Nursing an [Older] Toddler

I originally posted "Nursing a Toddler" a year ago when Bear was 15 months old. Today I'm participating in a blog carnival about nursing toddlers, so I'm re-posting it...along with a few new entries that are more specific to my now 27month old nursling...

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Nursing a toddler is not like nursing an infant.


An infant nurses for nourishment, comfort, and security.


A toddler nurses for nourishment, comfort, security, and FUN!

• Toddlers engage in "walk-by nursings" wherein they sneak in a sip while literally still walking by.
• Toddlers like to play "peek-a-boobie."
• Toddlers know how to lift up your shirt and get at what they want--by themselves.
• Older toddlers can unhook the bra by themselves as well.
• Toddlers think it's funny when the milk shoots across the room, and they will pull off repeatedly just to see it do so.
• Toddlers get so excited about nursing that they laugh and then milk comes out their nose.
• Toddlers like to drink from one side while cuddling the other (without that pesky bra in the way, thank-you-very-much!)
• Older toddlers like to switch back and forth to the 'udder one' every few minutes (or moments!).
  
• Older toddlers justify this switching behavior by pointing back and forth and explaining "I yuv [love] dis one, and dis one, and dis one, and dis one!"
  
• Toddlers give lup-bats* to the breast. *Wolf's toddler pronunciation of 'love pats' (so-named because pats on the bottom are obviously not little spanks...)
• Toddlers like to nurse while climbing, standing, sitting, rocking, playing with blocks, or otherwise wiggling a LOT.
• Toddlers like to nurse upside-down.
• Toddlers like to give breast-zerberts in between sucks.
• Toddlers say "nurn!" and sign "milk" while nursing, and then afterwards smile and say "doo!" [thank you]
• Older toddlers say "mommy I need some nurn peese" and when they are done they grin and say "sank oo for da nurn"
• Toddlers run and run and run and run...and then climb into the big bed (by themselves) and lay down and start signing 'milk' because they are ready to nurse to sleep now.
• Older toddlers can understand that they need to wait just a minute before we nurse.

Toddlers melt mommy's heart in a whole new way.

And when it does come time to wean them, an older toddler can look you in the eye and say "mommy, I yuv da nurn, but I don't need it" and then pat your face and snuggle anyway.

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Here are the other entries in the "This is what nursing a toddler looks like" carnival:

• Comfort in Sick Times (home base/host)
  
• The Joys, Humors, and Struggles of nursing a toddler
  
• Calm in the Midst of the Storm
• I Never Thought I'd Nurse a Toddler
• The Pros and Cons of Nursing a Toddler
  
• Nursing a Toddler in a Ring Sling
• This is what a Nursing Toddler Looks Like
  
• A Nursing Toddler Story
• A Breastfeeding Toddler Photo Shoot
• This is what Toddler Nursing Looks Like
  
• Nursing a (and around a) Toddler Creates Cute Stories
• This is what Nursing a Toddler Looks Like
• This is a Nursing Toddler
  
• Beautiful at Every Age
  

"Animal Vegetable Miracle" by Barbara Kingsolver

I don't remember when I first heard about this book. I do know that it was not an unfamiliar title last summer when my mother was reading it and told me that she loved it. I made a mental note to get around to reading it sometime...
A month ago I saw it on the rental shelf at our little library (they have a program where they can rent recent or popular books for less than buying them, so there is a decent rotating collection there), so I snatched it up.

I should probably warn you that if you are pregnant and craving fresh fruit and vegetables (especially if you live in a rural corner of Alaska and cannot get them no matter how much you want them), and it's the end of a long winter where none of the produce is very good even if you could get it, and you haven't had your own garden in three years and you miss it terribly...then this book may leave you feeling very very hungry and dreaming about things like farmers markets and hoeing weeds and canning peaches. Of course, I still heartily recommend it.


Animal Vegetable Miracle follows a year in the life of Barbara Kingsolver, her husband, and two teenage daughters. They decided that they wanted to be 'locavores' for a year, as a sortof social experiment. They did make one exception per family member--dad got his coffee (organic and fair trade of course), one daughter got hot chocolate, mom got her spices...but other than that they ate locally. They planted a massive garden, raised their own chickens and turkeys, went to their farmers market religiously, and almost everything they consumed that year was produced within their own county (I think the most distant item came from two states away). The book tells not only their story of learning to eat locally (and in season!), but also includes several essays from Stephen Hopp (her husband, a professor of environmental studies), essays from the elder daughter Camille Kingsolver, and a mouthwatering collection of recipes that follow the 'in season' rule (in other words, nothing calls for mixing produce from one season with produce from another).

Here are a couple of my favorite quotes from the book:

"[O]ur vegetables have come to lack two features of interest: nutrition and flavor. Storage and transport take predictable tolls on the volatile plant compounds that subtly add up to taste and food value. Breeding to increase shelf life also has tended to decrease palatability. Bizarre as it seams, we've accepted a tradeoff that amounts to: 'Give me every vegetable in every season, even if it tastes like a cardboard picture of its former self.' You'd think we cared more about the idea of what we're eating than about what we're eating."

"Each plant part we eat must come in its turn--leaves, buds, flowers, green fruits, ripe fruits, hard fruits--because that is the necessary order of things for an annual plant. For the life of them, they can't do it differently...
"Waiting for [some foods] is harder. It's tempting to reach for melons, red peppers, tomatoes, and other late-summer delights before summer even arrives. But it's actually possible to wait, celebrating each season when it comes, not fretting about its being absent at all other times because something else good is at hand.
"If many of us would view this style of eating as deprevation [only getting foods when they are in season], that's only because we've grown accustomed to the botanically outrageious condition of having everything, always."

"Waiting for foods to come into season means tasting them when they're good, but waiting is also part of most value equasions...It's hard to reduce our modern complex of food choices into unifying principles, but this is one that generally works: eating home-cooked meals from whole, in-season ingredients obtained from the most local source available is eating well, in every sense. Good for the habitat, good for the body...
"That's the sublime paradox of a food culture: restraint equals indulgence."

"It's interesting that penny-pinching is an accepted defense for toxic food habits, when frugality so rarely rules other consumer domains."

I found the book at once riveting, thought-provoking, and inspiring. It's not just about eating organic foods (though Kingsolver clearly feels strongly about that, and explains why); it's not just about eating local foods (though she obviously feels strongly about that too); it's not even wholly about eating in season (although that comes closer to the mark). No, Animal Vegetable Miracle is about mindful eating. About choosing our foods--and preparing them--with conscientiousness and thought.

On Cooking from Scratch

"When we traded homemaking for careers, we were implicitly promised economic independence and worldly influence. But a devil of a bargain it has turned out to be in terms of daily life. We gave up the aroma of warm bread rising, the measured pace of nurturing routines, the creative task of molding our families' tastes and zest for life; we received in exchange the minivan and the Lunchable. I consider it the great hoodwink of my generation."

~~Barbara Kingsolver, in "Animal Vegetable Miracle" pg 126

Belly One: Week Eleven

While we were taking the haircut pictures on Monday we got the first belly picture too.

photo @ 10weeks 5days

(just a little bulge!)

I'm 11 weeks pregnant today.

Baby is about two inches long; approximately the size (if not the weight!) of my thumb!
I am solidly into maternity clothing because my regular clothing won't fit, but I do have to stick with the adjustable ones that can be snugged down a bit, because the non-adjustable things fall down! This is probably the most frustrating part of pregnancy: I look bigger, but not obviously pregnant, so unless I wave a sign most folks probably just think I've gained weight. I am starting to feel better (which is nice) but I can't feel movement yet, so I don't have any kind of ongoing assurance that all is well.
Meanwhile, here's a little more from baby-gaga about what the littlest wild thing is up to right now:

The little one is already starting to explore their body, focusing most intently on touching their head, and especially their face and mouth. Their mouth in particular will provide them with hours of entertainment. This happens not only because your baby is gaining coordination, and is therefore able to move a hand on command, but also because their palms have gained sensation and can actually “feel” what it touches.They're also developing their swallow reflex this week. And lastly, your baby's smelling and other olfactory senses will begin developing this week, which when combined with the maturing taste buds, will provide your baby with their first experiences of taste and smell.

Short

My hair has been long (to some degree) my entire life, and I like it that way. Last summer I decided that I wanted to grow my hair out to terminal length (the length at which it breaks off rather than growing any longer). I anticipated that my 'ideal' length was about my tailbone--36" long--but since it had never gotten that long before, I wasn't sure whether it could get that long, thus the goal to find terminal. It grew quite fast for the first few months, but has slowed a lot since the new year. I presumed this meant I was approaching terminal, and while it hadn't quite stopped, it was definitely feeling like this was about all there was.
In addition, in the last few weeks I had realized that my hair was longer than what I like. It's been getting in my way and has been noticeably thinner at the end. I have concluded that my ideal length--my perfect length--is right about my waist (in the 28-29" range). Having reached that conclusion, when Hubby asked me to cut his hair last night, I asked him to cut mine too. He asked how much, and I said "well, cut it to wherever strikes your fancy; I like it around my waist, but it can always grow." He enjoys the variety as much as the length, so I figured he'd cut it a little above my waist. He took all my hair in a big handful and cut it in one big SNIP (remember how I have thin hair? Yeah, not difficult to cut it all at once!). Then he let go and discovered that it was pretty slanted, so he had to even it up a bit, and voila, now I have short hair.

Before: 33" long

After: 25" long

Ok, so it's short to me anyway! It's just going to grow. But this time, rather than making every effort to reach terminal length, I'll probably just get it out to my waist and then keep it trimmed there.
Or maybe not.
That's the fun thing about hair: so long as you take care of it, you don't really have to commit to a length, because it will keep growing. ☺

5 years ago

This year the dates of the year happen to fall on the same days of the week as they did five years ago in 2004. So April 7 was a Wednesday again, and Sunday, April 12, was Easter again.
I suppose for most people this is no big deal, but for me this Resurrection Day was a sharp reminder of the poignant Easter I had five years ago.
Five years ago, on Wednesday April 7, my first pregnancy ended in my first miscarriage. I held my first angel baby in my hand and mourned his departure.
Five years ago, on Sunday April 12, I went to church and listened to the choir (with whom I had rehearsed but with whom I was too weak to perform) sing about resurrection and sacrifice and perfect love.

We parents of angels often refer to ourselves as being "in the club that nobody wants to join," and while it's true that I wish I'd never had to join, I must say that if you do have to join, there is no time like right before Easter.

Update on Life

Tonight Hubby is on a plane to Anchorage to go to a teaching job fair there this weekend. He has turned in his official letter of resignation here in Pelican, and we intend to leave this town on the ferry a week after school lets out at the end of May...but we don't know yet where we'll go from there. We have been hoping and praying for a job in the Anchorage or Kenai area, and would appreciate your prayers on our behalf.
We know that we cannot stay here another year--I can't have a baby here, Wolf's school situation is not good, Wolf and I are both battling depression and loneliness, there are no opportunities for our family here (music lessons, sports, cub scouts, playgroups, oh yeah, and church!) With that said, it is unsettling to know that we are leaving but not yet know where we are going to. We have been told by several school districts as well as teachers up there that there are lots of jobs to be had, and that one just needs to show up to the job fair. We know that Hubby is well qualified--being certified in both math and English and with experience in all subjects and grades 6-12. Now we just need someone to offer him a contract. We dare not go to another tiny rural town like this one--it would have all the same problems that we are having here. We have even considered moving back south but we really love Alaska and feel like this is home. So we're just asking for your prayers (wishes, good karma, lucky chants, spells of employment, whatever you do!) that his efforts this weekend will produce at least one job offer that we can accept.
I will keep you posted of course...but in the meantime I'm doing the single parent thing (again) for a few days, and between that and the morning sickness I don't tend to post much. The one thing I have been trying to do is post lots of new stuff over in my etsy shop, and that's been going pretty well! I don't want to move piles of fabric if I don't have to, so I'm trying to get a lot of stuff sewn up (and hopefuly sold!) over the coming weeks. I've sold some of my fabric yardage to fellow diaper sewers, and have been running sales in my shops which of course always helps to keep things moving through. Check it out!

Oh yes, and on the pregnancy front:
10 weeks along; I feel fat--I do actually have a developing pooch but most people probably don't notice it; last weekend I had two days where I didn't feel very sick and I wasn't sure whether I should be thrilled or terrified (feeling better has often come right before miscarriage for me, and with Bear I didn't get to feeling better until week 15)...so I took my last pregnancy test to calm my nerves. Very very pregnant (and I feel sick again too).

Happy Resurrection Day

I love this Easter song (appropriately titled "Easter Song"). It's written by 2nd Chapter of Acts, and here performed by one of my favorite acapella groups, Glad.



(for those who can't see it embedded, here is the direct link to see it at youtube)

Patronizing Parenting

patronize: to adopt an air of condescension toward

I have been noticing recently how many parents treat their children in what strikes me as a very patronizing manner. Phrases like "because I'm the mom, that's why" and "good boy!" and "what do you say, dear?" are all pretty condescending. When my child asks why he has to do something, I tell him--now this doesn't mean that he doesn't have to do it (and sometimes he needs to do it now and I'll explain later), but I think asking 'why' is entirely valid. (Sometimes it makes me question why I am asking this of him, and I can evaluate whether it's really something important or if I'm just being bossy...if "because I'm the mom" is the only reason I can think of, then I know I shouldn't really have asked it of him.) When I ask my son to do something, and he does it, I say "thank you," not "good boy." He is a person, not a dog. My children have learned through example to be polite, but when Bear forgets and says "mommy give me cracker" I repeat to him "give me a cracker please?" and he repeats it more politely. I belive that if I treat him respectfully, he will learn more from that example than from any amount of nagging, reminding, or patronizing parenting.

I started thinking about these things when I read "Unconditional Parenting" [the link goes to my blog post about the book]. The author, Alfie Kohn, has plenty of flaws (for starters I'm told that he's somewhat of a moral relativist, meaning that he doesn't believe in an ultimate 'right' and 'wrong,' and therefore believes that any one's perception of right is just as valid as any one else's...obviously i disagree), BUT, I think he does make a valid point when he says that we should treat our children as fellow people. No, they are not tiny adults--their understanding and perceptions are not as complex as ours--but they do have needs, desires, and opinions--all of which are real, and which we should accept as valid. Children are not animals to be controlled; they are people, and should be taught with respect.



ETA (Edited To Add)
Several commentors have said that Kohn is not so much of a moral relativist as I had heard. I have only read one of his books, and like I said, it got me thinking, but I definitely felt that it was imperfect. My intent with this post was not so much to talk about him, or his theories, or even per say my feelings about him or his theories...just to express my perceptions about patronizing parenting (which happen to have been influanced by his theories).
☺

In the End

In the post I'm delving into death, specifically mine. So if that makes you cringe or whatever, well, stop reading now.

I'm really not a morbid person, but from time to time I do think about my funeral. It all started when I was 16, in my first college writing course, and we were assigned to read Jessica Mitford's essay "Behind the Formaldehyde Curtain," which describes embalming at some length. It was disgusting and fascinating all at the same time. Not long ago I I read this post over at Chocolate Chip Waffle and decided I might as well post about this, so I started a draft so I'd remember...then of course I just read "Stiff," so I finally sat down and finished the post. Like I said, I've been thinking about it (on and off) for years. ☺

Hubby has said he'd like his body to be donated to science. I think that's fantastic--do something useful with your dead self, you know? Well, Hubby never was big on modesty or clothing, but I am, so I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with laying around naked for lots of pre-med students to study, or for surgeons to practice on, or for forensic scientists to study my patterns of decomposition on the Body Farm. I just don't like the idea of public nudity, even when I'm dead.

I DO heartily support organ donation (yes, I'd support it by donating my heart if my heart could be of use to someone). I have no desire to be kept alive on machines, so if I'm brain-dead then by all means use my insides to fix up somebody elses. Hubby and I have already discussed this and know each others wishes on the matter, so there won't be any delays to get familial approval. If I don't need it any more then by all means it should be helping someone else. (It's a little sad to me that around 50% of families of brain-dead patients are not willing to let the organs be given to those in need.)

But once I'm past the point of being helpful, when the useful stuff is gone and it's just a dead body, I lean more toward the 'green burial' notion...dump me in the ocean please...or stick me in a plain pine box and bury me in the woods. Alternately, I like the book's suggestion of being composted. Freeze me, use ultrasound to blast me into tiny organic bits, then use me to fertilize a tree. What a fabulous way to go!! It sure beats cremation, not only in price but also in eco-friendliness and practical usefulness of the residual matter (and I confess that cremation has always turned my stomach a little bit. Go figure.)

In any case, please don't bother with an expensive funeral, or that embalming junk. Seriously. I have read at some length about the embalming process, and there are two things you should know:
1--you will still decompose (did you know that? The embalming process is mostly designed to keep you pretty and non-stinky through the funeral, that's it. Many of the enzymes that eat you come from the inside out, not the outside in, so even in a sealed casket you're gonna get gross).
2--I honestly believe that pumping a corpse full of formaldehyde is pretty much as damaging as letting critters gnaw on it. In other words, your body is going to be thrashed before the resurrection anyway, and I'd rather be doing some good in the world via feeding little critters, you know?

So there you have it. I want to have my organs given to other people, and then be eaten by critters.
I guess a certain degree of nudity is inevitable, but this is a less public option than, say, the body farm... and I never was fond of chemicals. Really, I think if I'd posted a poll first, most of my regular readers could have guessed that I'd go for composting. ☺