Genius

Everybody is a Genius.
But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid.
~Einstein

I say this to myself as much as to anyone else: Remember this when dealing with your children! They are not miniature versions of ourselves, no matter how much they may look like it. They are their own unique people, and should be treated (and respected) as such.

I think one of the most important things I've learned as a parent is that my kids are NOT ME. Sure, they do a lot of things that I did, and react a lot of the ways that I did...but when it comes down to it they are not me and I don't really know what they are thinking and I should not assume that I do.
I don't always remember this, but when I do it sure saves me a lot of trouble.

Go read a banned book!

It's the American Library Association's Banned Book Week.

I will be the first to say that there are some books (yes, often found on banned lists) that I don't want my kids to read--books which are sexually explicit or have vulgar language for example. That said, I respect the right of authors to write whatever they like, and I think it's appropriate and acceptable for those writings to be available in libraries. If my child brings home a book which I feel is inappropriate, I will deal with that on a case by case basis...but I don't want someone else dictating what should or should not be in my public library, just as I do not dictate to other people (or parents) what they (or their children) should read.
So, treasure your right to read freely...go read a banned book! (And even if you don't want to read it yourself, be thankful for your right to read what you want!)

Mothers who know are Leaders

Mothers who know are leaders. In equal partnership with their husbands, they lead a great and eternal organization. These mothers plan for the future of their organization. They plan for missions, temple marriages, and education. They plan for prayer, scripture study, and family home evening. Mothers who know build children into future leaders and are the primary examples of what leaders look like. They do not abandon their plan by succumbing to social pressure and worldly models of parenting.
These wise mothers who know are selective about their own activities and involvement to conserve their limited strength in order to maximize their influence where it matters most.

Julie B Beck
2007
"Mothers Who Know"

A postscript...

For those who didn't know (haven't read Bear's birth story) I gave birth in a hospital, with an OB. That was what felt like the right choice at the time.
I'm very pro homebirth, although I don't know if that will be in my future...I hope to have my next child with a midwife at an independent birth center, but will just take each baby on a case-by-case basis.
Anyway, after some of the responses to my prior post, I just wanted to make it clear that I'm not anti-hospital, nor even anti-intervention. I'm just anti-routine-intervention. I appreciate that it's difficult to stand up to hospital policy--I did choose my hospital and OB very carefully (there were three hospitals closer to me than the one I actually went to). I did have a doula. I had a detailed birth plan, and, well, if you read my blog very often you know I can be opinionated and stubborn to a fault. My hospital experience was not perfect (there were a couple of things I would change if I did it again), but for the most part it was very good--certainly better than many of the stories I've heard. I give the credit to choosing the right provider and location, and to praying a lot.

A Natural Birther takes on Epidurals

I've been thinking recently about this topic, and wanted to write about it again. I went back and re-read my post Musings on Birthing Naturally, which I wrote three days after having done so, and I must say I still feel all those things.
My reasons for choosing unmedicated delivery have nothing to do with being macho, or doing the 'in' thing, or saying hey, look what I did. It's not about proving anything. It's not about looking down on those who choose differently, or suggesting that I'm superior. I would have chosen this way even if no one ever knew, because it simply isn't about me. It is about what is healthier and safer for me and my baby. It is about the way God designed my body to do this work. It is about the way He intended birth to be.

A couple of months after my birth experience, my sister also had an unmedicated birth. Her baby was quite large and her experience was not so positive as mine. She said that it got her really thinking about epidurals, so she did some research on them. I've added a little research of my own, and wanted to share what we've found. For all you may hear, good, bad, or otherwise, here are the cumulative results from a number of scientific studies (keep in mind that these tend to be funded by the medical establishment, who of course wants us to like epidurals).

• YES reduce pain for the mother (4 of 4 studies)
• YES make labor longer, especially in the pushing stage (5 of 5 studies)
• YES linked to a higher rate of instrument-assisted vaginal delivery and episiotomy (7 of 7 studies)
• YES lead to the need for pitocin (2 of 3 studies)
• YES cost more money (2 of 2 studies, plus any insurance company you ask) (and why do you think the medical establishment recommends them so much?! Did you actually think they had your interests in mind?)
• MAY interfere with breastfeeding (1 study)
• MAY lead to more cesareans (1 of 5 studies, but it's the most recent)
• MAY have severe after effects, including spinal headaches or partial paralysis
• NO no affect on infant apgar scores (1 study)
• NO not linked to subsequent long-term backache (3 of 3 studies) (although I know some mothers who will disagree with that)
• NO they do not increase mother satisfaction (2 of 3 studies)

(I have a list of reference sites below)

I will repeat what I've said before--I do not believe that epidurals (or other interventions) are evil. Not by any stretch. I simply believe that they are interventions. In other words, they should never be routine. Do I ever plan to have one? No; but would I refuse one on moral grounds if I felt it was warranted? No. My labor with the Bear was 23 hours with 2 hours of pushing...was I worn out? You bet. Was it hard? Sure. My doula and husband--both knowing my desire for a natural birth--both subsequently told me that if I'd asked for an epidural they would have supported me wholeheartedly. But I never asked for one, why? Because I didn't want it. Because I didn't need it. I know women who have labored for 36 or 63 hours--should they get an epidural? You betcha--if they want it of course. I know women whose babies have died prior to birth, so they must labor to deliver a dead child while coping with the emotion of the loss--should they get an epidural? You betcha--if they want it. Should the average woman with an average labor get an epidural? No. It should never be a routine thing.

Hopefully most of you participated in my informal little survey there on the sidebar... I'm pretty pleased, I got 80 responses, so that's a decent sized sample (for a little one-woman blog). I noticed a few interesting things: of the 45 people who got epidurals, over a third (17) said they still experienced pain. This may have been because the epidural wasn't given properly, but sometimes even when it's done properly the woman has back labor or something which the epidural can't handle. In other words, planning for an epidural doesn't mean you're covered! Even if you plan for an epidural, you should learn coping techniques because you may need them (if you doubt that, just ask the 3 respondents who wanted epidurals but couldn't have them!)
Of those with epidurals, nearly half (19) reported that they had side effects, either at the time (11) or afterwards (8)... So, not only do you have a 30% chance of the epidural not working (or not working fully/properly), but you also have about a 50% chance of having negative side-effects. That's a big ugly number if you ask me! Furthermore, remember those scientific studies? If you get the epidural, you're all but guaranteed a longer labor and have a much higher chance of having an episiotomy or instrument-assisted delivery. In other words, you may have less pain during the labor, but the postpartum healing is going to SUCK.
So are the risks worth the benefits? Well, of the 36 respondents who chose unmedicated births, the vast majority (22) reported 'some pain or pressure' and 3 reported completely painless births. Less than a third reported 'extreme pain'...interestingly, that's the same as the failure rate for epidurals! I think the key difference here is that these women had planned and prepared for an unmedicated birth. This is the group where I would say that an epidural might be a compassionate and appropriate intervention...but may I remind you that they were the minority.

For what it's worth, I will say that I am certain that orgasmic birth can only happen without medication (and seriously, don't you want one of those?!).

Reference sites:
Penny Simkin "Weighing the Pros and Cons of the Epidural"
Marjorie Greenfield, MD "Epidural--Pros, Cons, and Considerations" (she heavily quotes Penny Simkins article)
Marjorie Greenfield, MD "Seven Myths about Epidural Anesthesia"
RevolutionHealth.com weighs in (they're in favor)
PhysOrg reports an Australian study concerning epidurals and breastfeeding
Severe negative side effects of epidurals and the need for a national database to report them
Less pain but more instruments
A few natural-birth friendly blogs if you need a little inspiration, or just some warm fuzzies:
The True Face of Birth (which has a million birthy links of its own)
Birth Junkie (not currently posting but some great stuff in the archives)
Blithe Birth celebrate birth and pregnancy
Babies and Bellies (please note that this blog frequently posts beautiful but graphic birth videos)
Descent into Motherhood

Stuff I love about your blog

As promised, this week we've got the positive side of blogging!

Make me laugh. You don't have to do it all the time, but those blogs that give me the giggles are going to have me as a regular reader. Jenni of JustChickenFeed and Lamina both put me in stitches on a regular basis.

Make me think. Take on deep topics now and then, and don't be afraid to really say what you think and feel. Get the wheels in my head turning. Alisa rocks in this department. So does her husband Bryan. My cousin Tim does it, and TheTrueFaceofBirth, and Descent into Motherhood. My Hubby does it regularly too, although he doesn't always blog it...*winkwink**nudgenudge* honey! (He's actually been blogging a lot more lately though)

Make me feel. Shared emotions are powerful, and when I read stories I can relate to (about miscarriage, or kitchen disasters, or frazzled mothering), I feel a connection to the writer...and I come back. This is why I read Picklebums, MagicallyMama, SmithFamilyTimes, RasJane, and SamuraiMom.

Make me inspired. These are the crafty blogs usually, although not always. KnittingFisher shows off knitting that makes me envious (I have to convince her to make me something, though I don't know what yet!). Lamina's crafty blog is both inspiring and funny. Jenni at OneThing has 12 kids. Go her!
ThrowsLikeAGirl inspires me with almost every post (yes, even as she makes me laugh) as she talks candidly about her battle with breast cancer.

Make me change, or, at least, teach me something I didn't know before. Bloggers introduced me to reusable menstrual products. Bloggers taught me how to make my etsy stores more successful. Bloggers have given me insight into political candidates and issues. Alisa here, and Tim, and the WordDork. ThrowsLikeAGirl has been teaching me lots of things I never knew about cancer--you can blame her for the fact that I now post feel-yourself-up-fridays.

Make my ego. Seriously, link to me, or my shops, or say nice stuff about me, or my shops, or buy something from me...and you've got a regular reader for a good long while. (These people know it!)

SuperBum!

One of my favorite diapers I've ever made

For more awesome cloth diapers, visit the Etsy Cloth Diaper Team page.

Run on over to 5MinutesforMom or the new Wordless Wednesday HQ and check out some more wordless wednesdays!

(And while you're here, would you please respond to the epidural survey there on the right sidebar? I'm doing some research and I'd like to hear what real mothers say, not just what the official studies say! Thanks!)

WFMW--Wool Longies at Night

My little Bear is a heavy night wetter. Some kids just are. I tried disposable diapers, cloth diapers, doublers...I was putting huge fat diapers on him at night (diapers that I would have thought could hold anything) and yet the bed was still wet in the morning. I really hate changing sheets, so this was especially a drag for me.
And then I learned about wool. You can read a more detailed post about the properties of wool here, but the short version is that it doesn't leak. It absorbs whatever leaks into it, so it keeps the kiddo dry, but at the same time it keeps the wetness from leaking out into the bed! (Seriously, somebody should patent this stuff...oh wait, it grows on sheep...how did I not know about this?!) So I bought some cute wool longies (ie, wool pants) for Bear and he wears them to bed at night. I actually have several pairs now because I love them so much that he often wears them during the day as well. Wool has the added benefit of being very breathable, so it's comfortable. For those who live in warmer climates, there are also wool shorties.
For those who struggle with bedwetting, a little pair of wool shorts (over some absorbent underpants) is a discreet and effective way to keep the bed dry at any age.
If you're interested in trying out wool for yourself, I recommend checking out these guys. They're awesome.

Works For Me Wednesday is brought to you by Rocks in my Dryer. Come share your tips, or browse through the brilliance of others!

Equinox

People often ask me what is my favorite season, and I usually say 'summer' because I have a summer birthday and I really do prefer the non-rainy season (yes I live in a rainforest and yes we're planning to stay, shutup!) On the other hand, I'd rather be cold than hot, which would point toward my being a wintery woman...
My mother always said "a change is as good as a rest" and I have repeatedly found that to be true. So I love the changing of seasons more than any particular season itself. In spite of the fact that many of us fear change, the truth is that change is one of the few constants in life. I think my mother was right, a change IS as good as a rest, because I always find rejuvination in the newness of each season. I have always wanted to celebrate the equinoxes and solstices, but I am at a loss for ideas of just how to do that. Do you celebrate them? What do you do?Just as the Earth goes through seasons, so do we. Just as people fixate on this season or that as their 'favorite,' I think we often fixate on this or that season of life is being the best or the most fun, and we forget to just enjoy where we are--no matter where that is. I remember when I was in college my mother (brilliant woman that she is) told me that I was in the season for me: the time to do what I wanted to do, to learn and experience and grow and fill my own cup...because the next season (motherhood) was going to be one of giving. I think I did a pretty good job of taking care of me for those 5 years, and it has left me able to now focus on this new season with joy and without regret.
I think it's important to recognize and celebrate the changes and seasons of life as well as the changes and seasons of the year. Some life changes are well-recognized, such as birthdays, weddings and graduations, but others are fairly overlooked... Baptisms, priesthood ordinations, menarche, pregnancy, menopause...all these things are worth celebrating. I am glad I was able to have a blessingway prior to Bear's birth: a celebration to 'bless the way' through the change into a new phase of motherhood. This last summer we celebrated Wolf's baptism as he left the season of innocent childhood and entered the season of accountability.

What do you do to celebrate the seasons of the year? of life?

Women of God

Women of God can never be like women of the world.
The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender.
There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind.
There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined.
We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith.
We have enough greed; we need more goodness.
We have enough vanity; we need more virtue.
We have enough popularity; we need more purity.

Margaret D Nadauld
2000
"The Joy of Womanhood"