A "Crunchy" Mama

(I started this post a looong time ago, then I got morning sick, then I didn't get around to finishing it...but I still wanted to post it so here goes!)


So, I labeled myself as a crunchy mama, then Jenn over at BabyMakinMachine asked me what it meant, so I tried to explain, and it led to her writing this post in which she pondered crunchiness and whether it was for her. That post then led to nearly 50 comments (most of them lengthy and some of them quite heated)... and I concluded that I was gonna just lay it all out.
I think Jenn put it quite fairly when she suggested that perhaps there's a middle level, somewhere between 'crunchy' and 'soggy' (or mainstream) which might be called 'chewy.' I find myself chewy in a number of things, because I'm not nearly so far off the beaten path as many of my uber-crunchy friends. On the other hand, I'm pretty far off the beaten path!

My reasons for being crunchy (or chewy) come from one main thing, and that is that I believe in questioning the status quo, and doing my own research about things, so that I can make my own decisions about what is best for me and my family. Again and again I discover that mainstream practices were born of the greedy side of capitalism (not that capitalism is evil in and of itself, but the associated greediness certainly is...) and that the things that really seem best are falling into this category called "crunchy." Here are my few basic tenets:

1. I believe in not messing with the way God made things.
2. I believe that Godmade is better than manmade, and should be utilized if available.
3. I believe in avoiding unnecessary interventions/chemicals
4. I believe in respecting people and the Earth.
5. I believe in logic
6. I believe in making things cheap, easy, and comfortable unless there's a good reason not to (you got it folks, I'm lazy!).

So what does this mean?

I believe in not messing with the way God made things

• My body gives me signs every month of what is going on with my fertility, so I observe them and take notes rather than trying to control or change them.
• My body makes milk for my baby, therefore, I should give it to the baby.
• God made baby boys with foreskins. End of discussion.
• If you're gonna drink cow milk (which is actually made for baby cows you know), then at least drink it whole, or even raw. Its vitamins are fat-soluable, so if you want the nutritive benefits of it, you'd better be getting the fat with it. Oh, and the low/no-fat versions have petroleum in them, just FYI.
• God made some people women, and some people men, and then He gave them each bodies built to fulfill certain roles, therefore I birth and nurture children and keep our home, while my husband provides for and protects our family.

I believe that Godmade is better than manmade

• So infant formula is only for emergencies, not for the average baby.
• Food out of the dirt or off a tree = good, food out of a box = not so good.
• If there's an herb that fits the bill, then I don't want some chemically formulated pill. Ideally I'd like nothing at all.
• I think HFCS (high fructose corn syrup) is bad news...I'm trying to restrict it in our diet, though I doubt we'll manage to remove it entirely.
• Partially hydrogenated anything = evil
• I believe in butter. Margarine is the devil (also it tastes like BLECH).
• I've recently found that I vastly prefer natural fibers (cotton, wool, hemp, bamboo) over almost all of the synthetics. Especially now that Eagle seems to break out when he wears synthetics.
• I don't typically wear makeup--I wear the face God gave me.

I believe in avoiding unnecessary interventions and chemicals

• The vast majority of women's bodies can give birth without intervention, so they should be allowed to do so.
• If my child is exploring, I don't get in the way unless injury is imminent.
• If (older) kids disagree, I try to help them work it out, rather than stepping in and taking over.
• I think that antibiotics are making superbugs, so I don't use antibacterial soaps or products in my home, and would not seek (or take) a prescription for an antibiotic unless there were a good reason for it (such as post-surgery).
• I don't wear makeup (most of it is toxic to some degree)
• I don't use scented soaps/lotions/shampoos/detergents.

I believe in respecting people...

• I try to boycott companies that treat their employees badly (such as Walmart)
• My children do not call adults by their first names. If an adult is more than a few years older than myself *I* usually do not call them by their first name.
• I think it's offensive to do cosmetic surgery on an infant boy's private parts without his permission.
• I follow my infant's schedule, rather than demanding that he follow mine.
• I don't let a small infant cry. I don't let an older child cry for long.
• I try to be gentle and respectful in my parenting.
• I try to take care of myself by eating (relatively) well and dressing modestly
• If I can tell that my infant needs to poop, I often remove his diaper and hold him over the toilet. There's no reason to force him to sit in his own waste for even a moment if I can help it.

...and respecting the earth

• I try to support local farmers, and sustainable farming practices
• I recycle
• I buy second-hand if I can
• I re-use or re-purpose things because I don't throwing away good fabric/wood/etc
• I try to be minimalist
• I try to stock my kitchen (and my kids' toyboxes) with things that will last--things made from wood, metal, or glass.
• I use recycled packaging when I mail things
• I use cloth diapers, wipes, rags, etc. (I do use cloth pads, but this was a very secondary reason for it--the primary reason is below)

I believe in logic

• I make milk + baby is hungry = give the kid a boob!
• I need sleep + baby needs sleep + baby needs to eat during the night = let's all sleep in the same place
• Babies like to be held + mommy needs to get stuff done = babywearing
• Children learn by example, therefore I should be gentle with them if I want them to learn to be gentle with me or anyone else.
• I see the sense in some vaccines (though not all) but I also see the dangers...so the ones we get we get on a spread-out schedule.

I'm lazy, frugal, and like my comforts

• I use cloth pads and cloth diapers because fabric is more comfortable than plastic on tender parts.
• babywearing is cheaper and easier than strollers and carriers (and doesn't require smooth sidewalks, of which we have precious few here!)
• I re-use or re-purpose things because I don't want to spend the money to buy new ones.
• I don't wear makeup--I've got the face I've got and if you don't like it then don't look, I'm not going to paint it for anybody.

I'm sure there are other things, but this is what comes to mind off the top of my head. ☺

Come back tomorrow and hear about my "soggy side"

Friday Fragments ~ My kids are such animals

A few snapshots from the last few days...


Before Eagle was born, I started telling Bear the story of the Three Billy Goats Gruff, only I put in the names of our three boys for the three goat brothers... Tonight Bear asked for a story, so I started to tell him about the three brothers who were goats: The Wolf goat, the Bear goat, and...
Bear interjected, "I'm a cow."

~~~~~~~~~

Today we were in the car when the following conversation took place.

Bear: Mom, can you hear that noise?

Me: what noise?

Bear: the butterfly noise

Me: a butterfly noise?

Bear: yeah, the butterfly clicking noise.

Me: oh, no, I don't hear that.

Bear: I hear it. I think there's a butterfly back here.

Me: oh you do huh?

Bear: oh it's on me, it TICKLES!!!

~~~~~~~~~

Last night Wolf must have been nearly asleep when he came shuffling out to the living room. "Mom," he said "what family is the platypus in?"

These kinds of questions can keep one up at night you know. (It's a good thing mommy knew the answer!)

"It's a monotreme, which means it's a mammal that nurses its babies but it also lays eggs. There is only one other animal that's a monotreme and it's called the echidna."

"Wow, cool, ok..." and he shuffled back off to bed.

No Middle Ground

There are a few foods in the world that people either love or hate. Some things do not seem to allow middle ground.

For example, mushrooms. I don't know anyone who is ambivalent about mushrooms. Either they love them or they won't touch them. I can't stand the things (in spite of the fact that they add great flavor to sauce). They are just so slimy and all I can think of is slugs...

My sister tells me that in Brazil they have Acai juice everywhere, and it's another love-it-or-hate-it thing. She hated it. Her husband loved it. Being that they don't live in Brazil at the present, I don't know whether their kids have had (or will have) the opportunity to decide which team to join.

I also can't stand pudding skin. I'd rather have an instant pudding with no skin, but my hubby's favorite part is the skin, so he likes to make a batch and then pour it into a really big pan so that it's only 1/2 inch thick but has the maximum amount of pudding skin. He mentioned this to his dad recently, and his dad's eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas. Apparently he is another pudding skin lover, because he thought it was a fabulous idea.

Tomatoes are another common one--although apparently that great divide can be crossed, because as a kid I hated them but in adulthood I came to love them. I don't know how that happens, but still there's no middle ground...I just appear to be a line-hopper in that case.


But now I admit to the weird one:
I like lumps in my cream of wheat.
Does this put my sanity into question?


Which side are you on? Can you think of any more?

Too Many Numbers

There is a scene at the beginning of a little film called "Why Man Creates." One character is asking the other a series of questions, to which each answer is a series of numbers (address, phone number, ID number, zip code, etc etc). After a few exchanges their conversation devolves into just a lot of numbers
Man 1: "7389456?"
Man 2: "934647393"
Man 1: "9374"
Man 2: "3934 8493988 738937!!"
It's a nice commentary on how we have turned everything about ourselves into a series of numbers...on the one hand it's terribly impersonal, on the other hand it affords some privacy I suppose...but in the long run, it's just hard to remember them all.

The other day I called my bank about something and they asked me to provide verification of my identity. I'm glad that they do this of course--I wouldn't want someone else poking about in my bank account information--but somewhere in the middle my brain crashed.
Teller: "last four digits of your social?"
Me: "[yeah right like I'd publish that!]"
Teller: "home phone number"
Me: "[or that!]"
Teller: "Home address"
Me: "[number, street, city] Alaska..." mental blue screen of death! "998...wait, that was my old zip code...um, 99...shoot, I can't remember my zip code! I think it's 99***" (Which it's not by the way, I got two of the three digits right but they were in the wrong order.)
Thankfully I had known all the other stuff so she believed that I was me.
But really, who forgets their own zip code? Especially when they've had it for 7 months?
Me, apparently.

My Beliefs on Birthing Choices

I got some interesting responses when I posted my sister's story. Some I expected ("Those are familiar feelings!") and some not so much. They are all valid points though, so I wanted to take a couple of minutes to share why I shared her story here, and also to respond to my commenters.
First of all, I had pre-scheduled both her post and my response last weekend, and then my computer crashed for a couple of days (whole other story) anyway, I did not see any of the comments until this morning, otherwise I would have responded sooner.

The natural birthing community often spreads stories of 'painless birth' and even 'orgasmic birth.' They tout birth as a beautiful thing. I do believe that the entry of a child into the world is a beautiful event, but I know that not every woman experiences it as beautiful. I've shared my own stories so you probably know that my take is that "birthing is hard work, although it's totally manageable." My sister doesn't fall into either of those categories though--she has given birth in loving, supportive environments, and done everything 'right' as per being able to have peaceful gentle birth (hypno-classes, good support people, etc), and yet she describes her births with words like "difficult" "suffer" and "excruciating."
I shared her story here because I think it is important to share both sides of the natural birth coin--there are people who seem to glide through it, and others who struggle but still choose it because they deeply believe that it is a healthier, safer, better choice.

Now I want to respond to my commenters.
Liz spoke of being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and rape. She--after careful thought and consultation with her provider--decided that the intensity of birthing sensations in the vaginal area would probably trigger all kinds of horrific emotions for her. She chose epidurals for her births, and I think that sounds like a very wise choice in her situation. I believe in something which BFW refers to as "the compassionate use of epidural" which is essentially that it's not healthy to make medication the default choice, but it's also not healthy to rule it out entirely, because there is a time and a place for it. I think Liz's situation is certainly an appropriate place for the compassionate use of an epidural.
I know a young woman whose first baby died in utero just a few days before her due date. She had planned to birth naturally, but once they learned of the baby's death she then was coping with the intensity of grief on top of the intensity of birthing. She also chose an epidural. I think this was another appropriate and compassionate use of epidural.
Another woman I know has twice tried to birth naturally, and both times had a very long, very painful labor with minimal dilation, and both times has ended up having to transfer to the hospital for a c-section. She is now expecting her third child, and has decided that this time she is going to try laboring with an epidural, to see if the reduction of pain will allow her to relax enough to dilate and give birth vaginally. Again, I see an appropriate use of an epidural.
Where I have a problem with epidurals is when the woman doesn't take the time to consider all the options. When she isn't willing to consider trying. When the intervention becomes the default and no one stops to question it. Liz concluded her comment with this thought: "I shouldn't ever have to justify my reasons for choosing to have an epidural. But I share the reason for my decision because it's a different point of view and might shed some light on the deeply personal experience that is birthing." and she's right. She should not have to justify her reasons to anyone except herself. But there again that is the key--she does have reasons for her choice, it was not just going with the flow or doing what everyone does, it was a carefully-thought-out choice. It's true that it is a deeply personal decision, but I (we) share our stories not so much to condemn as to stimulate critical thought. Because "Birth is not merely a means to an end, it is an event that [is] imprinted on a woman's life forever. The memories of their children's births are among the most vivid memories a woman will ever have."  So these choices should not be made lightly.


I also want to respond to Nicole. As usual, she has some perceptive thoughts to share. Thoughts that may be hard to hear, but which are valid all the same. She thought that the post seemed self-righteous, judgmental, and unkind. "This is exactly the attitude that bothers me about some women who choose to give birth naturally," she wrote. "I've given birth both ways, and I respect other women for whatever they choose to do. My ego or sense of self-worth is simply not based on how I chose to birth my babies." Her comment is a good reminder that no matter how strongly we may feel on a given topic, no matter how confident we are in our own views of the issue, the way we express our message is going to influence people at least as much as the message itself. Yes, I do genuinely believe that it is better to birth without medication. I don't see it as a choice between two equals (just as I feel about breastfeeding vs formula feeding). I do believe that there are valid exceptions to the rule, but that they are few and far between. But we must also remember that, as they say, "presentation is everything."

"We lived our lives in fear"

This was my immediate gut response to what my sister wrote (which I posted yesterday)

I think 'fear' hits the nail on the head. I think we live in a culture of fear, and that it drives many people's choices. We fear pain, thus we take medications and use epidurals. We fear work, so we use elevators and cars and automatic mixers and other labor-saving devices without thinking about alternatives. We fear sickness, so we over-vaccinate and take medications for the smallest symptom. We fear death, so we refuse to talk about it, and then when it happens we try to make it into a big deal with lavish coffins, "lifelike" embalming, and over-the-top funerals. We fear truth, so we lie to others--and to ourselves.
But fear is the opposite of faith.
And a world full of fear can only happen in a world void of faith.

My Choice

Today I share a guest post from my sister. She has also chosen unmedicated birthing, but her experiences have been quite different from mine. Here she shares some of her thoughts and reflections on her birth choices.

My friend and neighbor had her fourth baby on Tuesday. She was induced one week early and had an epidural, just as she did with her other three kids. She just likes it that way. The whole idea of scheduling a birth, going to the hospital without any labor pains and having a baby a few hours later, just boggles my mind. It is so strange to me that I can’t stop thinking about it. I know that it is very common for women to be induced as well as for women to have epidurals, but this time, with this friend, it bothers me more. What bothers me? It’s hard to say. I have had many conversations with this friend and we agree about many things, but we do not agree on birth methods, and somehow that is a big thing. It is such a big thing that it’s almost as if it drives a wedge in our friendship, distancing us and preventing us from some more complete measure of friendship. This is the case with other friends as well. The opposite is also true. Many times I have learned that a new friend or acquaintance has natural births and immediately there is a connection, a pull toward friendship. There is a feeling of “you have felt it too!” For some reason birthing methods makes a big difference in the strength of understanding and friendship for me, probably because it’s something I am passionate about.

Yet there is something else that bothers me. What is this feeling that I get when I learn of someone’s medicated birth? Is it a feeling of self-rightness, a sense of “I’m right and she’s wrong”? No, I know women have their agency (and I wish more of them would use it instead of letting “health care professionals” make personal decisions for them! But that’s another topic). It’s not right and wrong; it’s just different. Then what is this feeling? Is it jealousy? Am I jealous that she had an easy, pain free experience when giving birth is so difficult for me? Is it that it’s not fair? But I know I have the choice, too. It’s just that I’ve done the research for myself and I know it’s statistically safer to do it naturally without intervention, and that is what I have chosen. Is it self doubt? Do I doubt my choice? I find myself thinking, “am I insane?” Why do I choose to suffer when there is a pain free option? I remind myself of the many reasons, but then I wonder if it’s worth all the fear that I feel. I never want to go through that again, and I think about it every day. Have I really made the right choice?

I watched my friend return home from the hospital today. I felt a great distance between us, despite the close proximity of our physical persons. I do not understand what she just experienced. And she does not understand what I have experienced at the most excruciating, life changing moments of my life. As I see it, she has not experienced the culmination of being a woman. She is choosing to miss it! The birth of my babies will be forever etched in my memory; moments of pain, yes, and also of relief, strength and power. I am a woman. I birth my babies the way God intended it to be. That makes me powerful. I watch my friend walk with her baby to their door. No, I do not comprehend what she just experienced, and I guess I never will.

Frugal Friday: Ye Olde Wool Sweater

Have you got any old wool sweaters laying around? Perhaps it's something you love but realize you'll never fit into again. Perhaps it was an amazing deal at a thrift store. Perhaps it's gotten a hole. Perhaps it's just too scratchy to really wear.
Well it certainly doesn't need to be sitting in the back of your closet tempting the moths! Here are a few things I like to do with wool.

*Any regular 'hand-wash' wool can be felted. If the wool is scratchy, I always recommend felting it. This means wash it in a hot soapy wash a couple of times (with lots of agitation) until it shrinks up and gets thick. You can cut/sew it before or after felting, but I recommend doing it afterward because you never know exactly how much it will shrink! (Please note that washable wool does not felt...however once it's been fully felted, your formerly hand-wash-only wool will be machine-washable in cold water.)

• recycle the yarn~not all sweaters can be unraveled, but many will unravel quite easily. just snip a little into the neck or cuff, and start pulling gently at the yarn. It will pull out into a kinky but long piece of yarn. Gentle washing and hang-drying will get the kinks out, and voila, you're ready to use it for a new project!
• recycled longies~felted or non-felted, best made with soft wool with tighter stitches. If you want it for diapering purposes, do not use a washable wool~whether you cloth diaper or not, wool pants are a nice winter option for the kiddos. They are great for playing outside in wet/snowy places because they have a degree of water-resistance to them. Of course if you DO cloth diaper you probably already know how amazing wool can be for that! Here is a tutorial that uses the sleeves as the legs of the longies. Here is another that is a pattern cut from the front/back of the sweater (for this latter one, the maker tells me that she's added about 1" to both the length and width of the pattern shown since making the tutorial).
  
• storage for cast iron pans~especially if you use them for camping, a 'pan sweater' will keep the pan from getting wet or dirty from outside sources (the wool will absorb moisture that may head its way), and inversely it will also protect everything else from getting black smudges from the cast iron! I made mine using the body of a felted sweater--just cut it off at the armpits, sewed across the top, and left the bottom open for sliding the pan in and out.
  
• hot pads/pot-holders~felt the wool, cut it to size, sew two (or more) layers together...you can make it fancy (turned and topstitched) or just zig-zag around the edges to hold the layers together. (The one downside of these is that if they get wet they will not protect you from heat...but that is the nature of most hot pads, so I don't see it as a big deal.) If you are feeling ambitious, sew the layers on three sides but leave the last side open so that you can use it as a mitt...in that case I recommed an extra layer for at least one side of the mitt.
• cast iron handle covers~felt the wool, then make a rectangle that is the length of your pan's handle and about 5" wide. Fold in half, sew across the end and down one side to make a closed-ended tube, and turn it right-side-out. (Depending on the thickness of your felted wool, you may want to double-layer it, but I prefer not to as that becomes bulky and difficult to work with.) Slide it right onto your pan handle and keep it there--no more grabbing for slippery pot-holders when you need to shift your cast iron pan, the hot pad is already right there!
  
• (felted) quilt squares~if you have a lot, especially if you have some fun colors or patterns, consider felting it all, then making it into a lap quilt. It will probably be a bit heavy, but will be toasty warm!
• (felted) rug~The same idea as the quilt...just look what my friend Joy did for her entryway! (you'll need to scroll about halfway down the post). My goodness I need to make me one of those!!
  

Feelin Feminine Challenge

Christina at TheStoryOfUs shared this challenge recently, and I decided to give it a go. The original challenge is to wear skirts/dresses every day for a week. I have had periods in my life when I did this, but at present it is a bit difficult because 1--I am nursing so dresses/jumpers are out. 2--many of my skirts are summery and it's winter in Alaska right now. 3--some of my skirts still don't fit around my post-baby body. So I decided to do what I do with so many things, and adapt it for myself.
For the last week I have made efforts to be more feminine in my appearance--but not necessarily just by wearing skirts--and to observe how it affected how feminine I felt. I made an effort to actually comb and style my hair every day, not just pull it up in a quick bun (which is what I often do). I wore earrings. I made an effort to be feminine in my behavior--thinking about my role as a Keeper At Home, taking pride in doing what I do well, and also trying to be gentle and patient and those other traditional virtues.

Here are some photos from the week:

Day 1 (Photo courtesy of Wolf)
Nothin makes ya feel fat like wearing your favorite skirt--that used to be slightly loose at the waist--and having to wear a waist cincher to even get it zipped up...and then still looking pudgy anyway. *sigh* I decided to put this skirt away again for a few more months. I can't bear to get rid of it though--not unless I know I won't fit it again--because I made it and like I said, I really love it.

Day 2 (Taking my own photos now--thank you mirror!)
I went for a feminine shirt (my sister got it for me in Brazil), upswept hair, and pretty (etsy) earrings...with my jeans. I liked it. Someone asked me for a tutorial on the hair--I'll try to remember to post that soon. I just wanted something besides a regular old bun...so I made a glorified version of a regular old bun. ☺

Day 3--no photos, whoops! I wore an embroidered peasant blouse (which my sister got me from Mexico--go sis!!) with the jeans and some pretty earrings...

Day 4 (Sunday)

A rare non-dangly-earring day, but it was Valentine's, so I figured hearts were in order, besides which these earrings were a gift from Wolf a couple of years ago. ♥
Hair up a la day 2 again.

Day 5
Oh my word I forgot to wear earrings.
I think I get a bonus point for this day though because I made both the blouse and the skirt...

Day 6
These are the earrings I wore on Day 3... (handmade--bought from a street fair vendor when I was in college). Even a blue button-down shirt can be feminine...I think...


Day 7--no photos, but I wore the stripey green skirt again with a tan t-shirt. I didn't sleep very well the prior night and didn't do anythign interesting with my hair or earrings...but I wore a dress. So I still get my points, right?!

Day 8--today
Another peasant blouse (this one I bought in Turkey--note the lace bit in the middle of the sleeve too--I love that part *sigh*) These earrings I bought at a street fair at least 15 years ago. They were on studs which eventually got ikky, but I switched them onto some nice french hooks and they are still my favorites...they have seen more ear time than all my other earrings combined I think. But how can you go wrong with a simple dangle that matches everything?!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

So now we get the exciting "let's analyze our feelings" part of the post. ☺ Here are things I noticed this week:

• A lot of the things I did this week are things I do anyway--baking bread, making dinners, sewing--but when I was thinking about them as part of my 'role' rather than part of my 'dumb stuff I gotta do' list they seemed, I don't know...less drudgery and more noble I guess. I mean, kneading bread is still kneading bread--and I don't mind it--but there's something about kneading it with love instead of kneading it with hurry I guess. 
• A lot of people chop off their hair when they have kids. If you like short hair, go ahead and have a short haircut...but I think it's sad to get 'mom hair' just because you're a Mrs, you know? I find that a pretty up-do is youthful and elegant and feminine, and it can add a dash of glamour to everyday jeans...
• All my best stuff is either handmade or from a foreign country. Hmmmmmm.
• Earrings can dress you up or frump you down. 
• Femininity is as much about attitude and actions as it is about outfits. Maybe moreso.
• ...and I no longer own any pants except jammies/sweats and jeans. This is Alaska, after all--and I've lived in the bush for the last two years. I decided that this summer I need to buy a pair of slacks or corderoys so I can have something between 'jeans' and 'church' to wear.

The Value of a Person

Unless you've been living under a rock somewhere, you probably heard that last week olympic luger Nodar Kumaritashvili died during training, before the opening ceremonies were even held. He was 21 and from the eastern European Republic of Georgia.
The news was shocking and sad of course, but what was even more shocking and sad to me was the way the news was delivered on a local radio station. "There has been a death at the Olympics," the DJ said. Then he added quickly "Not an American or a Canadian though..."

Not a member of our team, oh and not a member of the home team, so therefore he's less important? We don't know him personally (we can barely pronounce his name) so, you know, his death is news but we're not emotional over it.

Since when is one person less of a person than another?

Oh yeah, since forever. The person who looks different. The person who doesn't speak your language. The person who is handicapped. The baby that isn't born yet. Many people are marginalized and for many reasons. But these are all people, and in God's eyes each person is equally important with each other person.
How is it that humanity is so inhuman?!
And what can I do to be the change I want to see--need to see--in this inhuman world?