(hey, I have a new baby in the house, and when Hubby is home there's a sort of loss of sense of which day of the week it is...)
Saturday 11/14
Jenni always forgets just how tiny newborns are...even newborns who are a lot bigger than their brothers were!
Monday 11/16
...now knows the official score: dimpled children--2, undimpled children--1. Welcome to mama's team [Eagle]!!
Tuesday 11/17
...is writing out the birth story
I'm still writing...the story part is short and simple, but my thoughts and feelings about it are not so simple...it will probably have to be two posts.
Wednesday 11/18
(evening)
Jenni's toddler is asking for airplane cookies (as he flies the cookie cutter around the house). I DID offer to make cookies together since he didn't get to go to scouts with daddy and big brother, but in spite of my attempts to explain it he doesn't seem to understand that the airplane cookie dough has to be chilled for several hours and thus won't work for tonight.
Friday 11/20
...no longer has to feel guilty: baby is in cloth now ☺
I was feeling a little guilty for putting him in disposable diapers for the first week or so (just as long as one package lasted)--not for environmental reasons, but for the comfort of it (because I had cloth for me during that time). ☺
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Quirky Thursday--I'm Weirder Than You
You know how there are some things that everyone likes, or that everyone dislikes? We have these seemingly universal human preferences, and then someone like me comes along and ruins everything.
I don’t like peanut butter cookies.
I don’t like ginger snaps.
I don’t like Jane Austin books.
I hate shopping for clothing.
…on the other hand…
I don’t mind grocery shopping.
I don’t mind doing laundry (and I don’t let it stack up).
I don’t mind scrubbing the kitchen floor--it gives me a wonderful sense of accomplishment.
I prefer kneading bread by hand
I don’t mind bathing the dog.
I got rid of my kitchenaide because I prefer mixing most things by hand.
So, how about it, where do you break the rules of normalcy?
I don’t like peanut butter cookies.
I don’t like ginger snaps.
I don’t like Jane Austin books.
I hate shopping for clothing.
…on the other hand…
I don’t mind grocery shopping.
I don’t mind doing laundry (and I don’t let it stack up).
I don’t mind scrubbing the kitchen floor--it gives me a wonderful sense of accomplishment.
I prefer kneading bread by hand
I don’t mind bathing the dog.
I got rid of my kitchenaide because I prefer mixing most things by hand.
So, how about it, where do you break the rules of normalcy?
Monday, November 16, 2009
"The Vulnerability of Men"
This is excerpted from an essay by Vincent Bach (you can read the full text here). He was born in the 60s in the USA when almost all boys were circumcised, but "by a fluke" as he says, he was left intact. He was aware of the difference from a very early age, and has written a number of essays about the issue. Incidentally, he is grateful for that "fluke" and strongly opposes circumcision.
As most of my readers probably know by now, I oppose routine infant circumcision. In talking with other mothers though, I find that many of them don't like the idea, but when they bring it up with their husbands, the father is insistent on circumcising so mom gives in and goes with it in spite of her feelings on the matter. For those mothers in particular, I share this essay.
As most of my readers probably know by now, I oppose routine infant circumcision. In talking with other mothers though, I find that many of them don't like the idea, but when they bring it up with their husbands, the father is insistent on circumcising so mom gives in and goes with it in spite of her feelings on the matter. For those mothers in particular, I share this essay.
First of all, you need to understand that circumcised men are cornered on this issue. They were circumcised without their consent and have no inherent knowledge of what being intact is like. Even though they rarely will discuss the issue, they are keenly aware that they have been surgically altered in a very private way. There are several ways for a man to deal with this issue but the safest way, psychologically speaking, is to believe at all cost that the surgery performed on them was an enhancement and is preferred by women. Confirmation of this belief is essential to their sexual self-image. Do I need to tell you that sexual self-image is a major issue for men? Didn’t think so.(continued)
Now put yourself in the shoes of the circumcised man. He asks for very little. All he wants is football on Sunday and to be assured that there is nothing wrong with his package. A nice bonus would be that women actually prefer it the way it is. Then along comes the newly pregnant wife and the issue of circumcision is no more personal to her than a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and she starts openly discussing it with him with all the casualness that she would with her gal pals down at the salon. Yikes! Batten down the hatch. Incoming torpedo!!!! At first the strategy is to dismiss her without appearing to be alarmed. He’ll probably toss back the usual "It's not clean" or "That could cause health problems" hoping this will scare her off since he assumes she’s heard those things before. He won’t seem particularly disturbed at first. Its part of being a man to not show vulnerability.
I think it's important to acknowledge that its perfectly understandable that our circumcised friends react this way. Men who have been circumcised have an extremely difficult dilemma. For them to acknowledge that the practice is unnecessary and harmful means that they must acknowledge a painful personal reality. For that reason circumcised men can be forgiven if they don't want to lead the parade in the fight against routine infant circumcision. I can empathize and therefore understand completely why so many men will voluntarily offer their sons up for the same procedure without giving it a second thought. To do otherwise opens them up to some vulnerable feelings that can be most unpleasant. Society puts lots of expectations on women but it also puts a couple on men. One of them is that he be sexually virile. You know - masculine, strong, potent GRRRRR!! I think many circumcised men accept without question and perpetuate the myths regarding the intact penis in order to cope with this particular expectation.You can read further writings of Vincent Bach here.
So, the problem is how do we save our son’s genitals without psychologically emasculating their fathers?
Hmm...well I think the first step is having a better understanding of just how personal an issue this is for him. The reason I spent so long discussing it is because it's extremely important and he’s not going to tell you about it.
Going into the discussion, you’ll be much better off knowing what’s really bothering him. Trust me, he really doesn’t give a hooey whether his son’s penis looks like his. What is important is that his bulb is not dimmed. Probably not a good idea to refer to the practice in initial discussions as genital mutilation (although it certainly is that). The thing that you need to get across to him with all your female charm is that you love him EXACTLY the way he is and wouldn’t change a thing. In other words, I think the best strategy is probably to build him up as high as you can before lowering this boom on him. The ship can only take a hit so big before going under. So get your armor out and start fortifying his self-image. What means everything to him is that he is the best lover and provider that you could ever hope for.
Please don’t use my lame words exactly. I ain’t got no feminine charm :-). I suspect you get it and can take it from here. Ironically, if you succeed, you’ll be giving your man a huge future reward in that his son will someday be a man and will know all too well the tremendous courage it took for his father to break with this barbaric custom and leave him intact.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Facebook Saturday ☺
Sat 11/7
Jenni just noticed a dusting of snow on the ground...last summer I was trying to help Bear understand when the baby would come, and told him "after the snow comes." This last week I was thinking our mild autumn would make a liar out of me, but I guess not. Maybe this is what baby was waiting for?!
Sunday 11/8
7:33am
...is somewhat annoyed that the boy who can hardly drag himself out of bed at 7am on a school day has NO trouble getting up at 6 on the weekend to play computer games (but can't manage to take a break long enough to put on a Wiggles movie for his now-awakened toddler brother so I have to get up too).
Monday 11/9
8:11am
...spent most of the night fighting with my unborn child. He thought it was a good idea to kick my rib. I didn't. I pushed that foot away a LOT of times. Just come on down and out kiddo, then you can stretch your legs all you want!
1:07pm
...is doing hip circles on the birth ball. Move down baby, engage, move down...
Tuesday 11/10
8:17am
...watched a house a block away burn to the ground in under 15 minutes last night. The family escaped safely but has *nothing* but the clothes on their backs. It really makes you stop and think about what is really important in life.
11:13pm [Hubby was stuffed up and it made him snore and I couldn't sleep]
...is accepting that 2ish weeks of laborish stuff + no baby = no baby will ever come out and she will be pregnant forever. That's labor math for you!!
Wednesday 11/11
...just published the 40 wk belly photos. Hmm, didn't get to do that last time since Bear was born before the EDD.
[Guess I got those just in time, eh? I had planned to take some belly shots in labor which is what I did with Bear, but from the time I woke up in labor there was no way I was going to stand still long enough to pose for pictures because contractions are much easier when moving!]
Thursday 11/12
...announces the arrival of [Eagle], born at home in the water and into daddy's hands at 8:03am. 8lbs even, 14.5in head AND *nuchal hand, and mama has not so much as a **skidmark. (Yay for waterbirth!)
*A Nuchal hand means that rather than his arms being down at his sides, his hand was up at his head--in this case, on his cheek. It is not uncommon (I looked it up and it seems it may be as frequent as 15-20% of babies), but it does mean that the baby's head--already usually the biggest/hardest part to birth--now has something next to it as well so even MORE stretching is required. Nuchal hands are not dangerous, but they do usually involve tearing for mama. My thoughts on why I didn't tear will be included with the birth story which I'll probably get written and posted sometime in the coming week.
**A 'skidmark' is a very small tear, often not even stitched because it's so minor.
Jenni just noticed a dusting of snow on the ground...last summer I was trying to help Bear understand when the baby would come, and told him "after the snow comes." This last week I was thinking our mild autumn would make a liar out of me, but I guess not. Maybe this is what baby was waiting for?!
- Bear just went and looked out the window at the snow coming down and said "hey mommy, our baby is all ready to come out!!"
- For the last three days every evening has been sprinkled with good contractions for several hours, but they always petered out when I went to bed. This morning though I'm already getting a few, so who knows, maybe today will do it! It's not really a storm out there...just a dusting so far, with more gently sifting down...but if it keeps up for a few hours we'll get a decent accumulation, so we'll just have to see!
Sunday 11/8
7:33am
...is somewhat annoyed that the boy who can hardly drag himself out of bed at 7am on a school day has NO trouble getting up at 6 on the weekend to play computer games (but can't manage to take a break long enough to put on a Wiggles movie for his now-awakened toddler brother so I have to get up too).
Monday 11/9
8:11am
...spent most of the night fighting with my unborn child. He thought it was a good idea to kick my rib. I didn't. I pushed that foot away a LOT of times. Just come on down and out kiddo, then you can stretch your legs all you want!
1:07pm
...is doing hip circles on the birth ball. Move down baby, engage, move down...
Tuesday 11/10
8:17am
...watched a house a block away burn to the ground in under 15 minutes last night. The family escaped safely but has *nothing* but the clothes on their backs. It really makes you stop and think about what is really important in life.
11:13pm [Hubby was stuffed up and it made him snore and I couldn't sleep]
...is accepting that 2ish weeks of laborish stuff + no baby = no baby will ever come out and she will be pregnant forever. That's labor math for you!!
Wednesday 11/11
...just published the 40 wk belly photos. Hmm, didn't get to do that last time since Bear was born before the EDD.
[Guess I got those just in time, eh? I had planned to take some belly shots in labor which is what I did with Bear, but from the time I woke up in labor there was no way I was going to stand still long enough to pose for pictures because contractions are much easier when moving!]
Thursday 11/12
...announces the arrival of [Eagle], born at home in the water and into daddy's hands at 8:03am. 8lbs even, 14.5in head AND *nuchal hand, and mama has not so much as a **skidmark. (Yay for waterbirth!)
*A Nuchal hand means that rather than his arms being down at his sides, his hand was up at his head--in this case, on his cheek. It is not uncommon (I looked it up and it seems it may be as frequent as 15-20% of babies), but it does mean that the baby's head--already usually the biggest/hardest part to birth--now has something next to it as well so even MORE stretching is required. Nuchal hands are not dangerous, but they do usually involve tearing for mama. My thoughts on why I didn't tear will be included with the birth story which I'll probably get written and posted sometime in the coming week.
**A 'skidmark' is a very small tear, often not even stitched because it's so minor.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Announcing...
...that Eagle arrived this morning at 8:03 after 5ish hours of labor.
He was born at home, in the water, into daddy's hands.
8lbs even
all the details will be in the birth story which I will get to sometime in the near future. ☺
He was born at home, in the water, into daddy's hands.
8lbs even
all the details will be in the birth story which I will get to sometime in the near future. ☺
Banking Cord Blood
I have to thank Miche over at Coordinated Chaos for sharing this post about cord blood banking. A lot of us have heard about cord blood banking, but what a lot of us may not realize is that there are two different types of banking: one is to bank it for your own family (for which you pay a pretty penny, usually around $2000 to start plus annual storage fees) and the other is to donate it to science. Cord blood contains embryonic stem cells and is therefore valuable for research even if you have no need or desire to store it for yourself. It also can be used in transfusions, and is somewhat comparable to bone marrow in that way--except that it's not painful to extract the way bone marrow is. And, of course, donation is free.
When I was expecting Bear I asked my OB about donation and he didn't know anything about it. I did a little poking around online but was unable to find anything, and admittedly I did not pursue it at much length. As it turned out, because the cord was around his neck so tightly, we had to cut it in the middle (to finish getting him out) and then cut it again closer to his navel. So I think it wouldn't have been possible to save or donate it anyway. But I still think it's an issue worth considering!!
Here are a few links for further reading (Thanks to Miche for sharing them first!):
Some basic information about cord blood banking (both personal banking or donation), with lots of links to additional information
How to donate cord blood--including information about who is eligible, where you can donate, and how the process works.
Frequently Asked Questions--including what is done with the cord blood, privacy issues, and what you can do if your hospital isn't currently set up for donations.
CordBloodRights--a site encouraging action for legislation to make saving/donating cord blood the default (instead of just throwing it away which is what usually happens unless you specifically request that it be saved). (This site is run by Cord Blood Registry, so it's not truly unbiased, but it does have some good information.)
There are those who prefer to leave the cord uncut until it has stopped pulsing (which means that all the blood has drained into the baby), or even those who do a "lotus birth" (which means that they don't cut the cord at all, but merely pack the placenta in herbs and then carry it around with the baby until the cord detaches naturally). If you believe in those things, then obviously cord blood banking isn't something that's going to work for you. However, for most standard births--particularly in hospitals--the cord is cut within minutes or seconds of birth, and there is plenty of blood still in the cord. If this is your plan for birth, then please take the time to check out some of these links and consider making a donation that could literally save lives!
When I was expecting Bear I asked my OB about donation and he didn't know anything about it. I did a little poking around online but was unable to find anything, and admittedly I did not pursue it at much length. As it turned out, because the cord was around his neck so tightly, we had to cut it in the middle (to finish getting him out) and then cut it again closer to his navel. So I think it wouldn't have been possible to save or donate it anyway. But I still think it's an issue worth considering!!
Here are a few links for further reading (Thanks to Miche for sharing them first!):
Some basic information about cord blood banking (both personal banking or donation), with lots of links to additional information
How to donate cord blood--including information about who is eligible, where you can donate, and how the process works.
Frequently Asked Questions--including what is done with the cord blood, privacy issues, and what you can do if your hospital isn't currently set up for donations.
CordBloodRights--a site encouraging action for legislation to make saving/donating cord blood the default (instead of just throwing it away which is what usually happens unless you specifically request that it be saved). (This site is run by Cord Blood Registry, so it's not truly unbiased, but it does have some good information.)
There are those who prefer to leave the cord uncut until it has stopped pulsing (which means that all the blood has drained into the baby), or even those who do a "lotus birth" (which means that they don't cut the cord at all, but merely pack the placenta in herbs and then carry it around with the baby until the cord detaches naturally). If you believe in those things, then obviously cord blood banking isn't something that's going to work for you. However, for most standard births--particularly in hospitals--the cord is cut within minutes or seconds of birth, and there is plenty of blood still in the cord. If this is your plan for birth, then please take the time to check out some of these links and consider making a donation that could literally save lives!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
40 Weeks
It's here: that big official estimated due date! Of course, it doesn't really mean anything except that I'm now halfway through the period during which my baby is considered "on time." Thanks to the two weeks of prodromal labor I am feeling like he'll never come. It's frustrating and tiring and I feel sore and I'm sick of all the false starts. If I add up all the hours of contractions I've had over the last two weeks I'm sure I've clocked a good 12-15 hours of early labor. Most days I have minimal appetite and it's difficult to maintain my attempts to stay well-hydrated, avoid sugar, eat lots of protein, and take all my vitamins/supplements every day.
Bear was born at 39w1d (have I mentioned that yet?!) and of course laborish things started with this kiddo at 38w2d, so I've been anticipating birth any day now for a while. That is mentally exhausting in and of itself...plus the physical discomforts of loose hips and a big belly. I think I mentioned before that there have been several nights where I was so sure that I'd be wakened in the middle of the night with hard labor that when I woke in the morning and found myself still pregnant it was a bit befuddling.
About a week ago there was a rainstorm all night long...every time I woke to go to the bathroom or settle my toddler I heard the rain pattering on the roof and thought "that would be perfect for laboring...tonight would have been a good night to have a baby."
Last Saturday we woke up to a dusting of snow, and throughout the morning more gently wafted down, and I thought "this is so beautiful, this would be a good day to have a baby."
Yesterday was 11/10/09, and I thought (as I have been thinking for several weeks) "this is such a neat date, it would be a great day for a birthday."
But Eagle has not come on any of those perfect days. I don't know why, but apparently the time is not yet right. I am having contractions--even regular ones that come close together for several hours at a time--but they never progress. We know that the baby is floating pretty high, and until he comes down and his head engages then my cervix isn't likely to dilate because it has no pressure on it...so all these contractions are essentially unable to progress into active labor because of his position.
Ironically, most labor encouragements focus on stimulating contractions--and I'm already getting plenty of those--so they are useless to me. Even a pitocin drip would probably do me no good, since it merely causes contractions, and I have plenty of those! If I were to go in for a traditional induction I would probably spend several hours hooked to an IV with hard contractions but little or no dilation, then they'd conclude that my labor was not progressing so they'd break my water, (which brings the risk of prolapsed cord since the baby's head isn't covering the cervix, and that's an automatic c-section...) If the cord didn't prolapse then the birth would probably follow shortly BUT then one still has to ask the question--if this baby is not engaging on his own, why not?! And is it really a healthy idea to force him out if he's not ready yet?
So instead I am spending time doing hip tuck/belly lifts, hip spirals on the birth ball, and some lunges. All those positions are supposed to encourage the baby to drop into position, and once he does that I suspect that labor will come on and move quickly. For now it's just a matter of waiting for baby to come down (because I can only encourage and facilitate, not force him down!) so I keep talking to him about it and sooner or later he'll decide he's ready.
Until then, I have only one pair of pants left that fits, I have managed to accumulate more stretch marks (in spite of being well-striped already from last time), and I am feeling very very large. I keep crashing into things with my belly because I'm just not used to sticking out so far (need a cup from the cupboard? I'll need to grab a step stool cuz my belly holds me out so far from the counter that I can't reach the shelf any other way!) I'm tired, I'm sore, I'm cranky, and it's entirely possible that I'm losing my mental acuity at least a little bit (remember how I keep waking up confused at still being pregnant? Yeah, that...)
Here are a couple of pictures taken today (please forgive them being slightly fuzzy...it's hard to take pictures of myself in the mirror one-handed, but I consistently forget to remember to ask Hubby to take the pictures on the right day, so this is what ya get!):
(No, I did not wear my shirt tucked into my pants all day--I may be losing my mind but I'm not THAT geeky! It was just easier to get an accurate profile that way.)
And the belly in all it's big stripey roundness:
(The other night Hubby put his hand on it as I was having a contraction and commented at how hard it was "it's like a basketball" he said "I could palm it!" Yeah, but betcha he couldn't throw it through a hoop!)
Bear was born at 39w1d (have I mentioned that yet?!) and of course laborish things started with this kiddo at 38w2d, so I've been anticipating birth any day now for a while. That is mentally exhausting in and of itself...plus the physical discomforts of loose hips and a big belly. I think I mentioned before that there have been several nights where I was so sure that I'd be wakened in the middle of the night with hard labor that when I woke in the morning and found myself still pregnant it was a bit befuddling.
About a week ago there was a rainstorm all night long...every time I woke to go to the bathroom or settle my toddler I heard the rain pattering on the roof and thought "that would be perfect for laboring...tonight would have been a good night to have a baby."
Last Saturday we woke up to a dusting of snow, and throughout the morning more gently wafted down, and I thought "this is so beautiful, this would be a good day to have a baby."
Yesterday was 11/10/09, and I thought (as I have been thinking for several weeks) "this is such a neat date, it would be a great day for a birthday."
But Eagle has not come on any of those perfect days. I don't know why, but apparently the time is not yet right. I am having contractions--even regular ones that come close together for several hours at a time--but they never progress. We know that the baby is floating pretty high, and until he comes down and his head engages then my cervix isn't likely to dilate because it has no pressure on it...so all these contractions are essentially unable to progress into active labor because of his position.
Ironically, most labor encouragements focus on stimulating contractions--and I'm already getting plenty of those--so they are useless to me. Even a pitocin drip would probably do me no good, since it merely causes contractions, and I have plenty of those! If I were to go in for a traditional induction I would probably spend several hours hooked to an IV with hard contractions but little or no dilation, then they'd conclude that my labor was not progressing so they'd break my water, (which brings the risk of prolapsed cord since the baby's head isn't covering the cervix, and that's an automatic c-section...) If the cord didn't prolapse then the birth would probably follow shortly BUT then one still has to ask the question--if this baby is not engaging on his own, why not?! And is it really a healthy idea to force him out if he's not ready yet?
So instead I am spending time doing hip tuck/belly lifts, hip spirals on the birth ball, and some lunges. All those positions are supposed to encourage the baby to drop into position, and once he does that I suspect that labor will come on and move quickly. For now it's just a matter of waiting for baby to come down (because I can only encourage and facilitate, not force him down!) so I keep talking to him about it and sooner or later he'll decide he's ready.
Until then, I have only one pair of pants left that fits, I have managed to accumulate more stretch marks (in spite of being well-striped already from last time), and I am feeling very very large. I keep crashing into things with my belly because I'm just not used to sticking out so far (need a cup from the cupboard? I'll need to grab a step stool cuz my belly holds me out so far from the counter that I can't reach the shelf any other way!) I'm tired, I'm sore, I'm cranky, and it's entirely possible that I'm losing my mental acuity at least a little bit (remember how I keep waking up confused at still being pregnant? Yeah, that...)
Here are a couple of pictures taken today (please forgive them being slightly fuzzy...it's hard to take pictures of myself in the mirror one-handed, but I consistently forget to remember to ask Hubby to take the pictures on the right day, so this is what ya get!):
(No, I did not wear my shirt tucked into my pants all day--I may be losing my mind but I'm not THAT geeky! It was just easier to get an accurate profile that way.)
And the belly in all it's big stripey roundness:
(The other night Hubby put his hand on it as I was having a contraction and commented at how hard it was "it's like a basketball" he said "I could palm it!" Yeah, but betcha he couldn't throw it through a hoop!)Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Pause to Think...
Last night Hubby and I were sitting up watching a movie. I'd had some pretty good contractions earlier in the evening (the kind I had to pay attention to) so we were hopeful that baby might finally be on his way. (He apparently wasn't.)
It was just a little past 11 (I'd been timing contractions so I'd been looking at the clock a lot) when I saw a fire truck come down the next street over. As you may recall, we have large picture windows in our living room, and we are on the second story. It happens that the two houses across the street from us are both single-story homes, as are the houses behind them facing the other street. So I had a pretty good view of this big truck with lights aglow. As always happens when I see an emergency vehicle, I got a little lump in my stomach, and sent up a quick thought for whomever had called for help... I said something to Hubby about wow, we're on a little dead-end street without all that many people on it and that was a big fire truck. He surmised that it had been an EMT call since we couldn't see it anymore...and just then we saw the truck return and stop almost directly even with us (on that next street over). We only know some of our neighbors at this point, but we do know someone who lives right there, so we started watching out the window to see if we could tell which house they were going to.
Perhaps a minute later I was focusing on a contraction when Hubby said "oh my gosh" and I looked out the window just in time to see massive flames burst out of the upstairs window of a house on the far side of that next street (we didn't know those residents). There was very little smoke (at least that we could see) but within seconds we could tell that the house was a total loss--the flames were massive.
(No, this is not the actual house we saw, this photo is from an insurance website...but this is similar to what it looked like.)
A second fire truck arrived as the roof went up and we heard the house collapse. Hubby said he kept feeling like he should try to go over there and help, except what would he really do but be in the way...the firefighters were doing all they could to contain the fire and we knew that anything still in that house was lost.
I was grateful that there was snow on the ground--if only a little--and that the air was cold and damp. Regardless, two neighboring evergreen trees burst into flame one after the other, sending sparks high into the dark sky. We stood there frozen, watching out the window with a strange mix of horror and awe at the magnitude and power of the thing. Both of us had fleeting thoughts of hurriedly grabbing some clothes and blankets and putting them in the van in case the wind changed and we had to run ourselves, but everything went so quickly that there was not much time to think it let alone respond to the thought. When the flames disappeared, and nothing was left but the enormous cloud of steam rising where the firefighters' streams hit the pile of embers, I thought to glance at the clock again. It was 11:24. I don't know exactly what time we saw those first tongues of flame, but the whole thing was at most 15 minutes, and probably closer to 10.
As we got ready for bed Hubby posed the question: If we had to get out of our house, and had gotten the kids, but had just one minute to grab one other thing, what would you want?
One thought came instantly to my mind, and as I voiced it he agreed that it was the first thing he had thought of too: we would grab the laptop computer, because it has years worth of photos on it, and photos are irreplaceable. Yes, we have scrapbooks and I have a couple of boxes of print photos that I am slowly getting into albums...but those would be hard to grab, and the computer has the most so with limited time that is what I'd grab.
Hubby asked what I'd grab if I had enough time for two things...I thought for a while...I have some beautiful things, some things I love, some heirlooms or things I've spent hours and hours creating...but they are all just things. The honest truth is that I'd probably grab the file folder with everyone's birth certificates and passports and our house deed, and if I still had time I'd try to grab some blankets and/or extra clothing for everybody, because yeah, I'm practical like that. Hubby said he'd grab his journals.
This morning I found out from my neighbor some more details about the family whose house burned. They were in bed but woke up and were all able to get out unhurt. They are a young couple with a toddler and she is 7 months pregnant. They have nothing but the clothes on their backs--he was not even able to grab his glasses, without which he cannot see. I am so thankful that they are ok, and am talking with my neighbor (since she knows them) to see if there is anything I can do to help.
I do not know how the fire started.
ETA--on my morning walk with Bear we walked past what remains...I was slightly mistaken in that it was two streets over, not one, and a one-story house, not two--the hill made it look closer/bigger than it was I guess. Also it's not quite gone--there is a bit of a burned-out shell left...but nothing salvageable.
It is all a very timely reminder though--obviously to think about what is really important to us, but also to remember about fire safety: The fires that usually kill are hot and fast, not slow and smokey. Don't expect to have time to grab stuff if your house catches on fire, you will probably have to just run as you are (so don't sleep in your underwear!!). Hold your family fire drills! Never leave a fireplace or candle unattended.
It was just a little past 11 (I'd been timing contractions so I'd been looking at the clock a lot) when I saw a fire truck come down the next street over. As you may recall, we have large picture windows in our living room, and we are on the second story. It happens that the two houses across the street from us are both single-story homes, as are the houses behind them facing the other street. So I had a pretty good view of this big truck with lights aglow. As always happens when I see an emergency vehicle, I got a little lump in my stomach, and sent up a quick thought for whomever had called for help... I said something to Hubby about wow, we're on a little dead-end street without all that many people on it and that was a big fire truck. He surmised that it had been an EMT call since we couldn't see it anymore...and just then we saw the truck return and stop almost directly even with us (on that next street over). We only know some of our neighbors at this point, but we do know someone who lives right there, so we started watching out the window to see if we could tell which house they were going to.
Perhaps a minute later I was focusing on a contraction when Hubby said "oh my gosh" and I looked out the window just in time to see massive flames burst out of the upstairs window of a house on the far side of that next street (we didn't know those residents). There was very little smoke (at least that we could see) but within seconds we could tell that the house was a total loss--the flames were massive.
(No, this is not the actual house we saw, this photo is from an insurance website...but this is similar to what it looked like.) A second fire truck arrived as the roof went up and we heard the house collapse. Hubby said he kept feeling like he should try to go over there and help, except what would he really do but be in the way...the firefighters were doing all they could to contain the fire and we knew that anything still in that house was lost.
I was grateful that there was snow on the ground--if only a little--and that the air was cold and damp. Regardless, two neighboring evergreen trees burst into flame one after the other, sending sparks high into the dark sky. We stood there frozen, watching out the window with a strange mix of horror and awe at the magnitude and power of the thing. Both of us had fleeting thoughts of hurriedly grabbing some clothes and blankets and putting them in the van in case the wind changed and we had to run ourselves, but everything went so quickly that there was not much time to think it let alone respond to the thought. When the flames disappeared, and nothing was left but the enormous cloud of steam rising where the firefighters' streams hit the pile of embers, I thought to glance at the clock again. It was 11:24. I don't know exactly what time we saw those first tongues of flame, but the whole thing was at most 15 minutes, and probably closer to 10.
As we got ready for bed Hubby posed the question: If we had to get out of our house, and had gotten the kids, but had just one minute to grab one other thing, what would you want?
One thought came instantly to my mind, and as I voiced it he agreed that it was the first thing he had thought of too: we would grab the laptop computer, because it has years worth of photos on it, and photos are irreplaceable. Yes, we have scrapbooks and I have a couple of boxes of print photos that I am slowly getting into albums...but those would be hard to grab, and the computer has the most so with limited time that is what I'd grab.
Hubby asked what I'd grab if I had enough time for two things...I thought for a while...I have some beautiful things, some things I love, some heirlooms or things I've spent hours and hours creating...but they are all just things. The honest truth is that I'd probably grab the file folder with everyone's birth certificates and passports and our house deed, and if I still had time I'd try to grab some blankets and/or extra clothing for everybody, because yeah, I'm practical like that. Hubby said he'd grab his journals.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This morning I found out from my neighbor some more details about the family whose house burned. They were in bed but woke up and were all able to get out unhurt. They are a young couple with a toddler and she is 7 months pregnant. They have nothing but the clothes on their backs--he was not even able to grab his glasses, without which he cannot see. I am so thankful that they are ok, and am talking with my neighbor (since she knows them) to see if there is anything I can do to help.
I do not know how the fire started.
ETA--on my morning walk with Bear we walked past what remains...I was slightly mistaken in that it was two streets over, not one, and a one-story house, not two--the hill made it look closer/bigger than it was I guess. Also it's not quite gone--there is a bit of a burned-out shell left...but nothing salvageable.
It is all a very timely reminder though--obviously to think about what is really important to us, but also to remember about fire safety: The fires that usually kill are hot and fast, not slow and smokey. Don't expect to have time to grab stuff if your house catches on fire, you will probably have to just run as you are (so don't sleep in your underwear!!). Hold your family fire drills! Never leave a fireplace or candle unattended.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Thoughts on Inductions and Encouraging Labor
As you can probably tell from some of my recent posts (particularly my facebook friday one) I'm getting ancy for this kiddo to be born. Ironically I'm not even to my due date yet, but my body keeps giving signs of labor, and I'm past the date where I delivered Bear, so I'm feeling overcooked even if I'm not really. I confess this last week I've given some thought to inductions, and feel like I have some understanding for why women choose that route. (I confess I even had a dream wherein I got one of my crochet needles and broke my own water!!) I never felt this way with Bear, first because I was prepared to go past 40 weeks because I know that's common for first-time moms, but secondly because I didn't have ongoing prodromal labor as I have this time. When labor started with Bear, it started and it continued until he was born. This time has, obviously, been very different!
There are two types of "induction," but they're not really the same at all, so I prefer to think of them as "inductions" verses "encouragements." The former will stimulate labor forcefully, the latter will simply encourage it to move along if (and only if) it is ready to happen anyway.
Standard inductions include administering synthetic hormones (such as pitocin) via IV, or via vaginal suppository (such as cytotec, which by the way, commonly causes birth defects, uterine rupture, and maternal death--if you don't look at any other links in this post at least look at this third one here!). Inductions of this sort are commonly done because the woman is "overdue," or because either the woman or her doctor had a schedule to keep and just wanted to get the baby out already. A friend of mine put together an excellent post on why "Overdue is NOT an Emergency" and she cites many references to back up that stance.
Dangers of Induction
In my opinion, one of the biggest problems with having an induction based on dating is that estimated due dates (EDDs) are just that--estimates--and are wrong at least as often as they are right. A woman who has anything other than a 28 day cycle (or who ovulates on any day other than day 14) will have an inaccurate EDD if she bases it on her last menstrual period--which is what most providers do.
Secondly, EDDs are based on average gestations, but some women gestate for 38 weeks and some gestate for 42, and there are differences from one child to the next as well as from one woman to the next. So even if you know that your dates are correct (because you know your date of ovulation) you still can't really know how long your baby needs.
Inductions do not always work--particularly if the mother's body was not showing signs of readiness (dilation and effacement) prior to the induction. As mentioned in the post I linked above, when first time moms with no dilation and no effacement are induced at 41wks (merely because of the date), they have about a 50% chance of ending up with a c-section for failure to progress. In other words, half of them will not go into labor in spite of the induction, so their babies will have to be delivered surgically.
Finally, there is evidence to support the idea that every week (even every day) that a baby spends in utero prepares him for life outside the womb. It is true that medical science has found ways to save the lives of babies born very very prematurely, but ask any of those premie's moms and they will tell you that they would have preferred that the babies be full-term. Just because the babies are able to live does not mean that it is in any way desireable for them to have been born so early! Babies who are even just a couple of weeks premature often have under-developed lungs, insufficient fat stores, eating problems, immature livers (leading to jaundice), and underdeveloped/undersized brains. But don't we also need to worry about the baby getting too big? Nope, we really don't.
I believe that inductions are terribly overused, and not nearly as appropriate (or as safe) as we are led to believe.
Encouragements are quite different from inductions, in that they will stimulate contractions, help ripen the cervix, or facilitate the baby's head engaging with the cervix, but they will not really force labor to start. I am comfortable with encouraging labor--particularly when the woman's body has already been giving signals that it's about ready.
Here is a short list of labor encouragements and how they work:
Standard inductions include administering synthetic hormones (such as pitocin) via IV, or via vaginal suppository (such as cytotec, which by the way, commonly causes birth defects, uterine rupture, and maternal death--if you don't look at any other links in this post at least look at this third one here!). Inductions of this sort are commonly done because the woman is "overdue," or because either the woman or her doctor had a schedule to keep and just wanted to get the baby out already. A friend of mine put together an excellent post on why "Overdue is NOT an Emergency" and she cites many references to back up that stance.
Dangers of Induction
In my opinion, one of the biggest problems with having an induction based on dating is that estimated due dates (EDDs) are just that--estimates--and are wrong at least as often as they are right. A woman who has anything other than a 28 day cycle (or who ovulates on any day other than day 14) will have an inaccurate EDD if she bases it on her last menstrual period--which is what most providers do.
Secondly, EDDs are based on average gestations, but some women gestate for 38 weeks and some gestate for 42, and there are differences from one child to the next as well as from one woman to the next. So even if you know that your dates are correct (because you know your date of ovulation) you still can't really know how long your baby needs.
Inductions do not always work--particularly if the mother's body was not showing signs of readiness (dilation and effacement) prior to the induction. As mentioned in the post I linked above, when first time moms with no dilation and no effacement are induced at 41wks (merely because of the date), they have about a 50% chance of ending up with a c-section for failure to progress. In other words, half of them will not go into labor in spite of the induction, so their babies will have to be delivered surgically.
Finally, there is evidence to support the idea that every week (even every day) that a baby spends in utero prepares him for life outside the womb. It is true that medical science has found ways to save the lives of babies born very very prematurely, but ask any of those premie's moms and they will tell you that they would have preferred that the babies be full-term. Just because the babies are able to live does not mean that it is in any way desireable for them to have been born so early! Babies who are even just a couple of weeks premature often have under-developed lungs, insufficient fat stores, eating problems, immature livers (leading to jaundice), and underdeveloped/undersized brains. But don't we also need to worry about the baby getting too big? Nope, we really don't.
I believe that inductions are terribly overused, and not nearly as appropriate (or as safe) as we are led to believe.
Encouragements are quite different from inductions, in that they will stimulate contractions, help ripen the cervix, or facilitate the baby's head engaging with the cervix, but they will not really force labor to start. I am comfortable with encouraging labor--particularly when the woman's body has already been giving signals that it's about ready.
Here is a short list of labor encouragements and how they work:
- Walking--being upright and in motion can encourage the baby to descend into the pelvis and engage his head with mama's cervix, thus stimulating dilation. Many women find that physical activity brings on contractions as well. (Safety feature--if mama's body isn't ready for labor, the contractions will usually stop once she stops walking.)
- Doin' the Deed--yep, you got it, the same thing that got the baby in can encourage the baby to come out. This actually works in four ways: A--daddy's semen contains prostoglandins (the hormone that softens the cervix), B--if mama orgasms then those contractions can stimulate labor contractions, C--nipple stimulation releases oxytocin (which is explained more fully below), and D--getting mama relaxed and increasing her blood flow to her pelvic area can be helpful as well. There is really a lot more in common between getting babies in and getting babies out than what most of us have been told, but all the organs and muscles are the same, and many of the sensations are comparable, so it's only logical that they should work together so nicely.
- Nipple Stimulation--I've heard a few mothers say that nursing their toddler got labor up and rolling, or of course daddy can help out, or mama can do it herself with a breast pump (it does need to be a sucking type of motion). The reason it works is that it releases oxytocin, as mentioned above, and oxytocin causes uterine contracting--this is exactly why immediate breastfeeding helps to get the placenta out and reduces the risk of postpartum hemmorage (because it causes the uterus to clamp down).
- Consuming Castor Oil--basically castor oil will stimulate the bowels, and since the bowels and uterine muscles are ajacent, stimulating one often stimulates the other. (Loose bowels is a common symptom of early labor, as the body tries to get everything out of the way to make as much room as possible for the baby to get through.) Theoretically any laxative could cause this result, but obviously laxatives also carry the potential danger for dehydration, and castor oil is sufficiently nasty that I doubt the average mama would take enough of it to overdose! Incidentally, on top of castor oil being nasty, it doesn't always work, so you may be taking a dose of nasty for no reason...just something to keep in mind. ☺ (If you do want to try it, I'm told it can be chugged in a glass of orange juice to cover the taste, or try mixing it with some scrambled eggs (before frying them), and you'll get greasy eggs but they won't taste too bad.)
- Eating Spicy Foods--these can stimulate the digestive system, which may stimulate contractions. Of course, spicy foods may also stimulate heartburn, so attempt this at your own risk! I have heard that garlic may work this way too.
- Squatting--my midwife recommends spending time in a deep squat (like a yoga squat--lean against the front of a couch or hang on an exercise ball if you need some support). Essentially this position can help encourage the baby's head to engage with the cervix.
- Dance--get your hips moving in as wide a range as you can, especially in circles (like belly dancing or hula). The wide stance opens your pelvis, and the movement can encourage the baby to descend...sortof like a combination of the walking and squatting. Whether or not you utilize this to encourage labor, it is also a very helpful thing to do during labor. (edited to add: this is what got this baby to engage and come out. After 2 1/2 weeks of solid "early labor" every night, but no progress, literally a day and a half of hip circles every 30-60 minutes got his head engaged and moved him right down. I did hip circles during almost every contraction in labor too, and he was out in less than 5 hours. Your mileage may vary of course, but I have become a BIG proponent of hip circles!)
- Evening Primrose Oil--this can be consumed in capsule form or applied to the cervix directly. Either way, many midwives advise it during the final month or so of pregnancy, and it is supposed to help soften the cervix, which in turn should facilitate dilation when labor does start.
- Acupuncture or acupressure--it's important to do this with someone who is trained specifically for it, but some women report rapid results. Of course some women also report that nothing happened.
- Chiropractic Adjustment, Massage, or Reflexology--some women say it works, some say it doesn't... rubbing the lower half of mamas calves (in the back) is supposed to get things going...
- Consuming Red Raspberry Leaf--RRL is a uterine toner, so consuming it throughout pregnancy is a good idea anyway. Consuming increased amounts of it in the final weeks will not generally stimulate contractions, but can help the uterus prepare to work effectively when labor does start.
- Consuming Blue & Black Cohosh--these herbs are commonly touted in the naturopathic world as a "natural induction" but they do carry risks. I am not comfortable with them myself at this point, but if you are inclined to try them make sure you read up on them first!
- Get busy doing something else. Really. Stop focusing on being not in labor, and go find something productive to do--once the baby comes you'll be too busy to do anything else for a while, so use your time now to clean the house, play with your other kids, spend time with your spouse, pamper yourself, or change the world. ☺
- This site also has a great list of suggestions (with additional links with additional info) http://wrylilt.hubpages.com/hub/Ways-to-induce-Labour-Naturally
If any of my readers know of other methods (or references) that I have neglected here, please leave them in the comments and I'll edit them into the post!!
Facebook Friday (with bonus comments!)
(quick review of the end of last week...)
Friday 10/30
Jenni thinks that if last night is anything to go by, we're on babywatch proper now. The moon is full, I keep having contractions, and this little one may decide to be an October baby instead of a November one. [Also I lost my plug, which, you know, may mean 2 hours or 2 weeks...With Bear it happened at the beginning of labor...]
Saturday 10/31
...FINALLY has a middle name for the kiddo. Now he can come out!
Sunday 11/1
... isn't in labor, and wishes her body wouldn't imply things and then back out. Just follow through already!!
Monday 11/2
...has nested until it seems there's nothing left to do...laundry is done, kitchen is clean, bathrooms glisten...I guess I'll make some bread. Nothing like getting involved in a time-consuming project to make sure you get interrupted, right?!
Tuesday 11/3
7:59am
...made bread (both regular and banana), plus zuppa de tuscana for dinner, and managed to get some nice contractions going around bedtime...but they didn't stick. Today we'll try hands and knees scrubbing floors...
1:06pm
...just found out that my midwife is catching another baby today, so I guess I'm glad I'm not in labor at the moment...
Wednesday 11/4 (My sister's birthday, 39wks, and the gestational date at which in went into labor with Bear)
6:44am
...will let you know when there's a baby to announce...until then, I'm still feeling crabby, my appetite is screwed up, my hips hurt, and I keep walking around chanting "down and out baby, down and out."
...made homemade sesame chicken for dinner tonight--it's the first food that's actually appealed in a week, so I ate lots. Mmm, protein...
Thursday 11/5 (The gestational date at which Bear was born--yeah, he held off till after midnight)
9:18am
...sees the midwife this morning...Since Bear had been born by this gestational date, I'd kinda hoped to not make it to this appointment. Oh well, every day is one day closer to meeting Eagle.
10:03am
...is officially waddling. I guess the babe did move down last night, even if he didn't manage to get *all* the way down!
At my midwife appointment today we found that I'm still 1cm dilated and not at all effaced, and baby is still at a -2 station (meaning 2 cm above the pelvic bone)...no change from last week. She thinks I "look done" though...sortof like when you peek at the cookies in the oven and can tell that they are done even though the timer hasn't gone off yet. Neither of us expects me to make it to next week's appointment...
Tonight for the second night in a row I've had pretty decent contractions going through the afternoon/evening, and really thought we were probably going to see a baby out of it...but in both cases once I'd taken the time off to put the older kids to bed the contractions stopped. I think--and my midwife agrees--that my body won't labor when I'm in mommy-mode. She anticipates that I'll go into labor after bedtime one of these nights, and while that's possible, I'm noticing that the bedtime routine seems to be the end of my contractions...so maybe next time I'll have hubby put the kids to bed and I'll do other stuff and see if the contractions will keep going...
Friday 11/6
...has decided to take it upon herself to create/organize a breastfeeding support group here in Homer. There doesn't seem to be one, and the nearest LLL is 90 min away. For all my friends who are involved with such things, do you recommend joining LLL or just striking out solo?
Friday 10/30
Jenni thinks that if last night is anything to go by, we're on babywatch proper now. The moon is full, I keep having contractions, and this little one may decide to be an October baby instead of a November one. [Also I lost my plug, which, you know, may mean 2 hours or 2 weeks...With Bear it happened at the beginning of labor...]
Most of my status updates this week involve being on babywatch...that is, that final few days of wondering and waiting and obsessing over every little thing that just might be a sign that labor is beginning. So I've included not just the status updates, but also some excerpts from the comments (the bullet points). Most of them are me answering questions from other commenters... there are also a couple of general comments from me, as usual...
Saturday 10/31
...FINALLY has a middle name for the kiddo. Now he can come out!
Sunday 11/1
... isn't in labor, and wishes her body wouldn't imply things and then back out. Just follow through already!!
- I didn't have nearly so hard a time waiting last time...I think because I didn't get these crazy false starts. When labor started it was slow and long, but it was the real thing...this time I've had twice now with intense contractions right on top of each other...and then they just quit.
- The name thing may have been holding me up mentally, along with not wanting him to come on halloween...but I'm particularly frustrated now because those are over/resolved, and still nothin. I think the big issue is that I don't contract when the kids are up--so I figure i'll go into labor after their bedtime, fine, but it seems the *entire* family is conspiring against me on that one.
I know it's not false labor, but it's definitely false starts, and I'm so burned out (and miserable--physically and otherwise) right now that I had a massive breakdown this morning already and I haven't even been up for 2 hours. It's going to be a looooong day. - I've been napping with Bear every day, so that's something. I've stayed up a little bit with hubby the last few nights watching movies but I'm not going to do that anymore. If he wants to skip the sleep that's fine I'll go to bed without him.
I do have a couple of people I can call to help out, but if I can labor at night then they'll just sleep and it should be easier on everybody to not have the extra people around...The way these mid-night contractions have been (and also my midwife's prediction based on how soft I am) I think this labor may be a hard fast one, so if that works out then hopefully I won't need to call anybody in.
Monday 11/2
...has nested until it seems there's nothing left to do...laundry is done, kitchen is clean, bathrooms glisten...I guess I'll make some bread. Nothing like getting involved in a time-consuming project to make sure you get interrupted, right?!
- [a couple of commenters asked if I'd come to their houses next ☺]
- [JV] Aww, baby bread! I wonder if there's a recipe out there anywhere called that because it's "guaranteed" to make you go into labor either in making or eating it. Then again, that sounds a little... morbid. Never mind. Have fun with the breadmaking!
Tuesday 11/3
7:59am
...made bread (both regular and banana), plus zuppa de tuscana for dinner, and managed to get some nice contractions going around bedtime...but they didn't stick. Today we'll try hands and knees scrubbing floors...
1:06pm
...just found out that my midwife is catching another baby today, so I guess I'm glad I'm not in labor at the moment...
Wednesday 11/4 (My sister's birthday, 39wks, and the gestational date at which in went into labor with Bear)
6:44am
...will let you know when there's a baby to announce...until then, I'm still feeling crabby, my appetite is screwed up, my hips hurt, and I keep walking around chanting "down and out baby, down and out."
- [DR] Sleep while you can woman!
- oh I am D__. I nap with Bear every day and I've been trying to head to bed early. One of these nights I'd just like to be awakened by the baby coming out instead of the toddler coming in. ;)
...made homemade sesame chicken for dinner tonight--it's the first food that's actually appealed in a week, so I ate lots. Mmm, protein...
Thursday 11/5 (The gestational date at which Bear was born--yeah, he held off till after midnight)
9:18am
...sees the midwife this morning...Since Bear had been born by this gestational date, I'd kinda hoped to not make it to this appointment. Oh well, every day is one day closer to meeting Eagle.
10:03am
...is officially waddling. I guess the babe did move down last night, even if he didn't manage to get *all* the way down!
At my midwife appointment today we found that I'm still 1cm dilated and not at all effaced, and baby is still at a -2 station (meaning 2 cm above the pelvic bone)...no change from last week. She thinks I "look done" though...sortof like when you peek at the cookies in the oven and can tell that they are done even though the timer hasn't gone off yet. Neither of us expects me to make it to next week's appointment...
Tonight for the second night in a row I've had pretty decent contractions going through the afternoon/evening, and really thought we were probably going to see a baby out of it...but in both cases once I'd taken the time off to put the older kids to bed the contractions stopped. I think--and my midwife agrees--that my body won't labor when I'm in mommy-mode. She anticipates that I'll go into labor after bedtime one of these nights, and while that's possible, I'm noticing that the bedtime routine seems to be the end of my contractions...so maybe next time I'll have hubby put the kids to bed and I'll do other stuff and see if the contractions will keep going...
Friday 11/6
...has decided to take it upon herself to create/organize a breastfeeding support group here in Homer. There doesn't seem to be one, and the nearest LLL is 90 min away. For all my friends who are involved with such things, do you recommend joining LLL or just striking out solo?
- (yes, I am actively seeking ways to stay busy/distracted right now...but this is something I believe in and want to see happen anyway, so I'm not gonna ditch it when labor starts LOL!!)
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