Facebook Friday

Monday 10/5
Jenni's toddler ate plain peanut butter out of the jar for breakfast. Hey, it's what he wanted, and protein + some fat = good breakfast, right?
Wednesday 10/7
...just got kicked in the ribs. She doesn't remember the last kiddo ever kicking quite so high, OR so hard. [This was also the day I got my first contraction that was actually uncomfortable...must be in the home stretch now eh?]
Thursday 10/8
...is making plans for pie night next weekend, and a henna party (to paint my big belly) the weekend after.

Monday 10/12
...dropped of hubby at work this morning, and when I got home I found two moose in the neighbor's front yard. By the time I'd gotten the kiddo into the house we looked out the window and saw a third moose--a big bull--walking along the street ...within a few feet of our van! The dog went nuts, and the kiddo and I went back outside and took pictures!

Tuesday 10/13
...is hitting that point of not sure if I want the baby to hurry up already or please please please stay in for a couple more weeks so I can get stuff done.

Wednesday 10/14
...is debating which kinds of pie to make for pie night on friday...I'm thinking a chocolate velvet and a lemon cream cheese...

Thursday 10/15
...feels energetic this morning! What's up with that?!

...Today is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day across the world. Consider taking part in the global 'Wave of Light'. Light a candle at 7pm to join us in remembering all babies that have died during pregnancy, at, during or after birth. Post this as your status to show your support

Time Out & Time In

I think I have written about this before, but I don't know where it was, so I'm guessing it wasn't here on my blog...therefore I'm going to write about it again.

When I read Unconditional Parenting I was introduced to the notion that time out is not really a gentle method of discipline, because even though it spares them physical pain, it involves emotional withdrawal--or the withdrawal of love. For some children this is intensely painful (thus effective...and yet cruel), and for other children this is no big deal. I think most of it has to do with the child's personality--whether they are introverted or extroverted, craving privacy or interaction...but all of that still doesn't give an answer to the underlying question: if time out isn't working for you (either because it is too much for your child, or because it is too little) then what alternatives are there?
When I get to the "what now?" part of parenting, I always try to step back and ask myself the big question: What is my real goal in raising these kids? What do I want them to learn? What kind of people do I want to influance them to become? As I've stated before, my goal is to help them become thoughtful, conscientious adults. So how do I help them do that? I have transitioned away from using "time out" and now I typically try to use "time in."

Time out typically means setting the child on a chair or stool, usually in a corner or other out of the way place. They are ignored and they are not allowed to play or talk as they serve out a sentence of minutes. The goal with time out is that the child will calm down in this setting, and also that they will feel bad about what they have done and therefore not want to do it again.

Time in is only vaguely similar to time out. The way I do it does usually involve a chair, but depending on the situation, location, or age of the child, it may just be sitting on my lap, or sitting next to each other on the floor or couch. It does involve physical stillness--I find it more effective than time out ever was in helping a child calm down when he has been out of control. The big difference is that I am with the child, rather than ignoring him. With a small child I take him in my lap, hold him, may play with his hand or rub his feet, and I talk with him. With an older child we may sit side by side, or (if I'm in the middle of something) I may pull up a chair near where I am working and he will sit on the chair while I continue to work. With the physical stillness established, we discuss what happened, and why it was a problem. Depending on the situation (and age of the child) we may discuss what would be better choices to make if/when such a situation comes up again. We often talk about other things--things that are unrelated to the situation at hand. I try to use the time-in to reaffirm our relationship and my love for the child. Often hugs or other playful interactions are involved. I don't set a specific time frame for a time-in, but I try to continue it until the child seems to be feeling better and appears likely to be able to deal better with the world around him.
With an older child (preschool age onwards), sometimes I address what needs to be addressed and I can see that he just needs a little quiet time to process things or work through his feelings before he'll really be ready to be on his way. In those cases I typically say something along the lines of "Well Wolf, we've talked about the things that were concerning me, and the things that were concerning you. However it doesn't look like you're quite ready to be gentle with your little brother yet," [usually a glare at me will confirm this]. "Let's have you stay on the chair a little longer until you are ready to get along with him...I'll stop bugging you, but when you think you're ready to go just let me know." He is welcome to be silent, or to chatter to me on any topic, meanwhile he remains in my (hopefully calming) presence...and when he thinks he's ready to go then I'll tell him to go ahead. It's true that an emotional child isn't always the best judge of when he is calm enough to play nicely, but it's good practice for him to try, and if he says he's ready, and I send him on his way, and 2 minutes later he needs to come back for some more time-in, well, then he can come back for some more time-in. ☺


ETA
I'm not sure how clear I made this, so I'm going to try to restate it...
Yes I can see that giving a child love and attention after they misbehave may seem counter-productive. After all, we've been culturally trained to believe that a misbehaving child needs to be punished, and showing love isn't a punishment! However, think about it this way: the real goal with disciplining children is to teach them to behave--so we should do what works, rather than worry about what is 'normal' or even what seems 'logical' according to our social training. According to scientific studies, punishment is actually one of the less effective teaching methods (at least for humans). Therefore, why punish individual infractions (and then punish them again and again) if it's possible to just solve the problem that raised them in the first place?
My experience has been that time and space to calm down are important, but that showing love is never out of place, and that traditional 'punishments' often are.

35 weeks, or, OHMYGOSH I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO!

No, I don't really have that much left to do...but when that nesting instinct kicks in, it really kicks in!
I think I mentioned a lot of these before (because they've been done for a while) but all the blankets are washed and in the drawer. All the small cloth diapers are out (though I am thinking I'll give them a prewash, even though of course I washed them all before putting them in the box!). All the babywearing stuff is washed and in the drawer. I've been watching birthy movies and reading birthy books and getting my head into labor mode (as much as I can!). I'm working on a list of things I want to remember (or have someone else remember for me) during labor. (Last time I had a whole birth plan written up and given to my OB by 28wks, but conversations with my midwife have shown me that I don't need to be nearly so formal, and that her 'standard procedure' is much closer to what I want so I don't need to lay things out so specifically for her.)
Labor and birth are feeling very close now. Bear was born at 39 weeks, and I have a gut feeling that Eagle has a good chance of coming on the earlier side as well. I don't believe in doing anything to try to affect the timing of when baby chooses to come, but I just kindof have that feeling... I'm not nervous about labor or birthing, and I'm not terribly anxious either (in that I'm glad I still have a few weeks because I don't feel like I have everything ready!) but I do know that it's coming, and probably sooner rather than later, so I'm starting to think about labor as fairly imminent. (The frequent braxton-hicks are a good reminder of that too--and they've just continued to get more frequent in the last few weeks.)
I have not washed the little jammies and hats, so I do need to do that. I need to gather up the birth day stuff and get it into one place so that I'm not running around when labor actually starts. I need to assemble the crib (which, with one side off and scooted next to our bed, will be a co-sleeper). Otherwise, I'm basically just trying to savor the time I have now with my older kids, because I know that once the baby comes things will get busier.
Oh, and we need to find a middle name for the little guy. That's starting to feel really urgent to me.

Congratulations! You’re now carrying nearly 6 lbs of baby not counting their amniotic fluid, the umbilical cord, or the placenta itself. We’re impressed because that’s a LOT of work non-stop. Are you feeling proud of yourself yet? Well, get to it—you’ve done an amazing job! At this point, your little grower is almost busting out of the womb size-wise, which make their restricted attempts to move much challenging. Of course, your stubborn little sucker is still trying to move around as if he weren’t in a cramped space. And the accumulating baby fat deposits are starting to level off so your little butter ball will be padded and warm when he heads out of his super snug little home.

The baby is definitely filling up all the space in there. I'm feeling big and somewhat worn out. I'm looking forward to the little things like being able to see my feet, bend over to pick something up, or just roll over in bed without it being a major production. Of course I know very well that it's easier to care for a baby who's on the inside than for one that's on the outside, so I'm not about to rush him...but I will be thoroughly ready to welcome him out (and my normal little body back) when the time comes.

We have a New Arrival...

and I am SO in LOVE ♥♥♥
(yes, I did intentionally title it that way to see if it might make somebody think that the baby had come...did I getcha?!)

This baby joined our family a couple of weeks ago, and I have never used such a nice vacuum in my life!

Those of you who have been reading here a while may remember that last spring I posed a question about vacuums--what you've loved, what you've hated, what you desperately want to have for your very own...
As I read through all your comments to me, it became clear that no two people liked the same vacuum. (Geeze, that's not much help for me, you guys need to get together and vote or something before you all comment, ok?!) So I did what I probably should have done in the first place--I went to consumer reports. They listed this vacuum (The Eureka Boss Smart-Vac) as the "best buy," with the claim that it "outperformed $700 vacuums but only cost $170." With the thought that I have three (soon-to-be-four) boys in this house, plus a long-haired super-shedder dog, plus we live in Alaska where there's always mud and dirt to track in...I had concluded that I was willing to shell out a lot of money if that's what it took to get a really good vacuum. $170 is really not that much money, and I was intrigued.
So I did what any modern housewife would do--I went to amazon and checked out the reviews there. Guess what? Almost everybody who left reviews on amazon loves it too. In fact, the only complaints I saw were that it is heavy (it does have a massive engine, and weighs 26lbs), and some people said it was loud. Of course other people said it was not loud, so I guess it's all relative.
Oh, and the amazon price was only $144, and it came with free shipping--even to Alaska.

So I bought the thing.

And here is my review of the Eureka 4870MZ Boss Smart-Vac:

PROS

• Hepa filter
• Bags (I may have to buy refills, but they are so much less messy than my bagless dustbuster...and amazon has the bags so I just ordered a package with the vacuum.)
• 12 amp engine ☺
  
• It SUCKS like no vacuum I have ever used--not my mom's, not my mother-in-law's, not my father-in-law's shop vac, not the industrial one we use when cleaning the church... I was using the hose to clean up my sewing area the other day and it picked up thread jumbles and fair-sized fabric scraps without hesitation. I have warned the boys that if they don't pick up their legos or marbles they will undoubtedly be eaten by the vacuum...if the intake were large enough, I think it might suck up whole articles of clothing or possibly small children.
• It works beautifully on our tall carpet, short carpet, and bare floor. I don't see any dog hair left behind, and especially the first time I used it I could hear the dirt wooshing up the tube. It's quite satisfying actually. Our (far-from-new rental-apartment) carpet looks plusher and feels softer than it did when we moved in. I wouldn't hesitate to believe that this vacuum can extend the life of our carpeting.
  
• The "power paw" (a hose attachment with a rolling brush like the main vacuum) took all the hair off my dog's bed. I have vacuumed over that bed so many times, run the cover through the washing machine, and even just taken the whole thing out and beaten it...I'm fairly certain it has not been this clean since the day we brought it home. I think the paw is meant to be used on couches and upholstery, but our dog stays off the furniture so I haven't tested that application yet.
• This may seem silly, but I really like that the handle is a loop rather than a stick...it makes it easy to pull around (since I don't want to lift it) and it's easier to hold for the back and forth motion of vacuuming...I have had a vacuum fly right out of my hands on the forward motion before (please tell me I'm not the only one who's done that!) but that can't happen with the loop handle.
  

CONS

• Yep, it's heavy. I wouldn't want to haul it up and down stairs on a regular basis. SO, if I ever have a house with stairs, I will probably just buy a second SmartBoss for the other floor.
  
• Bear is scared of it, and so is the dog...on the other hand, the dog is scared of all vacuums, and Bear is mostly playing...he only runs and hides on the days that he's not begging to help do the vacuuming.
• The location of the power switch is a bit inconvenient for regular vacuuming. (It's down on the top part of the body, rather than up on the handle.) It means I can't switch it on with the same hand I'm 'driving' with... it's not an issue when using the hose, but it is sortof a hassle. This is the one thing that actually does bug me about this machine.
  
• As for the noise question? Well, I've definitely heard louder...but the very first time I used it I was excitedly vacuuming away in the bedrooms and when I came out I found that Bear had fallen asleep on the couch...so it must not be that loud!!
  

Little Things

I am only one, but still I am one;
I cannot do everything, but still I can do something;
And because I cannot do everything,
I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.
~~Edward Everett Hale
(commonly mis-attributed to Helen Keller)

This week I wiped up a spill on the kitchen floor with a cloth which I then tossed into a hamper rather than with a paper towel which would go into the trash.
I bought local tomatoes and lettuce (grown in-state) rather than ones shipped from 3000 miles away.
I made spaghetti with basil plucked from plants growing on my kitchen windowsill.
I combined my errands into one trip on one day rather than going out multiple times on different days.
I wiped my toddler's runny nose with cloth tissues (he calls them 'nuggert wipers') that I make by cutting up old t-shirts, and tossed them into the wash.
I used cloth wipes for myself (I know not everybody is up for that but wow I can't stand how scratchy toilet paper is anymore!), and of course I washed those too.
I paid my bills online instead of using paper checks and envelopes.
I bought my toddler boots at a second-hand store.
I cooked most of our meals from scratch. I made breakfast for my school-goers every morning.
I turned off lights and kept our heater on a lowish setting.
I sewed a couple of cloth diapers.
I washed our clothing in an energy-efficient washing machine.
I took my kids to the library and we all got books to read.
I read to my kids every day.
I cuddled with my kids almost every night (sometimes daddy does the cuddles ♥).
I am only one, but I AM one.
I cannot do everything, but I CAN do SOMEthing.
And if I am too lazy or selfish to do the things that I can do, well, shame on me. And if I take some small pride in doing the small things I can do, well, I think that's probably healthy.

Facebook Friday

shall we make this a multi-week roundup? ☺

Sunday Sep 6
Jenni is glad that Bear was happy in both hours of nursery today, and that I was able to actually go to my classes instead of sitting with him. [After a slow start, he's been liking nursery all month. A few times he's asked me when we get to go to nursery, and during the one meeting before it (when he gets to sit with me) he has started saying "I'm done here, let's go to nursery now."]

Monday Sep 7
...has a whole bunch of etsy orders to fill this week. Yay for income!

Wednesday Sep 9
...admits to having started to unpack the baby stuff. Heeheehee!

Thursday Sep 10
...dated a half dozen things with 9/11 instead of 9/10 today...is it because it's a familiar date or because I'm trying to speed up time till baby comes? Hmm, maybe it's just because I have no idea what day it is (as usual).

Friday Sep 11
... is getting a new vacuum. WOOT WOOT!!!

Saturday Sep 12
...needs to find somewhere to get a good family photo this Christmas...now that I'm unpacking things I haven't seen in years I've discovered that our last family photo was over *coughfivecough* years ago!!!

Monday Sep 14
...had a productive day....but is really wishing she had a chiropractor appointment instead of a dentist appointment this afternoon.

...also wants chocolate pie. Anybody want to make me one?!

Tuesday Sep 15
...is so inspired: my friend just gave birth to twins, naturally, at home, they were both breech, they were full term, and they were not tiny babies either (both close to 7 lbs--she's a little lady). God made our bodies to do such amazing things!

Friday Sep 18
...spent a while at the chiropractor yesterday...whew, I feel like a new woman!

Sunday Sep 20
...thinks that more people should do more of their shopping on etsy. I'm just sayin!!!

Monday Sep 21
...JUST GOT HER VACUUM!! (thank you UPS man!!) and it is AWESOME!!!

Tuesday Sep 22
...wonders why school pictures are so expensive. They're usually not even that good. [Wolf's order form came home that day *sigh*]

Monday Sep 28
...is glad that we finally get PFDs this year...and has already figured out productive ways to spend all of ours...twice over...

The midwife felt my belly and said I'm "all baby"...does that mean that I have no extra fat (good), or that the kiddo is 15lbs?! (not so good!)
[yes, I've gained 15lbs as of my last appointment...oh, and the photo is from last week at 33wks]

Wednesday Sep 30
...is glad for some free moose meat, a sleeping toddler, and a little time to get some sewing done (without said toddler trying to climb in my lap!)

Thursday Oct 1
...got the paycheck today and PFDs are due in one week...joy, now we can pay all the bills!

Friday Oct 2
...realized that I'm 34wks pregnant now, but rather than a month and a half till baby, it's likely to only be a month (based on the timing last time). Ohmygosh I suddenly feel like time is very very short...gotta nest, gotta nest! [thankfully the only things I really have left are assembling the cosleeper aka crib, washing some clothing, and collecting the stuff I'll need for labor/birth...the blankets and diapers are already washed and in the drawers. ☺]

... is blaring Indigo Girls and making homemade pizza dough for dinner.

Close to Home

Now that I've showed off my residence, I thought I'd show off some of the scenery from the neighborhood... I think I mentioned before that the fireweed were in full bloom as we drove into town that first day, and while they have since wilted in the frost (it is practically winter now) they remain in my mind as part of my first sight of this area.



Yes, the hills really were covered with pink like this the whole way in. ☺

And, of course, my new banner...the view on the way into town (in the early morning light):

Consistent vs Reliable

Ahh consistency, the mark of a great parent, right? They are never pushovers, they do not give in to whining or wheedling. They set their rules and they stand by them. Once a consequence has been put in place, it will be enforced without exception. After all, children need consistency, they depend on it. They will push at the boundaries and if you, as the parent, give even a little then they will push harder and harder and get out of control.
We've all read this before, I'm sure.
All the parenting experts say it, and if the experts agree, then we should agree too, shouldn't we?

Well, I have realized that I disagree. (Yep, there's me, questioning the status quo again!)

I don't want to be a perfectly consistent parent. I want to be a reliable parent.

What is the difference? Well, a consistent parent is rigid, and unchanging. Once a rule is set then it is there and ne'er shall it budge. If we have a rule that you must eat your veggies before having any dessert then thus shall it be forever more! (so let it be written, so let it be done!!) Well, yes, good foods before treats is a general policy in our house...but every once in a great while isn't it fun to break that sort of rule? One night we took an idea from the disney channel and decided to have a "totally chocolate dinner." You should have seen the look on Wolf's eyes when we told him. It was a day that he reminded us of for months.

As a reliable parent my kids learn that it is ok to request making changes--this summer Wolf questioned his bedtime asked if we could move it a little later. We discussed that we had established it because he was in school and had to get up early, but concluded that since it was now summer we were willing to try out a later bedtime and see how it went. (Incidentally, we had tried that later bedtime a couple of times before, and it had not worked out, but just because something didn't work before doesn't mean it's not worth trying again.)

With a reliable parent my kids know that it's ok to ask questions about the status quo (hey, does that sound familiar?!) They know that I can be relied upon to make sure that there are always boundaries, but that sometimes the details are subject to change, and that is good. After all, each person is different, each age is different, and one of the most consistent things about parenting is change!

A general rule for living and working with children

"If I had to make a general rule for living and working with children, it might be this: be wary of saying or doing anything to a child that you would not do to another adult, whose good opinion and affection you valued."

--John Holt

Babywearing in a pinch

Since it's International Babywearing Week, I figured it was a good time to post this. ☺


Ingredients:
1 kiddo who is big enough to sit up but not quite big enough (or awake enough) to walk the distance
1 big towel
1 mama who is 20 weeks pregnant (pregnancy is optional)

Directions:
Put kiddo on your back piggy-back style. (If he's used to being worn he will hang on like a monkey, facilitating the subsequent steps!)
Take one long edge of the towel and center it on the kiddo's upper back--either under or over his shoulders, as desired. Tie the upper corners snugly over mama's bust. If possible, have a helper snug them up with an overhand knot(you won't need a double knot, but especially if the towel is at all damp you will need that helper!)
Take the lower edge of the towel and snug it up under the kiddo's bootie, and tie it around mama's waist (above the belly if she's got another little kiddo in there!) Again, have a helper help you get it snug in front.
Hike securely in peace and comfort, enjoy kiddo falling asleep rather than whining, have fun!
Bear is around 30 lbs, and with my growing belly (the extra weight plus, you know, the bulge) I haven't really been wearing him since last winter.
However, there was one day this summer when we were camping that we decided to go to a little swimming hole. We were told it was "right next to the parking lot" but when we got there we discovered that it was actually about 1/2mile walk in to the falls and pool. That's not that far, but it is a pretty good distance for a 2 year old. So I grabbed a nice big towel and improvised. (The photo is on the way back out, he was on the verge of sleep, thus the groggy expression...)

Incidentally, since Bear has always been worn, he just curls his body right onto mine and hangs on like a little monkey. He's much easier to carry--even in a makeshift form--than a child who is not used to being carried. ☺