Cool Homeschool

A couple of months ago my mother started a blog. I was excited about it then, but have waited a while so that she would have the time to get a good collection of posts up before I started telling everybody about it.
But now she has some posts up, so you should go visit it!

Black's Cool Homeschool

For those who do not know the story, my dad is a teacher. When he was in grad school (certifying for gifted ed), he came home one day and said to mom [in reference to his classmates, the future gifted teachers of America]: "These people are morons, I do not want them teaching my children. We are going to homeschool." I was still an infant, and no other siblings had come along yet. The way mom tells it she "had five years to get used to the idea," but by the time I was school aged, she was wholly on board.
(Yes, if you missed the subtext there, I was homeschooled from the beginning until age 16 when I started college...)
Twenty seven years and 8 diverse students later, she is one of the more experienced homeschoolers I know, and frankly, I think she's amazing. She's like me in that she doesn't take one philosophy and go with it; instead she reads a lot of everything and gleans a little from everywhere, then considers her own children's needs and creates her own versions of most of it. I find her inspiring and think that you will too.

Here is the description she wrote for the blog header:
Homeschooling has brought many blessings to our family (not the least of which is my children's feeling that school is cool!). And with those blessings comes the desire to document our family’s journey in an attempt to help others who follow. Ours is a journey that began as an idealistic voyage in 1981 and has evolved into an eclectic expedition. Let me show you our path and try to communicate some truths I've learned.

~~~~~~~

OK, official disclaimer...
I think there are some excellent teachers in public schools--I think that my dad is one of them, that my husband is another, and (if it's not too cocky of me to say so) I think I was pretty darn good... With that said, teaching in this country doesn't pay well enough to entice nor hold most of the best and brightest in the profession. So that "those who can't do, teach" is sadly true of many many teachers. That "these people are morons" sentiment is one I can echo in thinking of many of my own classmates at a college that was considered that state's leading school for teachers.
Yes, I've seen homeschoolers (and honestly public schoolers too) who had a woefully inadequate education. There are a few socially backwards utterly clueless homeschoolers that give the rest of us a bad name (just like they say about 90% of lawyers giving the rest a bad name, right?!) But there are socially backwards kids and the behaviorally challenging kids who slip through the cracks in public system too. I guess the point I'm getting at is that the quality of a person's education is not not about where they are educated (home vs school), it's about the investment and support that the student gets, and that usually comes from home anyway.

Time to Wean

I mentioned in my Facebook Friday update last week that I had decided to wean Bear. First though, I want to take a minute to talk about why a 27month old is (still) nursing...since that's not a very common thing in this country.

I am not weaning him because I think he is too old to nurse (although obviously I do think that he is old enough to wean...details on that difference in a minute!)
There are great physical benefits to nursing until age 2. For one thing, the brain is not fully myelinized until age 2, and the high fat content of breastmilk helps with the myelinating. (This is why they say to only give children that age whole milk...but even whole cows milk has a lower fat content than human milk...and I do believe in human milk for human babies!). The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends nursing "at least 12 months" frankly because they don't think they can talk the average American woman into nursing for longer. However, if you turn to a global group like the World Health Organization, they recommend nursing for at least two years. The world average age for weaning is actually around 4 years old (and considering how many children in this country are weaned before 1, I think that says something!) So I do not think I would consider weaning a child under 18-24months, unless there were some pretty extreme circumstances. However, nursing past that age (and how far past that age) is very much a matter of personal preference.
By the way, nursing a toddler is just plain neat. I have very much enjoyed having a little guy who snuggles up to me with lovestruck eyes and whispers "I love da nurn."

I am not weaning him because I am pregnant.
If I had an objection to nursing while pregnant then I would have weaned him several months ago. Contrary to popular rumor, nursing while pregnant is possible and safe for the vast majority of women (here is a great article on the subject). Some women find it painful, and wean for that reason. Some women's milk dries up, and although some children choose to keep suckling even when there is no milk, most of the time this leads to weaning as well. In very rare cases the mother is unable to maintain her own health (losing weight as she tries to support both fetus and nursling), or increases her risk for miscarriage (this is most likely to be seen in a woman who already needs hormone supplements to maintain a pregnancy). However, the average woman can nurse while pregnant, and many do. Many women also choose to tandem nurse--to continue nursing an older child after the baby is born and begins nursing. Many people feel that tandem nursing helps the older child accept and adjust to the newborn better.

Well, Bear loves to nurse. I mean, he really adores his beloved 'nurn.' He often tells me that he loves it, or that he needs it, and frequently gives it kisses and little affectionate pats. I felt that, between his attachment, and the fact that I had no supply issues and only moderate tenderness (not extreme pain), I should just nurse him right through the pregnancy and then tandem nurse him with the baby. I thought he would cope with all the changes better if he could share his nurn with the baby rather than having to wean. Mothers who have done it both ways report that children who tandem nurse are less likely to be jealous of the new baby, and cope better with the new family dynamic. SO, I was planning to tandem nurse. I figured that Bear would be 3 just a few months after the baby was born, and that he would wean by then...but that there would be those few months of overlap to soften the adjustments.

Well, about a week ago Hubby and I were talking, and he said "you know, I think Bear needs to wean. If we do it now, it will be long enough that by the time the baby comes he will have forgotten about it, so I don't think he'll be jealous...and meanwhile we can help him adjust to a bedtime routine that doesn't involve nursing. Once the baby comes he'll need to be able to go to bed for daddy, so we might as well start working on that now."
I wholeheartedly agreed about the needing to learn to go to sleep with daddy (or a babysitter, of all shocking things!), but I wasn't entirely sure about the forgetting part...he's not an infant anymore, after all. So I started talking with friends who had weaned, and with friends who had tandem nursed, and I was slightly surprised that most of them agreed: toddlers do forget pretty quickly, and 5-6 months is certainly long enough that by the time the baby comes Bear is not likely to remember nursing. Even if he does remember that he did it, he probably will have forgotten how to latch on, so even if he wants to try (and I would let him), he would not be able to get any milk. With the thought in mind that weaning him and not tandem nursing was probably not going to be traumatic after all, I started actually considering that option (something I had not previously done) and realized that I liked it a lot better.

[here I have copied and pasted an excerpt from the post I wrote about it on NaturalLDSLiving]

Prior to birthing and nursing any kids, I felt that i would probably nurse for 18m-2yrs. I really figured that 2yrs was plenty old enough though. But of course, once you're doing it it's easy to just keep doing it...Bear showed no inclination to give up nursing, and I had finally gotten my cycles back (that did take 20m ) so I figured the nursing wasn't in the way of trying to conceive...so we just kept going. I had been afraid that I might have a lot of nipple pain (that was my earliest sign of pregnancy with prior pregnancies), but I was pretty much ok...until about 8wks, then it started being tender after a little nursing...and then around 10wks it started being tender all the time. I'd already committed to night-weaning (honestly I've been attempting that on and off since last summer), but I guess I had been feeling like tandem nursing was this ideal thing that I should strive for, you know? I think that sometimes hanging around in crunchy circles (or, heck, in non-crunchy ones where I feel the need to be an example) leads us (or at least lead me) to make efforts beyond what I really wanted, because I feel like it's what I should do. Does that make sense? A sort of peer-pressure-induced idealism.
Anyway, I had been planning on tandeming--even though I now realize that I didn't particularly want to--because I felt like it was going to be better for Bear. Now that I've made the conscious choice to wean him this coming month, I feel like a weight is off my shoulders. I hadn't realized how much this had been bothering me, but I guess it had. Now that I've made the decision, I know there will be hard days, but having made the whole decision (to wean entirely, not just cut back) it's easier because it feels like the end is in site. I know he's old enough, I know he's going to be ok, I know I'll probably stress about what he eats for a while (I'd never worried because I knew he could always make up for it with nursing), and this morning he did eat a bigger breakfast than I've seen in a while... But yeah, anyway, I just wanted to share that it's a relief to have made the choice.

I am obviously not opposed to nursing during pregnancy or to tandem nursing. If the spacing between Bear and this baby was closer, I might have made a different choice. But as it is, I feel that a child over 2 does not need to nurse any longer (no matter how much he likes or wants it). I do not think that weaning will do him any physical, emotional, or psychological detriment at this age. So, we are weaning, not because we need to, or because he wants to, but because I am ready...and any relationship needs to be working for both of the people involved or else it's just not healthy.

This post has gotten quite long, so I will hold off a couple of weeks before writing about how we're doing this weaning thing, and how it goes. Suffice it to say that so far so good. He is not thrilled that I am insisting on short nursing sessions, but he is not waking in the night like he used to, and he is not crying when I refuse him the 'nanu' in the night or after we've finished our designated minutes. He generally seems to be accepting of the changes, although it's clear that he's not excited about them. He does know that he still gets it sometimes, and I can tell that that is important to him. The final step of this process will most likely be the hardest, but I have some ideas about how to help it happen gently...so like I said, I will post more about all of that in a couple of weeks!!

Nursing an [Older] Toddler

I originally posted "Nursing a Toddler" a year ago when Bear was 15 months old. Today I'm participating in a blog carnival about nursing toddlers, so I'm re-posting it...along with a few new entries that are more specific to my now 27month old nursling...

~~~~~~~~~~

Nursing a toddler is not like nursing an infant.


An infant nurses for nourishment, comfort, and security.


A toddler nurses for nourishment, comfort, security, and FUN!

• Toddlers engage in "walk-by nursings" wherein they sneak in a sip while literally still walking by.
• Toddlers like to play "peek-a-boobie."
• Toddlers know how to lift up your shirt and get at what they want--by themselves.
• Older toddlers can unhook the bra by themselves as well.
• Toddlers think it's funny when the milk shoots across the room, and they will pull off repeatedly just to see it do so.
• Toddlers get so excited about nursing that they laugh and then milk comes out their nose.
• Toddlers like to drink from one side while cuddling the other (without that pesky bra in the way, thank-you-very-much!)
• Older toddlers like to switch back and forth to the 'udder one' every few minutes (or moments!).
  
• Older toddlers justify this switching behavior by pointing back and forth and explaining "I yuv [love] dis one, and dis one, and dis one, and dis one!"
  
• Toddlers give lup-bats* to the breast. *Wolf's toddler pronunciation of 'love pats' (so-named because pats on the bottom are obviously not little spanks...)
• Toddlers like to nurse while climbing, standing, sitting, rocking, playing with blocks, or otherwise wiggling a LOT.
• Toddlers like to nurse upside-down.
• Toddlers like to give breast-zerberts in between sucks.
• Toddlers say "nurn!" and sign "milk" while nursing, and then afterwards smile and say "doo!" [thank you]
• Older toddlers say "mommy I need some nurn peese" and when they are done they grin and say "sank oo for da nurn"
• Toddlers run and run and run and run...and then climb into the big bed (by themselves) and lay down and start signing 'milk' because they are ready to nurse to sleep now.
• Older toddlers can understand that they need to wait just a minute before we nurse.

Toddlers melt mommy's heart in a whole new way.

And when it does come time to wean them, an older toddler can look you in the eye and say "mommy, I yuv da nurn, but I don't need it" and then pat your face and snuggle anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~

Here are the other entries in the "This is what nursing a toddler looks like" carnival:

• Comfort in Sick Times (home base/host)
  
• The Joys, Humors, and Struggles of nursing a toddler
  
• Calm in the Midst of the Storm
• I Never Thought I'd Nurse a Toddler
• The Pros and Cons of Nursing a Toddler
  
• Nursing a Toddler in a Ring Sling
• This is what a Nursing Toddler Looks Like
  
• A Nursing Toddler Story
• A Breastfeeding Toddler Photo Shoot
• This is what Toddler Nursing Looks Like
  
• Nursing a (and around a) Toddler Creates Cute Stories
• This is what Nursing a Toddler Looks Like
• This is a Nursing Toddler
  
• Beautiful at Every Age
  

"Animal Vegetable Miracle" by Barbara Kingsolver

I don't remember when I first heard about this book. I do know that it was not an unfamiliar title last summer when my mother was reading it and told me that she loved it. I made a mental note to get around to reading it sometime...
A month ago I saw it on the rental shelf at our little library (they have a program where they can rent recent or popular books for less than buying them, so there is a decent rotating collection there), so I snatched it up.

I should probably warn you that if you are pregnant and craving fresh fruit and vegetables (especially if you live in a rural corner of Alaska and cannot get them no matter how much you want them), and it's the end of a long winter where none of the produce is very good even if you could get it, and you haven't had your own garden in three years and you miss it terribly...then this book may leave you feeling very very hungry and dreaming about things like farmers markets and hoeing weeds and canning peaches. Of course, I still heartily recommend it.


Animal Vegetable Miracle follows a year in the life of Barbara Kingsolver, her husband, and two teenage daughters. They decided that they wanted to be 'locavores' for a year, as a sortof social experiment. They did make one exception per family member--dad got his coffee (organic and fair trade of course), one daughter got hot chocolate, mom got her spices...but other than that they ate locally. They planted a massive garden, raised their own chickens and turkeys, went to their farmers market religiously, and almost everything they consumed that year was produced within their own county (I think the most distant item came from two states away). The book tells not only their story of learning to eat locally (and in season!), but also includes several essays from Stephen Hopp (her husband, a professor of environmental studies), essays from the elder daughter Camille Kingsolver, and a mouthwatering collection of recipes that follow the 'in season' rule (in other words, nothing calls for mixing produce from one season with produce from another).

Here are a couple of my favorite quotes from the book:

"[O]ur vegetables have come to lack two features of interest: nutrition and flavor. Storage and transport take predictable tolls on the volatile plant compounds that subtly add up to taste and food value. Breeding to increase shelf life also has tended to decrease palatability. Bizarre as it seams, we've accepted a tradeoff that amounts to: 'Give me every vegetable in every season, even if it tastes like a cardboard picture of its former self.' You'd think we cared more about the idea of what we're eating than about what we're eating."

"Each plant part we eat must come in its turn--leaves, buds, flowers, green fruits, ripe fruits, hard fruits--because that is the necessary order of things for an annual plant. For the life of them, they can't do it differently...
"Waiting for [some foods] is harder. It's tempting to reach for melons, red peppers, tomatoes, and other late-summer delights before summer even arrives. But it's actually possible to wait, celebrating each season when it comes, not fretting about its being absent at all other times because something else good is at hand.
"If many of us would view this style of eating as deprevation [only getting foods when they are in season], that's only because we've grown accustomed to the botanically outrageious condition of having everything, always."

"Waiting for foods to come into season means tasting them when they're good, but waiting is also part of most value equasions...It's hard to reduce our modern complex of food choices into unifying principles, but this is one that generally works: eating home-cooked meals from whole, in-season ingredients obtained from the most local source available is eating well, in every sense. Good for the habitat, good for the body...
"That's the sublime paradox of a food culture: restraint equals indulgence."

"It's interesting that penny-pinching is an accepted defense for toxic food habits, when frugality so rarely rules other consumer domains."

I found the book at once riveting, thought-provoking, and inspiring. It's not just about eating organic foods (though Kingsolver clearly feels strongly about that, and explains why); it's not just about eating local foods (though she obviously feels strongly about that too); it's not even wholly about eating in season (although that comes closer to the mark). No, Animal Vegetable Miracle is about mindful eating. About choosing our foods--and preparing them--with conscientiousness and thought.

On Cooking from Scratch

"When we traded homemaking for careers, we were implicitly promised economic independence and worldly influence. But a devil of a bargain it has turned out to be in terms of daily life. We gave up the aroma of warm bread rising, the measured pace of nurturing routines, the creative task of molding our families' tastes and zest for life; we received in exchange the minivan and the Lunchable. I consider it the great hoodwink of my generation."

~~Barbara Kingsolver, in "Animal Vegetable Miracle" pg 126

Belly One: Week Eleven

While we were taking the haircut pictures on Monday we got the first belly picture too.

photo @ 10weeks 5days

(just a little bulge!)

I'm 11 weeks pregnant today.

Baby is about two inches long; approximately the size (if not the weight!) of my thumb!
I am solidly into maternity clothing because my regular clothing won't fit, but I do have to stick with the adjustable ones that can be snugged down a bit, because the non-adjustable things fall down! This is probably the most frustrating part of pregnancy: I look bigger, but not obviously pregnant, so unless I wave a sign most folks probably just think I've gained weight. I am starting to feel better (which is nice) but I can't feel movement yet, so I don't have any kind of ongoing assurance that all is well.
Meanwhile, here's a little more from baby-gaga about what the littlest wild thing is up to right now:

The little one is already starting to explore their body, focusing most intently on touching their head, and especially their face and mouth. Their mouth in particular will provide them with hours of entertainment. This happens not only because your baby is gaining coordination, and is therefore able to move a hand on command, but also because their palms have gained sensation and can actually “feel” what it touches.They're also developing their swallow reflex this week. And lastly, your baby's smelling and other olfactory senses will begin developing this week, which when combined with the maturing taste buds, will provide your baby with their first experiences of taste and smell.

Short

My hair has been long (to some degree) my entire life, and I like it that way. Last summer I decided that I wanted to grow my hair out to terminal length (the length at which it breaks off rather than growing any longer). I anticipated that my 'ideal' length was about my tailbone--36" long--but since it had never gotten that long before, I wasn't sure whether it could get that long, thus the goal to find terminal. It grew quite fast for the first few months, but has slowed a lot since the new year. I presumed this meant I was approaching terminal, and while it hadn't quite stopped, it was definitely feeling like this was about all there was.
In addition, in the last few weeks I had realized that my hair was longer than what I like. It's been getting in my way and has been noticeably thinner at the end. I have concluded that my ideal length--my perfect length--is right about my waist (in the 28-29" range). Having reached that conclusion, when Hubby asked me to cut his hair last night, I asked him to cut mine too. He asked how much, and I said "well, cut it to wherever strikes your fancy; I like it around my waist, but it can always grow." He enjoys the variety as much as the length, so I figured he'd cut it a little above my waist. He took all my hair in a big handful and cut it in one big SNIP (remember how I have thin hair? Yeah, not difficult to cut it all at once!). Then he let go and discovered that it was pretty slanted, so he had to even it up a bit, and voila, now I have short hair.

Before: 33" long

After: 25" long

Ok, so it's short to me anyway! It's just going to grow. But this time, rather than making every effort to reach terminal length, I'll probably just get it out to my waist and then keep it trimmed there.
Or maybe not.
That's the fun thing about hair: so long as you take care of it, you don't really have to commit to a length, because it will keep growing. ☺

5 years ago

This year the dates of the year happen to fall on the same days of the week as they did five years ago in 2004. So April 7 was a Wednesday again, and Sunday, April 12, was Easter again.
I suppose for most people this is no big deal, but for me this Resurrection Day was a sharp reminder of the poignant Easter I had five years ago.
Five years ago, on Wednesday April 7, my first pregnancy ended in my first miscarriage. I held my first angel baby in my hand and mourned his departure.
Five years ago, on Sunday April 12, I went to church and listened to the choir (with whom I had rehearsed but with whom I was too weak to perform) sing about resurrection and sacrifice and perfect love.

We parents of angels often refer to ourselves as being "in the club that nobody wants to join," and while it's true that I wish I'd never had to join, I must say that if you do have to join, there is no time like right before Easter.

Update on Life

Tonight Hubby is on a plane to Anchorage to go to a teaching job fair there this weekend. He has turned in his official letter of resignation here in Pelican, and we intend to leave this town on the ferry a week after school lets out at the end of May...but we don't know yet where we'll go from there. We have been hoping and praying for a job in the Anchorage or Kenai area, and would appreciate your prayers on our behalf.
We know that we cannot stay here another year--I can't have a baby here, Wolf's school situation is not good, Wolf and I are both battling depression and loneliness, there are no opportunities for our family here (music lessons, sports, cub scouts, playgroups, oh yeah, and church!) With that said, it is unsettling to know that we are leaving but not yet know where we are going to. We have been told by several school districts as well as teachers up there that there are lots of jobs to be had, and that one just needs to show up to the job fair. We know that Hubby is well qualified--being certified in both math and English and with experience in all subjects and grades 6-12. Now we just need someone to offer him a contract. We dare not go to another tiny rural town like this one--it would have all the same problems that we are having here. We have even considered moving back south but we really love Alaska and feel like this is home. So we're just asking for your prayers (wishes, good karma, lucky chants, spells of employment, whatever you do!) that his efforts this weekend will produce at least one job offer that we can accept.
I will keep you posted of course...but in the meantime I'm doing the single parent thing (again) for a few days, and between that and the morning sickness I don't tend to post much. The one thing I have been trying to do is post lots of new stuff over in my etsy shop, and that's been going pretty well! I don't want to move piles of fabric if I don't have to, so I'm trying to get a lot of stuff sewn up (and hopefuly sold!) over the coming weeks. I've sold some of my fabric yardage to fellow diaper sewers, and have been running sales in my shops which of course always helps to keep things moving through. Check it out!

Oh yes, and on the pregnancy front:
10 weeks along; I feel fat--I do actually have a developing pooch but most people probably don't notice it; last weekend I had two days where I didn't feel very sick and I wasn't sure whether I should be thrilled or terrified (feeling better has often come right before miscarriage for me, and with Bear I didn't get to feeling better until week 15)...so I took my last pregnancy test to calm my nerves. Very very pregnant (and I feel sick again too).

Happy Resurrection Day

I love this Easter song (appropriately titled "Easter Song"). It's written by 2nd Chapter of Acts, and here performed by one of my favorite acapella groups, Glad.



(for those who can't see it embedded, here is the direct link to see it at youtube)