2009 in Review

A couple of my friends have done this sort of thing, and I find it fascinating.
Take the first most interesting sentence of each post, find the best one (or few) from each month, and post them together as a synopsis of my year. ☺(For your browsing ease, I have linked each post...enjoy!)

January
At one point, my sweet innocent son explained to someone "this is the plain eggnog, and that one is for alcoholics."

Square miles on Chichagof: about 2000
People on Chichagof: 1100
Freakin Huge Bears on Chichagof: 1600
Now see, don't you feel educated?!

Well, the little-Bear-who-is-not-so-little has just come and stuck yet another body part into my face so that I can kiss it better.

The other night Hubby and I were talking, and the subject turned to a particular relative of ours whom I'll call Marge (because that is not her name). ☺

He looked at me very seriously. "No peepee door," he agreed, pointing.

February
I know I’m supposed to leave comments about how cute the kids are…but sometimes I just can’t, because some kids are not cute.

I can make his favorite dinner and wear his favorite color and get the kids to bed early, but unless I actually say "hey baby, I'm feelin frisky tonight" then I can't take it personally if he settles in with his book.

I am 27 23.

Wolf spent most of his time climbing the piles of snow at the edges of the field (where the plows pile it up) and then 'skydiving' off them onto the field.
Bear mostly wandered around picking up chunks of snow and sucking on them.

When a 2 year old has an 8 year old brother, he gets a head start on learning about stuff like super powers and bazookas.

March
I'm going to read the entire book. (And if I one day suddenly stop blogging, you may assume that I died from the experience.)

Hubby made the excellent point that if someone is too dumb to be able to read the directions and understand that one line means no and two lines means yes, well, they’ve got no business having kids.

I feel lousy this afternoon. And a little bit nauseous.
Yay!!!

April
I just don't like the idea of public nudity, even when I'm dead.

May
This is my life, how could I be content with mediocrity?

June
As a child, I had a lovely mental picture of Heavenly Father. He was huge, and He sat on a big white throne nestled in puffy clouds. There were birds and flowers and angels and books all around him.

July
Long ago, before much of anyone bothered with things like bathing or changing their clothing, everybody stank a bit.

All you lower 48-ers, eat your hearts out. ☺

I was awakened by him standing over the edge of my bed, peering into my face at close range. "Mommy," he explained, "you have a nuggert, I'm gonna get it for you," and without further ado he stuck his finger into my nose

August
Unfortunately, this has led to the not-infrequent recurrence of what happened today: we collect a large pile of stuff that needs to be packed, and then Hubby turns serenely to me and says "you can get that all in, right?" and goes on his way...

The short version of it all is that I believe (and have heard quite a few birth stories which vindicate the belief) that most women get the labor they expect. It may not be the labor they planned for, it may not be the labor they wanted, but at least to some degree it was probably the one that they expected.

September
Remember diapers are to catch poop, not to win beauty contests; it's ok if they look a little funny.

The real irony is, if either one of us was going to be a handcuff-myself-to-a-tree sort of activist, it probably would have been me.

October
I am only one, but I AM one.
I cannot do everything, but I CAN do SOMEthing.
And if I am too lazy or selfish to do the things that I can do, well, shame on me. And if I take some small pride in doing the small things I can do, well, I think that's probably healthy.

Imagine the impact we might have on our culture's concept of birth if little children of both sexes grew up comfortable with birthing! Imagine if not only the future mothers, but also the future fathers, and the future doctors, midwives, and nurses all had witnessed a birth (or several) prior to adulthood

November
In other words, for many women, giving birth is the one time in her life when she is being true to what she is--when she is actually doing something as nature intended--and that can be a powerful (and empowering) experience. It is her chance to be a WOMAN rather than another androgynous clone.

Don't expect to have time to grab stuff if your house catches on fire, you will probably have to just run as you are (so don't sleep in your underwear!!).

I'm tired, I'm sore, I'm cranky, and it's entirely possible that I'm losing my mental acuity at least a little bit (remember how I keep waking up confused at still being pregnant? Yeah, that...)

December
I'm not saying that great gifts cannot be purchased items, just that the greatness of a gift is not correlated to its cost.

Whoops

I just scheduled (or tried to schedule) a post, and then it posted instead of scheduling...whoops, forgot to set the date. So I pulled it, and I'll post it in a week or so (which is when I actually want it to post). ☺

"Birth is not merely a means to an end..."

"Birth is not merely a means to an end,
it is an event that changes a family and is imprinted on a woman's life forever.
♥
The memories of their children's births are among the most vivid memories a woman will ever have.
♥
Get any group of women together and ask them about their birth experiences, and you will hear of joy, pain, sorrow, triumph, and a myriad of other strong and powerful emotions."


~Andrea Lythgoe, doula and childbirth educator
(from her website, posted with her permission)

Baby Smiles

7 weeks old
Somebody has a new skill!

Kids Do the Darndest Things

Today's kiddo moment is from the archives so to speak...I wasn't blogging yet when Wolf was doing goofy toddler/preschooler things, but he was as amusing as Bear has ever been (even though he hasn't gotten as much print space), so this post is devoted to him.

When Wolf was about 4, there was some kind of disturbance up the street that involved a police car being parked in front of the house for an hour or so. Wolf was fascinated of course (he was in the "I want to be a policeman when I grow up" stage). He and daddy stood outside for a while and looked over at the car and talked about how police officers help keep us safe. A little later that evening as Wolf was saying his prayers at bedtime, I heard the following from his room:
"Thank you for policemen, for keeping us safe, and for helping us...BJOOOOO! BJOOOO! BJOOOO!"
[yes, he was making shooting noises mid-prayer!]
Daddy had been sitting with him as he prayed, and he told me afterward that it was all he could do to not laugh out loud...but thankfully he kept his cool and Wolf went on to finish his prayer without realizing just how much he'd entertained his parents.

Comment Issues

A long time ago I disabled anonymous comments on this blog because I find it annoying for someone to say something without telling who they are...I mean either own up to your comment or keep your mouth shut, you know? However not everyone has a google account, so some people (nice people) who wanted to comment were unable to do so. So a couple of weeks ago I switched the setting to allow anonymous comments, but just added a note saying that if you use that setting please indicate who you are.
I have never seen so much spam in my life. Fully half the comments I have gotten in the last two weeks has been spam (some of it isn't even in English, good grief!). No way is this going to continue.
So I have essentially two options: return to the "no anonymous comments" setting, or activate the word verification. Now I really hate word verification--I just think it's a pain--so I've never had it and never wanted to have it...however maybe it's the lesser of two evils in this case. I don't know. What do you think?

Facebook Weekend (holiday edition)

Saturday
12/19
Jenni and the kids just got back from sledding...now the dough has chilled (and so have we!) so we're making Christmas cookies!

Sunday
12/20
Happy 6th Anniversary to me!

Monday
12/21
Winter Solstice
Here comes the sun little darlin'...and the Son too. I love this season of celebrating light from many sources.
See my posts Season of Light and Celebrating Solstice
...FOUND THE DPNS!!! They were under the couch

Tuesday
12/22
...finished sewing the kids' christmas eve jammies...they're wrapped and under the tree. :)
...really really really really really dislikes knitting with DPNs (double pointed needles). But this sleeve is at an awkward size right now where it's too big to magic loop it on my 40" circulars and too small to use my 16" circulars...so DPNs it is... *sigh*

(This week Wednesday was the off-computer day)

Thursday
12/24
... is hoping that the last two packages of presents (one from each grandma) arrive today...both were mailed early, but somehow neither one has made it here yet.
(they did make it, whew!)
...finds it a little depressing that so many people have switched to digital holiday greetings (or ditched them altogether). I'm usually all in favor of going green, but once a year I want to see all those cards/pictures taped up on my wall. It makes me feel loved...and when I look at my wall on Christmas eve and see only 7 cards, well, WTHeck people?!

Saturday
12/26
...loves seeing the kids' eyes light up when they get something perfect...or give it.

Merry CHRISTmas folks. ☺

Grinchy Musings

I like Christmas, I really do. But after a whole month of love and light I confess I definitely have my moments of relating to Scrooge or the Grinch. Of course, the best things about those characters is that in the end they learn to love, and they cease to be "Scroogelike" and "Grinchy" respectively...but for the moment (in lighthearted fun of course) I thought I'd share a few of my Grinchier holiday thoughts:
(did I just make up that word, grinchier? hmm, nice!)

• All the twinkle lights shining on my tree, window, and front porch stairs are a little less lovely when I consider how they will shine through my electric bill next month.
• I hate people spending money they don't have for stuff they don't need. The only thing that's worse is people spending money (whether they have it or not) to give me stuff that I don't need/have nowhere to put.
  
• Really bad commercials. Need I say more? (Of course there are a few funny ones too, like this one, or this one.)
  
• Some of the worst "traditional, must-see movies" seem to be official holiday fare. It's often difficult to escape...even if I manage to avoid seeing the actual film (which I usually do), I frequently have to hear it mentioned or even quoted, and then come the memories...and the pain...
  
• Ditto on some of the worst songs ever...(and I'm not the only one who thinks so!) oh, excuse me, did you just say "snow" or "bell" or "winter" or "santa" or "tree" in that lame love song? Well, nobody would listen to it otherwise, but we'll call it a Christmas Song and give it airtime anyway! (everybody pardon me while I go barf for a minute).
  
• Having a newborn baby is a good excuse to not take goody plates to anyone else this year...and to eat more than my share of the goodies on the plates that are brought to us. (Hey, I need those extra 1000 calories a day for the nursling, I'm required to eat them, I have to get them in wherever I can!)
• It's a bit lame that some of the best foods are somehow 'reserved' for Christmas. Who decided that anyway? Can I take my post-pregnancy hormonal self on a little shooting spree in said persons' vicinity? I mean, really, we should eat homemade truffles and cardamom bread and peppermint pie all year long. Duh.
• It seems to be a law of the universe that my biggest sewing/knitting failures (you know, the "EPIC FAIL" ones) always happen when I'm trying to work too fast to get something finished up in time to slip it under the tree...Nothing stresses me out like a project on a timeline gone horribly horribly wrong.
  
• And finally, I get grinchy over the growing trend of not bothering to send holiday greeting cards/letters/photos (or with going digital--yes, this may be the only anti-green sentiment you ever hear from me, write it down someplace quick!). I know stamps are expensive (I have three international addresses on my list--that's 98cents now!) I know not everybody has the time or money every year...but really truly I think the thought counts for something, and I like hearing from people and seeing all those pretty cards taped up on the wall.
  

So Merry Christmas! You survived another year, and if you eat enough sugar cookies in the next few days you will probably survive the next one. Probably. (You may have to jumpstart with another batch of cookies around Valentines or Easter.)

Just Call me Elastigirl

After our family saw “The Incredibles” in the theater we were talking about the movie, and someone commented that Elastigirl’s powers had a nice side-benefit when it came to the childbirth department. After all, she can streeeeeetch with ease!

As I mentioned in the birth story, after Eagle’s birth (with his big head, nuchal hand, stuck shoulders, and even the midwife’s hands in there with him working him loose) my midwife anticipated that I would have torn a lot and that she would have “a big sewing job.” Although I had not thought about it at all as I was actually giving birth, as soon as she mentioned it I realized that, since I’d had 5 stitches after Bear (who was smaller), I probably did need some stitching up. And yet, as you know if you’ve read the story, I didn’t have any tearing at all. Not even one of the tiny tears commonly referred to as a “skidmark.” I have spent some time pondering over why this was.
I don’t know the answers of course, but I thought I would share some of my speculations, and perhaps they will be helpful for others mamas preparing for birth.

Belief in the possible
In her book “Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth,” Ina May Gaskin tells the story of a first time mom who was nervous about labor and how a baby could fit through. Ina May taught her the physiology of birth, and explained “you’re going to get huge.” During labor Ina May noted that this woman dilated well and had plenty of room for her large baby to come through. Afterward she congratulated the new mother, who said, “I just repeated that mantra you told me ‘you’re going to get huge.’” Perhaps it’s a little easier to believe in your body’s stretchiness if you’ve done it before, or if you’ve seen it happen (especially in person). Perhaps simple affirmations are sufficient. In any case, I believe that a genuine belief that my body could do this—was made to be able to stretch this way without incurring damage—was an integral part of its doing so.

Fear --> Tension --> Pain...or not
If you have read any natural childbirth books then you are almost certainly familiar with the concept of the “fear-tension-pain cycle,” which states that a woman who feels fear will tense up, being tense (rather than relaxed) will make her pain more intense, and of course intense pain will increase her fear. The solution then is to break the cycle—many methods promote relaxation with the idea of breaking the cycle at the ‘tension’ point, but what if you could break the cycle at ‘fear’? If a woman can go into labor feeling comfort and love and support rather than fear, might not that reduce (or remove) the tension and thus the pain? In my experience, yes it can. It’s not that labor wasn’t intense (it was) or even hard (parts of it were), but I felt sufficiently comfortable with my environment and supporting team that I felt no fear, and felt no tension, and (depending I guess on your definition of the word) felt no pain. I’m not saying it was an orgasmic birth—it wasn’t—but it was genuinely fearless, and thus my body was loose and able to stretch as far as it needed to.
Fearless labor and birth may sound lovely but figuring out how to actually do it is another question of course. I think that being able to choose a birthing location and provider that made me comfortable was vital. I happened to choose to be at home with a hands-off midwife, but I don’t believe that there is a universal ideal: some women will be most comfortable with a hospital setting and OB, some will want to be alone in the woods. The people present at the birthing matter too. Many women want to have their mother and/or spouse present, but some do not. Some invite a friend or sister or hire a doula or have their other children there. Many women feel safer and more relaxed with low light, music, massage, water, or aromatherapy. The point is not to do any one certain thing, but rather to know yourself well enough to choose what makes you feel safe and comfortable.

Gentle, supported birthing
Gentle birthing in the physical sense means that the baby is able to descend gently through the birth canal and vaginal opening. When the mother is coached in “purple pushing’ (the chin-to-chest-and-hold-your-breath-while-we-count-to-ten kind of pushing) the results tend to be not so gentle. At a postpartum visit my midwife commented that I had brought him down very gently, which I think is accurate, but I can honestly say that I wasn’t doing it consciously; I was just going with instinct. Some labor techniques talk about “breathing the baby down” rather than pushing, and I can say that that is definitely not what I did. I pushed and I pushed hard. I put my chin on my chest. I probably even held my breath a little—though if I did it was of my own volition and not because I was told to do so. BUT I pushed when I felt the urge and not when I didn’t. I let the baby come down, then retreat a little, then come down some more, then another small retreat…two steps forward, one step back. That back and forth motion helps things stretch more gradually and therefore more gently. I knew he was coming, and while I was eager to have him out, I also knew that he WAS coming and that there wasn’t a point in trying to force him to come any faster. Basically I just went with the flow.
When I say ‘supported’ I mean it in two ways: first, the emotional support that comes from having the right people (and none of the wrong people) present. I already went into that. Second, the physical support of the vaginal opening as the baby (especially the head or presenting part) emerges. Most providers who promote natural birth will use their hand(s) to put gentle pressure on the perineum, however when Eagle was crowning there was more than one set of hands supporting me. I know her hands were there, and I believe Hubby’s were too, and I instinctively reached down as well, so I was supported all the way around rather than just at the back. Since tearing can occur in any direction, I think that the all-around support definitely helped. I’m glad that my environment and birth team were comfortable enough that I was able to be uninhibited enough to do that.

Water
The final thing that I think contributed to my stretching rather than tearing is that I labored and birthed in warm water. The warmth during labor definitely helped my body relax, and as I explained already being relaxed and loose increases stretchiness. I think that the water also provided some gentle lubrication for the baby as he came down the canal. We all know that a little lube can facilitate and increase the comfort of other vaginal activities, and I don’t see why birth should be any different. Many midwives use KY Jelly or olive oil on the perineum during birth, but being immersed in water provides a more, shall we say, complete lubrication.
For what it’s worth, while I loved birthing in water and hope to do it that way in the future, not everyone likes waterbirth, and many providers do not allow it. Don’t for a moment think that delivering “on land” precludes a tear-free-birth. Water is just one contributor of many, and it is my belief that while all of them may help, probably any of them is sufficient.


So there you have it: my thoughts on why I didn’t tear during Eagle’s birth (and why I did with Bear’s). I’m interested to hear your thoughts (or experiences) as well.

Sunday Inspiration

Never let a problem
to be solved
become more important
than a person
to be loved.

~Thomas S Monson

♥
Happy 6th Anniversary to me and Hubby!
♥