amazing recipes (mostly vegetarian + lots of gluten-free), she also blogs about her reasons for her dietary choices, her perception of 'real food,' and her active participation in the process. Go on over to her sites, be inspired. ☺

Birthday Parties WithOUT Presents

A few months ago my son got an invitation to go to a birthday party for a boy in his school class. I didn't have a lot of notice, so we weren't able to make a gift or go shopping anywhere special, let alone find something on sale. Neither of us knew the boy well enough to know what his favorite things were, so we could not choose something very personalized. I also didn't have a lot of cash on hand at the time. We ended up going down to a local store and picking out an inexpensive, generic toy.
Over the years, I have observed that that is common for birthday parties--the gifts may be numerous, but they are often cheap , impersonal, or even things that our family doesn't want (for example toys or games that we consider too violent, things the child isn't really interested in, or even exact duplicates of things we already have). In short, it can be hard to give a good birthday party gift, but it's also frustrating (and wasteful) to receive those gifts that aren't so good.

So a simple solution? Skip the presents, just have a party!

This is not to say that our kids don't get birthday presents--they get presents from both sets of grandparents and from us parents too (we who have their wish list!). Occasionally someone else gives a gift too, but for the most part the party is about playing with friends, not about getting stuff. We still have cake and those other traditional birthday things, just no presents (we open the family gifts at a separate time).

I had suggested this idea to Wolf a couple of years ago, but gave him the choice. I thought it was a great idea, but didn't want to force him into it. He liked the idea though, and two of the last three years he has done variations on it, and has enjoyed the parties very much. One year we gathered at the park and had cupcakes and enjoyed the playground. This year we had a movie party. Last year we didn't go giftless, but we went to a skating rink and asked people to please keep gifts small (since we were staying with family for the summer and had limited space).

In a culture where most people are used to giving SOMEthing at a birthday party, you might find that guests will insist on bringing gifts anyway. One thing that helps avoid this is if you invite them to bring something else. Here are a few ideas we've heard (have you seen/done any others?)

• Have a movie party, and invite each guest to bring a snack to share (that's what we did this year)
• For a slumber party, invite each person to bring a snack or a game
  
• Have an animal-themed party--invite each guest to bring a package of dog or cat food, then donate the packages to a local shelter
• Have a book exchange--invite each guest to bring a favorite book, then everyone trades books at the party and each person goes home with a new book
• Choose a cause and invite people to make donations to it rather than bringing material gifts (for example, one mother I know invited $1 donations to the save the tigers fund because her toddler loved tigers).
  
• Have a water party outdoors, and invite each guest to bring water balloons, water bombs, water guns, etc
• Invite each person to bring some art supplies, and make a big collaborative piece of art
• Invite each guest to bring food or clothing items that can be donated to a food bank, women's shelter, homeless shelter, or secondhand store.