This post will be updated periodically so as to reflect a current list of my best or most popular posts.
When Someone Miscarries (this gets more hits from google searches than anything else here)
(please also visit my link "concerning miscarriage" on the sidebar)
Interfering with Nature and Bringing Down Women
Life in Pelican, Alaska (my lifestyle in a town with 70 people, no roads, and lots of grizzly bears)
Why is Modern Society so Backwards? (or, why I practice attachment parenting)
Humorous Posts (because laughing is good for you)
Chocolate Cake
Fire Insurance
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Tips for Gentle Weaning
I must preface this post with the CLEAR statement that these tips are geared to a child who is at least 12 months old. I don't believe in pushing weaning before a year of age (with the rare exception of extreme medical situations), and I feel it is preferable for a child to nurse at least 18-24 months.
First of all, I ask you to evaluate why you are trying to wean--is it because you want to, or because you feel pressure from others? I encourage you to review the reasons you have chosen to breastfeed in the first place, and to keep it up for as long as you and your child are both happy with the status quo. With that said, if one of you is genuinely not happy, making changes can be healthy and good.
Whether you're night-weaning, fully-weaning, or just cutting back a bit on your nursing routine, hopefully some of these will be helpful. By no means should you feel the need to try them all! But hopefully something here will work for you.
Please take into account that when a child is sick, or learning a new skill (walking, talking, potty-learning, etc) they will probably not handle other changes (ie, weaning) very well. It is best to just do one thing at a time.
Please let me know if you have other gentle weaning tips and I'll add them to the list.
First of all, I ask you to evaluate why you are trying to wean--is it because you want to, or because you feel pressure from others? I encourage you to review the reasons you have chosen to breastfeed in the first place, and to keep it up for as long as you and your child are both happy with the status quo. With that said, if one of you is genuinely not happy, making changes can be healthy and good.
Whether you're night-weaning, fully-weaning, or just cutting back a bit on your nursing routine, hopefully some of these will be helpful. By no means should you feel the need to try them all! But hopefully something here will work for you.
- Stop offering the breast. This might seem obvious, but some kids don't really ask for it, they just take it when offered. If you stop offering it all the time that could greatly reduce their nursing.
- Nurse whenever they ask, but only for a short time--for example count to 10 and then say 'all done' and stop. They can ask again as often as they want, and never be turned away...but each nursing episode is very brief. With time the child will likely adjust to short-duration nursing, and it then becomes easier to cut back the frequency. (I posted about my experience with this here.)
- When the child asks to nurse, offer a drink or other snack. (If they are asking out of hunger, then find other ways to meet the need.)
- When they ask to nurse, distract them with a book, toy, or other activity (Little Bear often will ask to nurse simply because he just remembered that the milk is there--via seeing me changing or whatever. In these situations it is easy to distract him.)
- Cuddle, sing, rock in the chair...do all the things you do when nursing, but don't get out the breast.
- Get pregnant. No, I'm not being facetious. Many children self-wean because the milk either dries up or changes in taste during pregnancy...of course, many women experience acute breast tenderness when pregnant and have to push weaning because of the pain...so take the idea with a grain of salt. If you've been thinking about getting pregnant though, know that yes, you can nurse while pregnant, and it may help your older child to wean (or it may not, and you may get to tandem nurse... ☺)
- Here is KellyMom's list of articles on weaning (including information about whether or not a medical situation warrents weaning--most do not--and more ideas on how to do it gently)
- Here is an index of all Dr Sears' articles on breastfeeding (including weaning).
- Many women have said that they handled night-weaning by telling the child that the breast/milk went to sleep at night (this is best after 18months, as they may not understand the logic before then). This is the tack we've taken and while Bear is frustrated over it, he accepts that the nanu sleeps just like everybody else.
- Put the breast away--this can be done during the day too, but is especially applicable at night, when many of us just leave it hanging out...easy access usually means lots of nursing. Toddlers rarely even wake up in these cases--they just latch on and keep on sleeping. If there is nothing to latch on to, they may just sleep!
- Scoot over or roll away. If the child is co-sleeping, they may be nursing simply because it's there...even with your shirt pulled down the persistent child can feel the breast and knows that it's right there. The determined ones may pull up your shirt and go after it! However, if you roll onto your back, or scoot away from the child a bit, then the breast is not right there, access is not so easy, and they are more likely to forget about it.
- For night-weaning, consider Dr Jay Gordon's program (it is geared to the over 12months co-sleeping crowd)
- Here are 12 ideas from Dr Sears for gentle night weaning.
Please take into account that when a child is sick, or learning a new skill (walking, talking, potty-learning, etc) they will probably not handle other changes (ie, weaning) very well. It is best to just do one thing at a time.
Please let me know if you have other gentle weaning tips and I'll add them to the list.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
WFMW--pancakes and waffles anyday
I love waffles, and my Hubby loves pancakes. It's the same batter really, so I'll often just mix up one batter and then cook some of each.
Of course, the best pancakes and waffles are made from scratch, and mixing up a batch takes a few minutes...a few minutes that can be hard to find on a weekday morning when everyone is hurrying around trying to get ready to leave for school and...school (Hubby is a teacher, so everybody goes to school here!)
So here is my secret for from-scratch pancakes/waffles in a hurry: make a big batch of batter, then put it in a jar (or pitcher) in the fridge. It keeps well for a week or so, and when you want breakfast just pour t straight onto the hot griddle/waffle iron and voila, healthy, wholesome, yummy, from-scratch breakfast in a hurry, on any day of the week!
Click the icon above to see other WFMW posts.
By the way, I'm holding a giveaway right now as part of One World ♥ One Heart, so if you're interested in winning free stuff, go check it out!
So here is my secret for from-scratch pancakes/waffles in a hurry: make a big batch of batter, then put it in a jar (or pitcher) in the fridge. It keeps well for a week or so, and when you want breakfast just pour t straight onto the hot griddle/waffle iron and voila, healthy, wholesome, yummy, from-scratch breakfast in a hurry, on any day of the week!
Click the icon above to see other WFMW posts.By the way, I'm holding a giveaway right now as part of One World ♥ One Heart, so if you're interested in winning free stuff, go check it out!
Oh My!
Bear (just turned 2) was playing behind me as I wrote that last post. He is not wearing pants but I have not worried about that because he's been very independent in his toilet-usage lately. But just now, as he was behind the curtains looking out the sliding-glass door, I heard a little noise...I thought hoped that it was just an upturned sippy cup. Then Bear pulled aside the curtain, grinned, and announced "I make peepee!"
Aww gee.
So I sat down with him and reviewed what are good places to make peepee--in the toilet and in the potty. "We do not make peepee on windows," I said. He looked at me very seriously. "No peepee door," he agreed, pointing.
Yes, we do not make peepee on windows or doors.
Geeze!
(oh yeah, you can go see more TinyTalkTuesdays here!)
Aww gee.
So I sat down with him and reviewed what are good places to make peepee--in the toilet and in the potty. "We do not make peepee on windows," I said. He looked at me very seriously. "No peepee door," he agreed, pointing.
Yes, we do not make peepee on windows or doors.
Geeze!
(oh yeah, you can go see more TinyTalkTuesdays here!)
Crying vs Crying-It-Out
Last night Bear cried a lot. We've been working on night-weaning, and he doesn't like the idea. However a nursing relationship needs to be working for both mother and child, and waking multiple times a night to nurse a wiggly 2year old is not working for me. I need to sleep in longer periods than he does, and I would really like to go through a night without having all the blankets kicked off or getting a foot in my ear or being pushed off the edge of the bed. I'd like for Hubby to be able to sleep a little better--after all, he has a job where he can't fake it as a zombie--he has to be up and coherent (teaching) every day.
So we are night-weaning in an effort to get Bear to sleep through the night and learn to sleep in his own bed (which is a whopping 4 feet away from ours).
Bear doesn't like this, and let me know about it with great volume for about an hour last night. He did not want to be cuddled or comforted for much of this time, and I ended up doing a lot of thinking about the difference between crying, and crying-it-out (CIO).
Some so-called experts advocate CIO, or putting the child in their bed and then leaving them alone to just "cry it out" until eventually they give up and go to sleep. Um, think about that for a minute--I should leave my baby alone, comfortless, and scared (because depending on his age he may not even be aware that I still exist once I'm out of his sight)...and that is good parenting?! How on earth is that good parenting?! Aren't we supposed to raise children with love and compassion? Teaching them to trust? Helping them feel secure? Isn't the role of a parent to be as Christ is--a gentle teacher who is always there when called upon? An example to the child, so that faith comes easily because they have already seen and know and trust the earthly parent, and are therefore able to know and trust the Heavenly One?! No! I cannot believe that there is anything Christlike (or acceptable) about CIO.
On the other hand, not all crying is crying-it-out.
When a child is learning to walk and he falls down, he may cry in surprise, disappointment, or even pain.
When a child reaches for the stove and mother holds him back he may cry in frustration.
When a child is unable to reach that exciting (but unsafe) do-dad on the top shelf he may cry in annoyance and anger.
The tender-hearted child may cry at the simple word 'no' regardless of how gently it is spoken.
Crying is not unhealthy in and of itself--in many instances it could be considered just a natural part of the learning process--even in older people! I have known teens who came to tears over particularly difficult math problems; we all know adults who have cried over a broken relationship. And so I will repeat myself--crying is not bad. It is the abandonment part of CIO that is the problem.
A few weeks ago I wrote of a night when Bear went to sleep on his own in his crib. Well, that didn't last even two nights. For 4 months now I've been trying to figure out the best way to help him do those three things--sleep through the night, night wean, and sleep in his own bed--and I've tried tackling each one independently, with the thought that the others would follow naturally. Keeping him in his bed did not go over well, so I decided to let him cuddle all he wanted but work on weaning. For 4 nights it went really well, and then he got sick and clearly needed the extra comfort (and antibodies!) for a week. Last night I resumed telling him that the nanu was sleeping, and boy did he lose it. I remember that last time we did this (a whopping 10 days ago), he cried a lot the first night, but the second night was easier, and the third was easier still, so I am optimistic. With that said, I also do not feel guilty about letting him cry a bit last night, and here is why:
1--I never left him alone
2--I continuously offered him comfort in the form of cuddles, singing, patting his back, etc. I listened to what he asked for and got him everything except nanu (getting a drink, getting a blankie, sitting in the chair as opposed to staying in the bed, etc). Was he upset and frustrated? Yes. Was his bawl-fest warrented? In his mind, clearly so. Was he ever left alone? No. Comfortless? No. So was he crying it out? Absolutely not. He was crying, but he was not crying it out.
I think the difference is an important one. I remember a wise mother once told me that in a healthy relationship the status quo needs to be working for both of you. If I bend to his every whim (but am unhappy with it) then it is not a healthy relationship. A newborn needs to eat throughout the night, but 2 year old child is old enough that night-nursing is neither a physical or emotional need; it is only a want, and it is ok to say 'no' to a want.
So we are night-weaning in an effort to get Bear to sleep through the night and learn to sleep in his own bed (which is a whopping 4 feet away from ours).
Bear doesn't like this, and let me know about it with great volume for about an hour last night. He did not want to be cuddled or comforted for much of this time, and I ended up doing a lot of thinking about the difference between crying, and crying-it-out (CIO).
Some so-called experts advocate CIO, or putting the child in their bed and then leaving them alone to just "cry it out" until eventually they give up and go to sleep. Um, think about that for a minute--I should leave my baby alone, comfortless, and scared (because depending on his age he may not even be aware that I still exist once I'm out of his sight)...and that is good parenting?! How on earth is that good parenting?! Aren't we supposed to raise children with love and compassion? Teaching them to trust? Helping them feel secure? Isn't the role of a parent to be as Christ is--a gentle teacher who is always there when called upon? An example to the child, so that faith comes easily because they have already seen and know and trust the earthly parent, and are therefore able to know and trust the Heavenly One?! No! I cannot believe that there is anything Christlike (or acceptable) about CIO.
On the other hand, not all crying is crying-it-out.
When a child is learning to walk and he falls down, he may cry in surprise, disappointment, or even pain.
When a child reaches for the stove and mother holds him back he may cry in frustration.
When a child is unable to reach that exciting (but unsafe) do-dad on the top shelf he may cry in annoyance and anger.
The tender-hearted child may cry at the simple word 'no' regardless of how gently it is spoken.
Crying is not unhealthy in and of itself--in many instances it could be considered just a natural part of the learning process--even in older people! I have known teens who came to tears over particularly difficult math problems; we all know adults who have cried over a broken relationship. And so I will repeat myself--crying is not bad. It is the abandonment part of CIO that is the problem.
A few weeks ago I wrote of a night when Bear went to sleep on his own in his crib. Well, that didn't last even two nights. For 4 months now I've been trying to figure out the best way to help him do those three things--sleep through the night, night wean, and sleep in his own bed--and I've tried tackling each one independently, with the thought that the others would follow naturally. Keeping him in his bed did not go over well, so I decided to let him cuddle all he wanted but work on weaning. For 4 nights it went really well, and then he got sick and clearly needed the extra comfort (and antibodies!) for a week. Last night I resumed telling him that the nanu was sleeping, and boy did he lose it. I remember that last time we did this (a whopping 10 days ago), he cried a lot the first night, but the second night was easier, and the third was easier still, so I am optimistic. With that said, I also do not feel guilty about letting him cry a bit last night, and here is why:
1--I never left him alone
2--I continuously offered him comfort in the form of cuddles, singing, patting his back, etc. I listened to what he asked for and got him everything except nanu (getting a drink, getting a blankie, sitting in the chair as opposed to staying in the bed, etc). Was he upset and frustrated? Yes. Was his bawl-fest warrented? In his mind, clearly so. Was he ever left alone? No. Comfortless? No. So was he crying it out? Absolutely not. He was crying, but he was not crying it out.
I think the difference is an important one. I remember a wise mother once told me that in a healthy relationship the status quo needs to be working for both of you. If I bend to his every whim (but am unhappy with it) then it is not a healthy relationship. A newborn needs to eat throughout the night, but 2 year old child is old enough that night-nursing is neither a physical or emotional need; it is only a want, and it is ok to say 'no' to a want.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Why Henna?
OK, you've been waiting patiently...and here it finally is: the post about why anyone would want to put henna in their hair (aside from the color, of course!)
The color was actually the thing that kept me from trying it for as long as I did, because it is permanent, and I wasn't' sure if I was ready to commit to being a henna-head for the long term!
The red--at least in my case--is really bright at first but fades a bit with time. Of course the brightness of the red varies by your natural color and also how much henna powder you use and how long you leave it in, and some people with particularly dark hair do not get any color change, although they can still reap the other benfits of henna. If you'd like to see a gallery of before/after pictures, go visit this page!
So why do henna?
Short version: henna seals the hair shaft (totally coats it). If you recall the picture I posted of a hair shaft, you'll see why sealing it can be so helpful for fragile hair.
♥ Some people find it to have a drying effect, but I have not (although I live in a rainforest, so your results may vary).
♥ Some people feel their hair is less dry (because each hair is protected).
♥ Many people find that they get fewer split ends (I sure have--I've only found a dozen in the last year--and trust me I look!).
♥ Many people report their hair feeling/seeming thicker (because if each individual hair is coated, then each one is slightly thicker, and that adds up to the whole mass feeling thicker). I have definitely found that in my case.
♥ Pretty much everyone (so far as I know) agrees that it's strengthening.
♥ Many people report loss of curl--I haven't noticed that in particular, although my first time doing henna ended up being less than a month before we moved to Pelican, and the transition from Utah desert to Alaska rainforest drastically changed my curl situation anyway, so I don't know what might have happened if I'd been staying in one place...as you can see though, my curl is not gone (and in my opinion it's about the same as it has been my entire life--UT or WA or AK)
♥ Some people do it just for the color.
I have had healthier, smoother, shinier, less-tangly, stronger and (of course) redder hair in the year and a half I've been using henna than I ever did before. It seems to be growing faster, and it's now gotten longer than it has ever been in my life--I honestly believe the henna has made it strong enough to do those things. I am delighted! ☺ Hubby seems to find it sexy--when I first did it he called me 'Red' for two weeks, and when I mentioned last fall that I was thinking about doing another henna treatment and he said "ooo, let me get it for you for christmas, ok?! I like the henna!"
There is a lot of henna info on LongHairCommunity, but I actually first learned about it from my friend Laminathegreat on a NaturalLDSMoms yahoo group. She recommended HennaforHair and I just poked around there for a while and kinda figured things out myself.
One of the things I really like about H4H is that it has the before & after gallery (which I linked above). The photos there were submitted by dozens of people who have henna'ed their hair, and they each include info about how much they used and how long they let it sit... So you can find someone with a similar natural color to yours and get somewhat of an idea of what your hair would be likely to do (what color it would turn) if you do henna.
H4H also has a list of links for good places to get henna for your hair. They recommend using body-art quality henna (which is more expensive, but the best quality). The particular place where I bought mine (HennaCaravan) has body-art quality henna that is a couple of years old--older than ideal for body-art use, but sufficient for hair. It's still the high quality henna, it's just past its prime, and thus the price is reduced.
So, if you're thinking about doing it yourself, you probably want the info about how much to use and how long to leave it in, right?
I can't tell you. It's different for everyone.
The general guideline I read was 100 grams for every 10 inches of hair. I have thin hair, and have used only 50 grams per application. The first time I chose the smaller amount because I was nervous about how much it would affect my color, the second time I only had 50 grams left (I had purchased a 100 gm box). This last time I prepared 50 grams out of habit, but I did notice that while there was plenty for the top of my head, there was not much left for the length of my hair, so next time I may try 100 grams.
As for how long to leave it in, again, a general guideline is 30-60 minutes. The longer you leave it, the more color you'll get. The first time I was nervous and did just 30 minutes. The second time I was bolder and did 60. Last month I'm not sure I even timed it very well, I just left it in for around an hour. Or, if you're feeling really scientific, choose a lock of hair from somewhere discreet (such as along your neck) or *gasp* cut off a lock of hair (or gather the trimmings after a haircut), and actually treat that lock with henna, keeping track of how long you treat it for, and noting what color it turns. I was too impatient to do that and just jumped in with both feet, (making guesses based off the information on the gallery page). My results matched my expectations based on what I'd read/seen at H4H. This is why I recommend visiting the gallery page--you can read what others did, how much they used, how long they let it sit, and see what colors resulted.
The color was actually the thing that kept me from trying it for as long as I did, because it is permanent, and I wasn't' sure if I was ready to commit to being a henna-head for the long term!
The red--at least in my case--is really bright at first but fades a bit with time. Of course the brightness of the red varies by your natural color and also how much henna powder you use and how long you leave it in, and some people with particularly dark hair do not get any color change, although they can still reap the other benfits of henna. If you'd like to see a gallery of before/after pictures, go visit this page!
So why do henna?
Short version: henna seals the hair shaft (totally coats it). If you recall the picture I posted of a hair shaft, you'll see why sealing it can be so helpful for fragile hair.
♥ Some people find it to have a drying effect, but I have not (although I live in a rainforest, so your results may vary).
♥ Some people feel their hair is less dry (because each hair is protected).
♥ Many people find that they get fewer split ends (I sure have--I've only found a dozen in the last year--and trust me I look!).
♥ Many people report their hair feeling/seeming thicker (because if each individual hair is coated, then each one is slightly thicker, and that adds up to the whole mass feeling thicker). I have definitely found that in my case.
♥ Pretty much everyone (so far as I know) agrees that it's strengthening.
♥ Many people report loss of curl--I haven't noticed that in particular, although my first time doing henna ended up being less than a month before we moved to Pelican, and the transition from Utah desert to Alaska rainforest drastically changed my curl situation anyway, so I don't know what might have happened if I'd been staying in one place...as you can see though, my curl is not gone (and in my opinion it's about the same as it has been my entire life--UT or WA or AK)
♥ Some people do it just for the color.
I have had healthier, smoother, shinier, less-tangly, stronger and (of course) redder hair in the year and a half I've been using henna than I ever did before. It seems to be growing faster, and it's now gotten longer than it has ever been in my life--I honestly believe the henna has made it strong enough to do those things. I am delighted! ☺ Hubby seems to find it sexy--when I first did it he called me 'Red' for two weeks, and when I mentioned last fall that I was thinking about doing another henna treatment and he said "ooo, let me get it for you for christmas, ok?! I like the henna!"
There is a lot of henna info on LongHairCommunity, but I actually first learned about it from my friend Laminathegreat on a NaturalLDSMoms yahoo group. She recommended HennaforHair and I just poked around there for a while and kinda figured things out myself.
One of the things I really like about H4H is that it has the before & after gallery (which I linked above). The photos there were submitted by dozens of people who have henna'ed their hair, and they each include info about how much they used and how long they let it sit... So you can find someone with a similar natural color to yours and get somewhat of an idea of what your hair would be likely to do (what color it would turn) if you do henna.
H4H also has a list of links for good places to get henna for your hair. They recommend using body-art quality henna (which is more expensive, but the best quality). The particular place where I bought mine (HennaCaravan) has body-art quality henna that is a couple of years old--older than ideal for body-art use, but sufficient for hair. It's still the high quality henna, it's just past its prime, and thus the price is reduced.
So, if you're thinking about doing it yourself, you probably want the info about how much to use and how long to leave it in, right?
I can't tell you. It's different for everyone.
The general guideline I read was 100 grams for every 10 inches of hair. I have thin hair, and have used only 50 grams per application. The first time I chose the smaller amount because I was nervous about how much it would affect my color, the second time I only had 50 grams left (I had purchased a 100 gm box). This last time I prepared 50 grams out of habit, but I did notice that while there was plenty for the top of my head, there was not much left for the length of my hair, so next time I may try 100 grams.
As for how long to leave it in, again, a general guideline is 30-60 minutes. The longer you leave it, the more color you'll get. The first time I was nervous and did just 30 minutes. The second time I was bolder and did 60. Last month I'm not sure I even timed it very well, I just left it in for around an hour. Or, if you're feeling really scientific, choose a lock of hair from somewhere discreet (such as along your neck) or *gasp* cut off a lock of hair (or gather the trimmings after a haircut), and actually treat that lock with henna, keeping track of how long you treat it for, and noting what color it turns. I was too impatient to do that and just jumped in with both feet, (making guesses based off the information on the gallery page). My results matched my expectations based on what I'd read/seen at H4H. This is why I recommend visiting the gallery page--you can read what others did, how much they used, how long they let it sit, and see what colors resulted.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Today
It's big and historic, and I don't really have anything to say that has not already been said, so I'll just post some links...
RasJane made a great post a couple of days ago. If you don't know her, she has a multi-racial family, and has (I think) a better perspective than I do on the significance of today's events.
I also read this article on a British blog (only the first half is relevent). I thought it was well-written and makes some good points.
FYI, the most memorable inauguration of my life prior to today was when Bill Clinton took the oath in 1993. We were watching it on tv when the power went out, and it stayed out all day. At the time we made jokes about Bill being so bad that he blew the power...I had a very simplistic view of politics at the time, obviously! ☺ It also happened to be my little brother's first birthday, and so he (who is 17 today, good grief!) was confused that we had candles around all day, but then that night we wanted him to blow some out, but then we got upset when he continued to try to blow out all the other candles...
In personal news, little Bear is sick. We'd been doing so well on night-weaning--I think we had five (maybe only 4?) nights without nursing, but last night he clearly needed it, and he nursed like a maniac all night. This morning one of the first things he did was to sneeze, shooting out one of those long snot strings that just dangles until someone gets it....he was throroughly distressed over that, and has been asking me to get the 'snuggerts' all day. Poor kiddo. I hate it when my little ones are stuffed up and they're not old enough to know how to blow their nose.
RasJane made a great post a couple of days ago. If you don't know her, she has a multi-racial family, and has (I think) a better perspective than I do on the significance of today's events.
I also read this article on a British blog (only the first half is relevent). I thought it was well-written and makes some good points.
FYI, the most memorable inauguration of my life prior to today was when Bill Clinton took the oath in 1993. We were watching it on tv when the power went out, and it stayed out all day. At the time we made jokes about Bill being so bad that he blew the power...I had a very simplistic view of politics at the time, obviously! ☺ It also happened to be my little brother's first birthday, and so he (who is 17 today, good grief!) was confused that we had candles around all day, but then that night we wanted him to blow some out, but then we got upset when he continued to try to blow out all the other candles...
In personal news, little Bear is sick. We'd been doing so well on night-weaning--I think we had five (maybe only 4?) nights without nursing, but last night he clearly needed it, and he nursed like a maniac all night. This morning one of the first things he did was to sneeze, shooting out one of those long snot strings that just dangles until someone gets it....he was throroughly distressed over that, and has been asking me to get the 'snuggerts' all day. Poor kiddo. I hate it when my little ones are stuffed up and they're not old enough to know how to blow their nose.
Monday, January 19, 2009
My Other Miscarriage
I don't talk about this miscarriage as often, and there are several reasons for that.
At the time I had a strong feeling that the spirit waiting to join our family was not meant to be born at that time, but that he would come to us later. I did not grieve in the same was as I had with my previous losses, because I felt sure that he'd be back soon...and he was: Bear was born a year and a half later. So I did not name the lost baby as I had with my others, because he was not really so 'lost', he was just waiting a while. Now he is here, and I need not grieve him at all.
But that is getting ahead of myself...first I want to tell the story of my third miscarriage.
Following my Valentine's Day miscarriage I was heartbroken. I had been extremely careful during that pregnancy: I'd put myself on a strict diet, taken my vitamins religiously, and used progesterone. I had done everything I knew of to protect my baby, and still she died.
A few weeks later, on Mother's Day, Hubby gave me a card that said "good for one baby"...
A few weeks after that, on Father's Day, I was thrilled to be able to give him a card that said "that baby you promised me should be here in February..."
We decided to see if medical science could help this time around, so I signed up with the doctor who had done my previous D&C, was prescribed a different form of progesterone, and when I was 5 weeks pregnant we had an ultrasound. Our baby was only the size of a grain of rice, but we could see a beating heart (I had never seen or heard my other children's heartbeats).
On my birthday, when I was 8 weeks pregnant, we had another ultrasound. This time we could not see a heartbeat, nor any movement, and the measurements they took showed a 12 day discrepancy from the prior ultrasound's dates. The doctor kindly offered to do a D&C right away, but I wanted to go home to think about it. The emotional torture of never getting to see or hold my second baby was still too fresh, and I had felt so optimistic about this pregnancy that I didn't really believe that it could be over. (By the way, that is without question the worst birthday I've ever had.)
When I got home I asked the Lord what I should do, and in my head I heard words as clearly as if someone in the room had spoken them: "Be Still, and Know that I Am God." So I concluded to watch and wait. The waiting was extraordinarily hard on Hubby--he felt like the facts were clear and we should get the D&C and get it overwith, but I had been told to be still, and so I was. With a nut-sized baby it all felt inconclusive to me--maybe we had just missed seeing the heartbeat. Furthermore, although the measurements from the two ultrasounds disagreed about my gestational dates, my own charting had given me a date halfway between them, so I thought it best to wait a week and have another ultrasound.
Five days later we had an ultrasound which revealed that the baby had not grown in the elapsed time. Two doctors, a midwife, Hubby, and finally even I agreed that this baby was not alive. The options then were to have a D&C or to wait for the miscarriage to occur naturally, which they assured me would probably happen within 1-2 weeks.
I went home and thought about my options. I prayed and cried and prayed some more, and still heard only one message "Be Still."
So I was still, I stayed home and prepared for the physical process of letting go of yet another child. It occurred to me that I was nearing the due date from my previous pregnancy (August 17), and I had the odd feeling that the date was still significant somehow.
A week passed, then another.
When it had been almost three weeks, with nary a cramp or drop of blood to indicate that I was beginning to miscarry, I called the doctor's office and asked if they would consider another ultrasound to see what was going on. They seemed shocked that I had still not miscarried--they said it was unheard of to continue to carry a baby for this long after such a diagnosis. The ultrasound was scheduled for August 16th, and I confess that part of me wondered if it would reveal a miraculously living baby.
Of course the ultrasound showed the same thing as the prior two--a baby that had long since ceased to live and grow. The standard procedure at that point was to have me meet with the doctor on call to discuss my options (even though I already knew them).
It happened that the doctor on call was the one in the practice that I had never met before. I told him of my desire to miscarry naturally, and he said I was in the minority to choose that, but that there was no danger in it, and that if I changed my mind the D&C option was always there. He then happened to recommend that I see Dr Ware Branch, one of the world's leading researchers in recurrent miscarriage who just happened to work at the University of Utah, a mere hour from where I lived.
You see, I do not believe in coincidences, I believe in what my friend J calls "God-incidences."
The next morning, the anticipated August 17th, I began to spot just slightly. And so the date was significant after all.
That same morning I called Dr Branch's office and spoke with them about getting a work-up done. When the nurse learned that I was just beginning to miscarry, she suggested that if I had a D&C, the tissues could be brought up to Dr Branch's lab for examination, and they might be able to learn something from them. So that night I had my second D&C: it was not the way I had wanted to miscarry, but it seemed like the right choice under the circumstances. It also reaffirmed to me that I had been right to wait.
So we did all the testing. And, as Dr Branch had told me it probably would, all the results came back 'normal,' meaning that nobody has any idea why I miscarried so many times, nor whether I was likely to continue to do so. On the other hand, my medical information has now been added to a database and they are able to use it (along with the information from thousands of others) to look for patterns and try to find answers to the mysteries of recurrent miscarriage. Even if we cannot prevent them, there is some comfort in at least knowing what is causing them.
I said before that I did not name or grieve for this baby as I had my others because I believe it was Bear, and that he was not meant to be born at that time. So why did I even get pregnant if it was not yet his time? I believe that he 'previewed' with us specifically so that I could have a third miscarriage. Whether God asked him to, or whether he asked God to let him, I believe it was intentional. You see, it is not until the third consecutive miscarriage that the medical establishment will designate a woman as a "recurrent aborter" and that insurance will pay for her to have any sort of diagnostic testing done. I needed a third miscarriage in order to set everyones minds at rest over causes (or potential solutions) for my miscarriages.
I also believe that the whole process of being guided through this miscarriage taught me to "let go, and let God" in a way that I may not have learned otherwise. It was that mantra that took me though Bear's pregnancy--seeking God's guidence rather than trying to make my own decisions and control everything. They are mottos that guide me still:
At the time I had a strong feeling that the spirit waiting to join our family was not meant to be born at that time, but that he would come to us later. I did not grieve in the same was as I had with my previous losses, because I felt sure that he'd be back soon...and he was: Bear was born a year and a half later. So I did not name the lost baby as I had with my others, because he was not really so 'lost', he was just waiting a while. Now he is here, and I need not grieve him at all.
But that is getting ahead of myself...first I want to tell the story of my third miscarriage.
~~~
Following my Valentine's Day miscarriage I was heartbroken. I had been extremely careful during that pregnancy: I'd put myself on a strict diet, taken my vitamins religiously, and used progesterone. I had done everything I knew of to protect my baby, and still she died.
A few weeks later, on Mother's Day, Hubby gave me a card that said "good for one baby"...
A few weeks after that, on Father's Day, I was thrilled to be able to give him a card that said "that baby you promised me should be here in February..."
We decided to see if medical science could help this time around, so I signed up with the doctor who had done my previous D&C, was prescribed a different form of progesterone, and when I was 5 weeks pregnant we had an ultrasound. Our baby was only the size of a grain of rice, but we could see a beating heart (I had never seen or heard my other children's heartbeats).
On my birthday, when I was 8 weeks pregnant, we had another ultrasound. This time we could not see a heartbeat, nor any movement, and the measurements they took showed a 12 day discrepancy from the prior ultrasound's dates. The doctor kindly offered to do a D&C right away, but I wanted to go home to think about it. The emotional torture of never getting to see or hold my second baby was still too fresh, and I had felt so optimistic about this pregnancy that I didn't really believe that it could be over. (By the way, that is without question the worst birthday I've ever had.)
When I got home I asked the Lord what I should do, and in my head I heard words as clearly as if someone in the room had spoken them: "Be Still, and Know that I Am God." So I concluded to watch and wait. The waiting was extraordinarily hard on Hubby--he felt like the facts were clear and we should get the D&C and get it overwith, but I had been told to be still, and so I was. With a nut-sized baby it all felt inconclusive to me--maybe we had just missed seeing the heartbeat. Furthermore, although the measurements from the two ultrasounds disagreed about my gestational dates, my own charting had given me a date halfway between them, so I thought it best to wait a week and have another ultrasound.
Five days later we had an ultrasound which revealed that the baby had not grown in the elapsed time. Two doctors, a midwife, Hubby, and finally even I agreed that this baby was not alive. The options then were to have a D&C or to wait for the miscarriage to occur naturally, which they assured me would probably happen within 1-2 weeks.
I went home and thought about my options. I prayed and cried and prayed some more, and still heard only one message "Be Still."
So I was still, I stayed home and prepared for the physical process of letting go of yet another child. It occurred to me that I was nearing the due date from my previous pregnancy (August 17), and I had the odd feeling that the date was still significant somehow.
A week passed, then another.
When it had been almost three weeks, with nary a cramp or drop of blood to indicate that I was beginning to miscarry, I called the doctor's office and asked if they would consider another ultrasound to see what was going on. They seemed shocked that I had still not miscarried--they said it was unheard of to continue to carry a baby for this long after such a diagnosis. The ultrasound was scheduled for August 16th, and I confess that part of me wondered if it would reveal a miraculously living baby.
Of course the ultrasound showed the same thing as the prior two--a baby that had long since ceased to live and grow. The standard procedure at that point was to have me meet with the doctor on call to discuss my options (even though I already knew them).
It happened that the doctor on call was the one in the practice that I had never met before. I told him of my desire to miscarry naturally, and he said I was in the minority to choose that, but that there was no danger in it, and that if I changed my mind the D&C option was always there. He then happened to recommend that I see Dr Ware Branch, one of the world's leading researchers in recurrent miscarriage who just happened to work at the University of Utah, a mere hour from where I lived.
You see, I do not believe in coincidences, I believe in what my friend J calls "God-incidences."
The next morning, the anticipated August 17th, I began to spot just slightly. And so the date was significant after all.
That same morning I called Dr Branch's office and spoke with them about getting a work-up done. When the nurse learned that I was just beginning to miscarry, she suggested that if I had a D&C, the tissues could be brought up to Dr Branch's lab for examination, and they might be able to learn something from them. So that night I had my second D&C: it was not the way I had wanted to miscarry, but it seemed like the right choice under the circumstances. It also reaffirmed to me that I had been right to wait.
~~~
So we did all the testing. And, as Dr Branch had told me it probably would, all the results came back 'normal,' meaning that nobody has any idea why I miscarried so many times, nor whether I was likely to continue to do so. On the other hand, my medical information has now been added to a database and they are able to use it (along with the information from thousands of others) to look for patterns and try to find answers to the mysteries of recurrent miscarriage. Even if we cannot prevent them, there is some comfort in at least knowing what is causing them.
~~~
I said before that I did not name or grieve for this baby as I had my others because I believe it was Bear, and that he was not meant to be born at that time. So why did I even get pregnant if it was not yet his time? I believe that he 'previewed' with us specifically so that I could have a third miscarriage. Whether God asked him to, or whether he asked God to let him, I believe it was intentional. You see, it is not until the third consecutive miscarriage that the medical establishment will designate a woman as a "recurrent aborter" and that insurance will pay for her to have any sort of diagnostic testing done. I needed a third miscarriage in order to set everyones minds at rest over causes (or potential solutions) for my miscarriages.
I also believe that the whole process of being guided through this miscarriage taught me to "let go, and let God" in a way that I may not have learned otherwise. It was that mantra that took me though Bear's pregnancy--seeking God's guidence rather than trying to make my own decisions and control everything. They are mottos that guide me still:
Be Still
Let Go & Let God
Let Go & Let God
Sunday, January 18, 2009
What Gifts Can YOU Give?
My former roommate Nicole wrote a piece for Women Doing More this last week (I almost said "my old roommate" but she's only 6months older than I am, so I guess I shouldn't call her old!) She talked about non-monetary ways that she and her husband have found to give--through donating blood, hair, and even a kidney. You should go read her article right now--go on, it's not very long.
Did you read it yet?
Get over there now! I'll wait.
It's not that long...
So did you read it now?
Good.
When I read that article it got me thinking about the ways that I am able to give... as you may know, my Hubby is a school teacher. It means that he has a great schedule (summers off!), but it's not a huge paycheck, so I rarely have money that I'm able to give. However there are many things that I can give:
So what about you? What non-monetary ways can you give?
Did you read it yet?
Get over there now! I'll wait.
It's not that long...
So did you read it now?
Good.
When I read that article it got me thinking about the ways that I am able to give... as you may know, my Hubby is a school teacher. It means that he has a great schedule (summers off!), but it's not a huge paycheck, so I rarely have money that I'm able to give. However there are many things that I can give:
- I make things for people (cloth diapers, baby blankets, hats). This isn't free, but supplies are cheaper than finished products, and since these creative skills are able to bring me an income, I feel that it's appropriate that I should use the same skills to help as well. "Unto whom much is given, much is required"
- I teach skills--I've taught friends how to make bread, sew diapers, and sew their own pads. I've posted a few tutorials on my shop blog, and am always willing to show somebody how to do something.
- I share knowledge--I hope this blog is educational! I also share recipes and cooking tips on my cooking blog, and I hope they are helpful (and yummy) for some of you too! I tend to offer lots of information when someone asks me a question--it doesn't matter if it took me a long time to acquire all that knowledge for myself, I figure that knowledge is a good thing, and should be shared freely. Who am I to hoard it?
- Throughout college I gave blood regularly. I'm no longer able to do this (because Hubby lived in England for 3 years so now we're both on the 'no' list for blood donation because of fear over mad cow disease), but I definitely encourage others to do this simple service--it really does save lives! Actually, if you donate before Feb 28, you can join in the virtual blood drive and be entered to win some pretty cool stuff...but that's not why you're doing it, right?
- I do my part to save the world by living a pretty green lifestyle, being a good steward of what I have, and teaching my children (and hopefully others) how to do the same. Never doubt the power of a good example!
- And the last one I want to tell about is sharing my breastmilk.
So what about you? What non-monetary ways can you give?
Saturday, January 17, 2009
"Ai-pane" & "Hey-cock-er"
That's how Bear pronounces the names of the toys I got him for his birthday.
I found these darling wooden toys at Banished on etsy. (His name is because his wife banished him to the garage when he kept taking up her kitchen table to make the toys!) He started by making these things for his own five children (so they've had real-world testing!), and now he makes them for others. Both are plain wood, and polished with a mild, food-safe, mineral oil.
These are safe and wonderful toys, but both of these items are endangered by CPSIA. If you want to be able to get items like this for your children, contact your legislators--this battle is far from over!
I found these darling wooden toys at Banished on etsy. (His name is because his wife banished him to the garage when he kept taking up her kitchen table to make the toys!) He started by making these things for his own five children (so they've had real-world testing!), and now he makes them for others. Both are plain wood, and polished with a mild, food-safe, mineral oil.
These are safe and wonderful toys, but both of these items are endangered by CPSIA. If you want to be able to get items like this for your children, contact your legislators--this battle is far from over!
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