Two Birthday Cakes

As I mentioned in my goals at the beginning of the year, I decided to make a fun cake for each family member's birthday this year. Today you get to see the first two, since Hubby and Bear's birthdays are less than a week apart (Bear's due date was Hubby's birthday, but he came a few days earlier). ☺

Bear's 3rd Birthday
He requested a "brown cake that I can eat," I decided it should be a big lego:
(The front bumps actually had his name, but I edited it out here...)

Hubby's birthday
A green dragon (green is his favorite color, and his 'wild thing' designation in the family is 'daddy dragon'...also The Green Dragon is the pub that the hobbits always go to in Lord of the Rings, and if that is as significant to you as it is to him, well, then you must be a geek too ☺ )

face and front feet

from the back you can see the lines for the legs and tail...

see, I used a fancy pan so there were layers in the half-dome
mmm, more cream cheese frosting!

Bear said it looked like a turtle. I'm afraid I must concede the point. I had considered making a double batch of cake and doing the tail and legs in 3-D as well as the head, but I decided that an hour was long enough to spend on a cake right now...perhaps when I don't have an infant I will consider spending 4 hours on a cake.

The Wiggly Truth

I'm in a low with body image issues right now.
There, I said it.
In my pre-teens I hated my flat chest.
In my early teens I hated my hair (and the fact that curl + humidity = frizz).
In my later teens (having gained both a chest and some defrizzer and also a slender waist and really hot legs due to some pretty intense ballroom dancing) I finally was happy with my appearance. I stayed pretty happy into my mid 20s. I struggled with other things (like zero dating life and later on multiple miscarriages) but my body looked good even if it didn't seem to be working right. After Bear was born I had a few months of adjusting to my striped and ripply tummy, but I could still squeeze it into the same jeans as before the pregnancy, so I just kept it covered up and went on being happy. But for some reason this time is different.
Maybe it's that it's still less than 3 months since Eagle's birth. Maybe it's that I still have 5 extra lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight (they came off faster last time). Maybe it's that I have more stripes, or more jiggles in my middle than last time. Maybe it's that those breasts I once prayed for are really big and very droopy. Maybe it's that my face is starting to get lines. Maybe it's that I spend all my time being a mommy (changing diapers and doing laundry) and not so much time being a woman (going out with my Hubby or doing much of anything for me).
No, I'm not depressed like I was a year ago, truly I'm not. I'm just struggling with looking in the mirror right now... and because I'm not finding myself attractive, it's hard to believe that anyone else could find me attractive, and of course that opens up a whole other can of worms. But that's not what this post is about. The reason I'm writing this post is just to say yes, even the most confident and happy of women go through periods like this. I love being a mother, truly I do. I have no regrets over choosing motherhood, in spite of the things it does to my body, and I would (and probably will) do it again without hesitation. I know that this season of my life is one for giving--my youth was for me and my old age will be for me again, but right now is my time to create and give. It's just that on some days it's hard. And that's ok.

Dilemma

I believe that everyone has a right to eat the food that is best for them.
I believe that everyone has a right to eat without having to hide the fact that they are doing so.
Therefore, I breastfeed my baby and I don't put a blanket over his head. Blankets are hot and stuffy, and frankly Eagle is still young enough that I frequently need to see him so that I can adjust his latch on my breast (he likes to slide off halfway which leaves him improperly latched and can cause problems for both of us if I leave him that way).
I do make an effort to be discreet when I nurse in public--I typically dress in layers so that I can get out what I need without exposing anything extra. The baby's head and body usually cover most of my exposed parts from any perspective except mine. It's true that I may show a little more skin than I mean to while adjusting the baby or something, but it's not intentional. I really don't want to flash anybody, and as I said, I am trying to be as discreet as I can.

In addition, for those who do see a bit of something, well, I think it is healthy for people (especially young people) to see that a breast's primary purpose is to nourish children. The media is full of breasts, but rarely in as appropriate a context as breastfeeding. A relative once expressed to us that she was uncomfortable about my breastfeeding when her teenage son was in the room, and Hubby looked her in the eye and said "you let him go to PG-13 movies with his friends, trust me he's seen a lot more breast than this, and in less appropriate contexts."
It reminds me of this (double-click to see it larger):

(From Sunstone Magazine, Oct 2007 issue)

Well, a couple of weeks ago I got a phone call from a woman in my ward. She is a friend of mine, and someone whom I respect very much. Apparently some men and/or young men had expressed discomfort about my nursing in Sacrament Meeting. I don't know quite what channels the discussion had gone through (although I suspect that half the ward knows), but the Bishop had made a request (which was assigned to my friend to deliver) that I be given this message from him: "Breastfeeding is a great thing, my wife did it with all our kids, and we certainly don't mind your nursing in church. But some people are uncomfortable with it so could you please use a blanket." My friend went on to state that she was just the messenger, and that she wasn't going to tell me what I should or shouldn't do (she's quite pro-breastfeeding herself), but that she'd been asked to deliver the message and so was doing so.
My first thought was when is anyone seeing enough to be uncomfortable about?! But then it occurred to me that I typically sit on the outside edge of the pew (so that I can step out easily to change diapers etc). If I'm nursing during the administration of the sacrament (which I often have been, because it keeps the baby quiet) then the man/young man who brings the tray to our pew would be standing next to/over me and be privvy to my perspective of the nursing babe...ok, yes, I can see that that could make someone uncomfortable.
So now I have this dilemma.
On the one hand, I firmly believe in nursing in public, and I prefer to do it without a blanket or cover, for all the reasons explained above. I know that Alaskan law excludes nursing mothers from public indecency statutes. On the other hand, my leader has asked me to do something, and I have covenanted to sustain my leaders. He is not being obnoxioius either, he is trying to find a gentle way to resolve everyones concerns in the matter.

So Hubby and I discussed my options.
There is a room where mothers can go to change diapers and nurse their babies, however there is no speaker hooked up to that room, and I want to be able to hear the meeting. Bear nursed frequently but briefly, but Eagle likes to tank up for 30-40 minutes, so if I were to go out with him I would miss half the meeting. There is a classroom that has a speaker hooked up, but it is on the far side of the building (ie--one has to walk through the chapel to get from one room to the other), and there is nowhere to change a baby over there. If they would provide both a speaker and a changing space on the same side of the building I would be much more inclined to utilize them. (I shared this with the woman who initially called me, and she said that was a very good point and she passed the information back up to the leadership, so hopefully they will install a fold-away changing table on the other side or something, but thus far all they've done is make an announcement in church that the room over there has a speaker and that young mothers are welcome to utilize the room in caring for their little ones.)
A second reason why I do not want to leave the chapel is actually far bigger--it means leaving Hubby alone with the other boys. It's not that he can't handle two kids in church, but we are both able to get more out of the meeting when we tag-team on the parenting. And as I said, when nursing Eagle, it's not like I would just be gone for a few minutes.
I could pump milk and bring a bottle to use for feeding Eagle during the meeting. In a way that seems the simplest solution...but what if I don't bring enough? Then we are back where we started anyway! I don't have any problem with teaching my child to take a bottle, but if I use a bottle in church solely because someone felt uncomfortable about breastfeeding, then it seems counter-productive in the whole goal of normalizing breastfeeding and the primary purpose of breasts.
A final option--and the one we've decided to go with for now--is that I will continue to breastfeed in church (without a blanket) but that I will sit next to the wall. If I'm against the wall then I'll automatically be more discreet because there won't be anyone standing over me at the edge of the pew. If (as yesterday) there are no side pews available when we arrive at church, then I will probably step out.

Light and Love

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
only light can do that.

Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that."

~ Martin Luther King Jr.

Breastfeeding among Great Apes

Mother chimpanzee with baby
Originally uploaded by Frenzy McKenzie

I just read a fascinating post about great apes and when they wean.

Of course there is variation between the species, but they all nurse until at least 3 years, and some routinely nurse until 5 or 6 or even 7. Their biological development is similar to ours (how and how long it takes the brain to develop for example), so then logically humans' "natural" weaning time is probably in a similar time frame.
I'm not saying that we all need to nurse our kids until they start kindergarten, but I do think the oft-preached practice of weaning at 12 months does a great disservice to the average child (and mother). My plan was always for 2 years. I nursed Bear several months longer than that because he wanted it, but weaned him at about 2 1/2. At 12 months old he was actually still consuming more breastmilk than solid foods--it would have been hard on both of us to make him give up his primary source of nutrition. Besides which, the older a child is when he is introduced to a new food, the less likely it is that he will have an allergic reaction to it.
Eagle I will nurse until we reach some mutually agreeable age--it will probably be around 2 as well. There is a huge difference in the maturity of a child between age 1 and age 2, both physically and emotionally. So that is why I continue to believe in extended breastfeeding.

Human progress is not inevitable

Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable...
Every step toward the goal of justice requires
sacrifice, suffering, and struggle;
the tireless exertions and passionate concern
of dedicated individuals.
~Martin Luther King, Jr

High Five

Destiny from The Prudent Woman tagged me for this.

My High Five (5 highlights) from 2009:

1) Giving birth, especially at home and in the water... Giving birth is a remarkable thing regardless, but (as I've repeatedly mentioned) this qualifies as one of the highlights of my life, not just of the year.

2) Driving around the corner above our new town and seeing it for the first time. (Also our subsequent realization that it was Home.) Also leaving Pelican. I don't mean that to sound harsh, and moving to Pelican was a good thing because it brought us to Alaska...but I was oh so very ready to leave.

3) Watching my kids grow up...Wolf had his first canoe trip, got busy with cub scouts, learned to focus on his schoolwork and get things done (usually) in a timely manner, and is a wonderful helper with his little brothers. Bear has learned to use the toilet, speak like a grown-up, and gone from being a clingy-doesn't-even-want-to-stay-with-daddy kid to loving going to church nursery by himself. This summer they also got to see their maternal grandparents for the first time in a year, and their paternal grandparents for the first time in two years. For Bear that meant developing relationships, and for Wolf it was re-developing them...and that's another beautiful thing to see.

4) Seeing how much income I'd brought in via my etsy shop in 2008 (as I did the tax paperwork), and realizing that it was more than a hobby, it was actually a viable little business--making enough to pay not only for my supplies, but also for our internet service!

5) Getting our first PFDs (and knowing that we'll be getting them every year for as long as we stay in Alaska ☺ Oh how I ♥ living in this state!)

Refuse to Hate

"Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence
but also internal violence of spirit.
You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him."

~Martin Luther King Jr.

Everything in life is a choice. Today, consider the power of refusing to hate!!

The ultimate measure of a man

"The ultimate measure of a man
is not
where he stands at times of comfort,
but
where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

~Martin Luther King, Jr.

The appalling silence

History will have to record that
the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition
was not the strident clamor of the bad people,
but the appalling silence of the good people.

~Martin Luther King, Jr.