I believe that everyone has a right to eat the food that is best for them.
I believe that everyone has a right to eat without having to hide the fact that they are doing so.
Therefore, I breastfeed my baby and I don't put a blanket over his head. Blankets are hot and stuffy, and frankly Eagle is still young enough that I frequently need to see him so that I can adjust his latch on my breast (he likes to slide off halfway which leaves him improperly latched and can cause problems for both of us if I leave him that way).
I do make an effort to be discreet when I nurse in public--I typically dress in layers so that I can get out what I need without exposing anything extra. The baby's head and body usually cover most of my exposed parts from any perspective except mine. It's true that I may show a little more skin than I mean to while adjusting the baby or something, but it's not intentional. I really don't want to flash anybody, and as I said, I am trying to be as discreet as I can.
In addition, for those who do see a bit of something, well, I think it is healthy for people (especially young people) to see that a breast's primary purpose is to nourish children. The media is full of breasts, but rarely in as appropriate a context as breastfeeding. A relative once expressed to us that she was uncomfortable about my breastfeeding when her teenage son was in the room, and Hubby looked her in the eye and said "you let him go to PG-13 movies with his friends, trust me he's seen a lot more breast than this, and in less appropriate contexts."
It reminds me of this (double-click to see it larger):
Well, a couple of weeks ago I got a phone call from a woman in my ward. She is a friend of mine, and someone whom I respect very much. Apparently some men and/or young men had expressed discomfort about my nursing in Sacrament Meeting. I don't know quite what channels the discussion had gone through (although I suspect that half the ward knows), but the Bishop had made a request (which was assigned to my friend to deliver) that I be given this message from him: "Breastfeeding is a great thing, my wife did it with all our kids, and we certainly don't mind your nursing in church. But some people are uncomfortable with it so could you please use a blanket." My friend went on to state that she was just the messenger, and that she wasn't going to tell me what I should or shouldn't do (she's quite pro-breastfeeding herself), but that she'd been asked to deliver the message and so was doing so.
My first thought was when is anyone seeing enough to be uncomfortable about?! But then it occurred to me that I typically sit on the outside edge of the pew (so that I can step out easily to change diapers etc). If I'm nursing during the administration of the sacrament (which I often have been, because it keeps the baby quiet) then the man/young man who brings the tray to our pew would be standing next to/over me and be privvy to my perspective of the nursing babe...ok, yes, I can see that that could make someone uncomfortable.
So now I have this dilemma.
On the one hand, I firmly believe in nursing in public, and I prefer to do it without a blanket or cover, for all the reasons explained above. I know that Alaskan law excludes nursing mothers from public indecency statutes. On the other hand, my leader has asked me to do something, and I have covenanted to sustain my leaders. He is not being obnoxioius either, he is trying to find a gentle way to resolve everyones concerns in the matter.
So Hubby and I discussed my options.
There is a room where mothers can go to change diapers and nurse their babies, however there is no speaker hooked up to that room, and I want to be able to hear the meeting. Bear nursed frequently but briefly, but Eagle likes to tank up for 30-40 minutes, so if I were to go out with him I would miss half the meeting. There is a classroom that has a speaker hooked up, but it is on the far side of the building (ie--one has to walk through the chapel to get from one room to the other), and there is nowhere to change a baby over there. If they would provide both a speaker and a changing space on the same side of the building I would be much more inclined to utilize them. (I shared this with the woman who initially called me, and she said that was a very good point and she passed the information back up to the leadership, so hopefully they will install a fold-away changing table on the other side or something, but thus far all they've done is make an announcement in church that the room over there has a speaker and that young mothers are welcome to utilize the room in caring for their little ones.)
A second reason why I do not want to leave the chapel is actually far bigger--it means leaving Hubby alone with the other boys. It's not that he can't handle two kids in church, but we are both able to get more out of the meeting when we tag-team on the parenting. And as I said, when nursing Eagle, it's not like I would just be gone for a few minutes.
I could pump milk and bring a bottle to use for feeding Eagle during the meeting. In a way that seems the simplest solution...but what if I don't bring enough? Then we are back where we started anyway! I don't have any problem with teaching my child to take a bottle, but if I use a bottle in church solely because someone felt uncomfortable about breastfeeding, then it seems counter-productive in the whole goal of normalizing breastfeeding and the primary purpose of breasts.
A final option--and the one we've decided to go with for now--is that I will continue to breastfeed in church (without a blanket) but that I will sit next to the wall. If I'm against the wall then I'll automatically be more discreet because there won't be anyone standing over me at the edge of the pew. If (as yesterday) there are no side pews available when we arrive at church, then I will probably step out.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Light and Love
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that."
~ Martin Luther King Jr.
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that."
~ Martin Luther King Jr.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Breastfeeding among Great Apes
I just read a fascinating post about great apes and when they wean.
Of course there is variation between the species, but they all nurse until at least 3 years, and some routinely nurse until 5 or 6 or even 7. Their biological development is similar to ours (how and how long it takes the brain to develop for example), so then logically humans' "natural" weaning time is probably in a similar time frame.
I'm not saying that we all need to nurse our kids until they start kindergarten, but I do think the oft-preached practice of weaning at 12 months does a great disservice to the average child (and mother). My plan was always for 2 years. I nursed Bear several months longer than that because he wanted it, but weaned him at about 2 1/2. At 12 months old he was actually still consuming more breastmilk than solid foods--it would have been hard on both of us to make him give up his primary source of nutrition. Besides which, the older a child is when he is introduced to a new food, the less likely it is that he will have an allergic reaction to it.
Eagle I will nurse until we reach some mutually agreeable age--it will probably be around 2 as well. There is a huge difference in the maturity of a child between age 1 and age 2, both physically and emotionally. So that is why I continue to believe in extended breastfeeding.
Of course there is variation between the species, but they all nurse until at least 3 years, and some routinely nurse until 5 or 6 or even 7. Their biological development is similar to ours (how and how long it takes the brain to develop for example), so then logically humans' "natural" weaning time is probably in a similar time frame.
I'm not saying that we all need to nurse our kids until they start kindergarten, but I do think the oft-preached practice of weaning at 12 months does a great disservice to the average child (and mother). My plan was always for 2 years. I nursed Bear several months longer than that because he wanted it, but weaned him at about 2 1/2. At 12 months old he was actually still consuming more breastmilk than solid foods--it would have been hard on both of us to make him give up his primary source of nutrition. Besides which, the older a child is when he is introduced to a new food, the less likely it is that he will have an allergic reaction to it.
Eagle I will nurse until we reach some mutually agreeable age--it will probably be around 2 as well. There is a huge difference in the maturity of a child between age 1 and age 2, both physically and emotionally. So that is why I continue to believe in extended breastfeeding.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Human progress is not inevitable
Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable...
Every step toward the goal of justice requires
sacrifice, suffering, and struggle;
the tireless exertions and passionate concern
of dedicated individuals.
~Martin Luther King, Jr
Every step toward the goal of justice requires
sacrifice, suffering, and struggle;
the tireless exertions and passionate concern
of dedicated individuals.
~Martin Luther King, Jr
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
High Five
Destiny from The Prudent Woman tagged me for this.
My High Five (5 highlights) from 2009:
1) Giving birth, especially at home and in the water... Giving birth is a remarkable thing regardless, but (as I've repeatedly mentioned) this qualifies as one of the highlights of my life, not just of the year.
2) Driving around the corner above our new town and seeing it for the first time. (Also our subsequent realization that it was Home.) Also leaving Pelican. I don't mean that to sound harsh, and moving to Pelican was a good thing because it brought us to Alaska...but I was oh so very ready to leave.
3) Watching my kids grow up...Wolf had his first canoe trip, got busy with cub scouts, learned to focus on his schoolwork and get things done (usually) in a timely manner, and is a wonderful helper with his little brothers. Bear has learned to use the toilet, speak like a grown-up, and gone from being a clingy-doesn't-even-want-to-stay-with-daddy kid to loving going to church nursery by himself. This summer they also got to see their maternal grandparents for the first time in a year, and their paternal grandparents for the first time in two years. For Bear that meant developing relationships, and for Wolf it was re-developing them...and that's another beautiful thing to see.
4) Seeing how much income I'd brought in via my etsy shop in 2008 (as I did the tax paperwork), and realizing that it was more than a hobby, it was actually a viable little business--making enough to pay not only for my supplies, but also for our internet service!
5) Getting our first PFDs (and knowing that we'll be getting them every year for as long as we stay in Alaska ☺ Oh how I ♥ living in this state!)
My High Five (5 highlights) from 2009:
1) Giving birth, especially at home and in the water... Giving birth is a remarkable thing regardless, but (as I've repeatedly mentioned) this qualifies as one of the highlights of my life, not just of the year.
2) Driving around the corner above our new town and seeing it for the first time. (Also our subsequent realization that it was Home.) Also leaving Pelican. I don't mean that to sound harsh, and moving to Pelican was a good thing because it brought us to Alaska...but I was oh so very ready to leave.
3) Watching my kids grow up...Wolf had his first canoe trip, got busy with cub scouts, learned to focus on his schoolwork and get things done (usually) in a timely manner, and is a wonderful helper with his little brothers. Bear has learned to use the toilet, speak like a grown-up, and gone from being a clingy-doesn't-even-want-to-stay-with-daddy kid to loving going to church nursery by himself. This summer they also got to see their maternal grandparents for the first time in a year, and their paternal grandparents for the first time in two years. For Bear that meant developing relationships, and for Wolf it was re-developing them...and that's another beautiful thing to see.
4) Seeing how much income I'd brought in via my etsy shop in 2008 (as I did the tax paperwork), and realizing that it was more than a hobby, it was actually a viable little business--making enough to pay not only for my supplies, but also for our internet service!
5) Getting our first PFDs (and knowing that we'll be getting them every year for as long as we stay in Alaska ☺ Oh how I ♥ living in this state!)
Refuse to Hate
"Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence
but also internal violence of spirit.
You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him."
~Martin Luther King Jr.
but also internal violence of spirit.
You not only refuse to shoot a man,
but you refuse to hate him."
~Martin Luther King Jr.
Everything in life is a choice. Today, consider the power of refusing to hate!!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
The ultimate measure of a man
"The ultimate measure of a man
is not
where he stands at times of comfort,
but
where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
~Martin Luther King, Jr.
is not
where he stands at times of comfort,
but
where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
~Martin Luther King, Jr.
Monday, January 18, 2010
The appalling silence
History will have to record that
the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition
was not the strident clamor of the bad people,
but the appalling silence of the good people.
~Martin Luther King, Jr.
the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition
was not the strident clamor of the bad people,
but the appalling silence of the good people.
~Martin Luther King, Jr.
Is it Just Me?
...or is it sad that frozen turkeys now come with a gravy packet included? "Pour drippings and contents of gravy packet into a saucepan and mix well over medium heat."
Have we forgotten how to make a simple gravy? Um, meat drippings, flour, water, cornstarch if desired...maybe a little bullion (or a few cubes of frozen bone broth) to round it out...this is not a difficult thing to make...is it?
In the last couple of months I think I have seen a dozen facebook status updates that reference the person taking on some new and 'elaborate' cooking endeavor (often after watching "Julie and Julia"), and then I see what they are making: quiche, alfredo, a turkey... No, you're right, these are not necessarily beginner projects. But they are not terribly advanced either...most are more in the intermediate range. In and of itself there's nothing wrong with that, but some of these people are, well, a lot older than me. Women who have been stay-at-home-moms for a couple of decades, and yet have never attempted to cook anything complicated.
I am not suggesting that everyone needs to be a gourmet chef, but we all have to eat every day, so why would we not at least make quality food? And if you are already a pretty good cook, don't you get bored just making the same things over and over, no matter how good they may be? Don't you (and your family) deserve some variety? I chose to be a homemaker--shouldn't I care enough about my profession to be good at it??
So I'm issuing a challenge to all of you, my readers. It doesn't matter what level you are starting from; this coming week try something new. A new recipe, a new technique, a new something-that-will-make-you-a-little-better in the kitchen. After all, we could all try a little harder to be a little better. ☺
Have we forgotten how to make a simple gravy? Um, meat drippings, flour, water, cornstarch if desired...maybe a little bullion (or a few cubes of frozen bone broth) to round it out...this is not a difficult thing to make...is it?
In the last couple of months I think I have seen a dozen facebook status updates that reference the person taking on some new and 'elaborate' cooking endeavor (often after watching "Julie and Julia"), and then I see what they are making: quiche, alfredo, a turkey... No, you're right, these are not necessarily beginner projects. But they are not terribly advanced either...most are more in the intermediate range. In and of itself there's nothing wrong with that, but some of these people are, well, a lot older than me. Women who have been stay-at-home-moms for a couple of decades, and yet have never attempted to cook anything complicated.
I am not suggesting that everyone needs to be a gourmet chef, but we all have to eat every day, so why would we not at least make quality food? And if you are already a pretty good cook, don't you get bored just making the same things over and over, no matter how good they may be? Don't you (and your family) deserve some variety? I chose to be a homemaker--shouldn't I care enough about my profession to be good at it??
So I'm issuing a challenge to all of you, my readers. It doesn't matter what level you are starting from; this coming week try something new. A new recipe, a new technique, a new something-that-will-make-you-a-little-better in the kitchen. After all, we could all try a little harder to be a little better. ☺
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Accidental Abuse?
Disclaimer: I know domestic violence is a serious thing and I don't in any way mean to pretend that it's not. However these events the other day were so amusing that I had to share...
A few days ago I was doing some dishes. Hubby had just finished making himself some lunch, and I knew that he'd boiled some potstickers, so as I grabbed things from the sink I was careful of the pan that he had used because I knew it would be hot. I reached into another dish to grab a spoon and YEEOOWWWW! I burned all four fingers of my right hand. Even as I thrust them into the cold faucet water they still felt hot. What the...???
Apparently when he had drained the potstickers, Hubby didn't pour the water down the drain, it had gone into a pan already in the sink and he had just left it there. I had not thought that a pan from the prior night would have nearly-boiling water in it...obviously I mis-thought.
Hubby felt so bad, but I really wasn't mad at him, I was just frustrated at the pain and the situation in general. Being the strange people that we are, we started joking about it "well if you wanted to hurt me there are more direct ways to do it" "no, I wanted to do it in a sneaky way, plausible deniability you know..."
Well if that's how he wants to play, maybe I'll have to accidentally leave a strategically placed dirty diaper on the floor for him...
A few days ago I was doing some dishes. Hubby had just finished making himself some lunch, and I knew that he'd boiled some potstickers, so as I grabbed things from the sink I was careful of the pan that he had used because I knew it would be hot. I reached into another dish to grab a spoon and YEEOOWWWW! I burned all four fingers of my right hand. Even as I thrust them into the cold faucet water they still felt hot. What the...???
Apparently when he had drained the potstickers, Hubby didn't pour the water down the drain, it had gone into a pan already in the sink and he had just left it there. I had not thought that a pan from the prior night would have nearly-boiling water in it...obviously I mis-thought.
Hubby felt so bad, but I really wasn't mad at him, I was just frustrated at the pain and the situation in general. Being the strange people that we are, we started joking about it "well if you wanted to hurt me there are more direct ways to do it" "no, I wanted to do it in a sneaky way, plausible deniability you know..."
Well if that's how he wants to play, maybe I'll have to accidentally leave a strategically placed dirty diaper on the floor for him...
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