So, I'm watching movies again...here are a few more quick reviews
The Water Horse
PG for some intense/scary scenes.
Drop everything and go. It's excellent! If you never believed in Nessy before, well, shame on you, but this film should help you believe! Also the little boy who stars is just so cute. :-) We figure to buy this one when it comes out.
National Treasure: Book of Secrets
PG for action violence, scary scenes, and maybe some language, I don't recall...
Um, just go see the first one again. This one isn't nearly as good. Borrow it from somebody, or at most rent it...but it's not worth spending much money on.
The Golden Compass
PG-13 for scary parts and an ice bear fight
Ice Bears rock. The rest of the movie was interesting enough to keep me awake...but mostly just ice bears are so cool. :-) I also enjoyed Nicole Kidman's costumes. The story is ok, and the movie is visually pleasing...but I could take it or leave it...all except the ice bears. I love them.
Man of the Year
PG-13 for language, sex-related humor, drug related material
Robin Williams runs for president... Funny (of course), and a nice political commentary on our system... Unfortunately there were a number of sexual jokes (Robin Williams) but, even still, very funny... I don't feel the need to watch it over and over, but I definitely enjoyed it.
Ocean's Thirteen
PG-13 for language and a chick with a really low-cut dress
Better than Twelve was...still not as good as Eleven... Glad I saw it, but next time I feel like watching this type of movie, I'll rent "The Sting" or maybe Eleven again...
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Funny Doggies
This is Koira (right) with Sisu (KnittingFisher's doggie daughter). Koira stayed with Sisu while we were away for two weeks over the holidays, and Sisu will stay with us for a couple of weeks in the spring while her parents visit some of their family. Anyway, the two of them have decided to be best friends. Sisu shows up at our door fairly regularly, and Koira sometimes comes home to us, and sometimes just goes over there...it's quite amusing. They clearly adore each other.
Today they were both here, happily playing together. KnittingFisher and I were going to walk to the store together (it's only open three days a week). As I bundled up the baby and prepared to leave, I moved the baby gate from the top of the stairs...both dogs immediately ran to the door, and then waited impatiently for me to catch up...it was so cute I just had to take a picture.
Today they were both here, happily playing together. KnittingFisher and I were going to walk to the store together (it's only open three days a week). As I bundled up the baby and prepared to leave, I moved the baby gate from the top of the stairs...both dogs immediately ran to the door, and then waited impatiently for me to catch up...it was so cute I just had to take a picture.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Born From My Heart
I have been pondering recently over birth stories. Bear's birth story was one of the first things I posted on this blog, and so that got me thinking about Wolf. Wolf was not born from my body...but I am his mommy, he is my son, and he was born from my heart. I love him a great deal, and I wanted to tell the story of how he came to be my son. This story is very different from other birth stories—which usually cover a few hours or days. This story happened over several years.
I first met Wolf just a few days after he turned 3. His daddy and I had known each other for a while, but for the sake of Wolf’s tender emotions, we did not bring him into the picture until we knew we were going to marry. Hubby and I lived three states apart at the time, but my family was holding a reunion in the middle (eastern Idaho), and so I invited Hubby to come, and to bring Wolf. It was a warm evening at the end of June in 2003. The sun had begun to set, but was still warm and bright. W had been playing in the tent when I arrived, so when I came over to Hubby, I didn’t immediately see Wolf. Hubby stuck his head into the tent and said “Wolf, come out here, there is someone I want you to meet.” A round-faced, rosey-cheeked boy with blond hair and big blue eyes stuck his head out of the tent and said “Hi!”
“Wolf,” Hubby said, “this is Mommy.”
“Hi Wolf,” I began.
“Hi Mommy!” he said, and hugged my legs. Then he ran to play in some dirt.
Up to this point he had never really known a mother, so ‘mommy’ was not so much a title as a name. It was a name that I would begin living up to almost immediately.
A few weeks later I moved to Utah. Hubby was in school, and Wolf had been going to various babysitters. When I arrived, we decided that I should begin caring for Wolf immediately, rather than sending him to a sitter and my seeking work. After all, might as well start doing the mommy thing right away, right? We figured it would make the transition a little easier when we got married. A few incidents stand out from that time.
Wolf had recently discovered the fun of running anytime we were in a large space, so we were trying to teach him about what to do if he got lost. One afternoon I was reviewing with him.
“What is your name?
“Wolf S__ Brighton,” (he always used his full name—often still does!)
“What is your daddy’s name?”
“D__ Brighton.”
“And what is your mommy’s name”
He paused and thought for a few moments… “Mommy Brighton!”
Wolf was at the age of just beginning to notice gender identity. He had been around dad of course, and they had talked about their parts. He had been around a few women, but none of them were very busty...so when he met me, that was something new. One day he walked up to me, put his hands straight out, placed one on each of my breasts and said “Mommy, what are those?” So I explained that they were breasts. “How come Daddy doesn’t have them?” So I explained about boys being different from girls. “Oh, well, I’m a boy, like Dad.”
He was still piecing it all together a few weeks later. While on a plane ride to Ireland (8 hours across the Atlantic), he leaned over to me and asked in one of those loud toddler whispers “Mommy, do you have a scrotum?”
The adjustment to having a new parent was still hard for Wolf. He quickly found that I was not just another babysitter—I was there to stay, I had rules and consequences, and I wasn’t always fun. Wolf had spent most of his life with Dad to himself, and resented the attention that I now received (although we both made great efforts to still give Wolf lots of attention). Changes are hard, even when they are good. In those early months before and after our wedding, Wolf would accept me as a second-place comforter or care-giver...but if he could have the choice, he ALWAYS wanted Dad. If Dad was in the house, but I was attending to something, Wolf would ask me to go away and just get Dad. Sometimes he told me he hated me.
The adjustments were hard for me too. A newborn is so dependent that instinct drives affection. Wolf was 3, independent, mischievous, and said he didn’t like me. It took time for love to develop between us. I learned firsthand that serving someone brings love for them—as I cared for and taught Wolf, I came to love him—but I wasn’t always sure how he felt about me, or even if he really knew how I felt about him.
The first time I knew that Wolf knew that I loved him was in early February, 2004, shortly after we were married, when Wolf was 3 1/2. He had been playing in the basement playroom with his cousin, and they had been bouncing a basketball. One of them threw it at the ceiling, it hit the overhead light, and the glass cover shattered and fell, one piece cutting Wolf across the bridge of his nose. We adults had all been upstairs chatting, but when we heard the glass shatter and screams, we ran for the playroom. Wolf’s cousin was only scared, and his father was able to calm him, but Wolf obviously needed stitches. Hubby cradled him and talked to him as I found a cloth to hold to his head to slow the bleeding. As we piled into the car to go to the hospital (Hubby still holding him), Wolf asked where I was. He smiled when he realized that I was right there. He still preferred Dad for comfort, but he knew I cared, and wanted me around too.
The first time I really knew that Wolf loved me was a couple of months later, in early April of 2004, when I miscarried. I was 14 weeks pregnant, and when I miscarried I bled a great deal all at once. Hubby was in class at the time, so as I ran to the bathroom I asked Wolf to pull over a chair to reach down the phone for me. I called Hubby, who hurried home and took Wolf to the cousins (next door) and me to the hospital. I was able to come home later that night, but of course Wolf was already in bed. The next morning, Hubby brought him home, and as they came through the door I heard the following:
“Is Mommy home?”
“Yes, she’s in bed”
“Is she ok?”
“Yes, she is tired, and she will be in bed a lot, but she is fine.”
“I was scared about Mommy.”
He came in and crawled into the bed with me for a while, and I finally knew that he loved me too.
The story doesn’t change much for the next two years. We had always planned that I would legally adopt Wolf, but Utah law required that we wait until a year after our wedding to do so. Around our first anniversary, Hubby was just finishing school, but didn’t have a job yet. Since Wolf’s birthmom (Hubby’s ex) had indicated that she was supportive of the adoption, we didn’t feel a particular urgency about it, and decided to wait until Hubby had a job so that we could afford the adoption without going into debt. In August of 2005, Hubby began teaching, and we called birthmom to let her know we were starting paperwork. She, however, was now engaged to be married, and seemed less interested in letting go of her parental rights. So we enlisted a lawyer, in case she tried to make a fight of it. The lawyer wrote up the paperwork in September and submitted it to the District Court in early October. We expected to have the hearing by Thanksgiving and have everything signed and sealed before Christmas…but that was not to be. First the courts lost the filing fee check (someone neglected to attach it to the paperwork, so the ‘unpaid’ paperwork got set aside for over a month). Then, after several phone calls from our lawyer, they finally found everything and got it assigned to Juvenile Court (since Wolf was a minor). Juvenile Court also lost the paperwork for a month. So it was not until early January that we finally got a court date for our hearing—the first week of February. We appeared before the judge, and stated that I wanted to adopt Wolf, and that if birthmom was not willing to sign away her rights, we wanted the court to terminate them. (The situation surrounding the divorce was such that we, our family, and several psychologists all felt strongly that legal adoption was the most healthy thing for Wolf.) Birthmom (now married), stood up and said she didn’t see why things couldn’t just remain as they were. The judge ordered that we have a mediation meeting to try to figure things out, rather than him having to force something. We enlisted family and friends to fast and pray for us in the intervening weeks, and at mediation, after several hours of talking, we did finally reach an agreement.
Three weeks later, on March 28, 2006, after nearly three years of being his mommy, I finally became Wolf’s legal mother. Hubby wore the judge’s robe and W tried out the gavel.
And, like any birth story, that is just the beginning...
I first met Wolf just a few days after he turned 3. His daddy and I had known each other for a while, but for the sake of Wolf’s tender emotions, we did not bring him into the picture until we knew we were going to marry. Hubby and I lived three states apart at the time, but my family was holding a reunion in the middle (eastern Idaho), and so I invited Hubby to come, and to bring Wolf. It was a warm evening at the end of June in 2003. The sun had begun to set, but was still warm and bright. W had been playing in the tent when I arrived, so when I came over to Hubby, I didn’t immediately see Wolf. Hubby stuck his head into the tent and said “Wolf, come out here, there is someone I want you to meet.” A round-faced, rosey-cheeked boy with blond hair and big blue eyes stuck his head out of the tent and said “Hi!”
“Wolf,” Hubby said, “this is Mommy.”
“Hi Wolf,” I began.
“Hi Mommy!” he said, and hugged my legs. Then he ran to play in some dirt.
Up to this point he had never really known a mother, so ‘mommy’ was not so much a title as a name. It was a name that I would begin living up to almost immediately.
A few weeks later I moved to Utah. Hubby was in school, and Wolf had been going to various babysitters. When I arrived, we decided that I should begin caring for Wolf immediately, rather than sending him to a sitter and my seeking work. After all, might as well start doing the mommy thing right away, right? We figured it would make the transition a little easier when we got married. A few incidents stand out from that time.
Wolf had recently discovered the fun of running anytime we were in a large space, so we were trying to teach him about what to do if he got lost. One afternoon I was reviewing with him.
“What is your name?
“Wolf S__ Brighton,” (he always used his full name—often still does!)
“What is your daddy’s name?”
“D__ Brighton.”
“And what is your mommy’s name”
He paused and thought for a few moments… “Mommy Brighton!”
Wolf was at the age of just beginning to notice gender identity. He had been around dad of course, and they had talked about their parts. He had been around a few women, but none of them were very busty...so when he met me, that was something new. One day he walked up to me, put his hands straight out, placed one on each of my breasts and said “Mommy, what are those?” So I explained that they were breasts. “How come Daddy doesn’t have them?” So I explained about boys being different from girls. “Oh, well, I’m a boy, like Dad.”
He was still piecing it all together a few weeks later. While on a plane ride to Ireland (8 hours across the Atlantic), he leaned over to me and asked in one of those loud toddler whispers “Mommy, do you have a scrotum?”
The adjustment to having a new parent was still hard for Wolf. He quickly found that I was not just another babysitter—I was there to stay, I had rules and consequences, and I wasn’t always fun. Wolf had spent most of his life with Dad to himself, and resented the attention that I now received (although we both made great efforts to still give Wolf lots of attention). Changes are hard, even when they are good. In those early months before and after our wedding, Wolf would accept me as a second-place comforter or care-giver...but if he could have the choice, he ALWAYS wanted Dad. If Dad was in the house, but I was attending to something, Wolf would ask me to go away and just get Dad. Sometimes he told me he hated me.
The adjustments were hard for me too. A newborn is so dependent that instinct drives affection. Wolf was 3, independent, mischievous, and said he didn’t like me. It took time for love to develop between us. I learned firsthand that serving someone brings love for them—as I cared for and taught Wolf, I came to love him—but I wasn’t always sure how he felt about me, or even if he really knew how I felt about him.
The first time I knew that Wolf knew that I loved him was in early February, 2004, shortly after we were married, when Wolf was 3 1/2. He had been playing in the basement playroom with his cousin, and they had been bouncing a basketball. One of them threw it at the ceiling, it hit the overhead light, and the glass cover shattered and fell, one piece cutting Wolf across the bridge of his nose. We adults had all been upstairs chatting, but when we heard the glass shatter and screams, we ran for the playroom. Wolf’s cousin was only scared, and his father was able to calm him, but Wolf obviously needed stitches. Hubby cradled him and talked to him as I found a cloth to hold to his head to slow the bleeding. As we piled into the car to go to the hospital (Hubby still holding him), Wolf asked where I was. He smiled when he realized that I was right there. He still preferred Dad for comfort, but he knew I cared, and wanted me around too.
The first time I really knew that Wolf loved me was a couple of months later, in early April of 2004, when I miscarried. I was 14 weeks pregnant, and when I miscarried I bled a great deal all at once. Hubby was in class at the time, so as I ran to the bathroom I asked Wolf to pull over a chair to reach down the phone for me. I called Hubby, who hurried home and took Wolf to the cousins (next door) and me to the hospital. I was able to come home later that night, but of course Wolf was already in bed. The next morning, Hubby brought him home, and as they came through the door I heard the following:
“Is Mommy home?”
“Yes, she’s in bed”
“Is she ok?”
“Yes, she is tired, and she will be in bed a lot, but she is fine.”
“I was scared about Mommy.”
He came in and crawled into the bed with me for a while, and I finally knew that he loved me too.
The story doesn’t change much for the next two years. We had always planned that I would legally adopt Wolf, but Utah law required that we wait until a year after our wedding to do so. Around our first anniversary, Hubby was just finishing school, but didn’t have a job yet. Since Wolf’s birthmom (Hubby’s ex) had indicated that she was supportive of the adoption, we didn’t feel a particular urgency about it, and decided to wait until Hubby had a job so that we could afford the adoption without going into debt. In August of 2005, Hubby began teaching, and we called birthmom to let her know we were starting paperwork. She, however, was now engaged to be married, and seemed less interested in letting go of her parental rights. So we enlisted a lawyer, in case she tried to make a fight of it. The lawyer wrote up the paperwork in September and submitted it to the District Court in early October. We expected to have the hearing by Thanksgiving and have everything signed and sealed before Christmas…but that was not to be. First the courts lost the filing fee check (someone neglected to attach it to the paperwork, so the ‘unpaid’ paperwork got set aside for over a month). Then, after several phone calls from our lawyer, they finally found everything and got it assigned to Juvenile Court (since Wolf was a minor). Juvenile Court also lost the paperwork for a month. So it was not until early January that we finally got a court date for our hearing—the first week of February. We appeared before the judge, and stated that I wanted to adopt Wolf, and that if birthmom was not willing to sign away her rights, we wanted the court to terminate them. (The situation surrounding the divorce was such that we, our family, and several psychologists all felt strongly that legal adoption was the most healthy thing for Wolf.) Birthmom (now married), stood up and said she didn’t see why things couldn’t just remain as they were. The judge ordered that we have a mediation meeting to try to figure things out, rather than him having to force something. We enlisted family and friends to fast and pray for us in the intervening weeks, and at mediation, after several hours of talking, we did finally reach an agreement.
Three weeks later, on March 28, 2006, after nearly three years of being his mommy, I finally became Wolf’s legal mother. Hubby wore the judge’s robe and W tried out the gavel.
And, like any birth story, that is just the beginning...
Thursday, January 3, 2008
When Someone Miscarries (updated)
I have created this list based on my own experiences, as well as asking other moms who have miscarried...obviously each person is a little different...several moms commented that it made a difference WHO was saying/doing the thing as to whether it was appropriate or not. For example, many moms felt awkward about a hug from someone they weren't close to, but craved hugs from family members or close friends. One mom said she appreciated when a close friend reminded her that miscarriage is nature's way of natural selection, but that she would have been really hurt if a mere aquaintence had said it...
What to say:
What to NOT say:
What to do
What to NOT do
Remember that dad is probably mourning too...men often prefer to shut out the pain by seeking distraction, so they may seem chipper and normal...but that doesn't mean they actually feel that way.
In the following weeks and months, consider the following:
**Mom may not feel up to going to baby showers, or she may cling to them...so invite her, but don't feel offended if she doesn't come, and don't question her about it either way. This is ESPECIALLY important for babies due around when her baby was due.
**Offer to let her hold babies...it may be healing for her...but do not pressure her to do it if she declines, because it may also just hurt too much.
**Don't hide your pregnancy from her to 'spare her feelings'. Tell her when you tell everyone else. It's hard to not be pregnant when others are, but it's even harder when a friend or neighbor is obviously pregnant, and yet never told you...
**When you DO tell her about your pregnancy, do so gently...it can help to start with something like "I'm not sure how to bring this up, but I didn't want you to hear it from someone else..."
What to say:
- "I'm sorry"
- "I love you"
- "I've been thinking about you"
- Acknowlege the baby ("I heard..." etc)
- If you have ever miscarried, tell her so. She needs to feel not alone. Tell her the things that helped you--they are very likely to help her, and even if they don't, she will appreciate the sentiment.
- Still talk about the pregnancy (symptoms, how you told people, etc) Just because the pregnancy ended in tragedy doesn't mean it was any less of a pregnancy.
What to NOT say:
- "You can/will have other babies"
- "At least you have other children"
- "At least you know you can get pregnant"
- "At least you were only __ weeks along/didn't go to full term"
- "____ would have been harder/worse"
- "At least you had an easy recovery"
- "You are young enough to have lots more babies"
- "It's nature/God's way of getting rid of an imperfect fetus"
- "You know the doctrine/what the scriptures say..."
- "He/She is in a better place"
- "It wasn't a baby yet"
- "You need to move on/get over it"
- Nothing (when mom knows that you know, and you say nothing, it HURTS)
- NEVER call it the medical term "spontanious abortion." That makes it sound like the baby wasn't wanted, and for a mom who wants children, especially if she's miscarried more than once, use of that term cuts deep. I don't care how technical it is (and would somebody tell the doctors this?! They don't seem to get it.)
What to do
- Acknowledge the baby as a BABY
- Bring over dinner--don't ask, just do it
- Come over and clean the house--don't ask, just call and say you're coming
- Come over and just talk...talk about the baby if she wants to. Talk about anything BUT the baby if she wants to.
- Listen
- Give hugs
- Help her find distractions if she wants them (movies, books, projects)
- Don't distract her if she doesn't want it
- Bring her a little gift--something for HER, such as a sweet-smelling candle, some cookies, or a soft little blanket. One friend brought me a 'hug' in the form of a snuggly fleece blanket...it was the best thing anyone did for me.
- Help care for other children (remember this is a post partum period, just as it would be had the baby been full term, and mom needs peace and rest)
- Pray for her (and her family)
- If you have been there, help her know what to expect physically (with natural miscarriage, D&C, or subsequent fertility)
What to NOT do
- Pretend nothing ever happened.
- Assume that mom (or dad) is feeling fine, just because they are taking care of business again.
- Change the subject away from the baby (let HER do it if she wants to--she probably won't)
- Don't assume that her family/close friends are handling everything...if you know her a little (just from church, for example), you can still help a lot. (The lady that brought me the 'hug' was someone I hardly knew, yet her thoughtfulness bonded us.)
- Don't casually mention that so and so is pregnant with number 1, 2, 5, 10, whatever... it's not about pregnancy in a generic way, it's about HER baby that is gone.
Remember that dad is probably mourning too...men often prefer to shut out the pain by seeking distraction, so they may seem chipper and normal...but that doesn't mean they actually feel that way.
In the following weeks and months, consider the following:
**Mom may not feel up to going to baby showers, or she may cling to them...so invite her, but don't feel offended if she doesn't come, and don't question her about it either way. This is ESPECIALLY important for babies due around when her baby was due.
**Offer to let her hold babies...it may be healing for her...but do not pressure her to do it if she declines, because it may also just hurt too much.
**Don't hide your pregnancy from her to 'spare her feelings'. Tell her when you tell everyone else. It's hard to not be pregnant when others are, but it's even harder when a friend or neighbor is obviously pregnant, and yet never told you...
**When you DO tell her about your pregnancy, do so gently...it can help to start with something like "I'm not sure how to bring this up, but I didn't want you to hear it from someone else..."
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
New Years (updated on the 9th!)
So, we've just been thinking and talking a little about this past year and all the changes...
New baby! New job, new home in a new state...
And discussing some of the changes we want to make. Hubby wants to work on being a little more physically fit, and I think I'm going to take on that challenge with him. Our reasons and goals are different, but I'm going to shoot for exercise of some sort (yoga, a longer-than normal walk, etc) for 30 minutes at least 4 days a week.
I'm also going to try to post more on my recipe blog (I've added a lot recently, for those who are interested!) I find that finding new things to post there keeps my cooking more alive and interesting!
I've also decided to scrapbook at least 100 pages this year. I figure that's just under 2 pages a week, and since I usually do 4 or 5 or more pages when I actually sit down and do it, then I think that should be easily accomplishable. I brought all the photos since W's birth with us to Alaska, because I knew I would be able to have time to work on them here. I'm starting with our trip to Ireland in 2003...
Our whole family is going to work on praying more. We have struggled with holding family prayer regularly, so we want to work on that (we kicked it off last night!)
New baby! New job, new home in a new state...
And discussing some of the changes we want to make. Hubby wants to work on being a little more physically fit, and I think I'm going to take on that challenge with him. Our reasons and goals are different, but I'm going to shoot for exercise of some sort (yoga, a longer-than normal walk, etc) for 30 minutes at least 4 days a week.
I'm also going to try to post more on my recipe blog (I've added a lot recently, for those who are interested!) I find that finding new things to post there keeps my cooking more alive and interesting!
I've also decided to scrapbook at least 100 pages this year. I figure that's just under 2 pages a week, and since I usually do 4 or 5 or more pages when I actually sit down and do it, then I think that should be easily accomplishable. I brought all the photos since W's birth with us to Alaska, because I knew I would be able to have time to work on them here. I'm starting with our trip to Ireland in 2003...
Our whole family is going to work on praying more. We have struggled with holding family prayer regularly, so we want to work on that (we kicked it off last night!)
Coping With Miscarriage
For those who are likely to wonder, no, I have not recently had another miscarriage...but a friend of mine has, and that prompted me to write...
People say we need to 'move on' or, worse yet, 'get over it.' They try to be helpful with comments like 'at least you can get pregnant' or 'you can always have another baby.' That doesn't help! If my father died, would you suggest adopting a new one? Of course not. Having another child is a wonderful thing, but does NOT replace the one lost! This isn't like buying a new watch when the old one breaks or gets lost. This is a person, a beloved person...this is my child.
Others probably never knew the baby...rarely is a miscarriage late enough for anyone except the mother (and occasionally the father or siblings) to have begun to develop a relationship with the baby. But it is a baby nonetheless. A tiny, perfect person. And we miss that person who was part of us and now is gone.
There have been several things that helped me resume life after miscarriages.
1--Acknowlege it all. There was a child, the child is gone. But that doesn't make the child any less real... name the baby, record the birth day, do the things you would do for any other baby (I make a little cross-stitched birth announcement with the baby's name and birthdate, and we purchase a christmas tree ornament for each child...for our angel children, I have made angel cross-stitches, and we have angel ornaments).
2--Talk about it. Others may feel uncomfortable about it, but that is no reason to keep quiet. Miscarriage is a part of life, and affects vast numbers of the population. Miscarriage is inevitable, and nothing to be ashamed of. Others will never get over their awkward feelings about it unless we persist in talking about it. Don't contribute to the vicious cycle of silence!
3--Seek solace in the Lord. I found (and continue to find) great comfort in certain scriptures and hymns. I'll have to share them here at some point, but not this morning.
4--Associate with others who understand--other women who have lost their children (of whatever age). Find kindred spirits. Having other people who genuinely understand what you are going through is enormously helpful.
5--Seek grief counseling if you need/want it. This is valid grief!
6--Be willing to give it time.
People say we need to 'move on' or, worse yet, 'get over it.' They try to be helpful with comments like 'at least you can get pregnant' or 'you can always have another baby.' That doesn't help! If my father died, would you suggest adopting a new one? Of course not. Having another child is a wonderful thing, but does NOT replace the one lost! This isn't like buying a new watch when the old one breaks or gets lost. This is a person, a beloved person...this is my child.
Others probably never knew the baby...rarely is a miscarriage late enough for anyone except the mother (and occasionally the father or siblings) to have begun to develop a relationship with the baby. But it is a baby nonetheless. A tiny, perfect person. And we miss that person who was part of us and now is gone.
There have been several things that helped me resume life after miscarriages.
1--Acknowlege it all. There was a child, the child is gone. But that doesn't make the child any less real... name the baby, record the birth day, do the things you would do for any other baby (I make a little cross-stitched birth announcement with the baby's name and birthdate, and we purchase a christmas tree ornament for each child...for our angel children, I have made angel cross-stitches, and we have angel ornaments).
2--Talk about it. Others may feel uncomfortable about it, but that is no reason to keep quiet. Miscarriage is a part of life, and affects vast numbers of the population. Miscarriage is inevitable, and nothing to be ashamed of. Others will never get over their awkward feelings about it unless we persist in talking about it. Don't contribute to the vicious cycle of silence!
3--Seek solace in the Lord. I found (and continue to find) great comfort in certain scriptures and hymns. I'll have to share them here at some point, but not this morning.
4--Associate with others who understand--other women who have lost their children (of whatever age). Find kindred spirits. Having other people who genuinely understand what you are going through is enormously helpful.
5--Seek grief counseling if you need/want it. This is valid grief!
6--Be willing to give it time.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Bloggy Tips
I thought about making a new category for these, but I don't really have THAT many of them, so I decided to just make a single post about it and then link it from my sidebar. ☺ Truthfully, I found all these things by googling, so you can find them too...but hey, I'll give you a shortcut.
(this post will be updated if/as applicable)
--->This is where I got directions for making a 3 column layout OR a wider 2-column layout (there are others, but this is the one I used) (This is another one that I came across just recently...) It gives the step-by-step directions for changing the html code to change the layout on your blog. It looks a little overwhelming but just remember to make a backup like it says, and that way if you ruin it all it's easy to go back and try again!
--->This is where I got directions for putting margins between my columns (I didn't need it on this page, but I did need it for my shop blog, which is much more complicated!) Once you've done the 3-column thing, this is a breeze!
--->This is where I got directions for making my labels into a word cloud (so that the more-used topics have bigger text and all that) This does involve getting into your html code, but it's a copy and paste thing, rather than making changes, so it's pretty easy--just pay attention to the directions!!!
--->This site has all the info for making a scroll box for text, graphics, or code (To do code, go to his FAQ for directions)
--->This post has VERY EASY instructions (much easier than the last site) for posting a button with the code to copy it. I have been through lots of sites with complicated directions (like the one above) but this one has simple copy/paste (and replace) code. It's only applicable for buttons (which is why I've left the previous link), but it's very user friendly. ☺
--->Blogger Buster has a bunch of neat widgets, such as the top commenter one or the most popular posts (as determined by how many comments they have). They are extra easy to use because all you have to do is enter your URL into the blank and they will send the code over to your blog--no cutting and pasting or even following directions! Once they shoot it over to you, you can move it around in your layout just like any other widget.
--->This has weather widgets for the USA and Canada. Just enter your zip code and it will give you the code to copy and paste!
A basic note about html (if you are not familiar with it): every code has to have an opening and a closing tag. The opening tag has the information about what to do with the text, and the closing tag uses a slash / to indicate the end of the designated code. SO to make something bolded, you put <"b> in front of it, and <"/b> at the end (no " but if I left that out then it would actually function as the tag, bolding my text there and not showing the tag!)
The html used in web layout is more elaborate, but the same rules apply--everything has to open and close. So if you get an error message of some kind when making changes to your layout, just go back to your saved version, and try again--paying attention to make sure that when you copy/paste code around you are not missing any critical little < or } or anything like that!
(this post will be updated if/as applicable)
--->This is where I got directions for making a 3 column layout OR a wider 2-column layout (there are others, but this is the one I used) (This is another one that I came across just recently...) It gives the step-by-step directions for changing the html code to change the layout on your blog. It looks a little overwhelming but just remember to make a backup like it says, and that way if you ruin it all it's easy to go back and try again!
--->This is where I got directions for putting margins between my columns (I didn't need it on this page, but I did need it for my shop blog, which is much more complicated!) Once you've done the 3-column thing, this is a breeze!
--->This is where I got directions for making my labels into a word cloud (so that the more-used topics have bigger text and all that) This does involve getting into your html code, but it's a copy and paste thing, rather than making changes, so it's pretty easy--just pay attention to the directions!!!
--->This site has all the info for making a scroll box for text, graphics, or code (To do code, go to his FAQ for directions)
--->This post has VERY EASY instructions (much easier than the last site) for posting a button with the code to copy it. I have been through lots of sites with complicated directions (like the one above) but this one has simple copy/paste (and replace) code. It's only applicable for buttons (which is why I've left the previous link), but it's very user friendly. ☺
--->Blogger Buster has a bunch of neat widgets, such as the top commenter one or the most popular posts (as determined by how many comments they have). They are extra easy to use because all you have to do is enter your URL into the blank and they will send the code over to your blog--no cutting and pasting or even following directions! Once they shoot it over to you, you can move it around in your layout just like any other widget.
--->This has weather widgets for the USA and Canada. Just enter your zip code and it will give you the code to copy and paste!
A basic note about html (if you are not familiar with it): every code has to have an opening and a closing tag. The opening tag has the information about what to do with the text, and the closing tag uses a slash / to indicate the end of the designated code. SO to make something bolded, you put <"b> in front of it, and <"/b> at the end (no " but if I left that out then it would actually function as the tag, bolding my text there and not showing the tag!)
The html used in web layout is more elaborate, but the same rules apply--everything has to open and close. So if you get an error message of some kind when making changes to your layout, just go back to your saved version, and try again--paying attention to make sure that when you copy/paste code around you are not missing any critical little < or } or anything like that!
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
On Fire
You know what really really bugs me? Offends me to my very core?
Rude Smokers.
Do people have a right to smoke? Sure. I think it's gross but if they want to do it, the law says they can, so ok, go ahead.
BUT, the law also says you're not supposed to do it in public buildings, nor in the doorways of such... In other words, when I walk to the store, and hang my raincoat on the outside hook before going in (as per the request on the sign), then I should be able to come back outside and put my coat on again without having to be subject to a cloud of smoke. To say nothing of the smoke of THREE people like happened to me last week.
I am offended by the people who choose to smoke in doorways like that. It is against the law in a lot of places--it may not be here in Alaska, I'm not sure, but it is rude regardless.
And if you don't mind forcing your secondhand smoke on me, can you at least respect my baby and not force it on him?!
Seriously, do what you want to yourself, but don't touch my kid. One of these days I'll go all 'mama bear' and smack you.
My 7yo son always coughs loudly and says things like "He's smoking mom, that's bad for you," or "smoking is yukky" when we walk past a smoker. I never shush him. I don't often have the guts to speak up about it, but I should, and I'm glad that he does!
Rude Smokers.
Do people have a right to smoke? Sure. I think it's gross but if they want to do it, the law says they can, so ok, go ahead.
BUT, the law also says you're not supposed to do it in public buildings, nor in the doorways of such... In other words, when I walk to the store, and hang my raincoat on the outside hook before going in (as per the request on the sign), then I should be able to come back outside and put my coat on again without having to be subject to a cloud of smoke. To say nothing of the smoke of THREE people like happened to me last week.
I am offended by the people who choose to smoke in doorways like that. It is against the law in a lot of places--it may not be here in Alaska, I'm not sure, but it is rude regardless.
And if you don't mind forcing your secondhand smoke on me, can you at least respect my baby and not force it on him?!
Seriously, do what you want to yourself, but don't touch my kid. One of these days I'll go all 'mama bear' and smack you.
My 7yo son always coughs loudly and says things like "He's smoking mom, that's bad for you," or "smoking is yukky" when we walk past a smoker. I never shush him. I don't often have the guts to speak up about it, but I should, and I'm glad that he does!
Going There Again
I've recently read some more things on this subject, and feel the need to preach it again...(last time was here). Circumcision hurts boys and men, yes. It also hurts their wives. And their mothers. In other words, it hurts everyone. How did this ever get to be considered acceptable, let alone 'normal'?!
I will tell you here and now that if you think circumcision is ok, you will probably be offended by this site.
I also highly recommend going there.
The more I learn, the more I am thankful that my baby is intact...and the more I wish I had known more sooner, and that I could have somehow spared other babies...and thus I try to spread the word to whomever I can, in the hopes of teaching one mother, one father, and sparing one more baby...
I will tell you here and now that if you think circumcision is ok, you will probably be offended by this site.
I also highly recommend going there.
The more I learn, the more I am thankful that my baby is intact...and the more I wish I had known more sooner, and that I could have somehow spared other babies...and thus I try to spread the word to whomever I can, in the hopes of teaching one mother, one father, and sparing one more baby...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Linked Within
