What Is It With Those Big Families Anyway?

I am the oldest of 9 children. Throughout my life, when someone learned of my family size, they immediately asked “Mormon or Catholic?!” Then there were often questions about “Don’t Mormons believe in birth control?” and “How many moms did you have?” Polygamy is a thing of the past for the LDS church (breakoff denominations still practice it, but it is neither promoted nor tolerated by current leadership). And, just in case you wondered, we are not told to have a certain number of kids, nor is birth control forbidden.
The truth is, most LDS families that I know have 3-5 children—higher than the national average, sure, but not THAT high.

In the hopes of clarifying some of these misconceptions, here is what we DO believe:
• We believe that the spirits or souls of all people (past, present, and future) are literal children of God. We believe that there is a finite number of spirits, and that all must have a chance to live in a mortal body before Christ can return—therefore, many LDS want to provide bodies for as many spirits as they are able.
• We believe that all people who have ever lived or will ever live will have the opportunity to learn the gospel. (We believe that after death there is a waiting time prior to final judgment, and that during that time there will be missionary work until all have heard, and been able to choose to accept or reject the teachings.) With that in mind, there is some advantage to bringing children up in the church, because that’s one more person who knows the gospel now and won’t need to be taught later.
• We believe that the command given to Adam and Eve to “multiply and replenish the Earth” is still in force. Therefore, we encourage couples to welcome children, and not to delay them for selfish reasons (such as ‘financial stability’ or finishing school). We believe that when we welcome these children to our families, God will help us provide for them. (As one of 9 children in a family with the single-income of a school teacher, I can attest that this is true.)
• We are counseled that it can be appropriate to delay or avoid pregnancy if there are health risks (mental or physical) for the parents, and that this should be considered prayerfully.
• We are asked to look to the Lord, and not to the world when making decisions about the number or timing of our children.
• We believe that children deserve to be raised in a family with both a mother and a father, therefore we encourage unwed mothers to either marry or allow the child to be adopted. We strongly support and promote adoption.
• For more information about the LDS stance on families, read The Family: A Proclamation to the World.

Hopefully that helps to clarify why it is that many of us choose to have large families. Sure, we are encouraged to do so, but nobody is laying down a law against family planning. It is always a personal choice, it's just that many of us choose large families because of the things we believe!

As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.

Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them.

~Psalm 127:4-5 KJV

Sushi Cake

This was the cake I made Hubby for his birthday.

I decided this didn't really belong on my cooking blog, because there's nothing spectacular about the recipe...it's just a plain white cake recipe and plain cream cheese frosting (of course they're scratch, not boxed, but simple, nonetheless).
However, I wanted to share pictures...



I baked the 'sushi roll' parts in tuna cans which I lined with foil--it gave a more even round shape than if I'd used a cupcake pan. I used coconut for the 'rice' on the sides of the rolls, and 'filled' them with chopped mandarin oranges and my mom's homemade blackberry jam. I was pretty pleased with how it turned out.

Beloved Gift from God

I had my first miscarriage in April of 2004. In the months that followed we very much wanted to conceive again, and I read book after book on fertility trying to figure out what had gone wrong the first time. Finally, on Thanksgiving Day 2004, we conceived. (Yes, I know the day, that is one of the beauties of charting!)
The pregnancy was hard for me from the beginning: my morning sickness was horrible (I literally could only eat about a dozen foods, and constantly felt as though I would vomit at any moment), and of course I was really scared of losing this baby as well. It was difficult to feel so awful, and not even know if anything good would ever come of it. Around Christmastime I asked Hubby to give me a priesthood blessing, which he did. In the blessing, I was told that God wanted us to raise this spirit in our family, and that I should feel comforted. Of course I felt better after that! After all, God wanted us to raise this child! I moved forward with renewed hope and trust.
In early February I had my second appointment with the midwife. She was not able to hear the baby's heartbeat, but I was only 11 weeks along, and we knew that I had a tilted uterus, which makes it harder to hear the baby in the earlier part of pregnancy (because it is farther down in the abdomen), so we didn't worry much. We tried to listen a week later (with a more experienced midwife), and she could not hear a heartbeat either. We still assumed all was probably fine, but decided to schedule an ultrasound just to make sure.
On Valentine's Day 2005, I had my first ultrasound...
There was no heartbeat.
Our little one had stopped growing nearly a month prior, but my body (which is really good at being pregnant), had not miscarried the body.
We evaluated our options and chose to have a D&C that night, because I had had so many complications during my prior miscarriage (including heavy bleeding, retained placenta, anemia, and a trip to the Emergency Room).
In the days the followed, I struggled to understand what had happened. The weeks of pregnancy had been healing in many ways, but the actual miscarriage had torn my heart open again. Hadn't God told me we were going to raise this child? No, I realized, He had said we would raise this spirit...and so I know we shall. I do not know when this child will come to us, or whether she will come biologically or via adoption, but she will come to us, because God wants us to be her parents.
And yes, I believe she is a little girl. I felt her presence when I carried her. I have had a feeling about the gender of each of my children, and in the cases where we could tell, I was right, so I have no qualms about assuming that my feelings were correct in this case also.
Naming my angel helps me with the grief, and so we named her. I spent several days pouring over baby name books and websites, but had not found anything that seemed appropriate. I wanted her name to reflect the love and healing that her pregnancy had brought, as well as the fact that her angel day was Valentines. Hubby speaks Norwegian, and we'd often talked of using Norwegian names, so finally I asked him the Norwegian for "beloved." It was perfect. As we discussed middle names, one jumped out to us both...I later discovered its meaning: "gift from God."
And so our precious little Valentine's baby, our Kjersti Eliana ("Cher-stee El-ee-ahn-a") was, indeed, our Beloved Gift from God.

I miss you baby. I'm waiting for you.

On True Love

For some reason February 14th has been dubbed the day of love. Why this, over other days? I know, there was some guy a long time ago, and this is his birthday, or something... Honestly I think the whole concept of the day is skewed. We get all wrapped up in one day of gifts and treats and special favors, and somehow that is supposed to compensate for another 364 days of negligence. Flowers and dinners and chocolates and lingerie on February 14th mean nothing unless there is true love on the other days as well.

And what is true love?

It's not giving candy or balloons or flowers, although those things can be nice expressions of it.

It's not laying your coat in a puddle for her to walk on (does this really produce anything more than a wet coat?!)

It's not making wild declarations or performing daring deeds.

It's not kisses or hugs or long moonlit walks.

What is true love?

It is when Hubby took an hour every night with the colicy baby, singing Beatles and James Taylor songs to him, so that I could take a shower or even sleep for a few minutes.

It is when my 7 year old asked me to teach him how to wash dishes, because he wanted to help more around the house.

It is when my Hubby can look down at the mess where our baby was just born, and then look back up at my sweaty face and wild hair and say "I love you. You're beautiful."

It is pumping and freezing your breastmilk to share with mothers who don't have enough.

It is getting your wife the unscented lotion, not because you're not sure what scent to get, but because you know that perfumes make her queasy.

It is making your son's favorite cookies for him, even though you think they're gross.

It is being a doggie, and letting the baby climb on your back and sit on your head, because you know he's still learning to be gentle.

It is when my baby takes a break from running around the house to lay his head in my lap.

It is hearing the plaintive word "Nurn?" for the forty-third time today, and still smiling as your toddler climbs into your lap to nurse for six more seconds.

It is spending your whole day off helping someone move.

It is teaching someone a skill.

It is giving up the easy life for the good life as you welcome a child to the family. It is giving up the simple life for the concerned one when you send them out the door.

It is giving up Your Only Begotton Son to save the world.

Our children will view the world through the glasses we give them: what perception of love am I teaching my children?

As a culture, we have developed the idea that 'true love' is a romantic thing. Something that develops between couples. We are wrong. The truest kind of love is the kind that goes far beyond romantic, couples, or red hearts with lace. It is the love that gives.

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I would love to hear your thoughts on true love. I was inspired to do this in the first place by a series of "true love" posts that Nessa was doing (hopefully she doesn't mind my putting them here!) Please leave your link!

Own Up To The Odd

So, apparently great minds think alike, because just after I came up with Quirky Thursday, a friend of a friend came up with “Own up to the Odd” which is, essentially, a meme challenging people to confess to their special little quirks… along with it though, she’s setting up a link forum on her site, so you can go read about the weirdness of MANY people, and hopefully feel a little more confident in your own special oddities. Heeheehee!

Some more confessions of genuine weirdness from me:

I never thought this was unusual until other moms started telling me how weird I was…but laundry does not pile up at my house. Occasionally we’ve been known to run out of somebody’s socks (usually because he went through 2-3 pairs a day stomping in puddles or playing in snow). But in general, I do laundry one or two days a week. I do hate folding the clothes, but I don’t mind washing them.
I also don’t like anybody else to help with the laundry (except folding/putting away). I have my own little system and I have a really hard time not getting frustrated if somebody messes with it. I also get annoyed if someone drops an item into the wrong basket (we have separate baskets for the different loads).

I do not mind doing dishes or loading the dishwasher. I HATE unloading/putting them away. I do not know why this is, but it’s a big deal with me. One of the nicest things Hubby can do for me is put away the dishes, regardless of whether he washes the next batch.

My Hubby Loves Me

I should begin here by explaining a little something about love languages. For those not familiar with the book, or the concept, essentially the idea is that people tend to fall into one of five categories in terms of how they prefer to have love expressed. Some people like little gifts, some people need words of affection, some like physical touch, some prefer quality time, and some, like myself, speak the love language of "Acts of Service." This means that if you want to tell me you love me, don't say it, show it. Do the dishes for me. Cook dinner. Put the kids to bed. Clean the toilet (please!). Most especially, if I ask you to do something for me, and you say you will, then DO. Almost nothing makes me feel so unimportant as when somebody forgets to do something for me that they said they would do.
So, when Hubby had to go to Juneau, we put together a list of a few things for him to pick up. Then he ended up being stuck there, and we thought of more things we wanted, so the list grew...finally, when he came home on the ferry yesterday, he was bringing a LOT of things...a bunch of it I had asked for, but some of it he just got for me. A fridge (and freezer) very very full of fresh foods...veggies, meat...all the stuff that's hard to get here. And see that whole drawer full of yogurt? THAT is serious love. That is my favorite yogurt, and I can't get it here.

A Papa Murphy's pizza--not only did he 'make dinner' for me, he also got my favorite kind: veggie ranch (with tomatoes, onion, spinach, artichoke hearts, zucchini, and hey, with all that goodness, I don't mind the mushrooms!)

A new rug for our living room--which used to be cold and bare and cave-like. The rug is sooo soft and happy on my bare feet! And I really couldn't care less that it clashes with the couch (see upper right corner!). After all, the rug is ours and we'll take it when we move, but the couch goes with the apartment. (Also note that he got me new tennis shoes for aerobics--I haven't had a new pair of tennies in, erm, about 7 years I think. and the last pair has most definitely given up the ghost!)

The classic, red roses...not something I would ever ask for, but something that does make me feel special all the same...even if the only 'vase' i have here is a blue plastic pitcher!

And this is actually probably the sweetest thing of all: 4 seasons of a show.
When we were first married, we used to watch an episode of X-Files almost every night after W was in bed. It was shorter than a movie (so great for a weeknight), but didn't have the interruptions or lack of choice that comes with watching TV. After 10 seasons of X-files, we watched 10 seasons of Friends, then 7 seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. We started The 4400 but it got dumb. I started watching Angel (Buffy spinoff) and he started watching 24, and neither of us could stand the other's show, so we didn't watch them together... So we've been without a show, and we've been missing that couch time together each night. So Hubby borrowed these from my second cousin (who lives in Juneau), and now we have months of "date nights in" ready to go! Yay!

I think my Hubby loves me.

Many Moods

My brother took these at Christmas, over the period of about one minute...(I don't know if I kept them in proper sequence or not)

Some Great Things About Alaska

I came across this post on another Alaskan Mama's Blog.
Now, she lives in Anchorage, which is up "in the interior" (or at least on the edge of it!) and has some differences from the islands of "southeast" where we live...additionally we are in such a teeny town that some things she mentioned (such as the great food) isn't so applicable here...but a lot of things are!
To her list, I want to add a couple of things we love about living in Alaska:
**At least out here in Pelican, it's a dog-friendly place. Dogs are part of the family, we know each others dogs' names the way we know each others kids' names. When invited to a friends house, the dog is usually welcome. Leashes are more or less optional (so long as the dog is reletively well-behaved).
**FRESH fish like I have never had before. And, since most of the town is fishermen, everybody has fish just laying around...I don't even know how many times somebody has dropped by to give us some (ie: 5lbs) of fish!
**Black Cod. All I gotta say is, if you've never had it, poor you. Salmon is common (and I don't love it); halibut is common (and I do love it); but black cod rocks my world.

Yes We Can

I have still not settled entirely on one candidate as my 'favorite' in the current electoral proceedings. I am inclined to agree with my friend Magical Mama that we need a composite candidate. But, in light of that impossibility, I continue to seek realistic options. I liked a lot of things about Romney (and his religion being the same as mine had nothing to do with it, I assure you). I see a lot of things I like in Ron Paul (and will likely be posting about him again, as I recently read something else I liked). Today, however, I want to share something I recently encountered about Barack Obama. In terms of realistic candidates, I feel pretty good about him, and this little clip just gave me warm fuzzies all over.

I was able to find a video of the original speech (in New Hampshire, on the night of their primaries). You can also read the full text of the speech, although this clip (the finale of course) is, obviously, the best part.
(and, if the video won't play correctly, here is where to go to see the original.)


This music video was created by Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas.

Because of the overlapping of the words on the clip, it can be difficult to hear all the words. However, I was so moved by this that I transcribed it so that I wouldn't miss anything.


It was a creed written into the founding documents that declared the destiny of a nation.
Yes we can.
It was whispered by slaves and abolitionists as they blazed a trail toward freedom.
Yes we can.
It was sung by immigrants as they struck out from distant shores and pioneers who pushed westward against an unforgiving wilderness.
Yes we can.
It was the call of workers who organized; women who reached for the ballots; a President who chose the moon as our new frontier; and a King who took us to the mountaintop and pointed the way to the Promised Land.
Yes we can to justice and equality.
Yes we can to opportunity and prosperity.
Yes we can heal this nation.
Yes we can repair this world.
Yes we can.
We know the battle ahead will be long, but always remember that no matter what obstacles stand in our way, nothing can stand in the way of the power of millions of voices calling for change.
We want change.
We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics...they will only grow louder and more dissonant. We've been asked to pause for a reality check. We've been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope. But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope.
Now the hopes of the little girl who goes to a crumbling school in Dillon are the same as the dreams of the boy who learns on the streets of LA; we will remember that there is something happening in America; that we are not as divided as our politics suggests; that we are one people; we are one nation; and together, we will begin the next great chapter in the American story with three words that will ring from coast to coast; from sea to shining sea: Yes we can. Yes we can. Yes we can. Yes we can.

Yes.

We.

Can.

Ahoy STUFF!

I was just reading over at picklebums here where she talks about organizing and de-cluttering...
I have to say that moving 2000 miles with only 20 boxes and 6 suitcases (for a family of 4 for a year) was an amazing lesson in how little STUFF we really need! I had a fairly massive freesale on my front lawn the day before I moved, and got rid of literally a roomful of stuff. It is so freeing to get rid of things! It's a little hard at first, I know. I was a pack rat for most of my childhood and teen years...but I finally am learning to let go of STUFF. Have I missed a few thing? Yes. Many things? NOPE! And I love that my tiny little apartment is reletively clutter-free!
Now that we know that we're going to stay up here long term, we're going to drive back down to Utah this summer and empty out the garage full of stuff that we left there. We have decided to keep a couple of things (heirloom cherry wood dressers, various sizes of childrens clothing, most of the books), but we are going to get rid of about 80% of what we have there. It costs more to move it than to replace it... My goal is that when we are buying new things, we will be buying the things we truly want or need, not just trying to replace what we had, does that make sense?! For example, we had a dozen little mismatched bookshelves to hold all our books--books which were stuffed in sideways and two deep in places just to try to get them to fit. Our ideal is to have a large wall (one) of built-in shelves (or a large matched set if we buy a home rather than build), and to get rid of books we won't read over and over, and have things neat and sorted and organized...

So, I think the general idea here was to try to help inspire others in their own de-cluttering efforts. So here are a few stepping stones! (Please know that I share these ideas with full confession that I'm a work in progress too! But these are my guiding lights...)

1) Clothing
a) go through all your own (adult) clothing. If you have not worn it in the last year, get rid of it. I don't care how much you love it, how much you spent on it, or how much you believe you're going to fit into it again...if you don't get into it once in a year, you're almost certainly not going to in the coming year. (The exceptions to this rule are maternity clothing and the occasional non-nursing item). Ditto on shoes: I mean, how many pair do you REALLY need?
This could apply to jewelry too...I finally came to the realization that as much as I love earrings, I have worn the same diamond studs for over a year. I have actually not even removed them in that time. What is the point in owning 20 pair if I only wear one? So I gave a bunch to my sister, who is a teenager, and changes them twice in a day.
b) consider how often you do laundry--if you wash clothing once a week, then you need enough clothing for a week, plus a spare or two. For my kids, I have 5-6 short sleeve shirts, 5-6 long sleeved ones, plus something dressy (for church). 4-6 jeans/shorts. 8 pairs of socks, 7-8 undies. Spares are always a good idea with kids, as they have a knack for getting into things like mud and puddles, but really, does the average kid need 20 of anything? And with fewer, it's easier to afford higher quality. I pared down my childrens clothing in all sizes, not just the ones my kids currently wear. (I did keep more extras for infant sizes, to allow for blowouts and barf, of course!) For myself, I have even less, because I don't get dirty as often!
c) quality shoes are worth the cost. The damage you can do to your feet with used or overworn or lousey shoes can hurt you (literally) for years. Don't go for style so much as quality and support. Real leather is worth the money. And take the time to make sure you have a good fit!!!

2) Toys
Please realize that I do not just mean children's playthings. I mean grown up toys too--books, movies, board games, collectables, and, yes, even fabric and yarn. (It's ok my knitting friends, we're in this together!)
a) If it's broken or busted, toss it. Does Johnny really play with the one-armed dinosaur? If he does, fine, but if he doens't...bye bye T-Rex, ya know?! Get rid of duplicates--how many wire wisks do you really need?!
b) If it is useless, get rid of it. If you're not willing to get rid of it, then use it! My mother has some heirloom china and crystal...which she uses for serving sunday dinner every week. Do pieces get broken? Of course. But they weren't doing anyone any good just sitting on the shelf, so she uses them.
I know there are people who love to collect trinkets and knick-knacks...this isn't evil in and of itself, but consider your reasons and the results. Does the collection take up a lot of space? Is it difficult to keep clean? Does it serve an additional purpose? (For example, we get magnets as souveniers when we travel--our fridge not only shows where we've been, but also of course we always have plenty of magnets! My mother-in-law collects christmas tree ornaments on her travels.)
c) Evaluate what is actually being used on a regular basis. With fabrics and fibers, evaluate if it's actually in line for a project, or just sitting around because it was so pretty you couldn't say no... If it just sits in the drawer/box/bin/shelf and collects dust, get rid of it. No matter how much you like it, spent on it, or think it's lovely...move it out. Now, I'm willing to give fiber/fabric a longer shelf life than clothing, because I know creative projects take time...so lets say if you have had it for 3 years and not gotten to it, then get rid of it...seriously people, 1000+ days is enough time to get to something!
d) Get the kids on board with cleaning out toys--they will probably be nearly as ruthless as you would! After all, THEY have a pretty good idea of what they do or don't play with! Have a yard sale and let them earn the money from anything they contribute! W made several dollars last summer!

3) General Tips
a) if you get something new, get rid of something old. This applies to closets, toy chests, kitchen drawers, etc. Don't allow stuff to accumulate.
b) just because it's free (or cheap) doesn't mean it's a good idea to take it. Consider whether you will actually use it! We were given a queen size fouton set when our neighbors got a new bed. We set it in the spare room, and did use it twice for guests to sleep on, but mostly it served as a trampoline for our preschooler. And it took up a lot of room. So when we moved, we got rid of it.
c) recycle or pass on what you can, but if it's junk, don't be afraid to just THROW IT OUT!!! Obviously the ultimate goal is to not accumulate junk in the first place, but I suspect we all have it, so, detox! Get rid of it!

I know I am ruthless. But you'll feel better afterwards, trust me! Physical clutter is emotionally and spiritually draining, even when you're surrounded by stuff you love.

4) Moving Forward Intelligently
the goal, of course, is to not repeat the past, and to not accumulate so much clutter again.
a) seek multi-functional items and open-ended toys. Legos, lincoln logs, building blocks, art supplies, playsilks, dolls, dress-up clothing, kitchen/food sets and the like lead to hours of imaginative, interactive play. And, for all that Johnny thinks he wants that latest greatest electronic talking whatever-it-is, it's very likely that the infatuation would be short lived. Once the novelty wears off, there is nothing additional to do with the toy, and so it is set aside in favor of more exciting things. Get your kids on board with this philosophy--W now often comments about why this toy is better than that, and now asks for higher quality items.
b) seek quality--get stainless steel or cast iron cookware, wooden toys rather than plastic, etc. If you use cloth diapers, put in the resources to have good ones. Be willing to spend a little more now, with the knowlege that items will last longer and work better. I LOVE my front-loading energystar washing machine. One small set of cutco knives serves ALL my cutlary needs, and will last me decades.
c) That said, if you are completely content with your simple hand mixer, don't fork out the money for the cousinart or kitchenaid. You probably won't use it much. I didn't. (anybody in the market for a kitchenaid stand mixer?!)
d) a place for everything, and everything in its place. And, I would add, if you discover that your things no longer fit in their place, you should get rid of some of them!!!

Whew, so, that was long, I know. For those of you who actually read the whole thing, maybe you feel inspired! I know I feel inspired to jump back in!